quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

slavejali,

There really are no 'negative' emotions ... there simply are emotions.  To deny their existance, or to try to shut them down though supposed intellectual means only buries them.  They always come back.  And often when they do, it is usually worse and in a form from whcih we can not recognize what the original source was in the first place.

We are human.  Wonderfully human with a full range of all possibilities.  Embrace your emotions ... after all, you are entitled to them!  Le them work themselves out. I might even suggest planning a special evening for the night in question - either as a celebration if it goes one way, or a consolation party if it goes the other way.  This would be a healthy way (I believe) to acknowledge the truth that your heart knows, and that way you can help to release these feelings.

Doing this does not make you a bad person!  It make you a human being and that is a wonderful thing to be.

Often we try to 'transcend' what we consider to be 'bad' or 'negative' ... but we can not.  We can only deny and stuff inside of us.  Even if we COULD remove these natural impulses ... what would we be?  Less than human I think.  And I think much less rich in the shared human experience.

fergus

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I wonder if he will get justice in jail for me not being able to give a blow job for years till my jaw he fucked up got fixed.It still clicks when I open my mouth.

Sorry for cussing, I can't think of another word.

quote:

If its purely that I'm taking pleasure in his misofortune..that disturbs me

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Hi there,

I won't go into the nitty gritty details of the past of this but there was a person who committed some atrocious acts against me a long time ago. Since that time this person has seemed to lead a charmed life, never getting caught for anything they did. I'm over pretty much the repercussions of what they did to me but recently an event has occurred which has me thinking about my past kinda sorta.

The person has been caught for something and is actually going to court. If they get convicted, they will spend the first day of their jail term in jail on my birthday. That's the thought that keeps crossing my mind. Then I start thinking, I do not want to be harbouring feelings of revenge, I see that as a very negative state of being, yet I do not really know what I'm feeling, whether its relief or some kind of happinesss as some kind of justice is finally being done even though what is happening now has nothing to do with me, or I'm just feeling plain revenge.

This whole scenario with this person though is so entangled with what happened way back then. The charge they are facing is for something they threatened me with as part of emotional blackmail which had me making some choices that really made me suffer greatly. It's all so ....apt.

If the person doesn't get convicted, I dont know how I will feel....I guess if I feel anguish it will mean I was feeling vengeful.....or perhaps will just think there is simply no justice to be had in this world...

Thanks for reading...I don't know what you can say to this topic, I guess I just wanted to share.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

If its purely that I'm taking pleasure in his misofortune..that disturbs me...ugh MsIcognito!!