In the online world ... (Full Version)

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BlueHnS -> In the online world ... (8/27/2006 7:13:51 PM)

When meeting someone for the first time does it give you pause if you see Master/Mistress, Sir/Ma'am, or sub/slave as part of their nic?



MstrssPassion -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 7:17:00 PM)

no

edited to add:
because if the presence of these words were enough to give me pause why would I have spoken with them long enough to plan a meeting.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 7:26:33 PM)

Nope.



OriginalWench -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 7:29:12 PM)

It really depends on how they use it, and how they've acted in communication with me.  If someone demands I respect and obey them based on their nic,  pssshht.  Riiight.  Not happening.  If someone shows me over time they desreve respect, that they will likely get.  Obedience?  Probably not.  I'm oinly obedient to my owner, and he is the only person I've ever been submissive to in any real way not induced by fear.

My attitude for life in general and how to treat others and be treated sort of fits here too.  "Courtesy is essential, respct is earned, and love is given."  Perhaps one could substitute submission for love in that sentence.



behindmirrors -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 7:31:47 PM)

I don't hesitate if it's part of their online nickname- what gives me pause is when I am expected to address someone with a chosen "title" who I am not under ownership to or even considering such a thing. But, I'm just here to make friends, and to me, as well as my Dom, friends are on equal terms with each other. If one were arranging a meeting with someone else with an intent of a relationship or play, not friendship, I would still say that using a title must be negotiated first. We do not use titles in our house, nor will we. It feels unnatural, and I will only call someone else by a title if my Dom has given me permission first.

behindmirrors.



popeye1250 -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 7:33:37 PM)

If I were to meet someone from in here in person they could call me by my first name; Tom.
I wouldn't expect them to address me as "Sir" upon the first meeting.



marked -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 7:40:36 PM)

yes
i think it's a hoot to see someone who's declared  themselves "Master this " or "Mistress that"
i have gained some respect for a few (very few) that do this but it makes me giggle when i get mail from one so "self titled"
i know it's a judgement call..



Tikkiee -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 9:24:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueHnS

When meeting someone for the first time does it give you pause if you see Master/Mistress, Sir/Ma'am, or sub/slave as part of their nic?

Not particularly. I don't place alot of value on names themselves. I perfer to judge by the person.



SusanofO -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 9:55:19 PM)

Not necessarily. I think some people do this just because they are (relatively) "new" to the bdsm world, and it's an attempt to appear to "fit in" better, or something. In this case, I really do wish that it was more apparent to some how transparent this ploy actually can be, as an attempt to convey respectability and experience they may or may not, in fact, possess.

In some cases, though, I imagine it might be a nic they've used for years, and really have not much bearing on their outlook or experience level.

On a spectrum, I view it anything from nuetral, to kind of silly and uncreative, to indication someone is an idiotic a_hole (based on the other communication I receive from them). And only talking in-depth with them in that in-person meeting will probably define which, for sure (and in my commentary, I am referring to my experince w/male Dominants only). 

- Susan



EmpressLeo -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 10:04:03 PM)

I swear I learn something amazingly new everytime I log in. I'm very green so this info is great! I had no idea about this. And here I am thinking I'm "cool". I'm humbled and glad to have been made to realize. I think, a good D/M is one who knows how to earn respect and then has the right to demand it. But that goes with all walks of life. It's better that they understand the sub side too, yes? Teach me! Teach me!



SusanofO -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 10:08:54 PM)

EmpressLeo: I hope I am not insutling any Mistresses. I am completely serious (and probably predjudiced) when I say that: This never bugs me when women do it, just men (seriously). I try not to jump to conclusions when men do it, but sometimes I can't help it (depends on the entirety of their communication, as a whole, though).

Probably because I've run across a "Master" or two who had, in fact, been in "the life-style" about 2 weeks, and yet tried to portay themselves to me as an "experienced Master". In more than one case, their profiles even said they had "years of life-style experience" And it turns out is was total BS. This left me wondering exactly when they figured anyone would find this out (if ever), and if so, what they planned to do about it. It completely destroyed my view of them as a person, and ended our communication. Ironically, I would not have cared as much if they hadn't lied about it.  

Since I usually e-mail male Dominants and Masters as far as e-mail communication (even though I am currently not seeking a relationship, I do e-mail some, as friends), it never bugs me when women nic their names with Mistress so-and-so. But - you might want to ask some male submissives (or females seeking Dommes) what they think. 

