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Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 12:44:18 PM

Missokyst

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I see a lot of people put this in their profile:
"I have been in the lifestyle for _____ years."
What does that mean to you?

For me, I have enjoyed BDSM since I was too young to mention. And when within a relationship I choose to take a step down and let my partner lead. It is a choice that comes naturally when I am with some men.
I don't however, view this as a lifestyle. I see this as just what I do. *adding* ~ I feel it is more of a personality quirk that happens only with some men. It is not the way I am with ALL men I partner with~

I don't go around wearing collars, proclaiming myself sub to my mate, or calling him Sir. It is just life for me, without the tag of "lifestyle".

Do you define what you do as a lifestyle? If you do, why?
Thanks,
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 10/1/2006 1:35:53 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

Post #: 1

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 12:55:02 PM

missturbation

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From: another planet
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lifestyle
noun {C} someone's way of living; the things that a person or particular group of people usually do By dictionary definition any way you choose to live is a lifestyle, whether you have lived that lifestyle since you were too young too mention or just recently makes no difference.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 2

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 12:56:27 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

I see a lot of people put this in their profile:
"I have been in the lifestyle for _____ years."
What does that mean to you?

Nothing.

quote:

Do you define what you do as a lifestyle? If you do, why?
Thanks,
Kyst

Interesting. I have pondered these things in regard to WIITWD recently, and had thought of starting a thread with the same question, but I was going to wait a while as not to confuse this idea with others floating around...

I have not talked about this idea with my Daddy before, but I consider what it is that we are building to be more of a lifeway than a lifestyle. Lifestyle to me is a more exterior thing than a lifeway. In anthropology when we look at how people live we call it a lifeway. It is a holistic thing, not one aspect of a life. It is just my way of viewing it, and not applicable to anyone else mind you, but it works for me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 3

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 12:58:49 PM

KatyLied

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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It means nothing to me when people brag about their time in the lifestyle. If they have to convince me that way, I'm likely not to be impressed with them. Especially if they've not done much with their years and not learned much about life. A person's character is much more important to me than their resume of time in the lifestyle.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:03:38 PM

TrueCalling

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Joined: 1/28/2005
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I detest what i call pre-coined cliches, the words lifestyle and scene top the list! Life as intended is what it is for some. Always and all ways for me...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:04:25 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have not talked about this idea with my Daddy before, but I consider what it is that we are building to be more of a lifeway than a lifestyle. Lifestyle to me is a more exterior thing than a lifeway. In anthropology when we look at how people live we call it a lifeway. It is a holistic thing, not one aspect of a life. It is just my way of viewing it, and not applicable to anyone else mind you, but it works for me.

It really depends on one's view point of Lifestyle doesn't it? For some they use a narrow focus when they use the term Lifestyle. and others use it in a more holistic manner. I believe that it can be rather confusing at times in what context a person is using the term. I do like the alternative them that you suggets in Lifeway... of course I suspect most would be more confused with wondering what that was referring to... unless of course you had some anthropology knowledge I suppose.

either way... I tend to look at Lifestyle as a more holistic view point of my life and acknowledge specifics of my lifestyle by denoted it with other terms like... bdsm, M/s, friendships, career etc.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:06:43 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Like I said, it is only how I think of it....not trying to reinvent the wheel...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:07:21 PM

TrueCalling

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Help! I just got this horrid image of Robin Leach hosting 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous' Now that's a good reason to detest the word, heh...

(in reply to TrueCalling)

Post #: 8

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:11:30 PM

marieToo

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Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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general reply:

I think using the word lifestyle for wiitwd, is funny.

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marie.

I give good agita.

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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:29:40 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

in the life or life style means to me that you got what you want and are able to live it and be yourself
no lifestyle is: PRISON?;NO FREEDOM??, NOT,IN THE LIFSTYLE ,or
OUT OF IT?!

....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I see a lot of people put this in their profile:
"I have been in the lifestyle for _____ years."
What does that mean to you?

