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RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 12:12:26 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarkWilliam
Seems that intuition remains one of women's strongest virtues.


They don't have the monopoly on it, we just call it 'gut instinct'

Words are cheep, actions speak louder. With a new girl I'm watching to see if her actions tally with her words, if they do them I'm more likely to believe other parts of what has been discussed, if they don't.... well things aren't likely to go much further.

I expect any girl to take much the same approach with me. You have to take a little calculated risk to start but the rest of trust is built from that.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MarkWilliam)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 12:16:33 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I think the realness of someone is subjective. For me, I can just tell pretty quickly by how they approach me, what the inital conversation is like and most of all, how they follow up. How someone follows up is so important to me. Continuity, attention to your details, ease of communication, shared views, humor, it all contributes towards knowing if someone is genuine.

With that said, there are genuine people who you may speak with who just do not have the same ideals or who do not want the same things that you do.

It does not mean they are junk, it just means they are not right for you.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 12:19:41 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Speaking from being recently tested as a Domme...
I know my pet and I talked for ages before we actually even got on the topic of BDSM.  His trick, see if I pushed him into the lifestyle discussions right away or if I was willing and able to hold up a conversation about far more vanilla and every day subjects without getting bored or impatient about it.  For somenoe who is interested in more than just a M/s relationship, that was terribly important to him.  The fact that it took us more than a month to get around to a lifestyle discision more in depth than "are you into handcuffs?  me too, cool. What movie did you see when you and your friends went lasnt night?" put him very at ease.  We still talk almost every night or so, for hours, and our conversations still run from movies and school to our lifestyle together. Patience is a virture, and his "trick" worked nicely.

DV

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 12:34:38 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Because my Dom and I were strictly an online couple in the beginning I had to be very careful to watch for clues that he wasn't who he said he was. I asked a lot of questions and paid close attention to the answers. I sometimes asked the same question in different ways and a various times. Time spent together online through IM and emails and the phone helped me to know he was the "One" for me. Of course I didn't know that for sure until I was with him in person.

I also really agree with the follow your gut advice. I had a girl friend once that I just knew didn't have my best interest at heart. She ended up stabbing me in the back big time and hurting people needlessly because of it. I didn't listen to my gut and have regretted it to this day.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 12:58:42 PM   
SweetSerendipity


Posts: 46
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree that time is the best answer. I exchanged some lovely emails with a Dom recently. He frequents the boards and I read all his posts.He spoke so beautifully and, in retrospect I am sure he meant all that he said.  In his case, the words were not quite put into practice...during or after play. In retrospect, I believe he has a good heart but he was much harsher than I was led to expect. I cannot resent the time I gave to him, I learned from the experience.  I suppose we all get caught up in the moment...but I am back to my old ways of interacting with people...and I am taking my time, sweet time.

_____________________________



I may not be perfect...but parts of me are EXCELLENT!!
**********************************************
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

-Carl J

(in reply to MarkWilliam)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 1:21:10 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

One example she gave me was regarding nipple clamps. "How long should nipple clamps be in place?", you'd be suprised at how many wash out without even knowing it. Mmmmm, maybe not! lol


Um, when they fall off?

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 1:32:07 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Communication over time.  Whether in r/t, telephone, emails, or whatever.  Especially if this is supposed to lead to a r/t meet with a view toward a permanent relationship.
In other words, I suspect, the exact same techniques that Dominants use to "weed out the many fakes amonst us".

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to MarkWilliam)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 1:42:26 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Grins,no more than fifteen minutes, unless you loosen them enough for circulation.

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 1:43:40 PM   
BillsGalSusan


Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		This my be a bit off topic, but I wanted to say how much I admire the perseverance and thoughtfulness with which so many of you do this hard thing--especially those folks who are no longer 20 somethings and are making this effort to find happiness, despite not exactly terrific odds. Bill and I fell into each others lives a long time ago, and I don't know that I would have had the courage to take this journey toward fulfilment if I had to make the huge effort I see people making here.

Another Susan

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 1:53:11 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		One thing you'll see is a "Dom" comming out right off the hop "demanding" that a sub "submit" to him in their very first conversation without bothering to even get to know that person.
Another way, at parties/events inexperienced "Doms" "yelling" at people and being obnoxious.
They think being rude, loud, having no manners and acting like a ruffian is being "Dominant."

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 1:59:06 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Grins,no more than fifteen minutes, unless you loosen them enough for circulation.


Mmmm, I'm risking being sucked into a thread jack here...

<chuckle> I'll make a new thread if I can't find one about it. :)

Time and communication is good, however, for me, I just can't spend months behind a computer. I'm a social animal. I'll exchange a few emails, but I would rather date, then play pen pal. Sorry gang, it's just that making that kind of investment online isn't my bag. Like anything else, the world of D/s is social, and to me that means in person, enjoying movies, art, dinner, you know, LIFE! :)


(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 1:59:53 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarkWilliam

I'm sure this isn't a new topic by any means, but I'm curious to know what tricks (ie techniques) prospective subs and slaves have up their sleeves to weed out the many fakes amongst us.

I know I'm sincere about who I say I am and what I want, but how would you go about getting me to prove it?


