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Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 9:40:15 AM

newly42

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2005
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I'm not sure if it is because my latin culture or just because i'm still some vanilla yet, but i can't understand those Master's wives who don't share the kinky side of their husbands, but accept they are involved into BDSM relations out or inside their homes. I'm not talking about those with discapacities or illness. Just about the sane ones, who just don't like alternative sex.

1. Aren't they also kinky? hey, i was a vanilla wife, and for sure i'd never admit another woman can please my man better than i can do. It is not about morals, it's just he is MY man. This situation, a wife accepting but not sharing kinky life of hubby, reminds me couples in Peru, where the wife knowing her husband is cheating on her with another woman, just accept it because she doesn't want to loose her pridvileges as THE wife.

2. How powerful a Master can be if he was not able to convince his wife that he is the Master at home? I'm not talking about those men who are dominated in every stage of their lives but play to be the dominant one while online or during a scene. I mean those who are dominant every time, the true ones.

3. My divorce process took about 8 years because my ex didn't want to sign the papers. It happens in Peru, my country. But it's some easy to get divorced in USA and in other parts of the world. If a couple is not compatible, and i'm not saying sex compatibility, because i think a dominant man is so in every moment of his life, why don't they get divorced after children are grown (or before, of course)?

4. Isn't it frustrating to share your bed, your table, your house, your life, with someone who doesn't understand who really you are? Someone who doesn't respect you as you are? Someone that maybe is cheating on you because she doesn't enjoy the sex you give to her?

I'm confused.

_____________________________

Syl

Post #: 1

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 9:46:41 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42
I'm not sure if it is because my latin culture or just because i'm still some vanilla yet, but i can't understand those Master's wives who don't share the kinky side of their husbands, but accept they are involved into BDSM relations out or inside their homes. I'm not talking about those with discapacities or illness. Just about the sane ones, who just don't like alternative sex.

For some people, loving someone in a relationship means giving them complete freedom to be who they are, and do not feel insecure or as if they are being cheated for their partner to enjoy relationships with other people, ANY sort of relationship.

quote:

1. Aren't they also kinky? hey, i was a vanilla wife, and for sure i'd never admit another woman can please my man better than i can do. It is not about morals, it's just he is MY man. This situation, a wife accepting but not sharing kinky life of hubby, reminds me couples in Peru, where the wife knowing her husband is cheating on her with another woman, just accept it because she doesn't want to loose her pridvileges as THE wife.

That's cheating, and many people do that. If the wife knows and willingly, happily consents, then it isn't cheating.

You seem to be monogamous and need to be, that's fine. Some people are not. I find your way of thinking about relationships as very alien, possessive and stifling- the antithesis of love for me.

quote:

2. How powerful a Master can be if he was not able to convince his wife that he is the Master at home? I'm not talking about those men who are dominated in every stage of their lives but play to be the dominant one while online or during a scene. I mean those who are dominant every time, the true ones.

How is converting someone into a kinky person a measure of "power"? People form different relationships with different people.

quote:

3. My divorce process took about 8 years because my ex didn't want to sign the papers. It happens in Peru, my country. But it's some easy to get divorced in USA and in other parts of the world. If a couple is not compatible, and i'm not saying sex compatibility, because i think a dominant man is so in every moment of his life, why don't they get divorced after children are grown (or before, of course)?

Because they don't want to. Because they are, in theory, quite happy with this arrangement.

quote:

4. Isn't it frustrating to share your bed, your table, your house, your life, with someone who doesn't understand who really you are?

One person being kinky hardly makes them unable to understand eachother.

quote:

Someone who doesn't respect you as you are?

Where is the lack of respect if it is out in the open and happily agreed upon?

quote:

Someone that maybe is cheating on you because she doesn't enjoy the sex you give to her?

I'm confused.

Have you asked your master and his wife these questions directly?

You haven't expressed anything that sounds like cheating. The wives know that there is bdsm, they know that their husbands are having other relationships with other women. That's not cheating, thats polyamory and/or fucking around.

I understand from your perspective that relationships are monogamous. But plenty of people are happily non-monogamous.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 2

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 9:52:30 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'd say then that you yourself should insist upon monogamy in your relationships and stay away from married or partnered men. If they contact you, don't reply just ignore them.

While it can be good to understand another person's way of life it really isn't necessary. Just accept that some folks have different needs, desires, and ways of living then you. As long as they don't have a relationship with you, it then becomes none of your business.

