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ORIGINAL: Mavis

sapphirepleasure...  couple of things stand out that should make you feel much better about this...

One is, if He noted some things you hadn't done.. ie not lighting His cig first..  and is saying those are training issues..  notice He did NOt punish you for those things.   So it's a good bet, He doesn't punish without telling you the expectation first.  chaulk that up to good technique so far.   Amazingly enough, a lot of Doms might have corrected you on the spot and followed up with some minor "reminder" punishment.. even though you hadn't been told His goals first.  

Another thing,  i would go back and ask questions about the meanings He uses.   In my house, (and this may be very different from His way!)  there is correction, which is just pointing out an error or His preference in something, and offering alternative ways for me to handle the situation, or directing me in what should have been done.    Punishment would be the consequences for not having taken the steps noted in correction..  something to "penalise" me to mark the lesson, etc.   that might or might not be physical. 

Third,  a wise Dominant usually uses the correction type that teaches best.. and chooses punishments that sub or slave hates most..  and in many cases, that means NO corporal, because the submissive or slave enjoys spanking, etc.  He might use Natural Consequence as a punative measure...  An  example of NC would be..  if you lit your cig first, He would take your cig, put it out, then deny you smoking in His presence because it's been shown as something more important than tending to His needs.  

Once you talk with Him and find out what He means by punishment, ask for examples of what He's used in the past... but do not forget, that would have been a different woman He was working with, and He might choose different ways of dealing with you.  He probably won't use your historical fear of corporal punishment or uncontrolled anger against you.  He will probably use your interest in pleasing Him to his advantage, and that's exactly as it should be.  And the more Y/you get to know each O/other, the better He can find things that achieve His objectives without causing you anything but growth and higher performance standards.

(unless He's a shithead, in which case,  duck n run!  lol)

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ORIGINAL: gypsylee

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ORIGINAL: Rover

I'm not so big on punishment in my own relationships.  My relationships have always been with adults whom I have determined are able to comprehend my instructions and expectations... 

Rover, i understand that your relationships are different to mine and that's completely reasonable. but are you suggesting that as a submissive who does get punished i am not an adult who is able to comprehend my D's instructions and expectations?

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ORIGINAL: Rover

sp, often times the Dominant equivalent of "bratting" is punishing.  In my view, it's all a form of manipulative role play.

 
also interested on hearing an expantion on this viewpoint.

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ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
p.s.  He's definitely not a shithead!  I am finding him to be a natural dominant who is open to my needs and wise enough to see that a different approach needs to be taken with me.

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ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

But the result was that I felt I had failed, and that he expected me to continue to do so (since he said I would need to be punished in the future in order to learn).

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

There is no punishment in my relationship, and a harsh word can tend to crush me...

I am like you, I try hard to please, and if I am displeasing it really has a tremendous affect on me. He may discipline me for behaviors he does not like, but his displeasure is punishment for me.

When I was looking for a dominant I would not respond to men that used the word "strict" or "punish" in their profiles because I figured if punishments and strictness were so important to them as a kink or relationship dynamic I was probably going to get crushed by them because I am extremely sensitive. One-size-fits-all punishment approach to Ds would not work well with me.

I would recommend that you keep communicating the way you have been to him and explain what motivates you to the behaviors he finds desireable. A heavy handed approach with some submissives can tend to make them contrary, get their back up. I think of my unmentionable, if I disciplined too harshly (and I have) or unfairly (and I have done that too as the imperfect person that I am) then he would become even more defiant. If I was fair then he may have had trouble with the discipline but sooner or later if he came to the conclusion he was wrong then he would apologize and change his behavior. It works that way for me too...

If you never fail you are not learning anything. It really does not matter what happens in my dynamic, because our style fits us, but it may not fit you. I do not understand punishment, but I do understand that others feel it clears the air and sets parameters for them, and I respect that. Only you and the person dominating you can find your personal balance.. I wish you luck and I am sure it will all work out.. he is talking about it, and that is a VERY positive thing...smiles

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ORIGINAL: spanklette

My Daddy told me much the same thing when He began training me. He made me aware that punishment was inevitable. I was shaking in my cuffs.
 
