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Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:29:16 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Now I was going to write this in another thread but with all the outcrys of late of me according to people hijacking threads ( although I say one thing on topic and it goes away from topic from people saying stuff to me ) I thought id create a new one.

I've seen this lots on these boards aswell as others that a sub ( male or female ) will usaully say 'I did this or I did that' now my dom or domme is upset with me.

Everyone immediatly sides with the dominate partner saying well you should treat him with more respect. You should ask him this or that. etc etc

This thinking is rather foolish as its not always the submissive's fault. Reading these boards you would think a sub makes 99% of the problems in a relationship.

It is all consentual. You do not need some offical to release you from a relationship. A collar is just a word or item. It is not a contract.

If your not getting what you want from the relationship then leave. The same applies to the dominate partner but the dominate partner can dump the sub in seconds without a second thought but it has tried to be installed into a subs mind you need your master or mistress permission to be de-collared.

This thinking should end.


< Message edited by imtempting -- 10/29/2006 12:30:07 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:36:03 AM   
LadySeraphina


Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline 		Agreed, with a caveat. A D/s relationship is no different in that respect than a marriage. If either partner is not happy, and it cannot be resolved, then it is only sensible to terminate the relationship. The thing is that often a sub is simply upset that they have disappointed their Dominant, which they are more readily able to complain about, or to ask for advice on. I personally have had to battle the urge to 'do it alone' when there is a problem, because a Dominant is 'supposed' to be able to work everything out themselves. That's the trouble with being on a pedestal, it hurts so much when you fall.

JMO.

Lady S



_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:38:18 AM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		It is about consent and either party can leave, I agree with you on that.  I have never figured out why a Dom can just say "it's over" and it is, and the sub/slave had to ask for release.  I suppose it just has to do with formality.  If I didn't want to be with Master, I would ask him to release me, but if he said no, I could still leave. 
 
Things that happen, can usually be blamed equally on either party.  I think what gets me is sub/slaves coming on and after agreeing to things a certain way, bitching when He/She wants it done that way.  I have seen plenty blame the Dom, and plenty blame the sub/slave.  I hope that people read what is written, and judge each one based on facts given...in the end though, that is all anyone can do, since they don't know both sides, and aren't involved.
 
Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:46:17 AM   
LadySeraphina


Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline 		Oh, who really cares what others say? It's your relationship, and ultimately you only need to care about yourself and your partner(s).

Bah, ignore me. I'm oversimplifying it - we end up investing ourselves in other's opinions on these boards, so they can be more influential than we'd like to think.

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:50:09 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Now I was going to write this in another thread but with all the outcrys of late of me according to people hijacking threads ( although I say one thing on topic and it goes away from topic from people saying stuff to me ) I thought id create a new one.

I've seen this lots on these boards aswell as others that a sub ( male or female ) will usaully say 'I did this or I did that' now my dom or domme is upset with me.

Everyone immediatly sides with the dominate partner saying well you should treat him with more respect. You should ask him this or that. etc etc

This thinking is rather foolish as its not always the submissive's fault. Reading these boards you would think a sub makes 99% of the problems in a relationship.

It is all consentual. You do not need some offical to release you from a relationship. A collar is just a word or item. It is not a contract.

If your not getting what you want from the relationship then leave. The same applies to the dominate partner but the dominate partner can dump the sub in seconds without a second thought but it has tried to be installed into a subs mind you need your master or mistress permission to be de-collared.

This thinking should end.


Wow, you are truly trying to raise the roof the last 24 hours imtempting. I don't know whether  "everyone" immediately sides with the dominant or not.

I will tell you though your opinion and definition of a collar is definitely different than mine.  "Collar" is a word just like "contract" is a word. When my girl asked for my collar and I gave it, I assure you it was not an item she was given. What she WAS given was a commitment from me, and she gave one back. I do not make commitments lightly.  I would not "dump her in a second." She is as collared as they come, and will not have an actual collar to wear physically until Christmas.  She wears it mentally though as sure as she breathes.  On a side note, if there is no communication between us, and she does not know what she needs to do to please me, I am at fault also if she does something that is not to the best of her ability.  Will we both err at times?  Of course, we are human.  Is she free to leave? Of course.  Will she?   I hope not.