As for dominating somene who doesn't want to be controlled, that's abuse not BDSM so it frankly in my opinion has no place in BDSM. A good person knows that he need not push a partner to do things she does not want to -- he can only truly control himself. A person in a good relationship knows he does not need to do so because either his needs are being fulfilled right there or they have arranged with partnership such that certain needs and desires are fulfilled elsewhere.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 3

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 10:19:55 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

I'm not sure if it is because my latin culture or just because i'm still some vanilla yet, but i can't understand those Master's wives who don't share the kinky side of their husbands, but accept they are involved into BDSM relations out or inside their homes. I'm not talking about those with discapacities or illness. Just about the sane ones, who just don't like alternative sex.

That's called an open relationship. It's honest and true and very understanding from both ends. She understands that she is not a submissive in any way therefore can only give him vanilla sex, that doesn't mean they don't love each other for who they are outside of BDSM. There -IS- life outside of D/s.

quote:

1. Aren't they also kinky? hey, i was a vanilla wife, and for sure i'd never admit another woman can please my man better than i can do. It is not about morals, it's just he is MY man. This situation, a wife accepting but not sharing kinky life of hubby, reminds me couples in Peru, where the wife knowing her husband is cheating on her with another woman, just accept it because she doesn't want to loose her pridvileges as THE wife.

No, not everyone in the world is kinky. Well.....different levels of kinky. And yes, there are still those women out there who will only have sex in the missionary position (on their backs). My ex's last girlfriend was one of those girls(talk about going from extreme to extreme,huh lol).

I think there is a difference. When a wife knows that there is cheating, but found out because of means other than the husband discussing it with her, THAT is still cheating and she is just resigned because she still wants to be the wife. I agree with you there. But there ARE couples that discuss it, agree upon it and are well aware that one or the other or -both- are sleeping with other people and having small relationships with other people. Again,that is called an OPEN relationship. If both can love each other -outside- of sex and still be together and just have sex with other people, hell let them do what they want. They aren't hurting the other person in the relationship, are they? No.

quote:

2. How powerful a Master can be if he was not able to convince his wife that he is the Master at home? I'm not talking about those men who are dominated in every stage of their lives but play to be the dominant one while online or during a scene. I mean those who are dominant every time, the true ones.

He doesn't have to convince her of anything. They fell in love and got married just fine without BDSM. Again I want to point out that there is still love and relationships without BDSM. My boyfriend and I are both into BDSM but our relationship doesn't -revolve- around BDSM and the D/s dynamic. We do just fine without thinking about it 24/7.

quote:

3. My divorce process took about 8 years because my ex didn't want to sign the papers. It happens in Peru, my country. But it's some easy to get divorced in USA and in other parts of the world. If a couple is not compatible, and i'm not saying sex compatibility, because i think a dominant man is so in every moment of his life, why don't they get divorced after children are grown (or before, of course)?

See above answer. And to expound.... My boyfriend and I were plenty compatible without our D/s and SM. That came later in our relationship. Not all relationships start out D/s based, which is the line of thinking that you are presenting. What you keep implying in all your questions is that everyone should be D/s and that all relationships are based on sex AND D/s. When at the core of most (ok,not all D/s relationships) is LOVE. Not the D/s dynamic. When the person you LOVE...whether it be your husband,wife, sub/slave,Master/Mistress is dying of some cancer or something, in my personal opinion, FUCK the dynamic, because LOVE should preside over that relationship at that point.

quote:

4. Isn't it frustrating to share your bed, your table, your house, your life, with someone who doesn't understand who really you are? Someone who doesn't respect you as you are? Someone that maybe is cheating on you because she doesn't enjoy the sex you give to her?

I'm confused.

As stated many times above. There are different kinds of relationships that people are willing and very open about leading. Is it so strange, coming from a person who is searching for a Dom/Master (which is generally considered pretty out of this world even in this day and age) that other people like and -want- to lead a polyamorous life? Or have open relationships that are actually quite healthy the way they are when they are being honest with themselves and each other?

I will agree with what someone else said.

Stop worrying about what other people do with their lives. Worry about yourself and look for an unattached male to be with.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 4

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 10:53:12 AM

newly42

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for answering.

I'm not defending monogamy or saying that it's better tan poliamory.   I'm not involved into any relationship with married men. I never said they have to be monogamous. I'm not criticizing their way of life. I'm asking if it is not frustrating for a Master to live with someone who can't be controlled and who doesn't accept him as her Master.

