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How important is it to meet the submissives basic needs? - 1/3/2007 10:56:50 PM   
simplyangelic1


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		In a D/s relationship, how important is it to make sure the submissive's need for affection are met?  Is his/her motivation to serve fed by this or should service be expection?  Is service alone enough?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 12:03:15 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Some people are more motivated by affection, others are more motivated to serve in the absence of affection. i think it depends upon the people involved.

Master's dorei

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 12:17:03 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I used to think I needed more affection than I do.  I have since learned to become very satisfied with what he gives me, by understanding and trusting what he truly thinks of me overall, and by realizing his affection is his to give, not mine to demand.  My Master is not a very affectionate man, so to want something from him that does not come naturally to him was unfair.   I realized that to him, those big clunky pats on the head which rattles my brains IS affection.  I started finding that absolutely endearing, and now I look up at him and giggle when he knocks my brains out, lol.  Amazingly, just the pleased and proud look on his face and tone of his voice is affectionate enough now.  However, in those times in life when I am feeling particularly frail, I will ask him, "Master, will you hold me please?"  And more often than not, he will..

I used to think my version of affection was my need. I am now thrilled to receive his version of affection, how and when he gives it.  And it seems the happier I am to receive it, the more I actually receive.

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 12:34:37 AM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		simplyangelic, it totally depends on your sub / slave and what the two of you have worked out in advance. I am highly motivated by affection and consideration but some subs are not.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 1:50:35 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

In a D/s relationship, how important is it to make sure the submissive's need for affection are met?

In My relationships, I regard the "price" of ownership as being both my responsibility and obligation to generally fulfill her needs, too....  And if her needs weren't generally compatible with my own, I doubt I'd own her in the first place.

quote:

Is his/her motivation to serve fed by this or should service be expection?
 
As for the sub's motivations, I don't believe in the so-called "gift of submission".  She offers her unique submissive qualities in exchange for my equally unique Dominant qualities.  She gives to get something of equal value (to her) in return - a trade, NOT a gift.  I'm totally fine with that; Dom and sub require each other for any D/s dynamic to unfold; neither can do it on their own. 

quote:

Is service alone enough?

Service and/or sexual; that's something for both to work out together....  Gonna be difficult if the individual needs don't compliment each other.
 
Focus.

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 2:17:38 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		It does depend upon the individuals and their relationship as they define it.  I, too, prefer and am motivated by affection and consideration.

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 3:44:11 AM   
concupiscence4yo


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I used to think I needed more affection than I do.  I have since learned to become very satisfied with what he gives me, by understanding and trusting what he truly thinks of me overall, and by realizing his affection is his to give, not mine to demand.  My Master is not a very affectionate man, so to want something from him that does not come naturally to him was unfair.   I realized that to him, those big clunky pats on the head which rattles my brains IS affection.  I started finding that absolutely endearing, and now I look up at him and giggle when he knocks my brains out, lol.  Amazingly, just the pleased and proud look on his face and tone of his voice is affectionate enough now.  However, in those times in life when I am feeling particularly frail, I will ask him, "Master, will you hold me please?"  And more often than not, he will..

I used to think my version of affection was my need. I am now thrilled to receive his version of affection, how and when he gives it.  And it seems the happier I am to receive it, the more I actually receive.


If you're starved, sure, anything is great.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

In My relationships, I regard the "price" of ownership as being both my responsibility and obligation to generally fulfill her needs, too....  And if her needs weren't generally compatible with my own, I doubt I'd own her in the first place.


Ditto.  Compatibility. 

If the basis of your relationship is compromised, you end up with a compromised relationship.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 3:45:15 AM   
concupiscence4yo


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline 		Deleted duplicate post.

< Message edited by concupiscence4yo -- 1/4/2007 3:46:26 AM >

(in reply to concupiscence4yo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 4:34:47 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		My subs needs are just as important to me as my own. If needs aren't being met I don't think the relationship is going to last very long.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 4:37:25 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		I have my needs and they have to be met so I suppose I'm needy, get used to it! or I walk

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 4:59:14 AM   
letmecollaryou


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline 		I think in D/S it is important to some level while  in S/M it has no place.

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 5:02:22 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: letmecollaryou

I think in D/S it is important to some level while  in S/M it has no place.

Hmm, I am curious as to why you would say that in S/M it has no place?
 
Some Masochists need affection just as much as the next person.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to letmecollaryou)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 5:08:41 AM   
submissiveEscort


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I used to think I needed more affection than I do.  I have since learned to become very satisfied with what he gives me, by understanding and trusting what he truly thinks of me overall, and by realizing his affection is his to give, not mine to demand.  My Master is not a very affectionate man, so to want something from him that does not come naturally to him was unfair.   I realized that to him, those big clunky pats on the head which rattles my brains IS affection.  I started finding that absolutely endearing, and now I look up at him and giggle when he knocks my brains out, lol.  Amazingly, just the pleased and proud look on his face and tone of his voice is affectionate enough now.  However, in those times in life when I am feeling particularly frail, I will ask him, "Master, will you hold me please?"  And more often than not, he will..

