Do You take the "Easiest" role?

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Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:07:14 PM

Mavis

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This comes from the thread asking is it easier to take control, or to submit, and many have stated that it's most likely that W/we each have one role that is eaiest for us to get comfy in.

But, like many submissives, i am dominant in many ways. Giveing up control is not natural or easy for me. i choose the slave role because the contrast with my nature is exactly what makes it feel right for me within certain relationships.

i've also noticed (much to my surprise at first!) that many Dominants (not a majority, but enough to notice the phenomenon) are veritibale weenies when out on public. They don't dance for fear of looking silly, They aren't the first to welcome a newcomer to the room, They are generally passive socially except in the relationships where They have been "authorised" power.

Do Y/you, in power exchange relationships, take the role that is easiest for Y/you, comes most naturally? Or is this the arena where personality and temperament flip is the golden ring?

Post #: 1

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:09:38 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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So as not to be a cheat to my partner.. I present the role that I am.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 2

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:10:10 PM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
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Maybe it's just me, but people that try real hard to be something they are not wouldn't seem to get as much satisfaction out of life.

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These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

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Post #: 3

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:17:16 PM

shadevarr

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
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As a Dom, I enjoy and strive to control all aspects of my life. Work, home, with friends, in bed, all of it. It is just what I am most comfortable with and I have never thought that I could be a wuss in public. Oh, and on the dancing thing. I avoid the dance floor because I haven't mastered it yet but karaoke is just downright silly and I gotta be really drunk to participate. In my book karaoke is a form of humiliation play :P

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)

Post #: 4

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:19:03 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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I am not sure if I quite understand your question. The examples you provided to me could be easily explained by the differences between men and women in general. Most men hate to dance and getting them to be social in an eviroment that they are not comfortable in is difficult and pretty common and I think has nothing to do with what role they are.

Technically, my enjoyment of control that I like to have can have dominant overtones but they are still strongly being fed by my submissive behavior. I want everyone around me happy and satisfied and when something is left to chance I will be active in trying to eliminate that chance part. So in the "real world" I am the one double and triple checking with everyone to make sure they know what they are suppose to do or if they have already done it. In the end though it is not a role to be submissive but just who I am . I relish giving up control, I just do not care for ambiguous control and can be very proactive in that type of enviroment.

Lin

Edited because the writing was so poor.

< Message edited by toservez -- 10/27/2006 2:31:55 PM >

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 5

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:25:05 PM

subjected2006

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Joined: 1/20/2006
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I am very outgoing.
I am the one who will cross the room to help you pick up the stack of books you just dropped..or offer to hold your packages if you are struggeling with a car door lock.

But I am also the one that will pop you in the nose for touching my person.

My odyssey into bdsm started out with a real need to let someone else drive for awhile.
It has become a very different type of submission lately.
The kind that doesn't end in orgasm.
The kind that leads to accepting the fact that I really have no control in my relationship with Master.
Yes ,it's getting harder.
No it is not the easiest road for me.
Hand to G-d (i love You Master),it is easier for me to Top.
It's not very fulfilling but that could be because I simply havn't met the right subbie.
just sayin'

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a rose is a rose..

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RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:26:51 PM

subjected2006

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by the bye....this is a very good question..kudos kiddo

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a rose is a rose..

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Post #: 7

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:29:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm a bisexual polyamorous switch into age play as both a daughter and a mommy type.

Which role is the easiest?

I definitely take what comes naturally...it just happens to be a lot.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 8

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:29:09 PM

Rover

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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Consistent with the other thread of a similar topic, I find it remarkably easy to be myself and would find it beyond difficult, to the point of impossibility, to be anything (or anyone) other than myself (submissive, for example).

"Easy" does not always imply lethargy. In this case, it may simply be indicative what comes naturally.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 9

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:29:21 PM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

This comes from the thread asking is it easier to take control, or to submit, and many have stated that it's most likely that W/we each have one role that is eaiest for us to get comfy in.