I msut be reading the wrong boards, I do not see the instances you are speaking of.  If you will give us specifics instead of generalities, then mayhaps an intellectual discourse may occur.



_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:53:46 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Not sure who you mean here.  My Master would not dump me in a second.  He works hard to try to preserve what we have, as do I.   

The Master owns and guides the relationship.  If the sub/slave doesn't follow instructions, things go awry and together they work to fix it..  If the Master screws up, he fixes it.  In both cases, no one in a seriously committed relationship is just going to walk away when things get rough.  If so, they weren't very committed.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:58:05 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Well, when some Dominants collar their sub/slaves, there IS a written contract negotiated and drawn up between them. While it may not be enforceable in a court of law, it is intended as a binding agreement between them. A contract should contain a clause regarding potential ending of the relationship and how that should be accomplished. For Me, such a contract is so important that neither side should be prepared to simply say "It's over" without trying to renegotiate and heal the rift.  However, it may get to the point where it is indeed over (as is the case between My soon-to-be-ex-hubby and Myself) and the best that is to be hoped for in that case is an amicable parting. My sub side is also collared to Master ... and again, neither of U/us could or would simply say "It's over" without a HUGE amount of soul-searching, discussion and exploring every avenue. But it does depend on BOTH partners being willing to make genuine attempts to heal the relationship, one cannot do it alone. And if one chooses to not follow the contract in the manner of release, there is very little the other can do, beyond grin and bear it!
MaamJay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 12:59:58 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I will get you some examples when I return later tonight.

I am not trying to raise the roof. Just clear the path for alot of people. There are lots of people out there that their defination of a collar wil be vastly different to you.

These are the same ones that disrespect their subs and it is those subs this is pointed at.

Oh don't worry. I got some more threads planned. It should actually make you happy the other threads. It will actually help you for the time being. Since im attracting so much attention at the moment I can help get things in the air and openly discussed about.

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 1:12:54 AM   
velvetnleather


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline 		I could not agree more with you, subs/slaves do always get the blame
i know of one sub who's Master had played away with another sub even though in their agreement it was awalays to be a one to one, so hurt was this sub she gave a lot of mouth the Master went and punished her for it ....he said she was his and should not speak out about it .........I say why not she had been a good sub till they i also say the so called Master was a fool to hurt all that he said he love he lost.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 1:18:51 AM   
LadySeraphina


Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline 		velvet,

That's a rotten situation, and you're right - when you make an agreement or an arrangement, it should be adhered to. It is not the right of either party to change it without discussion. We are all People in the situation, and the roles we play don't make us any less important in the relationship.

Just because I am a Goddess, and Practically Perfect in Every Way (if you buy that, you may want to look up the word 'gullible') doesn't mean that I can run roughshod over the people who look to me. In fact, as a Domme I feel it is my duty to care for my subs and nurture them, and never to do them true harm, including the emotional variety. (But SHHH, don't tell anyone, okay? My reputation is at risk...)

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to velvetnleather)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 1:35:43 AM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Imtempting:
 
I think you have created a thought-provoking thread in dealing with the way some subs are treated by their masters. 
 
You are very accurate because in some threads, there are many subs who blame themselves for upsetting their doms. 
 
I also agree with you that some doms should be kicked to the curb especially when these doms promised exclusivity and monogamy to a sub and this agreement was broken.   If the relationship is not working for one or both parties, then they need to move on.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 10/29/2006 1:36:25 AM >

(in reply to LadySeraphina)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 2:02:27 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you. :)

(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 2:12:26 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

It is all consentual. You do not need some offical to release you from a relationship. A collar is just a word or item. It is not a contract.


Oh?

Mayhaps we view collars differently - in my world, they are symbols of a contract.  Just as a wedding ring is the symbol of a contract.

