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Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:26:10 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

Post #: 1

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:32:00 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

WYSIWYG. In the immortal words of Popeye the sailor "I yam wot I yam"

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 2

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:36:07 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

For my Dom and myself we are who we are. We are just people, we are dominant and submissive, we are lovers, best friends, and so much more together and separately. I have never seen my life as a role I play. Not that we don't enjoy a good role play scene every once in awhile.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 3

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:37:06 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I am always his slave. There is no stepping out.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 4

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:41:54 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

All of the above.

With some people it's a constant day to day lifelong dynamic.

With some people I switch back and forth with.

With some people I just play with and are otherwise friends.

With some people it's just total hot primal deep sex that is only under the kinky umbrella because it sure isn't vanilla fun.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 5

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:45:36 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I am always a dominant, just like I am always a wife, mother, woman, professional, etc even when I am not doing ACTS that directly correlate with the perceived notions of how one should act when being a dominant, wife, mother, profesisonal, etc.

quote:

WYSIWYG. In the immortal words of Popeye the sailor "I yam wot I yam"

yep yep

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:49:39 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?

This is one of those 'dangerous' territories of discussion, because I have found that most people interpret the word "role" to mean pretense....like an actor playing a role. I dont view the word this way. I view it to mean more like 'facet' or 'aspect' or 'position'.

When I identify (bare in mind, I am not currently in submission to anyone in a relationship) I identify as many things. Human, female, mother, daughter, friend and if I were in a ds relatioship at present, I would also identy as a submissive, because I believe that anytime we are actively 'living' something out, we are in that 'role'. When I pick up my child from school, do homework with her, tell her to clean her room and tuck her in, I am actively in my role of motherhood. When I am submissive to someone, I am still a mother, but when Im on my knees in from of my dominant, I am not in my mother role but in my submissive role. When Im dealing with a customer, I am in my role as salesperson, which wouldnt be the same as when im talking to my mother over coffee, in the role of daughter. All the time, I am always a mother, a business woman, a daughter, a friend, a submissive (if I have a dominant at the time) a sister, but I am not always active in those roles at all times. Even if I lived the in the tightest 24/7 role of submissive or slave, I still would be a submissive to my dominant, even though I might be picking up my girl from school, at which point Id be in my role as mother.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:50:29 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

This is who I am. This is not a game I play or a hobby I have, although it once used to be. When I saw that it was more than fun and games, that is the point at which I changed from Mistress to Master. I can no longer seperate Ms/SM/Leather from my everyday and spiritual life.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 8

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:51:09 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am Dominant that is who I am. I do roleplay upon occasion and that is something entirely different. I can roleplay a Madame or a evil schoolgirl who beats her daddy. I can be anyone I want depending upon the costume I wear and the scene I've setup.

But one thing never changes, beneath that costume I'm still Dominant. Roleplaying is just acting.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 9

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:51:50 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I simply am who and what i am. Being a slave to those whom i love, whose collar i wear is natural and normal, it is just me.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 10

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:53:20 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I guess that I am trying to get an understanding of how some make things work. I can completely understand my first example...people assuming particular roles in play. I can completely understand my last example...people who are simply Dominant or submissive within their relationship. I think that what I am trying to understand better is those that are in committed relationships who step in and out of those roles. Specifically, how do you ever know what is the "appropriate" way to act or respond if you are partnered with someone who is or are yourself Dominant/submissive when the mood strikes...or in some situations in your relationship but not in others. If the hats are constantly coming on and off or interchanging...how do you keep things flowing without conflict and confusion?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 11

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:53:49 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?

I'm a pervert who likes control. I don't need to surround that aspect in dramatic iconography to puff it up to epic proportions. It's too much like work-and too fragile.

Blowfish deflate, when you poke a hole in the skin. I don't want to sit around, fearing the bearers of needles.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 12

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:56:38 AM

MzTlaz

Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

HA! WYSIWYG! That's how I describe myself too, in and out of the Lifestyle.....though I tend to curb the hair pulling in the nilla world ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

WYSIWYG. In the immortal words of Popeye the sailor "I yam wot I yam"

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 13

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 7:58:46 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

marie, I like and agree with your view of it being more of an aspect, facet or position. We all in life are multifaceted. We are all Mothers, daughters, wives, employers, employees, etc., etc. I am specifically referring to the D/s aspects. I find it fascinating how some seem to be able to make what I would find completely confusing work.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 14

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 8:01:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I guess that I am trying to get an understanding of how some make things work. I can completely understand my first example...people assuming particular roles in play. I can completely understand my last example...people who are simply Dominant or submissive within their relationship. I think that what I am trying to understand better is those that are in committed relationships who step in and out of those roles. Specifically, how do you ever know what is the "appropriate" way to act or respond if you are partnered with someone who is or are yourself Dominant/submissive when the mood strikes...or in some situations in your relationship but not in others. If the hats are constantly coming on and off or interchanging...how do you keep things flowing without conflict and confusion?

