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RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 1:36:09 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?
Depending on the partner, yes

If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?
We enjoy the power exchange. My pet is happiest when he gives up the power, and I am happiest when I take it. Whatever guise that power exchange happens to be in, crossdressing on command or a beating, it makes us both happy.
If it didnt make us BOTH happy, I doubt we'd stil be pursuing it.

DV

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 21

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 3:44:46 AM

BillsGalSusan

Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
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I suspect there is less BDSM in my life than there is in the lives of some of the other responders.

I enjoy it, but it doesn't happen unless we are either pretty darn happy to begin with, or need it in some more visceral way. I gotta say, my real "happy happy" feelings are more noticeable the morning after we have played, than during the experience itself which is fairly often more complicated emotionally than the word happiness encompasses.

Another Susan

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 22

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 5:21:48 AM

SeekingmyMaster

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Joined: 6/21/2006
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No.... BDSM does not make me happy. Living life makes me happy. Choosing not to deny my nature, making informed choices, submitting to One whose beliefs, needs, desires and kinks are similar to mine ..........makes me happy.

*smile* slave sheryl

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 23

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 6:31:01 AM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingmyMaster

No.... BDSM does not make me happy.

Living life makes me happy.

Choosing not to deny my nature, making informed choices, submitting to One whose beliefs, needs, desires and kinks are similar to mine ..........makes me happy.

*smile* slave sheryl

Dear slave sheryl ... and all

>>Living life makes me happy.
Yeah, I think you got something here...
when we're really "there" in our lives
and really "living" it at that moment,
I suspect that works pretty well...........

>>Choosing not to deny my nature
Ain't that the truth for perverts and other mammals.
I like the word "choosing" , even though its
a helluva lot easier said than done...

Pretty simple words there,
but they have a good feel about 'em....

DD

(in reply to SeekingmyMaster)

Post #: 24

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 6:40:48 AM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

.....snip..........

I think happy is analogous to shiny. It's nice. I like it. I want it sometimes. But even the deepest shine doesn't run very deep.

And really, with a little work you could probably put a shine on a turd.

.......good shit snipped.... go and re-read his post folks, it's worth it...

. But the moments I treasure bring with them satisfactions and gratifications which I think of as being of an other order entirely different than "that smiley feeling", as lovely as that smiley feeling is.

Hey Noah, and all...........

I appreciate the thoughtful post,
and I think it was really worth my time to read it.

It sure is true that most folks think of happiness
as superficial and fleeting.... like shine on a turd....

But I'm not so sure about that ...........

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 25

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 6:52:31 AM

DoctorDubious

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: songofeire

I have been happy without this, I could be again, perhaps.
Happy is an easy emotion for me to reach.

This deeper-than-deep sensation of being utterly right with the world, for want of a better description, has been one that I have long sought and only lately found.

Rosemary

Happiness is an easy emotion for you to reach?
Then I suspect the BitchGod who runs this planet
made you when she wasn't PMS-ing. Lucky gal.

>>This deeper-than-deep sensation of being utterly right with the world,

#1. so, does this sensation come from inside of you,
or does it depend on your lover, some money, health,
no tooth-ache, and fresh ginger tea with visiting girl-friends?

what is it, inside or outside?

#2. How the fuck do you do that "utterly right" shit?
If you bottle the formula, I'll market it on the net.
We'll split it 80/20 ok...?

DD
PS... if she gives me 80%
she's a stone-cold submissive...

(in reply to songofeire)

Post #: 26

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 6:52:33 AM

amoretta

Posts: 57
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline

There is actually a study that was done on this.. if I search I can find citations for you but its early. But levels of certain elements in the body were tested before, during and after BDSM play and it is similar to sex. It boosts your immune system and raises other important healthy type chemicals in your body.. just a random tidbit for ya.

_____________________________

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 27

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 7:22:19 AM

velvetears

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Joined: 6/19/2006
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Happiness is one of many emotions we can experience day to day. It's transient. If we were happy all the time what value would there be in happiness??

For me happiness is when everything in my life is in alignment, like all the parts of a well oiled machine working and functioning properly, everything runs smoother. So, does bdsm make me happy - well it's one part of that machine and if i didn't have it the machine would run, just not as efficiently.

Real, unwavering happiness i believe can only happen when no matter what's happening on the "outside" nothing on your "inside" changes - i beleieve this takes nurturung your spiritual nature. It's how people get though bad experiences and rough times in their lives without 'falling apart"

Bdsm does make me euphoric, balanced and centered, hot, connected, satisfied on so many levels. It challenges me. It gives me something to look forward to. It makes my heart race and my palms sweat in anticipation. It makes me laugh, and cry. It can even at times make me angry. It makes me feel more complete and whole. Maybe some would define those things as "being made happy" i don't.

(in reply to amoretta)

Post #: 28

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 7:41:07 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?

