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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:06:26 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		If someone tells me I "should/must" love them, I usually leave.

I cannot bide in the midst of that level of manipulation and disrespect.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:10:03 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Exactly.  I feel love is a special emotion that one person may feel for another.  Sometimes one only feels 'like' or 'fondness' or even 'affection'...without feeling love.  I don't think we are entitled to be loved by anybody but our mothers...and some missed that one, too.  'Entitled' doesn't even make it a sure thing.  Forcing or expecting it will surely cause problems.  I think it just is...  And when it happens between two people simultaneously ; it can be magical.  If it doesn't...it's nobody's fault, it just doesn't happen.  I don't think its any more painful to experience unrequited love towards another than from another!
 
MOO
beverly

(in reply to CrappyDom)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:10:52 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
Demand ? No. Expect it to happen in the course of a relationship, yes. Why else go into that relationship in the first place?
Plenty of people go into relationships without the expectations of love and live full, happy and productive lives. They do it because it fullfills something in their life.

As for the OP: No, love can not be demanded or expected and as I've seen, those who do tend to shoot themselves in the foot with potential mates. If it should happen, it should happen naturally.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to twicehappy)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:14:04 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Love is a powerful emotion, and many manipulative sorts realize this,and try to use it as a lever to control others. I see demanding it as a warning sign that the person so demanding is going to be trouble.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:15:24 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Gifts are things one consciously chooses to give, love is not something one can turn on or off.  It is either there or it is not.


ahhhh, but if I FEEL love and yet do not share it, that is a conscious decision, is it not?
 
and what happens when one falls out of love, is that not also a conscious decision to stop?
 
 

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to CrappyDom)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:15:58 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		You can't make anyone love you, anymore than you can make yourself love someone.  Someone can be the sweetest, nicest person that would do anything in the world for you, but that doesn't mean you "love" them in the same sense they do you. 

If it's there, it is.. if not, it's not.  Nothing can make it show up, no amount of time given can make rain turn into diamonds..nor can it make a friend turn into love.  You can grow in your affection for someone, but you can't make your heart feel what it doesn't. 

~Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:16:54 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I see this idea expresssed quite a bit.

Have any of you considered the performance pressure you place on others with this expectation? And how easily it may kill the very thing you desire?

Love does not grow from desperation.


A loving bitch is sublime, and in fact, I demand any slave of mine is thus. It is a pleasure allowing a girl to be shameless in her obsession, adoration and love for me; it certainly does not mean I am obligated to reciprocate the sentiment. I can be affectionate, but any love rising from me does so in its own good time. I am certainly not beyond never returning it, either. Those "slaves" who believe they are entitled to love from their owners have been tragically mislead—according to my world, at least.

(in reply to Homestead)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:17:15 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Gifts are things one consciously chooses to give, love is not something one can turn on or off.  It is either there or it is not.


ahhhh, but if I FEEL love and yet do not share it, that is a conscious decision, is it not?
 
and what happens when one falls out of love, is that not also a conscious decision to stop?
 
 


Love is an irrational emotion, not a decision.

It defies logic.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:20:09 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Gifts are things one consciously chooses to give, love is not something one can turn on or off.  It is either there or it is not.
 

and what happens when one falls out of love, is that not also a conscious decision to stop?
 
 


I don't think it is a conscious decision to stop.  There is someone in my life, I wish with everything I have that I could love in the same way I once did.  It's not there though and there is nothing I can do to make it show up again.  No where in my mind or my heart did I decide one day to not love them anymore, it just happened.  I did not choose to "love" them, nor did I choose to "not love" them.

~Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:22:41 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Gifts are things one consciously chooses to give, love is not something one can turn on or off.  It is either there or it is not.


ahhhh, but if I FEEL love and yet do not share it, that is a conscious decision, is it not?
 
and what happens when one falls out of love, is that not also a conscious decision to stop?
 
 

If you feel love, and do not share it... it is the not sharing that is the decision, not whether you love or not.
When one falls out of love, one just does.  It is not conscious - the consciousness is the realisation, not the love itself.
 
It is like submission.  No one is entitled to my submission, just because you may be dominant.  Equally I cannot control who my submission responds to - but I can choose to ignore it.  But it is still there.  The consciousness is the awareness - not the act or emotion itself.
Love, like submission, is no ones gift.  The only way it is a gift, is I am blessed and gifted with it.
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:24:04 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Love is an irrational emotion, not a decision.

It defies logic.  
_____________________________

As you sow, so shall you reap-try not to be a weed.


Homestead...can you tell us what your 'signature' line means?  I'm a bit confused...
 
beverly

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:26:44 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		People are like gardens.

The seeds you let grow bring forth fruit.

Which can be healthy, or poisonous.

Some of us need to pull out the weeds.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:34:10 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
Love at first sight is an alien concept in my world.

But not in all worlds.

It was months before I felt and expressed love to my Master.  I never asked him to love me in return; I could not.  I did not and do not feel entitled to it.  This was my first relationship where I have felt that way, too.  I told him very early on, "I will never ask you to love me."  I wanted him to some day love me.  I hoped very much that he would.  But it was also very important to me that if he did come to love me, it came from him and only him.  Not that he would do something simply because I want or hope for it, but it was very important to me to serve as well as I could, and not ask for his love in return.  When he did state that he loved me, and every time he does, it is the most wonderful thing in my world.  He doesn't verbally express it very often, but the way he oversees me paints a clear picture.

