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RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 10:41:34 AM   
switchmt


Posts: 67
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline 		Mostly I think of myself as being Dominant, now this may be for certain (most) times, as there are moments when I may switch (no the moments do not overlap!). It's not acting for me, but the way I am and feel.


(in reply to wysiwygitsme)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 10:53:37 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		WYSIWYG.


Alright...Educate me. That one is not obvious to me. But, I'm known for missing the obvious. It wasn't until the second year of French in high school that I figured out we were conjugating verbs. Honest.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to wysiwygitsme)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:02:06 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
WYSIWYG.


What you see is what you get

Pronounced "whiz-ee-wig"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:17:45 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

WYSIWYG.


Alright...Educate me. That one is not obvious to me. But, I'm known for missing the obvious. It wasn't until the second year of French in high school that I figured out we were conjugating verbs. Honest.

Master Fire



Dont feel so bad.  I knew all about wizzeewig, but I still havent figured out what they're all talking about when they say YMMV.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:20:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Your mileage may vary.

Role play?

I don't know, you act different with the preacher than you do with the postman......

Perhaps it is different facets, and thereby roles, doesn't make them plastic.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:20:48 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
YMMV.

Your mileage may vary. 

I always just pop an acronym into a search engine if I don't recognize it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Role playing vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:32:54 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

All of the above.

With some people it's a constant day to day lifelong dynamic.

With some people I switch back and forth with.

With some people I just play with and are otherwise friends.

With some people it's just total hot primal deep sex that is only under the kinky umbrella because it sure isn't vanilla fun.

I could not be more in agreement with LA here. The dynamic of play vs real is different for me with different people. Some are just play friends and one was very my real time Dom for over a year of the 1-1/2 years I've been around. I can play the role with some people I'm not able to or would not choose to have own me in ways more then temporary casual play situations. For me the casual play is VERY different than a real 24/7 situation. Both are things I enjoyed participating in. All parties knew where they stood and what was intended.

To some this makes me a player. I say if you need to consider me a player because I played with people I chose not to have own me than so be it.
I'm happy with my choices and my friends were happy to be part of my choices.
We all get to where we need to be in our own way and our own time. No matter what I've been labeled as long as I'm true to myself and honest with others I'm happy to be who I've been so far in the BDSM world and grateful for my diverse path.
Suzanne

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:33:39 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I don't know, you act different with the preacher than you do with the postman......

Perhaps it is different facets, and thereby roles, doesn't make them plastic.

Ron


Zactly!!

Chinese tonight or pizza, honey??? 

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:35:16 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
YMMV.

Your mileage may vary. 

I always just pop an acronym into a search engine if I don't recognize it.


Grazie :)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:36:05 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		It is simply who I am in relation to him. He is who he is as well. There is no role to step in and out of.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:49:05 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ribeye and blueberry cheesecake.



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 11:57:39 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?


I used to wonder the same thing.  Now, even though I tend to take other's relationships with a more "accepting" approach...sort of "go with the flow" as LA said...I still wonder sometimes, just not as much.  I am always dominant with the level of dominance varying according to what "role", as described by Marie, I am in.  The level of dominance as I relate to a submissive would vary from the level I display with my submissive which would vary from the level of dominance I assert with one patient as their doctor (and it might vary from patient to patient) which would vary from the level I display as father to my daughters.  It is always there but the degree to which it is used and the style of its' expression varies.  From the D/s viewpoint alone, I can be vulnerable at times with a submissive but never in a submissive posture.  As I've noted on here before, I tried on that hat one time and just couldn't go there.  I do realize that there are some who can.  It doesn't work for me.  Possibly one reason why it does not is due to my liking a more "traditional"(think something along the lines of a twisted "Father Knows Best") and structured set-up.   It does work for others.  Why?  I don't know other than their own recognition that, for them, their 'energies' change, and an ability to "go with that flow".  After that, I am back to wondering "yeah, but how does....???" and "what if you feel ____ and they also feel ____....?" because for each couple or individual like that, there are probably half again as many answers.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/30/2006 12:18:42 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 12:09:31 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
After that, I am back to wondering "yeah, but how does....???" and "what if you feel ____ and they also feel ____....?" because for each couple or individual like that, there are probably half again as many answers.

You and me both.  I really have no freakin idea how or why it is.  And I can completely understand how it can look so confusing and conflicting for people looking in on the outside.  Unfortunately this means we tend to get shoved into "just players" or "confused" boxes.