For me, I have enjoyed BDSM since I was too young to mention. And when within a relationship I choose to take a step down and let my partner lead. It is a choice that comes naturally when I am with some men.
I don't however, view this as a lifestyle. I see this as just what I do.

I don't go around wearing collars, proclaiming myself sub to my mate, or calling him Sir. It is just life for me, without the tag of "lifestyle".

Do you define what you do as a lifestyle? If you do, why?
Thanks,
Kyst

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 10/1/2006 1:30:38 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 10

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:33:48 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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OMG that is IT! I hated that show. No wonder I detest that term lifestyle.
Whew.. thanks
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: TrueCalling

Help! I just got this horrid image of Robin Leach hosting 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous' Now that's a good reason to detest the word, heh...

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to TrueCalling)

Post #: 11

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:33:38 PM

TxAllieGrl

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/27/2006
Status: offline

I think I know how this will end up, since most people who post here don't really seem open to any ideas that they don't already agree with. But what the hell, I'll share my POV.

For me, I use lifestyle as the "aha" moment when I realized what it was I had been searching for in relationships. Yes, I can clearly remember a "before" and "after", "in the lifestyle" vs. "not". And it's completely different.

I also use "lifestyle" to deliniate the time I've been actively involved in the BDSM community, out and proud. It's a sign that I'm real about this, and that I'm not looking for any of these bozos who do crap online and have no clue what it really means. (whether or not it really deters them is a whole different matter...).

It also means I don't have to explain my "experience" or "how long I've been into 'this'" each and every time. It's out there. Pay attention.

BDSM, D/s, M/s is one example of an alternative lifestyle, but whether or not you choose to identify it as such is completely up to the individual. If you're lucky enough that "it's just life" for you, then fantastic.

Why everyone has to agree on labels is beyond me - I've been reading many, many posts and it seems like people argue just to argue, and so many are convinced that their way is the one and only right way.

I think that's a shame - as a whole, "our" tolerance for the opinions and choices of others in the LIFESTYLE is as judgemental as the way others view "us". We should celebrate our differences vs. finding excuses to divide us like a word.

JMHO

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 12

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:34:36 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

in the life or life style means to me that you got what you want and are able to live it and be yourself
no lifestyle is: PRISON?;NO FREEDOM??, NOT,IN THE LIFSTYLE ,or
OUT OF IT?!

....

So is being in prison not a lifestyle?
Is having no freedom not a lifestyle?
Surely a lifestyle is just the word to describe the way a person lives whether they have chosen that lifestyle or not.

lifestyle
noun {C}
someone's way of living; the things that a person or particular group of people usually do

Nowhere is mentioned choice in the dictionary definition.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)

Post #: 13

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:38:10 PM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I see a lot of people put this in their profile:
"I have been in the lifestyle for _____ years."
What does that mean to you?

for this slave it means nothing. She has always based her liking of a person on the person themselves, not on how long they claim to be 'in something' .

quote:

Do you define what you do as a lifestyle? If you do, why?

no, this slave does not, though she will often, when talking with others, refer to it as such.

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 14

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:39:28 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Its one of those words I use because most people have a general idea what it means even if they feel it doesn't apply to them. I prefer it to wiitwd because, unless you do it, you don't know what it is. :) So, it doesn't work with people who don't do it. I'm not closeted, so sometimes find myself talking about these things with people who don't do it.

I do include mention of how long I've been actively exploring in my profile because it seems to provide some kind of relevant information: I've played for some years, but I havent been around the block that many times.

Technically, I've also been playing all my life, or at least since I was 7 or 8. I grew up with a lot of porn and loved the B&D stuff in Penthouse Letters. We played games in the neighborhood that involved bondage and M/s roleplays. At 15 I asked my first boyfriend to tie me up and asked my ex-husband to slap me upside the head when we were first married. But, I had no real awareness of what I was doing, nor did I have any sense of a wider community. There's a difference between blindly chasing a need and actively choosing to live a certain way. Its the latter that I'm trying to capture when I say how long I've been exploring.