It's as simple and as difficult as "Go with the flow."

The most common question my partner and I ask eachother is "Are you switching on me?" and it's always with a smile because, it doesn't matter! We know that whatever mood we're in, that's just how it is. We've learned not to have expectations from the other in terms of "Tomorrow, you will dominate me until 10 pm" It just won't work like that.

We've planned full weekends together with tons of great scenes planned. And then when we open the door- just not there! The energy isn't switched that way. So we laugh at ourselves and go with whatever energy IS there to enjoy.

A great example is what happened last night. I got home and was online doing decompression time when my partner comes in with the mail. I mention that my feet needed some attention and he glinted a look at me and jestingly said that I should make him do it then.

I adore him for that.

So I shoved his head down there and made him give my feet some attention while I finished up online. Then we did a full scene together and I decided what we'd have for dinner and what he would wear and was just generally the one in authority.

Then at some point while we were out bowling, the energy shifted. I snuggled into his lap and we went with him being in authority. We've been doing this so long that we rarely need to say "I'm feeling this way now, are you ok with that?" however, it's a good idea for people just starting out.

For us, the point is being together and being ourselves. As long as we're both happy and together...the rest is just us being us.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 15

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 8:11:36 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

Users viewing this topic: marieToo, twicehappy

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Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 10:26:10 AM

mistoferin
Deranged

Posts: 2989
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

Profile Report | Post #: 1

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I guess that I am trying to get an understanding of how some make things work. I can completely understand my first example...people assuming particular roles in play. I can completely understand my last example...people who are simply Dominant or submissive within their relationship. I think that what I am trying to understand better is those that are in committed relationships who step in and out of those roles. Specifically, how do you ever know what is the "appropriate" way to act or respond if you are partnered with someone who is or are yourself Dominant/submissive when the mood strikes...or in some situations in your relationship but not in others. If the hats are constantly coming on and off or interchanging...how do you keep things flowing without conflict and confusion?

I asked this very question yesterday framed in a different situation, but very similar. In a hierachy relationship, alpha slave is submissive to Master, but dominant over beta slave. Maybe its the same as being at work.....you have a boss and when you talk to him, you're in a different mindset than you are when youre talking to the employees who are under you. And the boss that you are, in effect, "submissive" to, is submissive when he answers to the CEO. Keep in mind when I analogize this, that I do not apply the words submissive and dominant only to intimate relationships. If a cop pulls me over, guess what? Im submissive to his authority and so is that strapping 6 foot 240 lbs man you call Master. We are all switching hats all the time in different situations. Where I would find it highly confusing would be in a poly alpha beta type thing where there are so many intimacies of different colors swirling around. Otherwise, I think it flows quite naturally in most apsects of life

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 16

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 8:15:41 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

marie, I like and agree with your view of it being more of an aspect, facet or position. We all in life are multifaceted. We are all Mothers, daughters, wives, employers, employees, etc., etc. I am specifically referring to the D/s aspects. I find it fascinating how some seem to be able to make what I would find completely confusing work.

Erin:

I understand what you're saying and can see my answer was slightly off that direction, as was my last post which I wrote, before I saw this post from you. But I do think it touches on it a bit more. Hard for me to really give a definitive answer because Ive only been in Ds relationships where there was just one dynamic. I was submissive to him and yes, it was with me all day long, I would think of myself as his submissive, even if living out other 'roles' at the time.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 17

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 8:17:56 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I guess that I am trying to get an understanding of how some make things work. I can completely understand my first example...people assuming particular roles in play. I can completely understand my last example...people who are simply Dominant or submissive within their relationship. I think that what I am trying to understand better is those that are in committed relationships who step in and out of those roles. Specifically, how do you ever know what is the "appropriate" way to act or respond if you are partnered with someone who is or are yourself Dominant/submissive when the mood strikes...or in some situations in your relationship but not in others. If the hats are constantly coming on and off or interchanging...how do you keep things flowing without conflict and confusion?

Ooo...now that's a hard question. I think the only way is to come at it with a rather Taoist view...it's all fluid and you just go with it. This is sometimes hard for those of us who like more structure in our lives.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 18

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 8:29:10 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

Rigid structures seldom work well in human interactions. Especially with intelligent and imaginitive humans. I have basics of ethical conduct I expect. But I tend not to make silly sex rules like "you can never wear panties". I like routines and stability, but they never substitute for keeping an eye on each other and adjusting to inevitable changes in a healthy and postive manner.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 19

RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 10:36:50 AM

wysiwygitsme

Posts: 69
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

WYSIWYG.

Yes, exactly -- hence my screen name!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 20

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