I used to think my version of affection was my need. I am now thrilled to receive his version of affection, how and when he gives it.  And it seems the happier I am to receive it, the more I actually receive.


 Very well said ownedgirl.  Exactly !

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 5:10:25 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

In a D/s relationship, how important is it to make sure the submissive's need for affection are met?  Is his/her motivation to serve fed by this or should service be expection?  Is service alone enough?

Some require a great deal of affection; some don't. It all depends on the relationship between the people involved.

I don't require affection from Master; our relationship is not built around that. However, there are times that he can be very affectionate; those times are indeed treasured

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 5:32:58 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		     ownedgirlie, I really liked your post on this. It has given me something to think about, thanks for sharing it!
:)

*stamped IMO*

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 5:59:50 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

In a D/s relationship, how important is it to make sure the submissive's need for affection are met?  Is his/her motivation to serve fed by this or should service be expection?  Is service alone enough?


I think that it is very important for a submissive to make good choices in who to submit to so that they are fulfilled.  I think it is important for people to understand exactly what their needs are and many confuse wants with needs.  I am of the opinion that it is each person's responsibility to ensure that their needs are being met.  If you are in a relationship where your needs are consistently not being met, then you may be in the wrong relationship. 

Knight's kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 6:11:04 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: concupiscence4yo

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I used to think I needed more affection than I do.  I have since learned to become very satisfied with what he gives me, by understanding and trusting what he truly thinks of me overall, and by realizing his affection is his to give, not mine to demand.  My Master is not a very affectionate man, so to want something from him that does not come naturally to him was unfair.   I realized that to him, those big clunky pats on the head which rattles my brains IS affection.  I started finding that absolutely endearing, and now I look up at him and giggle when he knocks my brains out, lol.  Amazingly, just the pleased and proud look on his face and tone of his voice is affectionate enough now.  However, in those times in life when I am feeling particularly frail, I will ask him, "Master, will you hold me please?"  And more often than not, he will..

I used to think my version of affection was my need. I am now thrilled to receive his version of affection, how and when he gives it.  And it seems the happier I am to receive it, the more I actually receive.


If you're starved, sure, anything is great.



Starved?  Or has she just realized that there are a different ways to meet needs? 

Having the need met in a particular way at a specific time is a want.  I need to eat to survive, but the choice of what to eat is a want.  Someone may need their partner to demonstrate affection for them, but having it demonstratd in a particular way is a want.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to concupiscence4yo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 6:22:41 AM   
letmecollaryou


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline 		For me S/M is a relation where masochist craves for pain and if sadist shows any kind of affection/caring towards him/her,the whole thing ceases to be as it challenges the very basics of sado-masochism.That is how i look at it.There can be other interpretations also where affection has a room in S/M relation.As a sadist i know the opinion of many masochists,they totally disapprove any kind of care/affection or relaxation.

(in reply to submissiveEscort)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 6:23:59 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

In a D/s relationship, how important is it to make sure the submissive's need for affection are met? Is his/her motivation to serve fed by this or should service be expection? Is service alone enough?


Depends on the person -- I'm betting you could guess that answer.

Here's an example from my current life.

Fox does a lot of things without my notice or my order, his general purpose as my slave is to make my life easier (I know that doesn't mesh with other's view of a slave but I'm an old fashioned sort of gal when it comes to the term). He'll do it, and not mention it to me, it might take me days to notice, there are probably things I never notice.

When I notice I say "good job" or "thank you" and usually add a hug.

Why?

Two reasons.

That's the type of person I am. I'd like my own work acknowledged and I try to treat others as I'd like to be treated in that regard. I consider it the mark of a good TammyJo to be polite in this way.

The other reason is that in my many years now of doing Ds and of owning a slave I notice that positive feedback increases good service and the overall happiness of everyone. Since I prefer good or great service and I certainly want to be happy, I think it's wise for me to give positive feedback whenever it is warrented.

You can decide if this is more a matter of me taking care of Fox's needs or a matter of me taking care of my own needs. Since I'd behave this way regardless of if my slave were Fox or someone else, I'd say it's more my own motivation but he gets benefits from it.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How important is it to meet the submissives basic n... - 1/4/2007 6:36:11 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		I work for affection and approval. That is how I am. Master knows this and uses it, as He knows and uses everything about me for His purposes and needs.

I don't think it's so much about meeting the sub's needs, but knowing what motivates the sub and how to use and manipulate with that knowledge to meet the Dom/Master's goals.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 20
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