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How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:14:31 PM

knees2you

Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline

How open are you in the Vanilla World?
Are You a Master ~Mistress~Submissive~Slave~Switch
at work and come home and do the opposite?

While at work how much of Your Bdsm
personality do You let people see?

I'm becoming more of a Switch so I have shown
both sides outside of my Home.

quote:

"I am the Rock, You are not."

Ant, & LilBecque

Post #: 1

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:18:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I prefer to keep my work life and my social/private life as separate as possible. I HATE when people ask personal stuff at work- I don't want to know about your kids latest soccer practice, and you don't want to know about the cool new anal trick I tried last night.

That being said, I now work in an insanely small company and it's REALLY hard to keep the lines divided and not make people feel like you don't like them, so I've had to be somewhat open and sociable. So, they know I live with more than one person that I date and that's about it.

In my social life, I'm as out as can be. While I rarely wear black of obvious symbology of the scene, I talk about it very casually. It is only when I am with a partners friends that I abide by their sense of comfort in being out to them.

I don't have a "bdsm personality" I have a Liz personality. That's always with me. I act appropriate for the context I am in to get to the place I want to be.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 2

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:28:57 PM

MasterC46910

Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

Nobody outside the lifestyle knows about who or what I am. I put on a very vanilla face to the vanilla world. I can and do compartmentalize my life. I very seldom let the different parts of it mix.

I am not open to the vanilla world at all about my BDSM life.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:30:34 PM

FancySeatCover

Posts: 30
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

well i can honestly say i am a slave 24/7 in Masters Big Truck. He is a professional truck driver and i go around with him to provide his every need. i wear my steel collar all the time and call Him Master in public. why change who or what i am? it is who i am.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:32:05 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I am lucky enough to be out. I am basically open about who I am and the way my relationship works.

That say, I don't broadcast every detail of my life. Rather, I don't like or make things up. When i'm aksed questions I answer them honestly.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to FancySeatCover)

Post #: 5

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:32:34 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Most of my friends know. Some of my coworkers do too, but living in Las VEgas, nothing realy raises an eyebrow around here, so its no big deal.
I will have to be far more careful with who knows what when I move.

I have never hada problem with people knowing what I was, however Angel needs to keep a lower profile, and as such I will too.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MasterC46910)

Post #: 6

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:43:01 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

In my current office, we have an extremely ecclectic group of people... some ultra conservative, some really liberal, some moderate, and some who are totally off the wall. Therefore, being a little "out" at this particular office is fun and no one thinks anything of it, only that we are being goofy and joking. Two of my co-workers are also into bdsm, which I thought was funny when I made a comment once and they both gave me a knowing look. (I just knew they were great people, lol)

I refer to my Master as "Big Daddy" sometimes, as does the switch at my office ("Hey, Big Daddy just called and He'll meet you for lunch"... kind of thing.) Other people know that I am submissive to Him, but they seem to think it is because of His size, build, and occupation, all of which command a certain amount of respect. If they only knew it's because I wear His brand and belong to Him in a way only a few of them will ever understand...

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 7

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:43:25 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I've heard what I practice described as being in the closet with the door open. I'm open with my friends and most of my family. I have an internet presence (my myspace page describes me to vanilla people who might want to date me). All this means is that I don't openly tell people about this side of me at work...but, if they asked, I wouldn't lie. I'd make sure they really wanted to know, though. I had a student of mine find my myspace page. That was fun. LOL

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 8

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 8:45:07 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

As a New Englander by conversion, I believe that everyone has a right to privacy in that my co-workers and casual friends probably don't want to know about my sexual, intimate life. I can't see how it would be relevant at work to talk about the fantastic pedicure and tongue bath I got from a submissive. Nor would I be likely to have someone on a leash in public.

Co-workers tell me that I look both benign and innocent, but that I seem quite different when I open my mouth (heh!). I doubt that I read as Mistress.

If I thought someone had an interest in BDSM, I might be willing to talk about it. I've seen people in public that read as BDSM-oriented, but I don't approach them about it. I don't have a desire to talk it over with people I don't know.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 9

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:00:51 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I am extremely open in my regular life. The only people who do not know are my family (parents, grandparents, etc.) because I do not feel it is knowledge that is intrinsic to my relationship with them. I don't run around saying, "Hi. My name's Michelle and I enjoy bondage," but if the topic arises I definitely do not mind tossing my dollar into the hat.

As for how I behave, I'm a Gemini and a very social creature. Therefore I tend to be the ringleader of my little circle. I organize the get togethers, throw the parties, and keep the entertainment rolling in those strange lapses. If this is what you mean, then I suppose I am most definitely a mistress. I don't sit around the house dwelling on whether I'm in charge or not, but I suppose that's a pretty good way to describe me in most aspects. The only time I'm submissive is in play... and that's only sometimes, being a switch and all.

With regard to work, I don't work outside the home right now, so it is a non-issue. When I did work it was certainly kept outside the sphere of conversation, considering the nature of my work involved dealing with unmentionables.