I'm sorry if it seemed that i'm judging someone. I am not. I'm just confused and curious about these couples. I never said the master has to abuse his wife.   I used the word "convince".   I think a real Master has the dominance in his pores, in his veins. He feels like that, he acts like that, he breathes like that.    All people around him notices he has some power (and i'm not talking about money). He is used to do his way. And doesn't need to be a bully, for making people do what he wants. He makes them feel they have to do it.    Then, it results some difficult for me to accept that a man like this, won't feel frustrated if he can't control and dominate his own wife.

By the way, i appologize about my english. Spanish is my native language.   Maybe this is the reason you understood i'm criticizing poliamory or open relationships. I'm just asking about true dominants, and the way they feel if they are not the Masters for their wives. Maybe i'm wrong, maybe i don't, but if i'm going to submit to a man, he might be THE man. or THE woman, if i was looking for this kind of relation.

The man i'm dating now seems to be more representative of the idea i have about dominance. But of course, it's just my point of view. As He said it all depends of the levels of mastery.   And i'm talking about Dominants, male or female, masters or mistresses.

_____________________________

Syl

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 10:59:44 AM

newly42

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2005
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Again, i have nothing against open relationships.

Just wondering about real dominants feelings. If i was a dominant, i would feel frustrated because my partner can't recognize me and accept me as who i am. It is just the way i feel.

It is not about cheating, or accepting others ways of life.

_____________________________

Syl

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 6

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:01:25 AM

gretchenS

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

I can say I share most of this feelings too. Maybe it is the fact that I come from a latin culture (Chile), where just a few years ago, marriage was in deed a sacred commitment, and adultery had a legal penalty. That's the world our ancestors lived, that is the world they gave us to understand better. Nevertheless:

My last name has german roots, and it comes from a very prestigious family of advocates in Chile. But these people are not totally related to MY family, because my grandfather was the son of Mister Big Shot Advocate and his son's NANNY. In those times, if the family father decided to have an affair with the nanny and raise a family with her (not live with her though), and give her children his name, he could do so even if the wife was against it. The wife was totally secondary in the husband's issues.
And since then, only the legal aspects have change, but not the social ones. You can easily find men having more than two homes at a time in one city, in one neighborhood! Also, gay men, married to women to cover their true lifestyle from their family/employer/friend's eyes. And is a fact that at least 60% of the chilean men and 60% of the chilean women are cheatting their wives or husbands.
There's also an argentinian company that is specialized in covering affairs from wives or husbands. For example: the husband wants to runnaway with his secretary for a week to Paris. He explains the situation to the experts and they come up with the idea of a seminar in Colombia and he was chosen to give a daily speach. And they do all the job, while his cheating in Paris, the wife gets e-mails from him with pictures he took from Colombia, phone calls from him with an introduction from the 'Hilton Bogota Hotel' and all sorts of ingenious stuff to make the wife less likely to be suspicious. Finally, he gets home with a seminar certificate, duty free crap, and colombian souveniers.

Having all this in consideration, I don't think that most latins are cheating because they are affraid of what the wife/husband might say or scream at them. I think they just like how powerful they feel over the situation.

I don't understand why the wife/husband would not enjoy experimenting the aspects of BDSM with their partners and I don't understand why latins have pathologic tendencies to cheat. I just know one thing of the whole situation:

I don't have to undestand what people do, as long as they are not making me understand. Period!

< Message edited by gretchenS -- 8/29/2006 11:04:58 AM >

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 7

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:04:48 AM

withthesewings

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

I understand where your coming from...and how you feel. Your thinking is not alien to me nor do I find it stifling.

Maybe I'm just "old-fashioned" I guess. But to each his/her own. I'm not into the open/poly kind of things...so I can understand too those that are, their point of view too.

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 8

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:12:32 AM

newly42

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

I'm trying to find where i did wrong when i tried to expose my thoughts.

I'm not involved into a relation with a married man.

I'm not criticizing if they want to have one, two or three women or men.

I'm just asking about what a TRUE dominant, female or male, feels when the his/her partner can't be controlled. I can't avoid to feel it as an ironic situation...

By the way, the posts i have read seem to be all related about sex. I'm not looking for a Master because i'm going to get kinky sex with him. I had good, great sex with my ex hubbie. Was it enough? No, of course not. Why? because even he was domineering, he never was able to handle me. Submission for me is about having respect and trusting. And i'm looking for a complete D/s relationship, one that goes further than sex.