But, like many submissives, i am dominant in many ways. Giveing up control is not natural or easy for me. i choose the slave role because the contrast with my nature is exactly what makes it feel right for me within certain relationships.

i've also noticed (much to my surprise at first!) that many Dominants (not a majority, but enough to notice the phenomenon) are veritibale weenies when out on public. They don't dance for fear of looking silly, They aren't the first to welcome a newcomer to the room, They are generally passive socially except in the relationships where They have been "authorised" power.

Do Y/you, in power exchange relationships, take the role that is easiest for Y/you, comes most naturally? Or is this the arena where personality and temperament flip is the golden ring?

I am what I am, it is not a role I play. I didn't choose to be anything, I am the product of what I was born with in addition to life experiences.

As far as my public persona, it all depends on my mood. I cannot say I am ever uncomfortable or intimidated by anyone in a social setting. How outgoing I am will vary, depending on the people, the type of occasion, how I am feeling at the moment. I suppose if one was unaware of my nature they might at times mistakenly assume I am being passive. My ex used to liken it more to a tigress relaxing in the tall grasses observing her potential prey.(hense the name, take it with a humorous grain of salt) If something interesting comes along I may get off my regal butt to participate orrrrr I may just relax and let them come to me, they always do....sooner or later.

There are other times I might start out in the middle of the action then end up going off to a corner for a breather only to have a following that ends up being the most fun corner in the room. And other times, I just disappear off to bed with a few words to close friends, family and/or aquaintances.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 10/27/2006 2:31:42 PM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 10

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:29:43 PM

Silvermoon

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Joined: 11/24/2004
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If it's done right, honestly and with heart...there is no 'easiest' role. Both require so much of ourselves that 'easy' should not come into it at all.

Silver

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"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 11

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:35:10 PM

SirLordTrainer

Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

i've also noticed (much to my surprise at first!) that many Dominants (not a majority, but enough to notice the phenomenon) are veritibale weenies when out on public. They don't dance for fear of looking silly, They aren't the first to welcome a newcomer to the room, They are generally passive socially except in the relationships where They have been "authorised" power.

Do Y/you, in power exchange relationships, take the role that is easiest for Y/you, comes most naturally?

I understand what your saying however, I just dont care for the word 'role' because to Me it smacks of acting, and gawd knows we have too many of those around. I am naturally Dominant from the time I rise til the time I go to bed, its why I identified with that orientation when I first discovered this lifestyle in 94'. As far as being in public I would say that Im no different, and Ive welcomed newcomers on here, in chatrooms and at munchs. It also happens I like to dance but do so better after a beer or two. And the only weenies I like are the ones I throw on the grill.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 12

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:35:54 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Do Y/you, in power exchange relationships, take the role that is easiest for Y/you, comes most naturally? Or is this the arena where personality and temperament flip is the golden ring?

The way in which I carry myself, my approach, and my natural way of being is to be forthright, carry myself with pride and dignity, I am very much a leader personality on many levels. I am not a submissive to everyone. It is natural for me to be that way with people I love and respect though. I want to defer to them, unless they need me to be in control. I have little trouble taking on things when it is necessary for me to do so, I am a self starter when appropriate.

My entire demeanor changes in the presense of my Daddy, I carry myself more submissively, I look and wait for his approval often, I wait for his physical cues as to my next move. We already do this dance, even when in public. It is very natural to me. I find myself relying on him more and more for input on how to handle things I find difficult, it has started to make my life easier.

I do not know how to answer your question Mavis, I find being myself no matter where I am to be the easiest way of being, as I get older it is much easier to do that. I am submissive when with him, that is easiest. I am able to step up to the plate when necessary and do what is necessary, and it makes my life easier when I do.

Life is hard, if it were completely easy we would not be learning anything. I do not want a life free of challenges, free of stress, where someone cares for my every need... because I would never grow and that is important to me,... if I am not learning and growing I am dying. It is wonderful and joyous to have someone who helps us see who we are, who mirrors back to us where we can improve as human beings, to be more than we are... I think dominants and submissives do this for each other... all important relationships have this impact on us.

