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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 8:35:42 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I used to tell people I was not a can that needed a label. Then someone beat my can until it said Sub on it (loved that slapper).
But except for that incident, I think labels are important as a general idea of how you perceive yourself. We have our own mirror. Everyone else is viewing us through their own. The problem is when someone 38 mirrors down tries to read us.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It's like we, as humans, feel that we have to be able to smack a label on something to validate it and god forbid someone else have a different perception of what that label is.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 8:40:36 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I see a lot of people put this in their profile:
"I have been in the lifestyle for _____ years."
What does that mean to you?

For me, I have enjoyed BDSM since I was too young to mention. And when within a relationship I choose to take a step down and let my partner lead. It is a choice that comes naturally when I am with some men.
I don't however, view this as a lifestyle. I see this as just what I do. *adding* ~ I feel it is more of a personality quirk that happens only with some men. It is not the way I am with ALL men I partner with~

I don't go around wearing collars, proclaiming myself sub to my mate, or calling him Sir. It is just life for me, without the tag of "lifestyle".

Do you define what you do as a lifestyle? If you do, why?
Thanks,
Kyst

i do not refer to how i choose to interact with an intimate partner as a "lifestyle" except for sake of discussion and clairty to save on words. Hec my personal relationships are a part of my private life, not anyone elses, ya know? LOL! i do not base my identity on the content or the context of my personal relationships. i do not need a relationship to give me an identity. i know some who do... i am not big on labels of any kind. i am also not big on outward adornments such as collars, etc., but then i was never a fan of the wedding ring either! *grin If i click with a man, then i click and what ever is inside of me comes out as we interact, it happens all on its own. It just so happens, that i naturally defer to the man i am involved with. This has never been premeditated or given any forethought, as it has been a natural progression since as far back as i can remember.

i came to know of the leather life when i was young, and dating what i later discovered was to be my first dominant "leather lifestyle" guy, along with an introduction into a new world. He told me that i would make a good slave. Hehehe at first, i remember how i got all insulted, as i thought those were fightin words...lol...until later, when it all clicked and i got it. LOL! Even after that, i was not miss happy go lucky when a man decided to put his collar on me...at first it was hard to handle...i felt like i was a trophy piece, and i couldn't understand why so many had to have such outward adornments for their girls. It was like i felt that he couldn't or didn't trust me or something so he had to mark me as his territory...then i felt like those who used outward markings were insecure...sometimes i still feel that way. LOL!

When i was young, i was full of fury, and these fantasy actions of some i knew seemed so bizarre to me at first. After some years, i gained a deeper understanding for how some folks need to live in order to feel fulfilled. i don't need all the fancy fluff and stuff of the "lifestyle." i simply enjoy serving and loving good men, whom i will be proud to defer to in everything life has to throw at us. When i give my word of committment, i will obey and respect, be loyal and devoted whether i am labeled as his slave or no. My life doesn't revolve around titles, labels and lifestyle fantasies, they are just icing on a well baked cake. Being around those that are of the "lifestyle" is more or less for the sake of clarity and finding others who are somewhat like me in personal nature and understanding. Just another outlet or avenue to include, but if the labels and titles were erased, i would still be the same ole me. *smile

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Post #: 42

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 8:47:24 AM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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This is a good point. One thing that has always amused me is when an 18 yr old messages me and says he has 12 yrs experience as a dom.
FOr myself, the first time I was chained to a bed or beaten, I was 16. Humilation play came long before that. But though I have done this with most of my lovers over the years, I certainly have not done it all. In terms of experience I just say "I know some stuff"
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
So, while I understand that I've been interested in the lifestyle in a conscious manner for about 10 years and unconsciously for 20, I still say that I've only been active for 5.

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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 8:47:49 AM

beautyImurDaddy

Posts: 58
Joined: 8/29/2006
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sits here and sings to herself the Good Charlotte tune... Lifestyles... of the whipped and chain-ed.... oh wait... that was rich and famous wasnt it... darn i never could get the words to songs right[/code]

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Post #: 44

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 8:59:24 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC46910

You know, it sounds like a bunch of law students in here arguing about things that really have little meaning in the overall picture. Each person has their way to define life around them, why is it so important what words we use as long as the meaning gets across?

