RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic needs?

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 11:57:10 AM

SweetPosession

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Every relationship is different, but a relationship is about two people (or more...) not one. Submissives shouldn't be waited upon of course, but their needs are every bit as valid as those of their Dominants.

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 12:00:56 PM

gypsygrl

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Yeah, I've seen this also. Not everyone, myself included, can handle being on the receiving end of a lot of affection, and some, again I include myself in this group, become uncomfortable. I really like to give affection, though.

In general, I need to know I'm doing a good job and the other person is pleased, but it doesn't really take a whole lot to provide this reassurance and I'm easily overwhelmed by too much attention, positive or negative.

Far more important for me is to be able to show affection knowing that the other person welcomes it and being able to do little things for them. I don't really consider this 'service' because its motivated by warm fuzzy feelings inside me and is only indirectly related to submissive inclinations on my part. Its more about expressing a sense of connection and gratitude.

I think incompatibilities can manifest themselves in a lot of ways, and if basic needs/tolerances surrounding affection aren't accomodated, it doesn't bode well for the relationship. In the past, I've had partners who wanted to give far more than I could comfortably recieve, and I've had partners who couldn't receive my affection.

This doesn't mean that assymetrical needs can't be worked with. If a sub needs a lot of affection, I can imagine it would be possible to get that need met in other ways. Similarly, it could be productive for somone who isn't especially needy, or who is resistant to affection, to learn to be more accepting of it.

(in reply to eyesopened)

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 12:26:42 PM

TPEOwner

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quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

In a D/s relationship, how important is it to make sure the submissive's need for affection are met? Is his/her motivation to serve fed by this or should service be expection? Is service alone enough?

As others have said, it depends on the individuals involved. Ultimately though, if anyone in a relationship isn't getting their needs met, they are going to leave. Their needs may be to be treated like shit so treating them with affection may not be meeting their needs.

From my point of view, I take a lot of pride in my ability to dominate, and that is measured by how content my submissive is in her service. Since I also need to meet my own needs, it then behooves me to find a sub who responds well to my style of dominantion. This is far from a one size fits all lifestyle.

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 2:05:45 PM

AquaticSub

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As a person, I require love in all of my long-term relationships. Without it, my dominant simply would not be my dominant and I would not be his submissive as we are in agreement about this. As for affection, I desire it highly. I am motivated by it and rewarded with it. A simple head-scratch does wonders for my mood, and gives me a little assurence of his affection towards me. If I did not desire his gestures of affection so much, I highly doubt he would have any interest in owning me.

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(in reply to TPEOwner)

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 6:54:23 PM

Devilslilsister

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My needs changed with my Dom. I would almost say i did not have needs of another before he came along. What i needed, i had in myself. Yet he seemed to sense something in me and filled needs i didnt even know i had. He seems to think it is very important to fill these needs as he continues doing so. He also refuses to allow me to not meet my needs.

He seems to think it is highly imporant for my needs to be met

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 8:16:11 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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We all have needs, Dominant/sub..alike..That is when choosing wisely is of utmost importance......Tempting

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 8:23:52 PM

Sinergy

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Hello A/all,

This is an easy question to answer.

A submissive's basic needs are listed on the following site.

http://tennessee.sierraclub.org/broome/ten_essentials.htm

Anything else provided should make waves of submissive gratitude well up in their heart and mind.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 8:34:12 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

Hello A/all,

This is an easy question to answer.

A submissive's basic needs are listed on the following site.

http://tennessee.sierraclub.org/broome/ten_essentials.htm

Anything else provided should make waves of submissive gratitude well up in their heart and mind.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

Gosh that reminds me of the list I was handed by an archaeology professor before I went on my first dig, I am still suffering flashbacks

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 8:35:40 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

Hello A/all,

This is an easy question to answer.