No, BDSM doens't make me happy. *I make me happy - or unhappy - or angry, sad, depressed, manic, content, etc ad nauseum. I live, life happens, I'm either happy or not as I choose to take the situation.

I Enjoy BDSM - just as I Enjoy my other hobbies. If I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't take part in it. It, like all my other hobbies from painting to camping to RPGs, enhance those moments when I am happy - they do not create the emotion in and of themselves. I live with it, I can live without it, I can participate to varying degrees. All of those things are simply aspects of living life to the fullest - and that isn't going to change whether I'm involved in BDSM play or not.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 29

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 7:45:27 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious

Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?

If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?

I would say using and keeping slaves fulfills something within me—something that prevails because my very nature contains it. "Happy" doesn't seem to encompass the gamut of inward pleasure derived from the ancient practice. Perhaps this puts a finger upon why one who would consensually serve as a slave does so when drudgery, fear and suffering is braided throughout his or her servitude.

Having said that, your latter arrangement of words—"enhance your happiness"—seems to ring truer to me. Owning and keeping slaves does indeed enhance my gain and advancement, and in so doing, my pleasure with life itself.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 30

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 8:02:47 AM

songofeire

Posts: 40
Joined: 10/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious

quote:

ORIGINAL: songofeire

I have been happy without this, I could be again, perhaps.
Happy is an easy emotion for me to reach.

This deeper-than-deep sensation of being utterly right with the world, for want of a better description, has been one that I have long sought and only lately found.

Rosemary

Happiness is an easy emotion for you to reach?
Then I suspect the BitchGod who runs this planet
made you when she wasn't PMS-ing. Lucky gal.

>>This deeper-than-deep sensation of being utterly right with the world,

#1. so, does this sensation come from inside of you,
or does it depend on your lover, some money, health,
no tooth-ache, and fresh ginger tea with visiting girl-friends?

what is it, inside or outside?

Neither. It lies in the interaction between the owner and the owned.

#2. How the fuck do you do that "utterly right" shit?

I don't do it, we do it.

If you bottle the formula, I'll market it on the net.
We'll split it 80/20 ok...?

DD
PS... if she gives me 80%
she's a stone-cold submissive...

Apparently the concept of "everything that was mine is now yours," has escaped your notice.
And yes, i am. 100%

Rosemary

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 31

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 8:12:25 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

why would we be doing it if it didnt make us happy??? it isnt something forsed on us

As I write this no one has offerred to indicate just what they mean when they say happy. It may be that the word means very different things to some of the people responding here. Is it fair to say for starters that if you're smiling without even trying then you're happy? Or anyway if you're in a mood to do that even if you happen to have some other look on your face?

Because to me that is no trivial thing. Happiness is valuable in itself. I'm not sure, though, how close to the top of the values pile it really is.

I think happy is analogous to shiny. It's nice. I like it. I want it sometimes. But even the deepest shine doesn't run very deep.

And really, with a little work you could probably put a shine on a turd.

I'm grateful for a life which brings me lots of happiness. That is seldom the target, though; seldom the object of the game. When it is the target it tends to be a low key, short term thing. A brief diversion from the main event or the task at hand.

I put a lot into my personal relationships and into the other parts of my life which I view as central. What I'm trying to build or unearth or conjure with these efforts is going to have more substance than what I see in mere happiness.

If you're thinking that I'm talking about a dogged seriousness about life you're missing my point. I'd describe it more in terms of attention and openess, tempered in prudential ways. Happiness is always welcome when it strolls in the door. Soem days I'll even whistle for it. I want to be open to happiness and a whole lot more.

I can be content for a long time without happiness though, if I'm in touch with deeper values. For me these include things like integrative meaning, and communion.

BDSM brings me opportunities to cultivate these sorts of values. In the course of events, yeah, lot's of happy moments sprout up, and a share of unhappy ones too. But the moments I treasure bring with them satisfactions and gratifications which I think of as being of an other order entirely different than "that smiley feeling", as lovely as that smiley feeling is.

Interesting take on happiness, Noah.

Reading your post brought to mind something my dad used to always say...

"Theres no such thing as happiness, only happy moments"

Edited for a typo

< Message edited by marieToo -- 7/31/2006 8:14:11 AM >

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 32

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 8:24:24 AM

marieToo

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From: Jersey
Status: offline

General Reply to OP

I guess the whole happiness thing is subject to semantics and individual interpretations.

To answer your question in terms of the way I think you meant it.....

I dont need Ds in my life to be a content (happy) person. I love my life as it is, and even on a bad day, I laugh. However, there is something missing, that I would describe as a void in my life. At present, by my own choice, I do not have an outlet for my submissive desires. I make that choice because there are a couple of things on my plate right now that I need to resolve before I move into my "search". Really, thats beside the point. What Im trying to say is yes, there is something missing when I am not involved in a Ds relationship, and because of that, Im not *completely* fulfilled. But, I still feel "happy". Strange as that might sound.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 33

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 8:40:41 AM

krista

Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Greetings..

