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pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 4:47:14 PM

KnightofMists

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For many individuals there is a desire and even a quest to find a partner(s) to share ones life with. When we are younger it seems that we have all the time in the world to find that partner and as we grow older our time is not so long. When I was younger I didn't feel a pressure to find a partner. I was fortunate that I found one when I was young and she is still with me. I am also fortuante that in later years I have found another to share my life with. Now I never felt the pressure of time in finding a partner because of my own situation. But, I do wonder as we grow older and are still seeking.... does the short future bring about a pressure upon us to find a partner. When we are young... we are sometimes reckless and make choices that don't suit us and they end. As we get older and more experienced, we are more wise in what is best for ourselves but have less time to find it. This is only one example of the pressures we have finding a partner and I am sure there are others.

as I said I am forutnate that I have not been in this situation. But, I am wondering how do we deal with the pressures of finding a partner. What pressures do you think exist, how do people deal with it. I wish to appreciate better the pressures that people feel in finding a partner.

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Post #: 1

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 5:05:44 PM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
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I do think there is a pressure for some... Perhaps moreso for women than men. I'm not referring to any biological clock and the need to procreate before one is too old, but an internal pressure that a woman might feel to attract a mate while she still feels physically appealing.

While I won't argue the merits of an older woman... I am one and know full well the assets I can bring to a relationship... I have found that a good number of men in my age group, despite protestations to the contrary, do look for younger women to satisfy their desire for the asthetically appealing.

Right or wrong, widespread or not, I do believe that some women perceive that competiton and understand that with every day that passes, their window of opportunity narrows.

As for dealing with that pressure, I simply approached my search armed with the best possible information and understanding about myself and what I wanted, and tried to have what I hope was the most realistic and balanced mindset.

I don't think a person can do anything more than that.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 5:10:46 PM

reticence

Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
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Hi KoM,

I find if anything, as i am getting older, i find myself wondering if i really want a partner. I am living a fairly complete life, i have been able to channel my need to serve toward my family and friends. I do get lonely at times, but for the most part my life is content. Sure, i miss the sex part, but i guess i can live without it. I think i found my partner.. it has been a while since we were together, but i cant seem to get over him. I compare all to him.. when i read of a new activity or hear of something fun, it is he that i want to do it with. The few times that i have dated, all night i had that feeling that i was with the wrong man. I think some of us have to reconcile ourselves to being partnerless.. so, no, i don't feel pressure. (smile)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 5:15:54 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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Oh yeah,

I was very much in love with a wonderful woman who recently left me because she wants children and I don't.

So yeah, that drive is strong as we were a rather fabulous match for each other otherwise.

(in reply to reticence)

Post #: 4

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 6:14:45 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

dear mists knight
sir
the only pressure is ,in bed,
and, the partner-thing is an effort ,and a solid-choice ,but ,what ever we tended to be in our early twenties ;it's said we are even worse ,but, the same ,in our late eighties.
myself;
i give up ,and never pursue, but, that's just me....
the real overall pressure is: TO BE.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 7/13/2006 6:16:24 PM >

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 6:33:17 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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Hello A/all,

There was an interesting article or set of articles in last month's Psychology Today which discussed living as a single person. The
basic idea was that 30 years ago, single people tended to be reviled
by society at large, and apparently that prejudice was changing.

It also discussed the psychology between life as a single person, etc.

I am not sure I feel pressured by much of anything. I feel I do
much better in life in a committed, long term relationship. As such,
I tend to take my time getting there.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 6:57:41 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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Naw, i dont feel pressure i love my life and i love the boys and girls that cross my path....each person enriches me, i grow and learn from everyone of them, if our paths are the same for a day or 10 years, it does not mattter to me....i mean for me, i just dont need to own something to love it.

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(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 7

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 7:19:37 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
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I don't feel pressure to find somone because I'm single, I just don't want to be alone in my older years, which, I'm already 50!...UGH, I hate saying that......

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Post #: 8

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 7:30:16 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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I don't feel any pressure to find a mate. I'd like to have one but if it doesn't happen it doesn't. I am trying to put my self in a position to find someone that is more suited to what I desire in a mate though. With a small child that is proving a tad difficult hehe but such is life. Some of us are lucky and find Mr or Miss Right early in life. some of us find them later in life and some people try on alot of different models and never find the one that fits just right. Though I do sometimes wonder if those that never find the right one is it because they always think something better might come along.

Thing is I like my life and my friends and myself. Having someone in my life would enhance it, but if i never find that supposed perfect "one" *S* then that's ok to.

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(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 9

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 7:34:36 PM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Oh yeah,

I was very much in love with a wonderful woman who recently left me because she wants children and I don't.

So yeah, that drive is strong as we were a rather fabulous match for each other otherwise.

I'm not into small children either, I'm just not constituted to deal with it. I've passed some decent women by for it,but I know my limits.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 10

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 8:41:56 PM

Taylore

Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

What an interesting question, and one this slave will admit had never really crossed her mind before. When I first met Master, I was not looking. I had only just started to learn a bit about this life, and still had no idea what exactly I was looking for. For three years, we flew back and forth to see each other ( Master lived in Texas, and I in Califorinia ) while I tried to decide if this was what I wanted or not.
However, in that time, I never felt any pressure to decide quickly. I will admit to a feeling of relief on my part when I finally did make the commitment. So, maybe, unconsciously, I was feeling a bit pressured?

