Entitled to love? (Full Version)

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Homestead -> Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:30:15 AM)

I see this idea expresssed quite a bit.

Have any of you considered the performance pressure you place on others with this expectation? And how easily it may kill the very thing you desire?

Love does not grow from desperation.



juliaoceania -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:34:06 AM)

I have said this before, love is a need for human beings. People heal quicker that are loved, they suffer less depression, they have less disease, and they also live longer... even if it is the love of a dog. We are need love, and love in my mind is something one cannot merit or earn, it is a gift we give another. We cannot earn another's love, they have to give it to us.



Homestead -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:35:09 AM)

But is anyone ENTITLED to it?



LotusSong -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:36:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I see this idea expresssed quite a bit.

Have any of you considered the performance pressure you place on others with this expectation? And how easily it may kill the very thing you desire?

Love does not grow from desperation.


You lost me a bit on this one.  Copuld you please restqate the question or give an example of what you are  referring to?  I'm "slow" this moning :)



LaTigresse -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:37:02 AM)

I do not feel I am entitled to be loved. Is it something I desire, yes. Is it something I need in an intimate relationship, yes. But no, it is not something I am entitled to.
On the flip side it is not something I am required to give! I have upset quite a few  in my family by stating that I do not love my mother. I do not hate her, I wish her no ill will, but I most certainly do not love her. Most of my siblings seem to feel that because she is my birth mother she is entitled to my love. No she is not. There is nothing about the person she is that creates that emotion in me.



juliaoceania -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:37:28 AM)

Maybe our children. Here is the websters definition:

Main Entry: en·ti·tle·ment [image]http://www.m-w.com/images/audio.gif[/image]
Pronunciation: -'tI-t&l-m&nt
Function: noun
1 a : the state or condition of being entitled : RIGHT b : a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract
2 : a government program providing benefits to members of a specified group; also : funds supporting or distributed by such a program
3 : belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

Now read that and decide where love fits in there?

It doesn't as far as I am concerned, although opinions will vary



Homestead -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:39:53 AM)

Is it fair to demand love?

And what does it say, about one who does?



darkinshadows -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:40:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

But is anyone ENTITLED to it?

No.
Like I said in the other post - Love is a blessing.
Its not a commodity nor should it be an expectation.
When it occurs, we should stand back and be amazed, not merely satisfied.
 
Peace and Rapture



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:43:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
No.
Like I said in the other post - Love is a blessing.
Its not a commodity nor should it be an expectation.
When it occurs, we should stand back and be amazed, not merely satisfied.
 
Peace and Rapture


While I won't use the flower romantic language that Dark uses :)  I do agree with her.

Love isn't an experience that someone is entitled to or not- "it is what it is."



twicehappy -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:43:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Is it fair to demand love?And what does it say, about one who does?


Demand ? No. Expect it to happen in the course of a relationship, yes. Why else go into that relationship in the first place?



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:44:57 AM)

I do not understand how wanting love from another makes one desperate.  It's not something to be rushed under any circumstance, but there is no reason one should settle for less than what they want. 
 
Again, this word "entitled".. I can't see how anyone is entitled to love from another at all.  Two meet, they grow, and perhaps they fall in love..but it should never be considered a "given".
 
I think that "entitled" is a dangerous word and is probably taken different ways, by different people.  To want love is not bad, nor is to need it...but to expect it from someone just because you feel they should return it, is where the problems come in.
 
 
Andrea



Homestead -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:45:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
No.
Like I said in the other post - Love is a blessing.
Its not a commodity nor should it be an expectation.
When it occurs, we should stand back and be amazed, not merely satisfied.
 
Peace and Rapture


While I won't use the flower romantic language that Dark uses :)  I do agree with her.

Love isn't an experience that someone is entitled to or not- "it is what it is."


It happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It's an organic process.

Demanding it usually disrupts that process, by making someone feel bad about themselves.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:47:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
It happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It's an organic process.

That's certainly not been my experience of love in my life.

For example, I loved my nephew from the very first second I laid eyes on him, I hadn't done anything to make him feel good about himself and he hadn't done anything except be born.




juliaoceania -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:49:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
No.
Like I said in the other post - Love is a blessing.
Its not a commodity nor should it be an expectation.
When it occurs, we should stand back and be amazed, not merely satisfied.
 
Peace and Rapture


While I won't use the flower romantic language that Dark uses :)  I do agree with her.

Love isn't an experience that someone is entitled to or not- "it is what it is."


It happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It's an organic process.

Demanding it usually disrupts that process, by making someone feel bad about themselves.
It sometimes happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It isn't guaranteed to happen because you do. Love is a tricky thing, sometimes we know we should love someone for all they do and are, but we just don't. It has nothing to do with whether they are attractive, kind, or whatever, we just don't fall in love with them. That is why we can't earn love, we can't demand it, and we certainly are not entitled to it... just my  thoughts



Homestead -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:49:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
It happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It's an organic process.

That's certainly not been my experience of love in my life.

For example, I loved my nephew from the very first second I laid eyes on him, I hadn't done anything to make him feel good about himself and he hadn't done anything except be born.




It happens that way with me.

Love at first sight is an alien concept in my world.



CrappyDom -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:52:30 AM)

People are entitled to be loved, but they are not entitled to be loved by a specific person.

In other words, you deserve love and should seek it, but you cannot expect love from your partner, they  either love you or they don't and in fact, expecting and demanding that love is the surest way of killing it.




MHOO314 -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:55:36 AM)

This one is going to get Me in trouble, I am sure <smiles>--to Me, love is a gift--for gifts there is no "entitlement".



darkinshadows -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:56:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
No.
Like I said in the other post - Love is a blessing.
Its not a commodity nor should it be an expectation.
When it occurs, we should stand back and be amazed, not merely satisfied.
 
Peace and Rapture


While I won't use the flower romantic language that Dark uses :)  I do agree with her.

Love isn't an experience that someone is entitled to or not- "it is what it is."


It happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It's an organic process.

Demanding it usually disrupts that process, by making someone feel bad about themselves.

Nodding... then you are getting into the territory of someone saying 'I love You' and expecting the other to recipricate... answering back 'I love you' is nothing more than an empty gesture, unless it is sincere in it's reply.
 
Peace and Rapture



CrappyDom -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 7:58:48 AM)

Gifts are things one consciously chooses to give, love is not something one can turn on or off.  It is either there or it is not.



darkinshadows -> RE: Entitled to love? (8/16/2006 8:00:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
No.
Like I said in the other post - Love is a blessing.
Its not a commodity nor should it be an expectation.
When it occurs, we should stand back and be amazed, not merely satisfied.
 
Peace and Rapture


While I won't use the flower romantic language that Dark uses :)  I do agree with her.

Love isn't an experience that someone is entitled to or not- "it is what it is."


It happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It's an organic process.

Demanding it usually disrupts that process, by making someone feel bad about themselves.
It sometimes happens because you make someone feel good about themselves. It isn't guaranteed to happen because you do. Love is a tricky thing, sometimes we know we should love someone for all they do and are, but we just don't. It has nothing to do with whether they are attractive, kind, or whatever, we just don't fall in love with them. That is why we can't earn love, we can't demand it, and we certainly are not entitled to it... just my  thoughts

I think you nailed it - saying 'should'... why should we love someone - or anyone - just for what they are or do?  That is such a guilt trip and one people fall for time and time again.
 
Peace and Rapture



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