How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (Full Version)

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impishlilhellcat -> How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 7:55:10 AM)

I don't know if this is the right area of the forum to actually be posting this, but I have a question out of curiosity. I was wondering how many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage and how does it affect your BDSM relationship? How does it affect your marriage? Are you open with your spouse or do you keep it secret?


thanks!



slavejlb -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 8:15:54 AM)

Greetings sister:
yes i am married  and yes i did have a Master out side,and he is married too. both of our spouses know.
But i have stated many times you want to screw a good D/s realtionship let marriage get in the way. My husband was my first real time Master, Then one day we did something stupid and got married. There went the D/s, he tried to be what he thought a husband was, not the Master i feel in love with. life plays funny games that way. So because our D/s  life feel apart, we started going outside the marriage to be able to keep in touch with out darken desire we went outside, he has others that serve him, and once again maybe i will have someone i can serve, right now i just hang out in message boards, and chat room, distance keeps the heart and soul safe
take care and be safe
slave jlb



impishlilhellcat -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 8:23:30 AM)

Umm no hello doesn't answer the question for me.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 8:32:59 AM)

I was married when I began to be active in the local public (relative thing) kink community. However, before I did it, I had a talk with my husband; I did not go out behind his back. He knew I was kinky before we dated or married...and that I had basically put it away because of him. We came to an agreement (no penile penetration) and off I went. We have since divorced, but it was about other issues, namely my final admission to him and myself that I just didn't want children and his ever increasing drinking habit. As far as I know, he's never felt the kink was a barrier since I stuck to our agreement. Maybe I'll ask him one day...we're very amicable. But, then again, it wouldn't it matter if it was...the other issues called it and still would have, kink or not.

Master Fire



slavejlb -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 8:39:42 AM)

hello that is why i elabortated a bit, in my edit, i should have read the whole question before i responded,
take care and be safe
slave jlb



sleazybutterfly -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 8:45:11 AM)

I actually discovered my interest in bdsm when I was in a relationship.  I studied and read a lot and knew it was growing in me to have to try it.  I didn't talk to her much about it though, knowing she wouldn't understand at all.  In the end, I know this did cause problems in our relationship, she could feel that I wasn't satisfied and needed more than she could give me.  We started growing apart..and little by little..the passion faded from what we had.  After she and I broke up, I tried it real life..and when I told her about it, she just sat there and cried.  She couldn't stand the thought of someone hitting me in any way.  We talked of this again just last night, she has been there thru all of the mess with me..and still.. it brings tears to her eyes because she knows what goes on.  I can tell her till I am blue in the face.. it's not pain.. it's not abuse.. it's pure pleasure..that is brought on by a bit of pain..it's not the same as having someone abuse me out of anger.. or power.  I only get what I allow and even ask for. 
 
Even though I don't regret who I am and what I like... sometimes I admit that I wish I hadn't discovered it in me.  I think she and I would still be together to this day, had I not...and I am sure I have caused her so much pain, which I can never take back.
 
~Andrea
 
PS.. I know we weren't married as you stated in the OP..but we were together for four years.. tried to have a baby.. had the rings..and even have tattoos that have a symbol reading "married couple" in chinese.... So I thought you wouldn't mind me chiming in..I hope.. Andrea



impishlilhellcat -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 8:48:32 AM)

That's quite alright Andrea it goes along with what I posted I should have made the topic a little broader to "involved"



mistresszarah -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 9:07:36 AM)

Currently I consider partners outside of marriage. Unfortunately my current marriage is nothing more than a legality for the next few months. Though I love and care for my husband very much, I cannot continue on in a relationship where two dominate personalities collide each and every day. Though there are several reasons for my divorce, most all of them stem back to the fact that he trys to be the dominate party in the relationship.

In discussing myself with new partners I am upfront about my relationship with my husband and I am very open in relation to our interactions. I have also taken my husbands considerations into account and will not invite other males to my home. (Common courtesy towards him.) His feelings run extremely deep and I most certainly would not want to harm him in any way.



LaTigresse -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 9:11:57 AM)

I am married to a male of the species. It is a "unique" relationship and is no barrier to either my activities or romantic interests. If  I felt that the marriage became a barrier to my living my life as it is best for me, the marriage would end. Equally, if he felt that my activities or beliefs were causing him too much distress we would end the relationship amicably and with mutual support of the other. Life is fluid, I do not expect the vows taken by the people we were 16 years ago to lock either of us into staying those same two people.
I do not keep secrets or hide anything. He and I give one another more space and privacy than most people would ever expect. Neither of us grills the other about our activities, neither goes thru the others email or other personal property. There is alot he does not want to know. It is available for him if he should ask or wish. We both respect the other and expect that it will be returned in kind. If I have to attend an occasional family function for him he knows without a shadow of a doubt I will not make him uncomfortable by dragging a half dressed slave girl in on a leash.....(evily laughing at that vision) unless of course it was vitally important to ME. IF that were the case it would have been discussed prior and he would try to be supportive.



crouchingtigress -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 9:19:35 AM)

not me



yourMissTress -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 9:54:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I don't know if this is the right area of the forum to actually be posting this, but I have a question out of curiosity. I was wondering how many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage and how does it affect your BDSM relationship? How does it affect your marriage? Are you open with your spouse or do you keep it secret?


thanks!