_____________________________

Syl

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 9

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:20:40 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

Thanks for answering.

I'm not defending monogamy or saying that it's better tan poliamory.   I'm not involved into any relationship with married men. I never said they have to be monogamous. I'm not criticizing their way of life. I'm asking if it is not frustrating for a Master to live with someone who can't be controlled and who doesn't accept him as her Master.

I'm sorry if it seemed that i'm judging someone. I am not. I'm just confused and curious about these couples. I never said the master has to abuse his wife.   I used the word "convince".   I think a real Master has the dominance in his pores, in his veins. He feels like that, he acts like that, he breathes like that.    All people around him notices he has some power (and i'm not talking about money). He is used to do his way. And doesn't need to be a bully, for making people do what he wants. He makes them feel they have to do it.    Then, it results some difficult for me to accept that a man like this, won't feel frustrated if he can't control and dominate his own wife.

By the way, i appologize about my english. Spanish is my native language.   Maybe this is the reason you understood i'm criticizing poliamory or open relationships. I'm just asking about true dominants, and the way they feel if they are not the Masters for their wives. Maybe i'm wrong, maybe i don't, but if i'm going to submit to a man, he might be THE man. or THE woman, if i was looking for this kind of relation.

The man i'm dating now seems to be more representative of the idea i have about dominance. But of course, it's just my point of view. As He said it all depends of the levels of mastery.   And i'm talking about Dominants, male or female, masters or mistresses.

Like I said. There IS life and love outside of D/s.

They fell in love and married withOUT the D/s.

They decide whether or not to stay together once such differences are made apparent. It is up to the people in the relationship to decide just how important that D/s is in their relationship. If one or the other is not into D/s and one is, andthey discuss it and are ok with it and still love each other, then there is no problem.

The issue comes when it is being done behind someone's back. I personally think that if a person in the relationship finds out that the other is cheating in ANY way (with or without D/s) then they are fools for letting it go on if it is something they do not approve of.

Those people need to get some balls and out that cheating piece of shit (maleorfemale) for the shitheads they are.

To me it's pretty black and white. Either it's open and accepted by both parties in the relationship or it's not.

It's up to the people involved to do what they feel is right for them and their relationships.

As for "convinving". I think once a person truly knows who and what they are, they have no right to "convince" someone of anything. They are who they are,and the people around them will either accept it or not. Being a Dom or a Master yes, it extends into pretty much all facets of life. It's in their personality. So I say to you that when that Dominant person met and fell inlove with and married that other person, that other person was well aware of the -personality- the strong personality of theDominant. They may not have recognized it to the point of being able to label them in the D/s sense. But I would hope that that is what attracted the person in the first place. That doesn't mean that the person is naturally submissive and "needs to be convinced to be a submissive". It's just not who they are. They work well in their personalities together WITHOUT D/s.

For example.

My ex was a very strong and dominant personality. I was attracted to him for that and many other reasons. I am aswitch. I was discovering that during the last stages of my relationship with him. I knew that if it was in him, that he could be a fantastic Dom. Was that really a partof him, or was it that he just had a strong personality? Right now I believe that he was justa strong personality. He has to discover for HIMSELF whether or not he is a Dominant in the D/s sense. I would have been completely out of line to try to convince him of ANYTHING. He knew my personality. I knew his. It doesn't matter what -I- thought could have happened. It's not something for someone else to try to decide for anyone else.

Perhaps I'm getting off track here.

There is a difference between a strong and dominant personality and a Dominant.

I have a strong and sometimes dominant personality, but that doesn't mean I'm a Dominant. I identify with being a switch, but I have more submissive tendancies in some to most situations.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 10

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:24:25 AM

newly42

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

thanks, you are very sweet.

sometimes is ironic to find people who tells someone to not criticize others thoughts or feelings, and then using adjetives like "alien or stifling". Well, what can i say? there is people and People...

_____________________________

Syl

(in reply to withthesewings)

Post #: 11

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:24:34 AM

withthesewings

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't think you did anything wrong, by expressing your feelings.

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 12

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:24:58 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Well, then let me answer your question from the perspective of one who somewhat resembles your question.

My 'interests', which were all they were for the longest time, I have had since a child. But, they were just things that I did with people who seemed to enjoy that sort of thing. It was not a need for me at the time.