When I read in someone else's profile that they've been "in the lifestyle" for x number of years, I take it at face value until something suggests otherwise.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 15

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:42:51 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Call it whatever you want to call it and do not worry or care what others call it. The same for the bottom/sub/slave and any of the other definitions. In the end they are just words and not actions and actions are really what life is.

Personally I usually refer to it as the life, but that is just me and I do not think, imply or judge a difference between the two when talking to others. In the end it is about finding and being with a person(s) that you share and want the same in the power exchange.

Now if talking to a non life/lifestyle person I might get snobby about the words but between us, I do not care.

< Message edited by toservez -- 10/1/2006 1:57:43 PM >

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)

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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:45:44 PM

charismagirrl

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Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

i do really like the idea of lifeway that julia brought up...

i consider what we do to be our way of life as opposed to just being "in" the "lifestyle"...my Daddy and i don't feel the need to go out and play publicly at every chance and to get over involved in groups (although sometimes it could be alot of fun-it just can mean less drama.) So although we live the life we don't always partake in the "community of the lifestyle" (better for me to seperate them that way for my post and general thought process)

Life style= our life and the style in which we live....
Lifestyle=The BDSM community

That being said we are an M/s couple and i wear a collar (i have a few for different reasons)...He is my Master and my Daddy , i am His slave,babygirl/little girl and "Daddy's little anything"....we have a contract (although it just defines our relationship rather than being a negotiation contract).

i have lived in the way the OP suggests, in realtionships with men that i just stood back and let be the man and in charge and it just wasn't enough for me personally.

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)

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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:57:42 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I see a lot of people put this in their profile:
"I have been in the lifestyle for _____ years."
What does that mean to you?

To me thats like saying I have been dating since I was 14, or I have been sexualy active since I was 17... whatever. It is there becasue of how often people look down upon the inexpereinced, so if you tell how long you have been in the life, you are no longer going to look inexperienced (or at least thats the mindset)

quote:

Do you define what you do as a lifestyle? If you do, why?

I dont define what I do. This is how I live my life, and how Angel lives his life with me. He is collared, though he doesnt wear it all the time. It is our show of commitment to one another. We dont flaunt it. We dont need to, and we dont realy much care about how everyone else might view our choice of lifestyle. We are happy, and thats what counts.

DV

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 18

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 1:59:40 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charismagirrl

i do really like the idea of lifeway that julia brought up...

i consider what we do to be our way of life as opposed to just being "in" the "lifestyle"...my Daddy and i don't feel the need to go out and play publicly at every chance and to get over involved in groups (although sometimes it could be alot of fun-it just can mean less drama.) So although we live the life we don't always partake in the "community of the lifestyle" (better for me to seperate them that way for my post and general thought process)

Life style= our life and the style in which we live....
Lifestyle=The BDSM community

That being said we are an M/s couple and i wear a collar (i have a few for different reasons)...He is my Master and my Daddy , i am His slave,babygirl/little girl and "Daddy's little anything"....we have a contract (although it just defines our relationship rather than being a negotiation contract).

i have lived in the way the OP suggests, in realtionships with men that i just stood back and let be the man and in charge and it just wasn't enough for me personally.

Both julia and charisma have very well put into words something that I've been trying to put into words as well lately.

Differentiating between

life style
Lifestyle
and the new personal addition of the concept of lifeway that julia presented. I like it and will probably incorporate her idea behind that word into my own explanation once I feel I can clearly position myself on the subject.

Gawd that was wordy.

Sorry folks lol...off to do some laundry and pondering.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to charismagirrl)

Post #: 19

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/1/2006 2:21:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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The way I put it in my profile is "I have been active in wiitwd for about 8 years."

For me this lets people know that I have been active. While this isn't a well defined term, for me it means I've been consciously aware of 'what all this it' and involved with it in terms of reaching out to others and being part of 'what all this it.'

I say "WIITWD" to be as generic as possible just to refer to "this stuff hwoever you want to call it."

I define "all this" usually as a sub-culture. But it really just comes down to pick your label of choice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 20

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