How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage?

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How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outs... - 7/13/2006 7:55:10 AM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

I don't know if this is the right area of the forum to actually be posting this, but I have a question out of curiosity. I was wondering how many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage and how does it affect your BDSM relationship? How does it affect your marriage? Are you open with your spouse or do you keep it secret?

thanks!

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

Post #: 1

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 8:15:54 AM

slavejlb

Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Greetings sister:
yes i am married and yes i did have a Master out side,and he is married too. both of our spouses know.
But i have stated many times you want to screw a good D/s realtionship let marriage get in the way. My husband was my first real time Master, Then one day we did something stupid and got married. There went the D/s, he tried to be what he thought a husband was, not the Master i feel in love with. life plays funny games that way. So because our D/s life feel apart, we started going outside the marriage to be able to keep in touch with out darken desire we went outside, he has others that serve him, and once again maybe i will have someone i can serve, right now i just hang out in message boards, and chat room, distance keeps the heart and soul safe
take care and be safe
slave jlb

< Message edited by slavejlb -- 7/13/2006 8:38:24 AM >

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)

Post #: 2

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 8:23:30 AM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

Umm no hello doesn't answer the question for me.

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 3

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 8:32:59 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I was married when I began to be active in the local public (relative thing) kink community. However, before I did it, I had a talk with my husband; I did not go out behind his back. He knew I was kinky before we dated or married...and that I had basically put it away because of him. We came to an agreement (no penile penetration) and off I went. We have since divorced, but it was about other issues, namely my final admission to him and myself that I just didn't want children and his ever increasing drinking habit. As far as I know, he's never felt the kink was a barrier since I stuck to our agreement. Maybe I'll ask him one day...we're very amicable. But, then again, it wouldn't it matter if it was...the other issues called it and still would have, kink or not.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)

Post #: 4

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 8:39:42 AM

slavejlb

Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

hello that is why i elabortated a bit, in my edit, i should have read the whole question before i responded,
take care and be safe
slave jlb

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)

Post #: 5

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 8:45:11 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I actually discovered my interest in bdsm when I was in a relationship. I studied and read a lot and knew it was growing in me to have to try it. I didn't talk to her much about it though, knowing she wouldn't understand at all. In the end, I know this did cause problems in our relationship, she could feel that I wasn't satisfied and needed more than she could give me. We started growing apart..and little by little..the passion faded from what we had. After she and I broke up, I tried it real life..and when I told her about it, she just sat there and cried. She couldn't stand the thought of someone hitting me in any way. We talked of this again just last night, she has been there thru all of the mess with me..and still.. it brings tears to her eyes because she knows what goes on. I can tell her till I am blue in the face.. it's not pain.. it's not abuse.. it's pure pleasure..that is brought on by a bit of pain..it's not the same as having someone abuse me out of anger.. or power. I only get what I allow and even ask for.

Even though I don't regret who I am and what I like... sometimes I admit that I wish I hadn't discovered it in me. I think she and I would still be together to this day, had I not...and I am sure I have caused her so much pain, which I can never take back.

~Andrea

PS.. I know we weren't married as you stated in the OP..but we were together for four years.. tried to have a baby.. had the rings..and even have tattoos that have a symbol reading "married couple" in chinese.... So I thought you wouldn't mind me chiming in..I hope.. Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 8:48:32 AM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

That's quite alright Andrea it goes along with what I posted I should have made the topic a little broader to "involved"

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 7

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 9:07:36 AM

mistresszarah

Posts: 25
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline

Currently I consider partners outside of marriage. Unfortunately my current marriage is nothing more than a legality for the next few months. Though I love and care for my husband very much, I cannot continue on in a relationship where two dominate personalities collide each and every day. Though there are several reasons for my divorce, most all of them stem back to the fact that he trys to be the dominate party in the relationship.

In discussing myself with new partners I am upfront about my relationship with my husband and I am very open in relation to our interactions. I have also taken my husbands considerations into account and will not invite other males to my home. (Common courtesy towards him.) His feelings run extremely deep and I most certainly would not want to harm him in any way.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 8

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 9:11:57 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I am married to a male of the species. It is a "unique" relationship and is no barrier to either my activities or romantic interests. If I felt that the marriage became a barrier to my living my life as it is best for me, the marriage would end. Equally, if he felt that my activities or beliefs were causing him too much distress we would end the relationship amicably and with mutual support of the other. Life is fluid, I do not expect the vows taken by the people we were 16 years ago to lock either of us into staying those same two people.
I do not keep secrets or hide anything. He and I give one another more space and privacy than most people would ever expect. Neither of us grills the other about our activities, neither goes thru the others email or other personal property. There is alot he does not want to know. It is available for him if he should ask or wish. We both respect the other and expect that it will be returned in kind. If I have to attend an occasional family function for him he knows without a shadow of a doubt I will not make him uncomfortable by dragging a half dressed slave girl in on a leash.....(evily laughing at that vision) unless of course it was vitally important to ME. IF that were the case it would have been discussed prior and he would try to be supportive.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/13/2006 9:23:50 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mistresszarah)

Post #: 9

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 9:19:35 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

not me

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 10

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 9:54:34 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I don't know if this is the right area of the forum to actually be posting this, but I have a question out of curiosity. I was wondering how many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage and how does it affect your BDSM relationship? How does it affect your marriage? Are you open with your spouse or do you keep it secret?

thanks!