Why do you want to know?  Are you keeping a list of all those things to quickly assure a submissive you are "real"?  Or are you trying to deceive a submissive that you are "real"?  LOL!


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to MarkWilliam)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 2:05:16 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You want us to give you all our tricks-  hmm   if we did that then you would know how to work around it. Be able to fake us out better.Do and say exacltey what we're looking for.  if you were not for real I mean.
LOL

opps- sunshine beat me to it

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 7/31/2006 2:08:47 PM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to MarkWilliam)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 2:05:26 PM   
WetHotGoddess


Posts: 128
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		Here is my take on the "fakes".. I treat everyone the same, and I show them who I am and expect that in return.  There is no pressure that they be physically perfect, spell everything correctly, have a PHD, or worry that I am in it for money, marriage, children etc.  I don't evaluate them as a sub I just treat them like someone who is here to learn and share.  If I think they are lying.. so what?  Big deal.  Maybe they are, maybe not, but I do not dwell on it.  After all, what difference does it make?  I am not seeking a LTR. 
Maybe if people would not jump in and expect an LTR there would be no reason for anyone to lie.
I am happy with finding a handful of TRUE friends here and if I find an actual sub then that is a plus.
Besides.. I sorta like playing with those players.  They entertain me when there's no jester about to keep me amused.
 
 

_____________________________

ARIEL

Your opinion is very important to us. Please hold for the next available representative.

"Thinking is for losers"- Bart Simpson

(in reply to MarkWilliam)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 3:04:15 PM   
SweetSerendipity


Posts: 46
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Grins,no more than fifteen minutes, unless you loosen them enough for circulation.


Mmmm, I'm risking being sucked into a thread jack here...

<chuckle> I'll make a new thread if I can't find one about it. :)

Time and communication is good, however, for me, I just can't spend months behind a computer. I'm a social animal. I'll exchange a few emails, but I would rather date, then play pen pal. Sorry gang, it's just that making that kind of investment online isn't my bag. Like anything else, the world of D/s is social, and to me that means in person, enjoying movies, art, dinner, you know, LIFE! :)




Hi Scott,

I agree with you - that one should not spend a life behind a monitor screen. I think what most of us are trying to say is that the brain is an organ that can be used for something other than eroticism. It is also quite useful for judging the character of a person. I agree, it takes a variety of interactions to learn the merit of a man...or a woman.


_____________________________



I may not be perfect...but parts of me are EXCELLENT!!
**********************************************
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

-Carl J

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 5:25:02 PM   
QuietDom


Posts: 255
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

One example she gave me was regarding nipple clamps. "How long should nipple clamps be in place?", you'd be suprised at how many wash out without even knowing it. Mmmmm, maybe not! lol


Um, when they fall off?


The clamps, or the nipples?

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 5:35:37 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

One example she gave me was regarding nipple clamps. "How long should nipple clamps be in place?", you'd be suprised at how many wash out without even knowing it. Mmmmm, maybe not! lol


Um, when they fall off?


The clamps, or the nipples?


Jeff, you need a warning label when you make a dead-pan joke. :)

QuietDom, I'm gonna step out on a limb and say........ neither. If either the nipples or clamps fall off, call a lawyer or check the sub's pulse.

(in reply to QuietDom)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 5:39:04 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarkWilliam

...I'm curious to know what tricks (ie techniques) prospective subs and slaves have up their sleeves to weed out the many fakes amongst us.



quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

...how do you determine veracity in what starts out as long-distance (hoping to move to R/T)?



I've yet to speak with a "fake" dom who didn't trip up and show his true colors over time.  Surprisingly little time at that.  The warning signs are there and easy to spot if one simply takes the time to listen and be observant.

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 5:41:54 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSerendipity

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Grins,no more than fifteen minutes, unless you loosen them enough for circulation.


Mmmm, I'm risking being sucked into a thread jack here...

<chuckle> I'll make a new thread if I can't find one about it. :)

Time and communication is good, however, for me, I just can't spend months behind a computer. I'm a social animal. I'll exchange a few emails, but I would rather date, then play pen pal. Sorry gang, it's just that making that kind of investment online isn't my bag. Like anything else, the world of D/s is social, and to me that means in person, enjoying movies, art, dinner, you know, LIFE! :)




Hi Scott,

I agree with you - that one should not spend a life behind a monitor screen. I think what most of us are trying to say is that the brain is an organ that can be used for something other than eroticism. It is also quite useful for judging the character of a person. I agree, it takes a variety of interactions to learn the merit of a man...or a woman.



Yes, my personal talent, provided that my potential is not aware of it, is that I am quite 'empathic', I need to see the body language, and to hear the voice. There are so many subtle clues that email, phone and chat will just not convey. This is also true for my potential. She's better off looking at me in order to see my scincerity, how I interact with her, so that she can come to the conlusion that I'm not putting her on. Besides, it's a lot more fun meeting some one new and having a good time. Not to mention, it's better for the back, eyes and skin color in general to be OUTSIDE. (Now, where's my remote, bag of chips and couch?)

(in reply to SweetSerendipity)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Genuine or junk? - 7/31/2006 5:41:59 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kagesuta

It can be a good way of finding things out, when the person in question won't tell you about themselves.



Big red flag there. 

(in reply to Kagesuta)
Profile   Post #: 40
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