quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

if it is not frustrating for a Master to live with someone who can't be controlled and who doesn't accept him as her Master.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Well, then let me answer your question from the perspective of one who somewhat resembles your question.

My 'interests', which were all they were for the longest time, I have had since a child.  But, they were just things that I did with people who seemed to enjoy that sort of thing.  It was not a need for me at the time.

I married at 29.  The woman who I married found a couple of boxes of 'evidence' (rope, videos, handcuffs) and deemed me 'sick'.  She essentially gave me an ultimatum - either I follow my interests or stick with her.  I made the wrong choice and we got married.

13 months later we were divorced, and it was only then that I made a conscious decision to turn to my interests as something I needed to pursue full-time.  During our relationship I did not seek anyone else to help me utilize my interests.  I waited until afterwards.

My personal opinion of 'Masters' who lead BDSM lives outside their marriage is not a good one.  But that's just me.

Jeff

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

Let me ask you this, Feline, do you think a real Master would accept this statement from you? 

"I would like to make friends in the lifestyle that could have the potential for a little bit more, perhaps a mentor. Maybe, even a dominant should our interests go there, but they'd have to be accepting of everything for the most part I am into, And they have to accept that my mate is going to be a part of decisions, a small part but he'll be considered in most everything."
 
This is exactly the way i think those married men act with their "permissive" spouses.   It is not bad, it is not good, but does a real Master would do something like this? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42
Isn't it frustrating to share your bed, your table, your house, your life, with someone who doesn't understand who really you are?   Someone who doesn't respect you as you are? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: raiken

The situation you speak of, in a healthy setting, would be that the wife loves and respects her husband's unique needs and desires and loves him large enough to give him that freedom.  She does not try to smother him and deny him.  She is also aware that perhaps she cannot give him everything he needs to feel fulfilled and loves him enough to want his happiness in conjunction with her own.  If he is happy, she may feel happy that in some way she, by allowing him to find fulfillment, is still a main contributor in his happiness.
 

Thank you.  If the roles in the above description above were reversed, this would be very much how it is between my husband and I.  He is heterosexual, monogamous, and vanilla.  I'm lesbionic , polyamorous, and a sadistic domme.  We communicate openly, and he loves me enough to afford me the freedom to be happy.  Our marriage is vanilla; he doesn't own me, and doesn't try to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

you did it ok, being a dominant woman sometimes, doesn't mean you can't be nice also.

But again, you all are talking about dominants, but if it is true that all Masters are dominant, not all dominants are Masters.
 
To take it a level deeper,  i don't give much weight to titles when first meeting in real life. i go by the energy, the nature of the connection, the personal actions, reactions and responses of the one claiming said title.  i can sense who is dominant in nature and who is a part timer, or who is a playa, etc., at least for the most part, and get a general feeling of who would be a nice match for who i am.  So for me this argument of true this or that with regard to titles, carries little merit and hasn't much bearing on whom i choose to interact with.  i look for a line of integrity and like mindedness that complements that of my own.  That is basically what i need to foster a relationship in the beginning.

And i'm asking about real Masters, not about dominants who pretend to be Masters.
 
i am not sure how to define a real Master, or even a real slave, or any other title, that would be real enough for your individual preferences, and personal desires.  For that is what it is all about, finding the one that is right for you personally, and not anyone elses definitions.  i personally look for certain traits and qualities that fit who i am, in a Master, or in anyone i intend to build a relationship with, for i need to have a common ground to build upon.  i can only say that there are many different individual views out there on this.  It largely depends on what floats your boat and who resonates with what you desire.
 
How would you define a real Master? 
 
How would you define a dominant?
 
What are the differences between the two from your point of view?

(in reply to newly42)

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

... it all depends of the levels of mastery.   And i'm talking about Dominants, male or female, masters or mistresses.