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Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 8:49:45 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline

I am currently dating someone who is SO a submissive and completely doesn't realize it. I was cooking dinner for us the other night only to turn around and find him folding my laundry for me. I asked him why he was folding my laundry, he said because it made me happy. Aw. How sweet. LOL. He also drove an hour and a half from his house to mine and back three days in a row just to help me get my new car. And every time I turn around he's washing my dishes for me. These are just a couple of examples, there are LOTS more. My question is this. Do I tell him he's a sub? And how? He knows about my involvement with the BDSM lifestyle and hasnt expressed an issue with it. Is this something I should just let him figure out on his own? Or is he not actually a sub, just a really sweet guy? Should I just let the relationship be what it is without having to put "labels" on it, or will putting a label to it help him to understand himself a little better?

Post #: 1

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 8:54:01 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

It's quite possible he's not really a sub at all. My current boyfriend is like that. He does all sorts of amazingly sweet things for me. And as it turns out, he's more of a switch with growing dominant tendancies.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 2

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 8:54:20 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

if it ain't broke... don't fix it

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 3

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 8:55:28 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

I am currently dating someone who is SO a submissive and completely doesn't realize it. I was cooking dinner for us the other night only to turn around and find him folding my laundry for me. I asked him why he was folding my laundry, he said because it made me happy. Aw. How sweet. LOL. He also drove an hour and a half from his house to mine and back three days in a row just to help me get my new car. And every time I turn around he's washing my dishes for me. These are just a couple of examples, there are LOTS more. My question is this. Do I tell him he's a sub? And how? He knows about my involvement with the BDSM lifestyle and hasnt expressed an issue with it. Is this something I should just let him figure out on his own? Or is he not actually a sub, just a really sweet guy? Should I just let the relationship be what it is without having to put "labels" on it, or will putting a label to it help him to understand himself a little better?

Why do you assume a man being nice means he's a sub?

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 4

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 8:58:36 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline

Its not just that he is nice. Its the way that he goes about things, and the attitude he has while doing them. Its hard to explain, but easy to recognize the difference between someone just being nice to you and being submissive.

(in reply to Homestead)

Post #: 5

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:01:47 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I think that without knowing you, him, and the situation, we can't really give you advice. I mean, it's easy for me to preach to you that you should sneak up on him, tie him up, and beat him, because a friend once did that and it worked, but I really only know what you have told us.

However, if he knows of your involvement in the lifestyle, he knows where to go with questions.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 6

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:03:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

IMO this is the best course of action.

Next time you see him, say "You've been so awesome lately and I've been thinking that you really seem to enjoy serving and making me happy. I thought you might want to check this out and see if it resonates with you"

Then you hand him The Loving Dominant (I choose this in this case because it's NOT kink centric or focused at all, it's person/relationship focused).

See where he takes it and respect his choice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 7

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:04:16 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115
Should I just let the relationship be what it is without having to put "labels" on it,

Hey now..THERE's an idea! :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 8/31/2006 9:05:22 AM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 8

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:07:02 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Or send him into C.M. here and let us cut him to ribbons.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:10:17 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Or send him into C.M. here and let us cut him to ribbons.

I may be a sadist, but Im not THAT cruel!!

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 10

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:16:23 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

I am currently dating someone who is SO a submissive and completely doesn't realize it. I was cooking dinner for us the other night only to turn around and find him folding my laundry for me. I asked him why he was folding my laundry, he said because it made me happy. Aw. How sweet. LOL. He also drove an hour and a half from his house to mine and back three days in a row just to help me get my new car. And every time I turn around he's washing my dishes for me. These are just a couple of examples, there are LOTS more. My question is this. Do I tell him he's a sub? And how? He knows about my involvement with the BDSM lifestyle and hasnt expressed an issue with it. Is this something I should just let him figure out on his own? Or is he not actually a sub, just a really sweet guy? Should I just let the relationship be what it is without having to put "labels" on it, or will putting a label to it help him to understand himself a little better?