When I give a collar, I give my word.  That word may vary, depending on what the collar means in that relationship - but it means something, and we both know what it means.  It might mean "You're mine until midnight", it might mean "You belong to me, heart and soul, until I decide otherwise or die".  But it always means something.  For most of the folks I know in the community, and all of them I respect, this holds true.  The collar means something.

I'm kinda sad that you don't see it that way.

quote:

If your not getting what you want from the relationship then leave.

Doubtless the easiest way to solve conflict.  I do have strong doubts that it's always the best way.  Personally, I prefer communication and negotiation - but the throwaway relationship does seem to appeal to some.

quote:

The same applies to the dominate partner but the dominate partner can dump the sub in seconds without a second thought but it has tried to be installed into a subs mind you need your master or mistress permission to be de-collared.

Normally, I'm not a grammar Nazi - but this was just too precious.

In any case, I don't know many dominants who dump a sub in seconds, much less without a second thought.  Mayhaps you would enjoy a different social millieu - the one you seem to have is, apparently, lacking.  If that's how people acted in my social circle - I'd be unhappy, too.
quote:

This thinking should end.


Oh, hell no.  It should, really and truly, start.

Midnight Writer
whose epitaph will emphatically NOT be "Suffered Fools Gladly"


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 3:07:47 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Now I was going to write this in another thread but with all the outcrys of late of me according to people hijacking threads ( although I say one thing on topic and it goes away from topic from people saying stuff to me ) I thought id create a new one.

I've seen this lots on these boards aswell as others that a sub ( male or female ) will usaully say 'I did this or I did that' now my dom or domme is upset with me.

Everyone immediatly sides with the dominate partner saying well you should treat him with more respect. You should ask him this or that. etc etc

This thinking is rather foolish as its not always the submissive's fault. Reading these boards you would think a sub makes 99% of the problems in a relationship.

It is all consentual. You do not need some offical to release you from a relationship. A collar is just a word or item. It is not a contract.

If your not getting what you want from the relationship then leave. The same applies to the dominate partner but the dominate partner can dump the sub in seconds without a second thought but it has tried to be installed into a subs mind you need your master or mistress permission to be de-collared.

This thinking should end.



This is precisely why I don't take D/s relationships seriously because they aren't really power exchange relationships, neither side is ultimately dominant or submissive. D/s relationships are two people satisfying their kink with someone who has a complimentry kink. However, if the sub doesn't like being told what to do and taking responsibility when s/he doesn't fullfill his/her side of the bargain, perhaps she should consider whether she is really a submissive.

I have to laugh at so called subs who say I will be your sub and here are the conditions I require you to fullfill in order for me to be your sub and provide a list as long as their arm. No thanks, I get less conditions and orders and more obedience in a vanilla relationship and often more kink.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 3:31:54 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Now I was going to write this in another thread but with all the outcrys of late of me according to people hijacking threads ( although I say one thing on topic and it goes away from topic from people saying stuff to me ) I thought id create a new one.

I've seen this lots on these boards aswell as others that a sub ( male or female ) will usaully say 'I did this or I did that' now my dom or domme is upset with me.

Everyone immediatly sides with the dominate partner saying well you should treat him with more respect. You should ask him this or that. etc etc

This thinking is rather foolish as its not always the submissive's fault. Reading these boards you would think a sub makes 99% of the problems in a relationship.

It is all consentual. You do not need some offical to release you from a relationship. A collar is just a word or item. It is not a contract.

If your not getting what you want from the relationship then leave. The same applies to the dominate partner but the dominate partner can dump the sub in seconds without a second thought but it has tried to be installed into a subs mind you need your master or mistress permission to be de-collared.

This thinking should end.