Turned out, though, that He had used the awareness as a motivational tool. The whole I-know-you-can't-do-this mentality really made me more stubborn about successfully completing all of my tasks.
 
I've been punished/corrected twice, but it hasn't been all that dramatic. It was dramatic for me, because I had disappointed Him...but it certainly wasn't erotica fodder.

Do your best and trust him to do what he says he will. Bring all of your concerns to the table, until you're comfortable. And, maybe, take a deep breath and focus on something else for a while. When you come back to it, it might not seem as daunting. 

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ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I am like you in the fact I want to do everything right, and please my Master all the time.  He is very open with me about what he expects, and only when I fail at this am I punished at all.  I have noticed, it takes one punishment to wake my ass up though, and the tears are not from the act itself, but from me knowing I let him down in such a way.
 
One thing I did was say "my", like "my arm", he had told me that these things are no longer mine, and I was to never refer to them that way again.  I did, and I was punished.  I felt horrid I let him down, and that was very much longer lasting than the slap I received.  Now, I catch myself when I say it, and correct it.  Since I am catching myself, he knows I am trying very hard, and I have not gotten punished since. (disciplined is the word I prefer though)
 
As long as he is open with you about what he expects, and allows patience in you learning, then things will be fine.  It sounds like he is, from what you have said, but only you can judge that for yourself.
 
I am not a child, not by any means, and I don't go looking for the discipline, but if I do something I know I shouldn't, or slip up, I expect to be corrected and I am grateful for it.
 
I have noticed also, that I am far harder on myself than anyone else is.  He knows it will take time, it's just convincing yourself that you aren't perfect that can be the problem.
 
I wish you luck, and hope things work out.
 
Akasha

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ORIGINAL: Rover

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ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

But the result was that I felt I had failed, and that he expected me to continue to do so (since he said I would need to be punished in the future in order to learn).

I find that it's easy for a submissive/slave to feel like a failure during the "training" (aka... getting to learn a Dominant's expectations and personal preferences), and that this is often an underappreciated phenomena.  Personally, I try to be mindful of this, and to provide adequate positive reinforcement, emotional support, and rationalization that no one can know what is expected of them unless it is told to them.  I know that others do not, and that works for them.
 
John

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ORIGINAL: Rover

In neither case am I making any inferences about you and your relationships (this sort of disclaimer is becoming exceedingly tedious).

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ORIGINAL: spanklette

Everyone has something they get stuck on, for you it seems to be punishment. If it's a ruffled spot in the relationship, then take the time to smooth it out together. If it's just you over-analyzing, then focus on something else. (Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island.)
 
You'll get past it. Just do yourself a favor and don't screw up on purpose to get the punishment over with. That would not go over well, methinks.

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ORIGINAL: jesskitty

i can relate to that. before my current daddy guys that i was considering to be with tended to just be more comforting than caring but 'strict' as well. i say 'strict' because he's not that strict but that's the best term i can come up with..i feel that starting anything your not used to has to be coupled with trust which to me it seems you guys have a good trust background with getting to know them for so long. i would suggest just discussing it yourself with him, or writing/journaling about your emotions to get it straight. i know with me i'm more of a mix inbetween a urg i got 'caught' on my whiney/bratty/etc. behavior, i don't quite know what i feel about it, complaince sort of thing..and i feel the more you venture within yourself the more you will understand your emotions etc.

good luck!

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ORIGINAL: Rover

Come to your own conclusion (no doubt you have).
 

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ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

That was the other thing that confused me.  He hadn't really communicated to me what he expected from a slave or told me that I was doing/not doing things that bothered him.  So when he told me later that I had a lot to learn (like always lighting his cigarette before mine, waiting to sit down until he does and waiting to eat until he does), and then said that he would have to train and punish me for me to learn those things, I was distraut.  If I had known what he wanted or realized that I was making mistakes, I would have corrected them, but being told after the fact and then having punishment brought into the solution was very upsetting.