LOL! I SAY....DITCH THE LABELING!!!!!!!!!! Yeah! *smile If he wants a therapist or feels he needs help in understanding himself better, wait for him to ask! *smile He may feel fine just the way he is!

i say ditch the ANALytical categorizing and sorting, and just enjoy the person, and their unique flavor of character and energy. Enjoy him! *smile Don't appoint yourself as his new D/s shrink! *grin i know some folks who do this, and then they wonder why things suddenly get all screwed up and complicated. Not saying you are doing that, but just sharing a thought. *smile

i say this also, because often a kindness or helpfulness in a dominant is mistaken for sub behavior. "Ah they are too kind, so they CAN'T be a dominant" Why not? LOL! Some folks think that a dominant is a person who doesn't enjoy being thoughtful, mindful, helpful or kind. Some dominants enjoy feeling happy when they share kindness with others, it doesn't make them any less dominant. It depends on the personality of each individual, and how they express their dominance.

The Master i serve, is a very helpful and attentive man, but in no way is he a sub just because he displays warmth, kindness and lends a helping hand. He just feels good helping others. He just feels good to bring a smile on the face of even his slaves and submissives. Personally i wouldn't be with a dominant who didn't enjoy being kind or helpful to others he shared a relationship with, because then we would not have as much in common outside the M/s. Just a thought. smile

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 11

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:22:02 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Lorelei,

I became involved in this lifestyle through the Dominant I am living with. He told me (later) that he recognized the submissive in me the first time we met. Even though I run an organization and tell people what to do all day, I would NEVER have considered myself submissive. But to him, and only him, I am.

He brought it about gently. After a few dates, he asked me if I knew anything about this lifestyle. My sister is a Dominant who has had serious problems in her life, so I didn't have any good things to associate with it and told him so. But, he would weave me stories where he would suggest things we could do, without calling it Domination or Submission. They were things I had always imagined. Romance novels, for instance, are full of all sort of images.

Then he would experiment with some of the things we chatted about. Finally he started directing me to web sites and books and told me what kind of relationship he would like ours to be. By this time I was hooked and my negative, sterotypical reaction to BDSM was also erased.

Good luck. Maybe knowing of your lifestyle, his imagination may already be running away with itself and he is only waiting for your invitation to join?

Keep us updated!

Sunshine

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 12

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:25:36 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I think that LA's comment is probably the best course. It's not about labeling, its about helping him find his heart...possibly a slave heart oriented on service. Reading the Loving Dominant might help him figure himself out...that's always a good thing, in my book. Even if it helps him figure out what he's NOT.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 13

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:35:30 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Just let it be and be grateful, those kind of guys are hard to find.

Good luck to you both.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 14

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:41:50 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Lashra,

Sorry to hijack the thread, but DAMN! Nice pic!

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 15

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:44:48 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

i also agree with LA and Masterfire, i have done this on several occasions, but not blatantly, just with subtle suggestions. The Loving dominant is a good read. *smile

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:49:58 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline

Oh I do enjoy him, no doubt about that. :) Ive had "actual" submissives that are far less caring, sweet, and cognizant of my needs. *laugh* maybe its just that I'm not used to nice men in general. ;)

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 17

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:52:16 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

Yes it IS a rare find to be able to say, ah...i have to get used to this very nice man...hehehe...nice to have that type of thought though isn't it? *grin Best of luck to you both! *smile

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 18

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:55:16 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

That's exactly why I thought mine was so strange....he actually treated me the way they're supposed to...if you go by the way my parents teased me.

He treated me out all the time, wouldn't let me pay, rubbed my feet, gave me massages, all that sappy old fashioned kind of stuff. And after a year, he still does those things. Hell, he even cooks....(but he went to culinary school, I can't beat that)

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Lorelei115)

Post #: 19

RE: Have you ever known someone like this? - 8/31/2006 9:56:04 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Uh huh you just wanna hump my leg you naughty pup you

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 20

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