A submissive's basic needs are listed on the following site.

http://tennessee.sierraclub.org/broome/ten_essentials.htm

Anything else provided should make waves of submissive gratitude well up in their heart and mind.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

Gosh that reminds me of the list I was handed by an archaeology professor before I went on my first dig, I am still suffering flashbacks

Dont tell julia, but she has never actually seen her Daddy and her archaeology professor at the same party...

Koinkidink? I think not.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 9:23:34 PM

cacodylic

Posts: 157
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From: CA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

In a D/s relationship, how important is it to make sure the submissive's need for affection are met?

Depends on how long you want the relationship to last...

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 9:30:29 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: concupiscence4yo

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I used to think I needed more affection than I do. I have since learned to become very satisfied with what he gives me, by understanding and trusting what he truly thinks of me overall, and by realizing his affection is his to give, not mine to demand. My Master is not a very affectionate man, so to want something from him that does not come naturally to him was unfair. I realized that to him, those big clunky pats on the head which rattles my brains IS affection. I started finding that absolutely endearing, and now I look up at him and giggle when he knocks my brains out, lol. Amazingly, just the pleased and proud look on his face and tone of his voice is affectionate enough now. However, in those times in life when I am feeling particularly frail, I will ask him, "Master, will you hold me please?" And more often than not, he will..

I used to think my version of affection was my need. I am now thrilled to receive his version of affection, how and when he gives it. And it seems the happier I am to receive it, the more I actually receive.

If you're starved, sure, anything is great.

Either you missed the entire point of my post or you are speaking to a different subject entirely, having nothing to do with my post. I am so full I am overflowing.

To the others who complimented and related to the post, thank you.

Knight, you are correct; I had a lot of anxiety over this particular subject until I found my answers within. Some of my biggest and most rewarding growth spells have come from places of internal struggles, which forced me to take a different look. One must never stop looking for answers. In some cases, one might think one's needs are being met simply because things are easy. For me, one of my needs is to continue to work, grow, and strive for more. My Master knows this about me, and guides me well in that journey.

(in reply to concupiscence4yo)

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 10:37:24 PM

Adrenochrome

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I personally think that no matter the dynamic of the relationship, everyone needs affection occasionally. Not necessarily being wrapped in a blanket, cuddled, and fed spoonfulls of sugar, mind you, but something. And I think that it's part of the Dominant's duty to recognize when that need is really a need, and fulfill it appropriately.

My slave occasionally needs affection. 99.9% of the time she's completely giving, mindful of her place, and properly tending to my needs. But every now and again she needs a warm hand, a smile, or soothing whispers in the dark. While it's completely within my rights as her Master to ignore those needs and use her as I see fit (which she fully understands and agrees with), I think it'd be pretty cruel (and not in the fun way) for me to do so.

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 11:04:48 PM

simplyangelic1

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Gee Thank you ever so much. I'm sure the submissive who is sitting there wondering is this it, is this what I have to look forward in life will be glad to know that all she really needs is a map, compass and a rain gear. Anything above that she should be falling on her knees in gratitude.

< Message edited by simplyangelic1 -- 1/4/2007 11:07:05 PM >

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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 11:31:11 PM

akbarbarian

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I think this is about not knowing yourself as a submissive. Don't ask "Am I supposed to feel this way (to be a twue submissive), am I not supposed to feel that way". That's just confusing for you (clearly since this thread is needed) and probably any dominants you encounter as well since you are likely showing discontent at times but even you don't know what you want/like.

Instead, figure out. Do you like obeying? Do you like affection? What situations do you like affection in? If you're not content, figure out what does make you feel content.

Just start figuring out what you like. If you like being told what you like or don't like? That's heavy duty brainwashing/hypnosis territory, or possibly indicates a personality disorder, and your views should only be changed by your brainwasher (if that's your kink) or your therapist. Figure out what you like and own it, and own up to it. If you can't be satisfied with your guy, it's better to speak up and give the situation a chance to resolve and if not move on. You have somthing to offer the person who's more right for you, we all do.

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