I married at 29. The woman who I married found a couple of boxes of 'evidence' (rope, videos, handcuffs) and deemed me 'sick'. She essentially gave me an ultimatum - either I follow my interests or stick with her. I made the wrong choice and we got married.

13 months later we were divorced, and it was only then that I made a conscious decision to turn to my interests as something I needed to pursue full-time. During our relationship I did not seek anyone else to help me utilize my interests. I waited until afterwards.

My personal opinion of 'Masters' who lead BDSM lives outside their marriage is not a good one. But that's just me.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 13

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:28:17 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
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My apologies in advance if it comes across like I'm attacking what you're trying to say, because I'm not. I'm just not sureif there's any other way I can get across my feelings on it. (Gawd I hate sounding snotty *slaps her forehead*)

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 14

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:32:57 AM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

1. Aren't they also kinky? hey, i was a vanilla wife, and for sure i'd never admit another woman can please my man better than i can do. It is not about morals, it's just he is MY man. This situation, a wife accepting but not sharing kinky life of hubby, reminds me couples in Peru, where the wife knowing her husband is cheating on her with another woman, just accept it because she doesn't want to loose her pridvileges as THE wife.

Perhaps their "comfort level" of kink simply does not match with their husband's. I know that when I first started down this road, my husband's interests are more "broad and varied" than my own. We're exploring things together.

Every relationship is different. We can't expect everything to fit into a nice little box, especially in a community like this.

Cheating is defined by the persons in the relationships - it's that simple. Basically, in my eyes, if everyone is informed and consenting, then it's fine. I know that's hard for people to understand.

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

2. How powerful a Master can be if he was not able to convince his wife that he is the Master at home? I'm not talking about those men who are dominated in every stage of their lives but play to be the dominant one while online or during a scene. I mean those who are dominant every time, the true ones.

It is my opinion that this lifestyle does not have to define your relationship, but for some it does and that's okay. It would seem to me that in this case, this is a couple who love and trust each other enough to allow for seperate interests.

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

3. My divorce process took about 8 years because my ex didn't want to sign the papers. It happens in Peru, my country. But it's some easy to get divorced in USA and in other parts of the world. If a couple is not compatible, and i'm not saying sex compatibility, because i think a dominant man is so in every moment of his life, why don't they get divorced after children are grown (or before, of course)?

I feel as though you're trying to force your viewpoint of what a dominant man should be like onto every dominant man in a relationship. That's simply not going to work. As I said before, every relationship has it's own way of working.

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

4. Isn't it frustrating to share your bed, your table, your house, your life, with someone who doesn't understand who really you are? Someone who doesn't respect you as you are? Someone that maybe is cheating on you because she doesn't enjoy the sex you give to her?

I'm confused.

I get the feeling, much like the other posters, that you need a dominant man who can commit only to you. While that is fine, it's not the case for all of us.

YMMV,

~Cait

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 15

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:41:36 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42
sometimes is ironic to find people who tells someone to not criticize others thoughts or feelings, and then using adjetives like "alien or stifling". Well, what can i say? there is people and People...

Yes it would be ironic. But considering I've never told someone not to criticize others thoughts or feelings, there's no irony here.

Just because a person is "a dominant" does not mean that they are dominant over everyone in every situation, nor that they have authority over another person (and they likely wouldn't want it). If a dominant finds that having a vanilla wife suits his purpose, and the vanilla wife is happy with the situation, then it works out- trying to convince her to obey his authority would be very disrespectful to the relationship he entered into initially.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 16

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:46:38 AM

newly42

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

Thanks, Jeff.

That's what i'm looking for, the "dominant" perspective.

I would like to know if other dominants, male or female, feel they are really satisfied with those kind of relations.

It's curious that those who seemed to understand what i was trying to ask are the dominant and the subbies.

It's not about agreeing or disagreeing with me. But don't get the wrong question and start a different thread.

I just asked about feelings, never judged others' lives

_____________________________

Syl

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 17

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:46:56 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42
sometimes is ironic to find people who tells someone to not criticize others thoughts or feelings, and then using adjetives like "alien or stifling". Well, what can i say? there is people and People...

Yes it would be ironic. But considering I've never told someone not to criticize others thoughts or feelings, there's no irony here.

Just because a person is "a dominant" does not mean that they are dominant over everyone in every situation, nor that they have authority over another person (and they likely wouldn't want it). If a dominant finds that having a vanilla wife suits his purpose, and the vanilla wife is happy with the situation, then it works out- trying to convince her to obey his authority would be very disrespectful to the relationship he entered into initially.