For the first year with my partner, I was the dominant- always.  We didn't even consider switching with eachother.  Then around October of last year...it was just there.  It surprised the hell out of both of us, but we went with it because it "felt right."  It did take work in the beginning, lots of "Are you ok with this?" and "Does this confuse you?" and general touching base...but at each step it was just right for us and we were both happy and secure with it.  I wish I could explain it better because I know this can't be very helpful to onlookers, but other than asking people to come stay with us for a few days and see it in action, I can't really explain the process.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 12:21:38 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		LA, switching back and forth between roles seems mind bogglingly confusing to me. When an issue comes up that is equally important to both...how do you decide who gets to be the Dominant? If I tried to do what you do I can see myself saying "Ok, I'll wrestle ya for it" pretty often.

Aside from those who switch actual roles...I was wondering about those who maintain the same roles within the relationship...but just do it sporadically.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 12:33:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
LA, switching back and forth between roles seems mind bogglingly confusing to me. When an issue comes up that is equally important to both...how do you decide who gets to be the Dominant?

This implies we decide dominance positions- we don't.  Again, it's just where it is.  We "make it work" with what there is to work with.

This is partly why I will suggest that my relationship with my partner is actually vanilla- because it's not based on a specific authority dynamic.  How do vanilla partners decide important issues together?

It's really not so different as Ms relationships- everyone has strengths and weaknesses, everyone should listen to everyone, who does what and how it happens should be based on strengths and practicality for long term fulfillment of everyone. 

We don't view positions of authority as somehow relinquishing responsibility of one of the people.  An important life issue that affects everyone needs to be worked on by everyone in their best capacity.  Some people need a dynamic that is always flowing one way, some people don't. 

For us, again, since it's more about being who we are, we go with what's there.  There have been times when I am the dominant and make decisions he wouldn't have chosen for himself and vice versa.  I think the fact that, ultimately, we're both insanely blessed and happy speaks more than anything about it working.

Of course now that I've said that, he's going to leave me tomorrow.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 12:51:04 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?



This is an interesting subject, as indeed, the spectrum is quite vast—and revealing, if people answer honestly. I personally do not view domination and submission as a mere diversion which must be refreshed to make it look alive. It is who I am, but I don't make a fetish out of it, either. My life, upon a casual glance, is "normal," from a social perspective. As much as the idea amuses me, I'm sad to say that I'm not sitting in some subterranean Hell surrounded by groveling, cloven high-heeled devil bitches.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 3:16:13 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?

 
Qucik reply:
 
Yes, there are many perspectives to this...good question!
i would say that it is who i am, and i have not changed in this area except to say i have matured in the wisdom gained through experience.   Those close to me have always been exposed to my likes, desires, fantasies and dreams of what my ideal life situation would be if i were able to achieve it in its fullness in this area. i am real with those i love and value, for i want them to love me true, as i do for them. i have found that by always being real, i weed out those who are real friends from those who are not.  Real folks accept me as i am, for they have trusted in me to do the same.  i need to be free in myself and not have to walk around hiding parts of myself form others who love and/or care for or about me.  Then i would be living in denial and denying a part of myself.  When folks are hiding something, those close can feel it and it stirs up other issues at times.  i need to be real and free, i just can't live like that, to always be in hiding and have a secret of this nature.
 
Now as far as co-workers and associates and/or aquaintences and the general public are concerned, of course i don't wear my private life on my sleeve to be cast before the jury either.  i don't know of many who do within any area of their private lives.  Not many folks appreciate an in your face approach, when it comes to what is done in private.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 3:39:47 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that people will be found at every point on the spectrum. Some will step in and out of their Dominant/submissives roles in a capacity that only appears during play. Some will step in and out of it while being in a committed relationship. For some, there is no role, it is simply who they are and there is no stepping in and out. Where on the spectrum do you fall?


this slave has been blessed with Master to submit to at all times in all things all day.
 
in the past, this slave was required to "act" in a dominant role, from time to time (especially when training puppies!!) but it was, and is, ALWAYS an uncomfortable, stressful, unnatural position, attitude or "role-play".  being the "stern-corrector-of-behavior" or "shot-caller-for-the-group" has never been a position this slave has felt any ease or comfort with.  most certainly she has never gravitated to a dominant role in any sort of positive fulfilling relationship, D/s or not--committed partner, casual fuckbuddy, family members, employers, etc.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 3:54:18 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		This is a very interesting topic.  As marie stated, we all have the "roles" or facets that are a part of our lives.(parent, child , sibling, lover, employer, employee)
However, i've noticed an underlying sense of  submission ( for me, an inherant desire to please at the very least) is present regardless of  my role at any given time. 

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Roleplaying vs. being who you are - 8/30/2006 3:58:16 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		When it comes to our relationship, I'm always the dom as it's apart of being who I am and what I want.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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