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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 4:12:44 AM

missturbation

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5. SM play can be done in the presence of supportive others -- even at parties given for this purpose. Abuse needs isolation and secrecy.
Abuse isn't always isolated or secret. I was in an abusive relationship when i was a lot younger and it was far from what is described above.

10. In SM play, the dominant always keeps their emotions under control. An abuser's emotions are out of control.
Im not sure about this - the person i speak of above was always very much in control of their emotions when abusing.

I've kept this in my favourites - thanx Lotus.

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 4:15:57 AM

Lashra

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Good article LotusSong and I am glad that you posted it. Some people I am sure will blow it off and hopefully they are involved in strong, healthy relationships. For those who aren't in healthy relationships and maybe involved in an abusive relationship will see it for what it truly is. Though I doubt the the later as those being abused sometimes do not see or do not WANT to see their situation for what it may truly be and that is very sad indeed.

~Lashra

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 4:23:58 AM

Voltare

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Wow! I always thought SM stood for 'Sadistic Midgets.' I never thought for a second it could be referring to ME!

I'll admit, I read about behavior that I could be guilty of, and I think 'it's abusive.' I also know the specifics in my situation, but not the one I'm reading about. As a result, I tend to speak vaguely (like I am right now.) I indicate that abuse is possible, but it's up to the person in the situation to make that call.

Ron, can you BELIEVE people here would actually to tack someone up on a cross?? What are they, some kind of deviant sadists??

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 4:45:43 AM

missturbation

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Ron, can you BELIEVE people here would actually to tack someone up on a cross?? What are they, some kind of deviant sadists??

Please don't feed the animals

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 6:47:02 AM

gretchenS

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Wow...

I read the article and it seems that I'm been abused by my kitty... Seriously...

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 7:08:34 AM

BDSM05478

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Just a note to better frame Jay's distinction between SM and abuse...

Don't confuse SM with power exchange relationships. Jay was speaking specifically about SM, which is a category of play activities in which the participants are often casual acquaintances or even strangers. As such, the dynamics of SM often are considerably different than those inherent to power exchange relationships (both in and out of scenes).

John

Very good point indeed. With all the things, activities, and people being lumped under the banner of BDSM, it is easy for alot to be confused. Mr. Wiseman is an excellent author and speaker on points of the life but I find all his stuff pretty basic and common sense. Though we all know that common sense really isn't as common as we would all hope. Like everything else even abuse is subjective to the people on the inside and those just looking in. I do not think it would be possible for an abusive TPE to exist.

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 12:36:36 PM

AGORANTE

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Its really quite simple.

Abuse is bad. Look it up. That's what the word means.

S&M is good. Does anyone on the forum really doubt this?

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 1:06:25 PM

akisha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gretchenS

Wow...

I read the article and it seems that I'm been abused by my kitty... Seriously...

LOL that's because most cats are egotistic sadists

< Message edited by akisha -- 12/19/2006 1:07:52 PM >

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/19/2006 6:49:17 PM

gretchenS

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: gretchenS

Wow...

I read the article and it seems that I'm been abused by my kitty... Seriously...

LOL that's because most cats are egotistic sadists

LOL... I just think I put up with his BS more than any other cat owner (or slave?)

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/20/2006 3:36:17 AM

Voltare

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She certainly bleeds more often and is awoken earlier by the cat then me.

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RE: SM vs ABUSE - 12/20/2006 5:07:46 AM

Serenityy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Just a note to better frame Jay's distinction between SM and abuse...

Don't confuse SM with power exchange relationships. Jay was speaking specifically about SM, which is a category of play activities in which the participants are often casual acquaintances or even strangers. As such, the dynamics of SM often are considerably different than those inherent to power exchange relationships (both in and out of scenes).

John

I would have to agree with this here. It's important to distinguish between casual S&M play, and everyday TPE/APE dynamics.

quote:

I do not think it would be possible for an abusive TPE to exist.

I also wanted to comment on this part from BDSM05478.
It is very possible to be within a TPE/APE dynamic and to be abused. There are many who use the control given to them for just that reason.

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