I know some people enjoy dynamics where they feel all their worries are taken away... like they think life would be good if they were caged and cared for 24-7. I see this as something that would inhibit my personal growth and ultimately lead to much unhappiness for me. I need to be growing and learning from life, and that is not always present. A dynamic in which I was not a partner for my Dominant would be very empty for me. I do not want complete ease, because things that are easy are rarely appreciated.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 13

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:37:15 PM

Focus50

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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Is this really aimed at switches or something?

Anyway, I "chose" to be dominant in much the same manner I "chose" to be male and hetero....

As to your examples....
Well I can't say as I'm twinkle-toed on the dance floor but I still enjoy subtly finding my way around the girl's body to the rhythm of slow music, including in public.

Unless I'm the host, I can't say that I aim to be the first to meet n greet newcomers etc as mostly I'm probably not even interested. Been accused of being aloof and even arrogant most of my life.... <shrug> Whatever....

Passive socially? As opposed to being loud and imposing? I'm just me and you're really gonna get hopelessly lost when you try assigning traits to roles.

But this particular Dom has also been accused of being a (*gasp*) control freak, too - even in my long past nilla relationships.... Never did see the insult beyond it being the intention of the accuser....

Focus.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 14

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:39:46 PM

thetammyjo

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Well, in public I am either a leader/teacher or a loner -- submissive, follower, anything that might fall into that category just isn't in me. Not even when it might be faster or easier for me such as in graduate school.

However, because when I lead I tend to also teach, I teach folks to take care of themselves and to take care of me. This actually allows me to be what some might see as a more passive dominant in that I expect certain service without the need to constantly order it or to follow my slave around examining what he does. This also means I can feel most relaxed when I'm with my slave than in almost any other time of my life.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:41:15 PM

Mercnbeth

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Yes

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RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:47:37 PM

gypsygrl

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From: new york state
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I work hard in every aspect of my life and have taken on alot of challenges. In the past, I have often been identified as a leader by others, because of my skill, responsibility and competence. It's only been recently that I've learned that I could say no, and let others take the helm for a while. I don't have to be the one calling the shots. When it comes to power exchange, for me it really is a process of giving up power, and everything that goes with it, to someone else.

Getting to the point of giving up that kind of power doesn't come easy to me. There's both fear and guilt that I have to conquer before I can do so and the ones as bad as the other. So, no, I'm not taking the easiest route. But, once I get to that point, it just flows easy like.

(in reply to Mavis)

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RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 2:54:55 PM

subjected2006

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Joined: 1/20/2006
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~gosh you are a good looking couple..~

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a rose is a rose..

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RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 3:16:11 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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Another point. What is considered easy for one.. may not be 'easy' for another.

I don't recall anyone giving out trophies for someone to take a role they do not enjoy.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 19

RE: Do You take the "Easiest" role? - 10/27/2006 3:23:33 PM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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Yanno, I just had another thought on this subject regarding, taking the easiest route.

For me, in most aspects of my life, taking a submissive role would have been one hell of alot easier! To be dominant around here is almost bucking the system of the typical life flow.

I remember a lecture I got many years ago by my, now, ex-father-in-law. He was trying to tell me how I needed to kiss his son's ass and be the good little woman. That somehow, because I was not subservient enough, did not take care of him, I was the reason his son was so screwed up. You can imagine how far that got him but still, I was only 17 at the time. It hurt. I was young and did not yet realize that it was okay to be different. It took alot of years and being around some really awsome strong women for me to realize it was okay to be what I naturally felt inside.

If my very survival depended upon it, I could force myself to play the role and be damned good at it. I have had many years of practice. However, I prefer to feel alive and at peace with myself. To feel I am constantly learning and growing, embracing the future whatever it ends up being. If someone does not like me as I am, that is their problem. I refuse to appologise for it ever again. But no, it has not been easy either way. It is just knowing which is the real me and not a role to play.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 20

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