I certainly do not see things the way that you do. My relationship with my Master is not a throw away one and takes work on both sides. It is a relationship just like a marriage to us and is as important as one. It took time and a lot of effort on both of our parts to get to the stage that we are at. We negotiated a contract at the time I was collared by him (I have never had a physical collar but we wear matching rings as a sign of our commitment) and part of that contract was that I could not walk away from our relationship without his permission. Of course that contract would not stand up legally and if I really wanted to I could walk away tomorrow, however, I gave my word when we agreed the contract and that to me is more important than anything else. Perhaps that is the part that you miss. A commitment is exactly that. I did not make it lightly nor would I walk away from that commitment lightly.


(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 5:27:48 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Perception is reality.  i have been tossed aside because of perceived "wrongs"  my most recent Dom decided i had OCD because i always ironed my clothes.  WTF??  i toss my stuff in a suitcase and drive 3 hours to spend  weekends with Him and after a year i have developed a mental disorder because i want my clothes neatly pressed?  Although it sounded like an excuse to end the relationship (He also decided to change the dynamic to one we had agreed NOT to have)  and of couse it needed to be my fault, so that became both His perception and His reality.  Guess what.... this too shall pass.  And i still iron my clothes when i travel.

If you can't change your reality you can always change your perception.  :)


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 6:06:57 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If the s-type acts improperly, it's the s-type's fault.  I'm not sure where the d-type's fault is in that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Now I was going to write this in another thread but with all the outcrys of late of me according to people hijacking threads ( although I say one thing on topic and it goes away from topic from people saying stuff to me ) I thought id create a new one.

I've seen this lots on these boards aswell as others that a sub ( male or female ) will usaully say 'I did this or I did that' now my dom or domme is upset with me.

Everyone immediatly sides with the dominate partner saying well you should treat him with more respect. You should ask him this or that. etc etc

This thinking is rather foolish as its not always the submissive's fault. Reading these boards you would think a sub makes 99% of the problems in a relationship.

It is all consentual. You do not need some offical to release you from a relationship. A collar is just a word or item. It is not a contract.

If your not getting what you want from the relationship then leave. The same applies to the dominate partner but the dominate partner can dump the sub in seconds without a second thought but it has tried to be installed into a subs mind you need your master or mistress permission to be de-collared.

This thinking should end.


(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 6:08:42 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySeraphina
Practically Perfect in Every Way


Mary Poppins, is that you??

(in reply to LadySeraphina)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 6:15:12 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

It is all consentual. You do not need some offical to release you from a relationship. A collar is just a word or item. It is not a contract

You are correct in the thinking that it is all consensual. However, in MY relationships, a collar is much more than just a word or item. I DO use contracts, and the collar is a sealing of that contract. It is NOT  wedding ring; it is a symbol that I wear 24/7 that states quite clearly that I am the property of another.

Personally, I think YOUR thinking needs to be reevalutated.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Its not always the subs fault - 10/29/2006 6:18:20 AM   
trannysub007


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I will get you some examples when I return later tonight.

I am not trying to raise the roof. Just clear the path for alot of people. There are lots of people out there that their defination of a collar wil be vastly different to you.

These are the same ones that disrespect their subs and it is those subs this is pointed at.

Oh don't worry. I got some more threads planned. It should actually make you happy the other threads. It will actually help you for the time being. Since im attracting so much attention at the moment I can help get things in the air and openly discussed about.



So, im, have you recently become the Expert of Everything on CM?  Perhaps you are attracting attention because of the silly things you say? Maybe you are just needy for attention at this time in your life?  While i haven't read all of your posts, the ones i have read are all negative towards Dominants. (Note the spelling please - it's Dominant, not Dominate. Dominate is a verb. Just FYI)  
  i suspect that you base your thinking, with regard to this thread, on the posts you have seen from unhappy submissives. Most of the posting i have read on CM about the relationship involved in collaring has been about contracts in some way, about commitment, about mutual involvement in the relationship. Any Dominant who is not ready to invest in the relationship is not worth the sub's time and energy. JMO. Have fun posting your new threads. =-)

  david

edited for the usual grammar/spelling/punctuation stuff. <sigh>

< Message edited by trannysub007 -- 10/29/2006 6:21:13 AM >

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 20
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