Like many others have voiced.....my happiness comes from many different places.....but in regards to bdsm....it has brought me the greatest peace i have ever known....but it has aslo brought me periods of sorrow....a double edged sword ..so to speak.....

Quite simply...i find great pain in having much to give....and yet not having one to serve.....but at the same time .....i must not allow those needs to bring me to unwise or detrimental life choices....

At the end of the day.....i am who i am....krista...who takes joy in service.....

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 34

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 12:41:12 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

BDSM, like anything else in my life that I enjoy, brings me moments of happiness, not a constant stream.

I don't think it is possible to be happy all the time, life has too many twists and turns and the reality is that if you even experience a moment of true happiness, you are very lucky indeed.

The quote that most men lead lives of quiet desperation is very true, so for me, BDSM and the connections I have felt and the realization of my fantasies has indeed made for some intensely happy moments. The double edge sword is that I have also been made unhappy by it, for not being able to be with someone who I loved, and in not finding the right person at all times...

Life is ongoing and for me, happiness ebbs and flows.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to krista)

Post #: 35

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 1:25:38 PM

Kedikat

Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline

It isn't BDSM itself that makes me happy.
The happiness it can bring into my llife, is finding one who matches my tates in BDSM and D/s in particular. Finding a mate in life is wonderful. Being with one that is not into BDSM always leaves a hole in the life. The mate might be a wondeful person that brings much happiness in your life. But to have the mate match you in the passions of BDSM is just so much more.

Of course there are many folks for whom BDSM need not be on an emotional relationship level. I am sure it brings happiness to them as well.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 36

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 2:19:45 PM

WetHotGoddess

Posts: 128
Joined: 5/18/2006
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HOW can an activity make you happy? Happiness comes from within yourself, it is not something you do.
I enjoy the connection to my slave, it is fulfilling. I love the look on his face when I tell him what I am planning on doing, the power of knowing he will bend to my will.. the closeness I feel when he shows me his trust.. but does BDSM make me happy? Hell no. No more than drinking a beer or driving a car. I enjoy those things, but the bliss comes from the inside, not from the act itself.
I am happy that I have the freedom to be who I am. But BDSM of itslef is nothing without the one who flips my switch.
Does watching a scene make me happy? Does masturbation make me happy? Hell no. It means nothing unless you have a connection.
I can go to a party, wear my leather, look hot and show off for everyone and act like a Royal Bitch while subs crawl behind me, but this does not make me happy.
Being Ariel is what makes me happy. >:D

< Message edited by WetHotGoddess -- 7/31/2006 2:42:29 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to Kedikat)

Post #: 37

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 2:46:38 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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Nope. I was happy before and the activities in BDSM haven't really done anything for me, so much as the ability to be open and honest and to be more physically intimate with others. Talking to and being around people for whom sexiness and sexuality is mental, not physical has been a confidence booster and really changed my attitude. Certain activities are lots of fun and entertaining, but I wouldn't say they make me happy.

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 38

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 3:07:02 PM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?
If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?
In what specific ways do ya figger it works for ya?

I don't think it 'makes me happy', as in 'makes me a happy person' per se.

I often smile a lot while I'm being fucked. I don't weep so much on a daily basis as I did while I was alone and had no one to touch or be touched by. It pleases me to please him, to suck him, to be what he seems to want, it feels good to have some sort of useful function.

On the whole, I don't think that doing things ever makes me happy. It's more about being something....but that's a circular argument to just say that 'I'm happy when I am'. But that's about as close as I can get.

Laura

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 39

RE: Does BDSM make you happy? - 7/31/2006 4:20:22 PM

songofeire

Posts: 40
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlethistle

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
Does BDSM (as you do it) make you happy/enhance your happiness?
If so, how do you figure it makes you happier?
In what specific ways do ya figger it works for ya?

I don't think it 'makes me happy', as in 'makes me a happy person' per se.

I often smile a lot while I'm being fucked. I don't weep so much on a daily basis as I did while I was alone and had no one to touch or be touched by. It pleases me to please him, to suck him, to be what he seems to want, it feels good to have some sort of useful function.

On the whole, I don't think that doing things ever makes me happy. It's more about being something....but that's a circular argument to just say that 'I'm happy when I am'. But that's about as close as I can get.

Laura

Hmmmmmm.
I don't cry much, generally speaking. Having been taught to use tears for manipulation as a child, I came not to trust them when they would spring up....instead wondering what I was trying to use them for.
So when someone lately claimed my tears as his to own, i released my hold on them, and my heart broke open and was his as well.
This tearful happiness turns out to be the finest kind.

Rosemary

(in reply to gentlethistle)

Post #: 40

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