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ORIGINAL: slavejali

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Original: DiurnalVampire
limits are created and destroyed on a regular basis. 

That's so true, even your perspective, mood, the events of the day can change them. As most of you know, Master is deaf, a safeword wouldn't work for us even if we had one. Well we actually do, its his birth name. I've only ever used it once and it wasn't during play, I was being emotional one day and I just needed him to know I couldn't be pushed any further in that area. That was way back in the beginning, in the first few months of him being here, when we were still getting to know each other. As far as play goes, Master is so observant and knowledgable in technqie and of me a safeword is just not necessary.

Re the doormat comment, all I can say is "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr".

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ORIGINAL: Lady Alaria

Complicated?

Methinks people are complicated. Relationships are even more complicated. There are a vast number of potential variables. There are also thousands of potential mates. So we need to form some set of criteria by which to judge them. Here online, all we have is what we're told. And how we interpret what we're told. So, we form fast judgments to sort through all the bs. And to sort through all the wonderful and great potential partners to find one(or in some cases, 3 or 4...or 12) that suits us best. In our fast judgments we make errors, misinterpret and occasionally make fools of ourselves. But what better option is there?

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ORIGINAL: raiken

Yes relationships in and of themselves are complicated, and yes, because people are complicated...i agree...i am fairly new to online and am still learning how to navigate. But from what has been my experience online, it IS more complicated to me than in real time. i'm learning. ~grins Thank you for your thoughts Lady Alaria

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Limits change within the relationship, new things are learned, experienced and limits are created and destroyed on a regular basis.

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ORIGINAL: raiken
A dominant asked me what my limits were in an m/s relationship and if i had a safeword in place for my own protection.
 
Well i basically told him that i have no limits, other than the obvious of no scat, kids, etc.  and that i have never used or needed a safe word.  i basically said that i merely trust my gut instincts and will act accordingly should i feel a warning signal come up.

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But in the real world the submissive wants to have really intense sessions right from the start since that is what she really prefers

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What about the oh so very basic limit of whether or not bruises are acceptable and where they are acceptable?

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ORIGINAL: slavejali


It did feel strange calling Master by his birthname that first time...and if I do do it now occassionally, it probably feels so strange I have wiped it from my memory cause I can't remember doing it but Master says I have so I must have.
 

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ORIGINAL: Squeakers

   I don't think one is a doormat for not having a laundry list of limits nor for not having a safe word. 
   On the flip side if you had a huge list of limits, this Dom could have said, "you aren't really submissive at all, you are really trying to control the relationship with your long list of limits."  In this case, it may not have mattered one way or the other.  

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

I find it hard to answer what my limits are, some I am very definate about - such as scat, kids, water sports and others. My Master has asked me what my limits are, I tell him the ones that I am adamant about, but then state that I dont know what He might have in mind, so cant answer for the ones I dont know about. There are so many kinks out there that I wouldnt even think of, a good example was/is the recent pulled thread on farting etc. Now while I figure to each their own, this is not a kink I would think to say to Master "oh by the way I dont do the fart thing" - lol.

LOL Funny, but i feel much this same way for the most part.  Hell i am just getting back into being in the dating scene after a very long relationship to my ex and former dominant, so i am still back in time warp tryin to get current. ~smile

I guess what I am saying is I'd never say "my only limits are ....... scat, kids etc" because you can never know what someone else may be thinking, which I guess is why safe words are very handy. I once attended a BDSM club with a girlfriend. She is Domme, there was in attendance that night a gent who was a sub that had never once uttered "yellow" - the initial safe word meaning, "check on me". The other being red meaning stop immediately what you are doing. I was told by a few people that he was really into pain and that many had really hurt him badly over the years yet he never uttered yellow or red. My girlfriend took this to be a challenge of sorts and strapped him down and took a Epilady/Emjoi to his testicles. Although he still never called out yellow, he later admitted he was as close as he had ever gotten. My point? Yeah I sort of have one - LOL - is that I'd never have thought to do that to anyone, and I certainly wouldnt have thought to name it as a limit! So IMO never state you have no limits other than ..................  and always have a safe word with someone new until they get to know you and your limits. I tell Master and prior masters that I'd prefer to discuss before hand what might be happening in the course of an evening together, while it might kill some of the surprise element, it doesnt kill the mood by me flipping out over something.

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ORIGINAL: DomKen

But in the real world the submissive wants to have really intense sessions right from the start since that is what she really prefers.

That is not my real world, in fact quite the opposite.  i choose to wait until i have a sense of the person i am with. 
 
Which makes it very tricky for the Dominant, is this how the submissive reacts when she is deeply into subspace or is she close to passing out from agony? What about the oh so very basic limit of whether or not bruises are acceptable and where they are acceptable?

i am a go with the flow of each expereince on this one.  i don't know if i am gong to bruise easily or not, depends on many variables, so until it happens, i can't really say with honest accuracy, but only generalize.

Dominants aren't mind readers and telling us before a session or even, horrors, during a session that something is too much for you isn't some awful thing. However, for me, telling me you have no limits and/or don't use safes is an absolute deal breaker.

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ORIGINAL: raiken
My point? Yeah I sort of have one - LOL - is that I'd never have thought to do that to anyone, and I certainly wouldnt have thought to name it as a limit! So IMO never state you have no limits other than ..................  and always have a safe word with someone new until they get to know you and your limits. I tell Master and prior masters that I'd prefer to discuss before hand what might be happening in the course of an evening together, while it might kill some of the surprise element, it doesnt kill the mood by me flipping out over something.