As for love at first sight, it has never happened to me, but 52 years ago a man stepped off a Naval submarine in Valencia Spain and met a flamenco dancer.  They spent 5 days together before he boarded the sub again and continued his service.  They shared letters, each of which taking a significant time to be delivered (a month or so?), and almost exatly one year later, he returned to Spain and married her. Having only spent 5 actual days together before marrying, they were married 51 years until his death.    Love like that does happen; it is just quite rare.

(in reply to Homestead)
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RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:39:21 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

But is anyone ENTITLED to it?


There is no universal answer to this one.

but.. If I enter into a relationship with another and we are in agreement that Love is apart of the relationship.  Then we have established entitlements.

We both believe that we deserve to have love within our relationship and as part of that we also acknowledge that it is a priviledge and joy to have that love from the other.

So some Individual relationships may respond with a Yes.

However, equally so, people can enter into a relationship where Love is not apart of the relationship.  For some Love is an inhibiting dynamic with an M/s relationship.  Therefore you will not see love as an entitlement with these individauls in there M/s Relationships.

So some individual relationships may respond with a NO.

It all depends on what they believe and what they grant to them

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:40:01 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
Love at first sight is an alien concept in my world.

But not in all worlds.

It was months before I felt and expressed love to my Master.  I never asked him to love me in return; I could not.  I did not and do not feel entitled to it.  This was my first relationship where I have felt that way, too.  I told him very early on, "I will never ask you to love me."  I wanted him to some day love me.  I hoped very much that he would.  But it was also very important to me that if he did come to love me, it came from him and only him.  Not that he would do something simply because I want or hope for it, but it was very important to me to serve as well as I could, and not ask for his love in return.  When he did state that he loved me, and every time he does, it is the most wonderful thing in my world.  He doesn't verbally express it very often, but the way he oversees me paints a clear picture.

As for love at first sight, it has never happened to me, but 52 years ago a man stepped off a Naval submarine in Valencia Spain and met a flamenco dancer.  They spent 5 days together before he boarded the sub again and continued his service.  They shared letters, each of which taking a significant time to be delivered (a month or so?), and almost exatly one year later, he returned to Spain and married her. Having only spent 5 actual days together before marrying, they were married 51 years until his death.    Love like that does happen; it is just quite rare.


I express romanticism in creativity. I will not be able to love someone who I do not see as my peer in artistry. So the girly girl consumer types have no chance with me. The spark is just not going to be there.

Someone I do not see as being able to offer wondrous things to the world will never have my affection or admiration.

I'm a bit snobbish that way.


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:42:24 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

But is anyone ENTITLED to it?


There is no universal answer to this one.

but.. If I enter into a relationship with another and we are in agreement that Love is apart of the relationship.  Then we have established entitlements.

We both believe that we deserve to have love within our relationship and as part of that we also acknowledge that it is a priviledge and joy to have that love from the other.

So some Individual relationships may respond with a Yes.

However, equally so, people can enter into a relationship where Love is not apart of the relationship.  For some Love is an inhibiting dynamic with an M/s relationship.  Therefore you will not see love as an entitlement with these individauls in there M/s Relationships.

So some individual relationships may respond with a NO.

It all depends on what they believe and what they grant to them


And yet, having agreements will not always make it so.

Emotions are funny that way-they will often refuse to respect logic.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:45:39 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

People are like gardens.

The seeds you let grow bring forth fruit.

Which can be healthy, or poisonous.

Some of us need to pull out the weeds.


Ahhh... I see.  I had thought you meant if you love, you will BE loved.   What you are saying is akin to 'we create our own reality'...are you not?  I like it.
 
Thank you,
beverly

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:48:40 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

People are like gardens.

The seeds you let grow bring forth fruit.

Which can be healthy, or poisonous.

Some of us need to pull out the weeds.


Ahhh... I see.  I had thought you meant if you love, you will BE loved.   What you are saying is akin to 'we create our own reality'...are you not?  I like it.
 
Thank you,
beverly


Our thoughts are our realities.

They color the input from without. If I populate my mind with the positive, that is what I will draw from reality.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:56:50 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Yup.
 
Another interesting thread currently going:
 
http://www.collarchat.com/m_538917/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm


(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Entitled to love? - 8/16/2006 8:57:10 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
And yet, having agreements will not always make it so.

Emotions are funny that way-they will often refuse to respect logic.


Yes that is the tricky thing about entitlements that are agreed upon.  Very much like trust.  Until it is demonstrated.. do we really have it.. or is it just an illusion.  Regardless thou.. if we agree... I will have the expectations that the entitlement will be fullfiled when I exercise it.  So... if we agree that Love is apart of the relationship... I expect to see love demonstrated and I expect to demonstrate love.  If I do not or my partner does not.  It will raise stress in the relationship because we will feel there is an entitlement for love to exist and be demonstrated.

In otherwords... I think Agreements can lead to Entitlements and Entitlments can lead to Expecations of their fulfilment.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 40
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