RE: pressure to find a partner.

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RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/14/2006 2:39:15 PM

SexyRed

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

For me, there's a sense that people are more distant from each other than they have ever been. We have all of this technology designed to allow us to connect easier, but in reality it allows us to distance ourselves from each other and hide behind technology. Because of this, I find myself often wondering if I'll ever find anyone because it is so hard to show someone who never actually sees the real you that you are in fact real.

As a result, I find myself distancing myself from people as well because it seems to be the norm, and it's a lot easier than trying to maintain a communication apparatus when no one else is trying as well. This is why I find myself losing myself in my writing, becoming other people in online computer games and simulations, and generally knowing fewer and fewer people as each day goes by.

This is so very sad and so very true.

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RE: pressure to find a partner. - 7/14/2006 2:43:50 PM

MasterCurios

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while i'm a male i can however understand what you are saying and agree that many are looking for youth and appearances...i however find this troubling,,when searching for someone we all have somewhat of an idea of who/what we are seeking...however if you keep your mind on track and look for what really important looks or age shouldnt matter...for me it isnt about the age or looks as opposed to what they have to offer as a whole being..i can take the bashing from this but it is actually true and more and more feel this way yet they are society scared to admit this..now to the flip side here...lol....many older women seek younger men for the same reasons you described in your post...

Master Curios

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RE: pressure to find partner - an unfashionable response - 7/14/2006 6:16:59 PM

shigglyboom

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There are a lot of invalid assumptions being made in this thread. Like:

People who feel pressure are not comfortable alone
People who feel pressure have incomplete lives, or are incomplete
People who feel pressure make more bad decisions
Pressure is generally a factor of age, a biological clock, or societal expectations
Pressure is inherently bad

I challenge anyone to prove the validity of any of these assumptions. Until then, consider this:

I have a very full and pretty durn satisfying life, I'm perfectly comfortable on my own (quite often more comfortable, frankly

) , I don't particularly want kids and have gotten over whatever the neighbors think about my relationship status.

Still, for the first time in my life, I feel enormous pressure to find a partner. Why? Simply because I want the best life I can have - that's my nature. Like many here, I've always imposed pressure on myself to achieve that goal - academically and professionally, for example.

A few years back I learned what it was like to be in a D/s soulmate relationship, and I realized that for me, that is the very best life. Like heaven. And I want to be in that sort of relationship again desperately. It would be disingenuous to pretend that I don't feel tremendous pressure from that desire and the fact that it's not fulfilled.

I'm a sub, for chrissake. The term inherently means being submissive to someone. When that someone's not around, obviously I feel pressure.

Does that make me less than whole? Not a whit. It's been said on these boards that a D/s relationship is about taking two halves that are in themselves already whole and making a sum greater than the parts. How does it make me less - "insecure", "codependent", whatever negative adjective - if I'm not content with my life being less than I know it can be?

Does it make me make bad decisions? Not particularly. I often do my best work under pressure - it's why I seek out high pressure professional roles. Like anyone else, I make good decisions and bad ones. I'm sure that pattern will continue when I'm in a relationship too. Then again, the responses on this thread so far are disturbing. I recognize it's unfashionable to admit you're lonely, even to yourself, but how can anyone control their response to pressure when they deny that it exists?

As to Knight's question whether pressure is necessary, pressure is a great incentive to go outside one's comfort zone, with all the risks and benefits that brings. Most people are creatures of comfort, so a certain amount of pressure can be beneficial in achieving one's goals.

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RE: pressure to find partner - an unfashionable response - 7/14/2006 6:49:47 PM

sublizzie

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What he said....

I'm doing fine on my own. I don't need a Dom/Master because I am incapable of managing my own life. But there is internal pressure to find someone I can serve who will appreciate me for who I am and allow that service. Without someone to serve there is a place inside me craves fulfillment to the point of being phyisically painful.

And the pressure is internal, not external. I am not being stupid in my choices due to that pressure, but I am always aware of the need and open to meeting someone who will assuage that need.

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RE: pressure to find partner - an unfashionable response - 7/14/2006 10:31:04 PM

champagnewishes

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If someone had told me 20 years ago that I would find myself alone at the age of 43, I would have panicked. I've gone through the rationalization that early 40's isn't old. I have time. One day i woke up and realized life was passing me by as i became my own worst critic and tormentor. It's hard when you know that as good as you are at this very moment, you would and could be that much better with someone. I have so much to give and i feel with the passing of time, it is going to waste. However, i do appreciate myself enough to give myself the very best. I would rather be the best alone me than to settle for less simply to fill the void. The future is what choices we make. At this point and time, i want to stack the deck so to speak. I want the choices that i have available to be the best choices possible. So for now, i am making sure that all the best choices are finding their way to the front of the line. It keeps me busy...lol

And in response to littlesarbonn and feeling distant, damn if that doesn't ring true. I am reminded of it with each passing day.

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Post #: 45