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Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 9:52:59 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi all........

Here's my first question for this forum.

Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?

If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?

In what specific ways do ya figger it works for ya?


DD, a curious old goat.
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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 10:03:38 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
Absolutely! BDSM for me is total play time. Himself and I laugh till our sides hurt sometimes. We have sooooo much fun.

Specifically, bondage is like being hugged. I love hugs. ;)

S/m is either an adrenaline rush or an endorphin high that can bring on feelings of euphoria. Needle play and knife cutting are among my favorites, aesthetically pleasing with it's artistic designs and blood.. what's not to love? ::chuckles::

If I wasn't having so much fun, I wouldn't be doing it.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 10:11:48 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think much deeper intimacy in a relationship is more possible (likely probable) than I have previously know in non-bdsm relationships. I feel very cared for and also more like I am giving very much valued parts of myself (physical and spiritual) to another. It's about the emotional connection for me (and that does come with the sex and activity) - but that end result connection with another is what makes it worthwhile for me, ultimately. The answer is yes.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/30/2006 10:14:26 PM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 10:13:34 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		I make myself happy by good choices in those I do it with.

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 10:13:43 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		why would we be doing it if it didnt make us happy??? it isnt something forsed on us

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 10:24:09 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Yes. It makes me happy. While I think I'd be largely happy without it, given I still had my current relationship. I find I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, because I have my relationship PLUS the BDSM dynamic.

It makes me happy because it means that I've found someone who accepts all the parts of me. Who knows the dirty bits and loves me anyway. Heck, who has the same dirty bits as me. I know that I romanticize BDSM, but I romanticize everything. And I think I've been lucky enough to find a relationship that, with a lot of work, seems to fit.


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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 10:30:47 PM   
SirDarkside357


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		NO, NO, NO, NO........it does NOT make me happy...... WEG.


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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 10:40:07 PM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline 		It makes me happier then I have been in awhile. It means I can be me, no secrets and hidden desires. And I feel more cared for and cherished then I ever have.

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 11:16:48 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

why would we be doing it if it didnt make us happy??? it isnt something forsed on us


As I write this no one has offerred to indicate just what they mean when they say happy. It may be that the word means very different things to some of the people responding here. Is it fair to say for starters that if you're smiling without even trying then you're happy? Or anyway if you're in a mood to do that even if you happen to have some other look on your face?

Because to me that is no trivial thing. Happiness is valuable in itself. I'm not sure, though, how close to the top of the values pile it really is.

I think happy is analogous to shiny. It's nice. I like it. I want it sometimes. But even the deepest shine doesn't run very deep.

And really, with a little work you could probably put a shine on a turd.

I'm grateful for a life which brings me lots of happiness. That is seldom the target, though; seldom the object of the game. When it is the target it tends to be a low key, short term thing. A brief diversion from the main event or the task at hand.

I put a lot into my personal relationships and into the other parts of my life which I view as central. What I'm trying to build or unearth or conjure with these efforts is going to have more substance than what I see in mere happiness.

If you're thinking that I'm talking about a dogged seriousness about life you're missing my point. I'd describe it more in terms of attention and openess, tempered in prudential ways. Happiness is always welcome when it strolls in the door. Soem days I'll even whistle for it. I want to be open to happiness and a whole lot more.

I can be content for a long time without happiness though, if I'm in touch with deeper values. For me these include things like integrative meaning, and communion.

BDSM brings me opportunities to cultivate these sorts of values. In the course of events, yeah, lot's of happy moments sprout up, and a share of unhappy ones too. But the moments I treasure bring with them satisfactions and gratifications which I think of as being of an other order entirely different than "that smiley feeling", as lovely as that smiley feeling is.





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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 11:22:09 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

why would we be doing it if it didnt make us happy??? it isnt something forsed on us


People do alot of things that don't make them happy. Most of them self inflicted.
By the way, I do view BDSM as a way to happiness with my slave. But I don't think it would make us happy if it was the only way.

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 11:28:18 PM   
cacodylic


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/6/2005
From: CA
Status: offline 		time will tell, the jury's still out

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 11:36:50 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious

Hi all........

Here's my first question for this forum.

Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?

If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?

In what specific ways do ya figger it works for ya?


DD, a curious old goat.


I'm finding for me, that it is allowing me to embrace all that I am.  I am submissive at heart, but didn't know or understand what that was.  As such, I ended up in relationships with men who were either abusive or who just didn't know what to do with it.  Then out of necessity and as a result of bad experiences I became someone other than submissive.  Not dominant, but a very strong-willed, independent, head-strong, don't-need-anyone kinda gal, etc.  I felt one had to be one or the other and because of my previous experiences I believed for a long time that submission equaled weakness.  This lifestyle has opened up my eyes and heart to being able to embrace all aspects of my being and, I hope, will allow me to find the one to truly complete my life.

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 11:45:14 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		This post of Noah's is making me think a lot about just what I do get from bdsm. I assumed it was happiness, but I guess I can't say that's altogether true, because I can be very happy walking my dig on a perfect Fall day, too. Bdsm, I guess, satisifies me in ways  I never actually did think were possible. Someone told me the other day that having a meaningful bdsn relationship was for them, a very normalizing experience for them, and so worth it. And I could really identify with that, after I thought about it a bit. For someone who spent many years not being able to put a name to the feeling that "something" elusive yet definite, was missing in primary relationships, based on the way the relating part was being handled, I imagine that is a revelation. It was for me, too. 