- Susan



Owned1 -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 10:12:03 PM)

Interestingly enough when Master and I go out to local functions and name tags are required he requests his to be Sir rather than Master.  He states he is my Master only and expects no one else to refer to him as Master.  Sir simply denotes a respectful attitude.

Owned



EmpressLeo -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 10:41:08 PM)

I just didn't wanna seem like a jackass. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing since all this is so COMPLETELY outside of what I'm used to. Me and my vanilla life....I'm trying to get some excitment though.



EmpressLeo -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 10:52:13 PM)

By the way, SusanofO, why do you think it's only okay for women? Just curious.



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 11:01:46 PM)

My eyes do seem to roll when I see someone's name is MasterofAllRealms or worthless_worm.  If a schlocky nickname was offset by otherwise really good communication, I'd roll with it (but I know I'd probably bust their chops later if I though they were putting on airs).

I sign my letters as "Ma'am," but that's partly because I'm traceable by my first name and don't divulge it on a first missive.



SusanofO -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 11:09:37 PM)

EmpressLeo: Because I am not looking to date any Mistresses, ever (I am straight) Also, they haven't used their "title" ever to lie to me about their experience level. I have had a Master (or two) try to attempt this, though. I think it's fine as long as the person isn't trying to portray themselves as more experienced than they are by doing it - and some aren't. You don't know until you ask them, or meet them.

- Susan



marieToo -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 11:24:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueHnS

When meeting someone for the first time does it give you pause if you see Master/Mistress, Sir/Ma'am, or sub/slave as part of their nic?


To me, its a bit of a turn off for someone to name themselves "Master so and so"  Or Lord so and so....and it kind of strikes me as the person having an over inflated sense of self importance.  However, I think not having the benefit of being inside their minds when they come up with these nic names, its not really fair for me to assume that its an ego trip on theirr part.  Sometimes maybe they are trying to come up with a nic that is in keeping with the site they're joining and using the word Master, Lord or Sir, as a way to let others know their orientation.  I still think its kind of silly, but I wouldnt rule someone out based on that alone, but it does give me reason to pause.  As far as meeting them for the first time and addressing them as Sir, it would depend on how I felt about the person.
After I know someone and have developed a particular feeling of respect for them, I will sometimes addess them as Sir, even though they arent my Sir, simply because I feel  respect for them and am more comfortable using the title Sir than calling them by name.   Or  If I know a particular dominant feels more comfortable or prefers to be called Sir, I may or may not oblige depending on the man, but I do however think it has so much more meaning when it is given freely and out of pure need to show respect.  As far as females....no matter what, I simply have a very very hard time regarding women as authority figures, so I wouldnt normally refer to them  as Ma'am.  This is not to say that I may not admire or  respect a particular domme, but I have a hard time addressing them as Ma'ams. 
At the end of the day, when you really get down to it, I have never believed that respect was in a title anyway.  Respect is either felt or it isnt, and it comes down to individual preference between the two people of how you're going to address one another.  If you are unsure and this is about a particualar person, why not ask them how they prefer to be addressed?  I have done that myself and it takes all the guess work out of it.  :)



popeye1250 -> RE: In the online world ... (8/27/2006 11:41:12 PM)

Expressleo, I think the term "Sir" or "Master" should only be used by the sub at such time as she feels comfortable using it or, as a way of signaling that she would be receptive to the Dominant's attentions.
After all, at that point there is no relationship between her and the Dominant.
Now me, I'm Tom.



BlueHnS -> RE: In the online world ... (8/28/2006 12:06:34 AM)

It was an in general question. Some nics are just dead giveaways that their creator is most likely without any redeeming qualities. For instance LordnMasterofallthewenches. (sorry, it's the first thing that popped into my head).
I see a nic like that and have a good laugh and move on. I know nothing about the person.
2 months later I get and email from LordnMasterofallthewenches and my first thought even before opening the email is .. surely you jest!
Then I open the email cause 99 times out of 100 it's gonna be just downright amusing. (yep, little things amuse me)
Every once in a very great while I'll stumble across # 100 and find out there is an intelligent articulate real person behind the nic and mayhap we'll even become friends.



Arpig -> RE: In the online world ... (8/28/2006 2:09:12 AM)

meh...its a nickname they had to choose to get an account...might be the 3rd or 6th (or 50th) one they thought up and tried...who cares



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