I'm not married to My girl just yet, but we are engaged.  We both play with others but I don't feel that those activities are truly "outside" of our relationship.  We don't play privately with others, only in public so obviously we are open and honest with each other regarding our activities.  I think that it has a very positive effect on our relationship, she enjoys watching me in action, and I enjoy watching her. 




masochslave -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 9:55:16 AM)

[sm=crop.gif]I am married male love to live in a bdsm relationship (not in real life) . I told my wife about my imagination she tryied to give me a little of it (she dressup as i want & tied me she use a whip i made it & dress me a mask i made it too) but she dose not know who she must play . she dose not have the soul of  a seriouse  mistres.
because of this i am trying to have a relation.



sweetchubster -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 11:37:07 AM)

i am married to a 'vanilla' man whom i love very much, and plan on staying married to him and eventually starting a family together.  We have had some outside relationships in the past, and have engaged in some light S&M and kink, but not for a long time, and always too few and far between.. 
When i told him a few months back that i wanted to explore this wonderful world of BDSM, it scared him at first.  He didn't and still doesn't know all that much about it, and unbeknownst to him he is also very submissive, so the thought of trying to control me scared the shit out of him.  He suggested that i try and find a Dominatrix, and it just so happened that i met my Mistress soon after that.  [:)]
He has met her, and he knows pretty much everything about our relationship.  His one hard limit for me is no vaginal/penile penetration, which someone else had mentioned earlier was theirs, also. 
This has changed our marital relationship in a few ways.  One, i love and cherish him more and more every day...i know that he loves me enough to let me be me, and that is just amazing. 
Our sex life is also spiced up a little...when he hears about some of the prediciments i have been in, he just gets so hot and bothered.
He does get jealous sometimes if i am spending too much time with my Mistress or if he thinks She is asking me to do too much for Her, which is understandable.   i try to let Her know when he is feeling that way, and She is very respectful of my marraige and knows that he comes first. 
She also thinks that my husband is pure slave, just by the way he acts and has always treated me.  He may or may not decide this is something he wants to explore, and it is up to him 100%. 
It is definitely a unique situation, and not one i can talk about with very many of my friends, so it is very nice to be able to get on here and discuss it.




SpankMuhButt -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 11:59:05 AM)

I am married, my husband is my best friend and we have a great relationship but i married much too early, and i married the man i lost my virginity too,lol and didnt realize my kinks, i have told him and he is trying, the sex is great but i know deep down this isnt him and he is doing it for me. He knows i see Doms on the outside he doesnt question and I dont rub it in his face, he is alot more accepting of my bi side (duh what man wouldnt be lol). He knows I have men in my life friends and all and he even hangs out with them, i keep asking him to try new things but hes set in certain ways and tells me he dont want to hear it.



impishlilhellcat -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 1:54:53 PM)

Thanks Everyone for posting and please continue to posting. My curiosity is piqued on this subject!



Man4Abuse -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 2:33:43 PM)

I'm married.  I love my wife.  But the BDSM side of me is something she will never understand.  Some people are just vanilla.  I was involved in the lifestyle long before I met her.  And my love for her grew despite her vanilla tendencies.  I feel torn about going outside the marriage to fulfill my desires, but I'm shortly at an ends.  She cannot know because she has told me many times that any transgressions will be the end of us. 

It complicates things because most Dominant Women, at least in the Philly area are not willing to play with someone who is "cheating" on his wife.  I'm not into the pro-domme thing either, so my hands are tied, but unfortunately not in a good way.



UBsincere -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 2:54:34 PM)

For those who are married with their spouse not a participant or aware, there is a yahoo group that is just for that situation. If you are interested, you can join this group by using the following address




To subscribe:
     [[email protected]][email protected][/email]



LokisBrat -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 3:08:46 PM)

Brat and I have been together for 9 years and married for five.  We have explored many roads together and plan to continue to walk with one another when an interest hits.  All the experiences we have been through, we have been through together.  We have played in the swinging lifestyle many times, some both of us were involved, some I would just watch her and another.  We are always in the market for bisexual women to have a bit of fun with us, and have recently been looking for another dominant male to join us.  We do not have any interest in seeking an outside relationship without the other, we have way to much fun doing it together. 

LOKI



LotusSong -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 3:23:41 PM)

I'm observing that so long as it's a woman/woman situation, the men don't mind. I wonder if it would be the same with another Male as the dominant?

(me thinks not)



fyrekittyn -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 10:58:04 PM)

When I was married (I'm in the middle of a divorce) I looked for BDSM partners outside my marriage. My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I were open, and he met every single person I was interested in playing with. The BDSM relationships remained casual, and it didn't really have an effect on my marriage. (It ended for other reasons.)



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