I put the number of years I have been it the lifestyle to give someone a idea that I was around before the internet. I do agree that the number of years is not related to experience. But it is a measure of time they been involved and some idea of what they have seen over the years as things evolved to what it is today.

I still call it a lifestyle. It is what I have always used and see no reason to change because just because someone decides it is not the "proper" thing to call it. I feel if you can not understand it, then you only have to ask me what lifestyle means. I would explain it in what I considered it to mean.

Why is the actually wording so important if you can understand the meaning?

Because we were SPECIFICALLY asked our opinions. These come with specific words that have value to us.

Master FIre

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Post #: 45

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 1:31:33 PM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

It means nothing to me when people brag about their time in the lifestyle. If they have to convince me that way, I'm likely not to be impressed with them. Especially if they've not done much with their years and not learned much about life. A person's character is much more important to me than their resume of time in the lifestyle.

Ditto.... I have to laugh sometimes when I get e-mails that start with... I've been in this lifestyle for 20+ years... they're 33 years old. Ok.. but what does it all mean?.. why would one think I would be impressed with that?

No i've never liked the term lifestlye... it's just been the way i've lived my life for years. But in most conversations... the term lifestlye comes up as it's the only way some can relate or express to others what the hell they're talking about.

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Post #: 46

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 8:12:59 PM

prefer2sub

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The word lifestyle could also be interpreted as a relationship choice. For me, BDSM is another part of who I am as a person. Period. I choose to think of the period of time I've been a part of this as when I discovered another part of me. I am a switch because I love both sides of the coin. My nick here gets me into trouble because I do prefer to be submissive but I can be Dominant just as easily. i'm still hunting for the perfect partner who gets who I/i am as a person as well as a part of all of this.

Any thoughts on how to better say this to those still seeking?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 8:29:16 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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My lover like to describe being a switch as "being fluid in the dynamic". Something like that what you're looking for?

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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Post #: 48

RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 10:00:51 PM

Mercnbeth

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Some words don't exist. We have a word for people who don't engage in any of the activities we consider "lifestyle". That word is 'vanilla'. Is there an opposite? We could use the word 'kinky' but on any given night a 'vanilla' can do something 'kinky'. To a vanilla turning the lights on can be 'kinky', oral sex can be considered really kinky, and oral sex with the lights on can be considered over the top kinky. Anyway kinky usually describes an act, not a manner of living.

Lifestyle is a style in which you live. It is a perspective about life. WIIWD is an unpronounceable option.

There is a similar problem with the world slave. I detest the word being used to describe beth's role in our relationship. Although it's generally accepted when introductions are made, beth's slavery is nothing like the dictionary definition. It discounts the pain and suffering of the slaves of America's past. As is does the slaves in the world today. But again what is the option? Kijara has Gor connotations and is almost as difficult to say as WIIWD.

With the expanding dictionary maybe someday we can agree on a term or group of terms and obtain universal cognitive recognition. But is that a good thing? Out in the world human nature is to categorize people. When we make introductions the modifying words generate pre-conceived ideals. Identifying as being active in the lifestyle, generates a reactive response that some part of your life is outside the realm of 'vanilla'. Exactly what that is or how it enters you life really isn't known. The same holds for slave. The fun and adventure comes from the real time experiences that you share. If you knew exactly what was meant when someone used the terms lifestyle or slave the discovery part of a relationship would be less interesting.

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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 10:19:40 PM

NakedOnMyChain

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I use the terms lifestyle and scene to denote my life in the BDSM realm as opposed to the realm of washing dishes, scrubbing toilets, and feeding the unmentionable. I suppose the first two could still count occasionally...

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"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
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RE: Lifestyle or just life? - 10/2/2006 10:22:50 PM

Lordandmaster

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Exactly the sort of attitude that rubs me the wrong way. It's like there's this silly myth that the world has been on a greased-track devolution since the 1950's, and the advent of computers and the internet has only hastened the great cosmic decline. It's a way of implying that all the newcomers who have arrived with the internet are just fakes and posers--without having the balls to come out and say something that provocative without mincing words.

The internet isn't such a bad thing, MasterC, and not everyone who "was around" before it is necessarily wise or insightful. I "was around" before the internet too, but I don't wear that as a badge of honor.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC46910

I put the number of years I have been it the lifestyle to give someone a idea that I was around before the internet.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 10/2/2006 10:23:19 PM >

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