I asked Master how he felt during that time period, while he waited for me to decide. His exact words were 'extremely frustrated followed by periods of intense pride " that I was choosing so carefully.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 11

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:04:23 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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Being single for past 10 years really for most part... have had no room mates other than kids... no live in doms or boyfriends. I find i'm very happy and content. So no... I don't feel the pressure... but if you ask my mom... she'll tell you what she told my kids... we stand a better chance of being attacked by terrorist again before Jessica gets married again.....LOL Gotta love moms!!!....

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(in reply to Taylore)

Post #: 12

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:09:17 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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I hate copping to "pressure" around this issue, but it's been quite a while since I've been in a relationship, and I feel most natural when I am in one. So I long to return to that state, and share both the small and larger pleasures with another person.

When I was younger, it was so easy to meet someone who was delicious. Now, perhaps because I've have years to cement my own desires and expectations, it's harder to find someone compatible. The whole idea of "finding" someone is strange to me. My last partner was perfect for me, but I never would have gone looking for him (a chain-smoking, cheap beer drinking computer programmer 27 years my senior). The person (or persons) who is right for us satisfies our conscious needs, and other drives that we might not be aware of as well. While I'm certainly happy enough operating on my own, I look forward to meeting that person and seeing what happens.

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Post #: 13

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:14:05 PM

SexyRed

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Joined: 8/19/2004
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I am not sure why someone who is happily partnered and never experienced "pressure" would be so interested in hearing about those who are not partnered...but to each his own question. To answer the question, as being partnered is a desired and natural state for most people, of course there is a pressure to find a partner.

The difference for those of us older and wiser, is that we have loved and lost and gotten back out there and perhaps now, we are much more selective about who we spend time with in order to not make the bad choices we made before.

It is futile to feel pressured or to worry about our percieved attractiveness as we age...aging is normal and I, for one, want someone who genuinely appreciates me for ME.

And, as someone else has stated, some may have found the one who makes their heart beat and for some reason, they cannot stay with that person. So, do you settle for someone who does not make your heart beat? Or do you make the best of things.

It is an individual choice, but I cannot honestly believe that the majority of people do not want to be partnered and even if that "pressure" is not expressed in looking for one, it is on the inside.

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(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 14

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:22:24 PM

LiliesDoGrow

Posts: 106
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I feel no pressure in finding someone to be a part of life as I grow older.

The stress of being with someone who is incompatible is more detrimental to one's basic health and well then choosing to be alone.

Actually, after much soul searching over the past few years, my preference is for simple loving friendships over romance. I can't imagine ever being married again or living with a partner.

It's comfortable not having another adult to answer too on a daily basis.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 15

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:26:28 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
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When I was 30, and even 35, I felt a great deal of pressure to find a partner. Any partner, so long as I wasn't "alone" in the midst of all my partnered up aquaintances and friends and family.

At 40, I've found that I quite enjoy being devotedly single and have neither the need or any desire, for relationships or a partner, per se. If I find myself in need of physical proximity/companionship with someone - well - I have several male aquaintances who are quite happy to provide themselves as meat for a bootycall or occassional dinner date. Fortunately, they have no more use for someone being underfoot all the time than I do, so it works out quite equitably.

If anything, KoM, I find that the older I get the LESS pressure I'm under to find someone. I've done the procreation thing (and thankfully never have to face that EVER AGAIN) so there is no ticking of the biological clock in that sense. And the bootycalls and casual play at the local dungeon meet any other companionship needs quite nicely.

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(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 16

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:31:48 PM

Sparr0w

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Joined: 7/11/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I fell into the pressure pool

Thankfully, I was able to come out of it a bit wiser, and with a bit more caution. Now, I am at a stage where it really matters little to me whether or not I have a partner or not.
As someone already said, it's better to be alone, than to be miserable with someone.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:40:08 PM

NastyOldMan

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/26/2006
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I consider most of my previous BdSm relationships as unmitigated successes. Some better than others ... but all in all, a wholly satisfying history. That being said ... I concur completely ... better to be alone than in a stagnant or unfulfilling relationship. I'm sure most can differentiate alone from lonely. It does take some maturity ... not everyone can be comfortable living alone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sparr0w
Now, I am at a stage where it really matters little to me whether or not I have a partner or not.
As someone already said, it's better to be alone, than to be miserable with someone.

(in reply to Sparr0w)

Post #: 18

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 9:42:49 PM

MistrssM

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Joined: 1/15/2005
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for some reason... unlike most women who have biological clocks tick tocking away.... the older I get the less pressure I feel......
I think spending most of my 20s in LTR's that never led anywhere I grew very picky....

I may not know what I want....but I know what I don't want....and I am patient enough to wait for it.....

I would rather be alone then settle.... and that takes quite a lot of pressure off.....feeling ok to be alone :)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/13/2006 11:44:44 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I used to feel that pressure more so than I do today. I found when I let go of that feeling and honestly just put myself out there I had plenty of offers. I am not yet 40, maybe I will go back to feeling like I am needy for a relationship? I somehow doubt that, desperation has a smell that tends to chase off a mate. Better to relax and enjoy the moments you have with those you have in your life.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 20

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