Meh....exactly what I was tryingto say lol....And failed miserably lol

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 11:49:29 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newly42

I'm not sure if it is because my latin culture or just because i'm still some vanilla yet, but i can't understand those Master's wives who don't share the kinky side of their husbands, but accept they are involved into BDSM relations out or inside their homes. I'm not talking about those with discapacities or illness. Just about the sane ones, who just don't like alternative sex.

i am of latina origins as well, and from my POV, it is not about the society or culture, it is about individual preference and desire. If you truly want to understand, then you have to truly be open to see it objectively, without personal bias. Free love is just that. It is free, without conditions, without judgement. i can't even imagine to try to own love, or be selfish to keep it all to myself, that is just me.

1. Aren't they also kinky? hey, i was a vanilla wife, and for sure i'd never admit another woman can please my man better than i can do. It is not about morals, it's just he is MY man. This situation, a wife accepting but not sharing kinky life of hubby, reminds me couples in Peru, where the wife knowing her husband is cheating on her with another woman, just accept it because she doesn't want to loose her pridvileges as THE wife.

What is kinky to one is not to another, again it is about respect for individual preference and freedom of choice. You seem like you have to always be number one, and for you that is what works, but be careful about projecting your narrow view onto others. If you want to OWN YOUR man, then go for it.

The situation you speak of, in a healthy setting, would be that the wife loves and respects her husband's unique needs and desires and loves him large enough to give him that freedom. She does not try to smother him and deny him. She is also aware that perhaps she cannot give him everything he needs to feel fulfilled and loves him enough to want his happiness in conjunction with her own. If he is happy, she may feel happy that in some way she, by allowing him to find fulfillment, is still a main contributor in his happiness.

Lies, deceit and dishonor in such things has no place in ANY relationship.

2. How powerful a Master can be if he was not able to convince his wife that he is the Master at home? I'm not talking about those men who are dominated in every stage of their lives but play to be the dominant one while online or during a scene. I mean those who are dominant every time, the true ones.

It is not about power of a domineering nature to convince, it is about mutual respect for each person's preferences within the relationship. He seems that he is willing to accept his wife and love for her for who she is, and accept her for who she is not.

3. My divorce process took about 8 years because my ex didn't want to sign the papers. It happens in Peru, my country. But it's some easy to get divorced in USA and in other parts of the world. If a couple is not compatible, and i'm not saying sex compatibility, because i think a dominant man is so in every moment of his life, why don't they get divorced after children are grown (or before, of course)?

This question shows that you have some learning to do. *smile We are all on a learning curve. As you are exposed to other's perspectives, and your mind becomes open to this understanding, your view will broaden in this area, and you will be better able to answer some of your own questions. *smile The myriad of intricacies and variables that occur in each unique relationship, across the board, are too numerous to list. i suggest you do some reading and research and be careful to leave your own perceptions at the door before entering, so you can view and learn form a more objective mindset. *smile.

4. Isn't it frustrating to share your bed, your table, your house, your life, with someone who doesn't understand who really you are? Someone who doesn't respect you as you are? Someone that maybe is cheating on you because she doesn't enjoy the sex you give to her?

I'm confused.

Yes it is, keeping in mind that the doors of respect mutually swing both ways, as each person's needs are of equal value and importance.

With that thought in mind, if i were that person, i would be packing my bags and moving on to find someone that is accepting of who i am at present. i say this because i do my best to make that same effort to accept and respect. To each their own. Cheating has no place in my life. A relationship that is built upon lies and deceit as its foundation will breed contempt and resentment and then crumble, unless there is a way to work through it and understand and forgive, and become aware of the root causes. Just my thoughts

(in reply to newly42)

Post #: 19

RE: Master's wife is not into BDSM - 8/29/2006 12:04:08 PM

newly42

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

Why it seems my question is an attack to those who enjoy to have more than one partner ?

I don't care how many men or women they need for having a satisfactory relationship. I'm not asking if it's good or not. Even if they want to cheat it is not my bussiness

This is not about what i need or not. If i need a man who commit only with me, that's what i would look for. But this thread is not the way i have to look for him.

I'm new in this life style and i'm trying to learn a little bit, to understand more about the thoughts of real dominants.

But all i've got is women deffending their ways of living, as if i was criticizing them.

_____________________________

Syl

(in reply to Caitriona)

Post #: 20

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