I started remembering when I breathed a huge sigh of thankful relief and cried after my first experience. Not because it was that physically awe-inspiring, but because I no longer felt there was no answer to what I had longed for for so long. I felt legitimized and okay. Someone else didn't think my needs were strange. They wanted to help me realize them. I wanted to be what they wanted me to be, and that as wellwasn't something they considered too extreme to deal with. It wasn't about the person though (although the were undoubtedly great) it was the idea I was feeling more whole, somehow that made me cry. And yes, that is what maybe is meant by integration. I felt I'd met with my polar opposite, and that was exactly the way things were supposed to be. Yin and Yang. That is no small thing (to me).I was very grateful (still am).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/30/2006 11:55:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 11:45:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?

Yup
quote:


If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?

The same way that reading and watching movies makes me happy.  It's a fun experience to enjoy, create, add new perspective and dimension to my life and it just sparks something in my happy button.
quote:


In what specific ways do ya figger it works for ya?

I don't know.  I have absolutely no interest in poetry readings.  But I adore movie screenings.  I have no interest in rubber play, but I adore bondage. 

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/30/2006 11:51:44 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Yes, tremendously so. I'm in this lifestyle because I love it. I can't understand how I could (ever!) go back into a vanilla relationship again.
And I like everything about it, the smell of new leather, a sub in her struggles as she's so close to an orgasm that she can't stand it anymore, the sound of a slapper as it makes a loud report as it cracks her ass, her muffled groans of  ecstasy as I tease her unmercifully, everything.
And the connections that you have with your sub are so much more profound than they could ever be in a vanilla relationship.
I've never had a Collared slave yet so I'm very much looking for that someday. To take a sub as my own to keep and own for the rest of our lives.
To protect her, to care for her, to own her, to love her.
WHEW!!!
OK, no pushing and shoving Ladies!

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 12:20:41 AM   
mzpatty


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/12/2005
From: Columbus Ohio
Status: offline 		Pondering the question reminds me of before finding the lifestyle. I remember feeling lost and confused with such fantasies dancing in my head and such tendencies that was not acceptable within my quite traditional Christian environment. My environment viewed me as just a spoiled child rebelling against it while it was not my intention to rebel but rather find peace within it. When I found out there was others just like me that shared some of the same issues and fantasies I found peace. I was not alone anymore...I was not the spoiled child lashing out anymore...I found within the lifestyle I could explore my deepest fantasies and not be judged by my tendencies. Does the lifestyle bring me happiness? Well I view the lifestyle as an outlet to allow me to have the experiences and connections that brings me happiness.

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 12:35:53 AM   
songofeire


Posts: 40
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		BDSM does not make me happy.
Not as a concept.
It doesn't stand alone.
The one who owns me, well...happiness is inadequate to describe how he makes me feel.

I am home when I am at his feet, under his hand. Whatever he chooses to do with me, to me, deepens my surrender and my resulting sense of contentment and deep joy.
Breathing in his scent in the coat he left behind to comfort me in his absence, serves to gladden my heart and re-center me during and at the end of my busy days.

I have been happy without this, I could be again, perhaps.
Happy is an easy emotion for me to reach.

This deeper-than-deep sensation of being utterly right with the world, for want of a better description, has been one that I have long sought and only lately found.

Rosemary



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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 12:37:20 AM   
slavejlb


Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Hello
the way of life does not make happy or unhappy it is just the way it is, for while you have fun you get close then the person walk away, then you become sad lost, and empty, so is there happiest in this life yes but it is not everlasting, and life goes on

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 1:04:38 AM   
shivvy


Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline 		Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?
yes

If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?
i don't know. i just feels right somehow - it kinda fulfils a need inside me and makes me feel whole and complete. sounds really naff, i know. sorry Sir, but i dunno how else to describe it

In what specific ways do ya figger it works for ya?
again, i don't know... sorry.

with Respect Sir,
 
shiv
-x-

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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 1:17:02 AM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Master makes me happy, ...and he can also make me sad,  furious, curious, fearful, tender, interested, desirable, hopeful, surprised,   excited, and so on....
I used to downplay or hide so many aspects of what I felt to try to fit in with a life that that was a sham on so many levels. In my marriage, I became reduced to this shell of myself. Don't be too sexual...you'll just get shot down....don't ever be sad because then he'll be angry and lash out at you all weekend, don't ever show him you're mad at him because in a war of words, he has lethal weapons...so I pretended to be content, and let the world see someone I wasn't. When I finally developed a backbone (not altogether sure how that happened), I left that girl behind. This relationship allows me happiness, and every other emotional feeling without fear of reprisal, and with acceptance and love. What I find is that I am happier in total. I sing again, I smile and laugh more often, I find joy in the smallest of things. Even though I'm free to feel more negative emotions, I find that they don't surface as often.  When they do, I know that I am supported in feeling them- I can cry on his shoulder when I am sad, I can rage and find my calmness again in his arms, and I can openly express my desire and he delights in it. So, I don't downplay happiness as a " smiley face" temporary thing...I see it as a deep down sense of peace and contentment, that makes the bad feelings less omnious. I know the sadness doesn't have to last, the anger will dissipate, and I will be fine and mean it.

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 7/31/2006 1:19:22 AM >

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