I'm not married to My girl just yet, but we are engaged. We both play with others but I don't feel that those activities are truly "outside" of our relationship. We don't play privately with others, only in public so obviously we are open and honest with each other regarding our activities. I think that it has a very positive effect on our relationship, she enjoys watching me in action, and I enjoy watching her.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)

Post #: 11

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 9:55:16 AM

masochslave

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

I am married male love to live in a bdsm relationship (not in real life) . I told my wife about my imagination she tryied to give me a little of it (she dressup as i want & tied me she use a whip i made it & dress me a mask i made it too) but she dose not know who she must play . she dose not have the soul of a seriouse mistres.
because of this i am trying to have a relation.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 12

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 11:37:07 AM

sweetchubster

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

i am married to a 'vanilla' man whom i love very much, and plan on staying married to him and eventually starting a family together. We have had some outside relationships in the past, and have engaged in some light S&M and kink, but not for a long time, and always too few and far between..
When i told him a few months back that i wanted to explore this wonderful world of BDSM, it scared him at first. He didn't and still doesn't know all that much about it, and unbeknownst to him he is also very submissive, so the thought of trying to control me scared the shit out of him. He suggested that i try and find a Dominatrix, and it just so happened that i met my Mistress soon after that.

He has met her, and he knows pretty much everything about our relationship. His one hard limit for me is no vaginal/penile penetration, which someone else had mentioned earlier was theirs, also.
This has changed our marital relationship in a few ways. One, i love and cherish him more and more every day...i know that he loves me enough to let me be me, and that is just amazing.
Our sex life is also spiced up a little...when he hears about some of the prediciments i have been in, he just gets so hot and bothered.
He does get jealous sometimes if i am spending too much time with my Mistress or if he thinks She is asking me to do too much for Her, which is understandable. i try to let Her know when he is feeling that way, and She is very respectful of my marraige and knows that he comes first.
She also thinks that my husband is pure slave, just by the way he acts and has always treated me. He may or may not decide this is something he wants to explore, and it is up to him 100%.
It is definitely a unique situation, and not one i can talk about with very many of my friends, so it is very nice to be able to get on here and discuss it.

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)

Post #: 13

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 11:59:05 AM

SpankMuhButt

Posts: 1416
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline

I am married, my husband is my best friend and we have a great relationship but i married much too early, and i married the man i lost my virginity too,lol and didnt realize my kinks, i have told him and he is trying, the sex is great but i know deep down this isnt him and he is doing it for me. He knows i see Doms on the outside he doesnt question and I dont rub it in his face, he is alot more accepting of my bi side (duh what man wouldnt be lol). He knows I have men in my life friends and all and he even hangs out with them, i keep asking him to try new things but hes set in certain ways and tells me he dont want to hear it.

_____________________________

If you had one shot, one opportunity, To seize everything you ever wanted, One moment, Would you capture it or just let it slip?

gina

(in reply to sweetchubster)

Post #: 14

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 1:54:53 PM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

Thanks Everyone for posting and please continue to posting. My curiosity is piqued on this subject!

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to SpankMuhButt)

Post #: 15

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 2:33:43 PM

Man4Abuse

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

I'm married. I love my wife. But the BDSM side of me is something she will never understand. Some people are just vanilla. I was involved in the lifestyle long before I met her. And my love for her grew despite her vanilla tendencies. I feel torn about going outside the marriage to fulfill my desires, but I'm shortly at an ends. She cannot know because she has told me many times that any transgressions will be the end of us.

It complicates things because most Dominant Women, at least in the Philly area are not willing to play with someone who is "cheating" on his wife. I'm not into the pro-domme thing either, so my hands are tied, but unfortunately not in a good way.

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)

Post #: 16

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 2:54:34 PM

UBsincere

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline

For those who are married with their spouse not a participant or aware, there is a yahoo group that is just for that situation. If you are interested, you can join this group by using the following address

To subscribe:
[[email protected]][email protected][/email]

(in reply to Man4Abuse)

Post #: 17

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 3:08:46 PM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

Brat and I have been together for 9 years and married for five. We have explored many roads together and plan to continue to walk with one another when an interest hits. All the experiences we have been through, we have been through together. We have played in the swinging lifestyle many times, some both of us were involved, some I would just watch her and another. We are always in the market for bisexual women to have a bit of fun with us, and have recently been looking for another dominant male to join us. We do not have any interest in seeking an outside relationship without the other, we have way to much fun doing it together.

LOKI

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to UBsincere)

Post #: 18

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 3:23:41 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

I'm observing that so long as it's a woman/woman situation, the men don't mind. I wonder if it would be the same with another Male as the dominant?

(me thinks not)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to sweetchubster)

Post #: 19

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners ... - 7/13/2006 10:58:04 PM

fyrekittyn

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

When I was married (I'm in the middle of a divorce) I looked for BDSM partners outside my marriage. My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I were open, and he met every single person I was interested in playing with. The BDSM relationships remained casual, and it didn't really have an effect on my marriage. (It ended for other reasons.)

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 20

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