I have an interesting theory about how I became a switch, if anyone would care to hear it. If not, keep scrolling. Those of you who have known me, or known of me for a while know that I considered myself strictly submissive for a goodly length of time. However, you also know that I've always been extremely in charge in all aspects of my life other than play. I think the more comfortable with myself and the lifestyle I became, the better I adjusted, the more the "real" me that shown through in other areas became apparent. I think it was a transition that had to occur to bring me to find myself in the lifestyle. Like any new thing, you have to adjust. I have no idea if any of you know what I'm talking about. All I can say is that I wouldn't have dreamed of being a dominant a few years ago, and now it's a very strong urge in me, and I've noticed that I'm a dominant personality in most other areas. I love being a submissive, but the dominant side of myself is just as intrinsic now.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 10

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:15:44 PM

MaggieMommy

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline

Well, I am pretty 'out' in the vanilla world. I don't broadcast it, per say, but I certainly broadcast something LOL- most people can't quite figure out what though. The way I act and look is pretty outside the norm but it's not 'looking lifestyle' either. Being a witchy, goth-punk, switch gives me a bit of an eclectic style. However, I will not deny the existance of any part of my life, in thought, word, or deed. So, while not everyone knows everything about me, because generally I just wait for questions and try to only answer what is asked. People do not want to forced to have knowlege they did not seek. The only point on which I will not waver and will not avoid mentioning in casual conversation, is the existance of our girlfriend. I do not get into our bdsm lifestyle unless asked, but I will bring up something about MaggieDoll in a casual context... "Our girlfriend does that too." or "The other day, our girlfriend said..." I won't edit natural speech and action, I guess is what I am saying here. If I say "yes, Sir" it is because I naturally would at that time, regardless of the audience, but I don't go out of my way. Professionally, I am out in my writing, not out for the most part with my critter br**ding, sorta out in school, and completely out in my personal life. Once I am doing psycho-therapy, I will be totally out in that profession, because I will be doing kink friendly therapy only.

_____________________________

Your only validation is in living your own life; vicarious existance is a fucking waste of time.

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 11

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:18:09 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I'm open to anyone who wants to know...but they'd have to ask fairly specifically. I outed myself by accident at work, but there's no use crying over spilled milk. Honestly, even though I was really self conscious about it...no one really cared.

Daddy is more sensitive to being outed, so I try to keep that in mind. For the most part, we live our lives quietly anyway. There are a lot of people that don't know that we like camping on the weekends, either.

So, I'm not interesting in hiding, but I'm not going to push my kink on other folks...mostly, because I don't want to hear the particulars about their vanilla lifestyle either.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 12

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:24:56 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

I don't make a huge secret of the fact that I'm kinky, but I don't go to any great lengths to advertise either. I have this sort of... presence, I guess you'd call it, and certain people just seem to know. Otherwise, I see no reason to subject the innocent to concepts they aren't actively seeking for themselves.

I have found that it's often the least likeliest people who turn out to be into the more esoteric stuff.

And, of course, I'm compelled to defend various forms of erotic anarchy if the subject does happen to come up and somebody says something particularly leather headed, out of sheer principle.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 13

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:26:09 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I am a firm believer in TMI. I am not open about what I do in my bedroom with vanilla people. I respect their sexual privacy, and by and large I am sure they do not want to know about my bruises and welts.

I am not into involving vanillas nonconsensually into my kink or into my relationship. There are many relationships where one person naturally leads another, I do not think it is necessary to tell everyone we planned it this way..smiles. They did not ask for that knowledge.

I call him Daddy all the time, because it sounds like a term of endearment (and it is...smiles) no one cares... especially in a city the size of LA. I am not going to call him that in front of people he knows on a professional level..I am not going to do this in front of my colleagues either.. they do not want to know.

Vanilla people already have labels besides kinky ones for people in which one partner lets the other control things.. like a submissive wife or a henpecked hubby... these are kinda derogatory in the minds of some vanillas, but hell, lets face it, they still kinda know when power is ceded in a relationship.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 14

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:33:00 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

My ex outted me with my family. I think he was trying to humiliate me when our marriage ended. My family is totally cool about it and even began opening up to me about their own kinks. Mostly I am refering to my cousins and their wives etc. Its ok. I joke around with them about it now. I dont think they understand which end of it Im on. They make generic S and M jokes about cbt and ballgags and stuff like that. They dont understand that its so much more than that. And I dont feel like it's my job to educate them. Its personal to me. Not something to necessarily hide, but not something that I feel the need to share either. Its a relaationship style and I wouldnt talk about its dynamic any more than I would talk about the dynamic of my marriage when I was in one. It just exists. It doesnt need to be announced.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:36:36 PM

raeanha

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I had a fairly flambouyant Dom as a co-worker for a couple years. He took great delight in watching me remain calm and unruffled when he'd openly talk about and ask me lifetyle related questions.

there was also the time that about 8 of us from the office went and checked out the vendor section of the Beyond Vanilla convention here in dallas...

So, it's pretty lighthearted, and not anything detailed.. but lots of folks think of me as a "freak... "

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:39:30 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

So, I'm not interesting in hiding, but I'm not going to push my kink on other folks...mostly, because I don't want to hear the particulars about their vanilla lifestyle either.

Exactly. I agree with this completely. They probably dont care about my personal relationships any more than I need to know the details of theirs. Good point.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 17

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:47:39 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Well hubby outed me to many before he died for whatever reason. It was not a good professional move but oh well nothing i can do about it after all he is already dead. But life has had a few extra lows since he told them. Unfortuantely it makes life a bit harder for me since, and is unfortunate for him that he died before we had a chance to really deal with the issues.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 18

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:50:35 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Thanks!

There are just so many other things that I have in common with other people...I just don't need this as a bouncing board.

I don't know why people feel the need to tell me the nitty gritty...don't they realize I have to look at that guy/girl when they come into my office?

< Message edited by spanklette -- 10/2/2006 9:51:59 PM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 19

RE: How open are You? - 10/2/2006 9:56:16 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

I am and always have been a rather eccentric individual. Those who know me know not to ask a question unless they are prepared to hear the answer.

If anyone asks I am open, if they dont ask I dont offer. I dont really want to know what many I work with do in the privacy of their homes and I am sure they dont want to know about me.

My family just sees me as the one who does not follow the norm at anytime, they simply smile and shake their heads. Again if they dont want to hear the answer they dont ask the question.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 20

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