RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage?

RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (Full Version)

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sweetchubster -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/13/2006 11:33:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong I'm observing that so long as it's a woman/woman situation, the men don't mind. I wonder if it would be the same with another Male as the dominant? (me thinks not) That's exactly right in my situation. i am very attracted to older male Doms, but my husband asked me to instead seek out a female Domme. i am bisexual, so it has worked for us so far.

soldierfunuk -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/14/2006 2:05:47 AM)
I am married and so is Mistress (just not to each other). My wife is not into anything like this at all and neither is Mistress's husband. We both have a need to fulfil, that we can do with each other. My wife does not know, but Mistress's husband does.

proudsub -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/14/2006 9:56:26 PM)
I was introduced to BDSM by a dom online and was afraid to tell Hubby about it, that continued for 2 years. I never sought a real life dom but when someone i had been chatting with asked to meet i agreed and became his sub for 6 mo. until Hubby found out. I was very lucky that Hubby forgave me, partially blamed Himself and said he wanted to be my Dom. My only regret is that i didn't discuss it with Him before transgressing. We recently celebrated our 38th anniversary and things couldn't be better.[:)]

champagnewishes -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/14/2006 11:12:46 PM)
Not me. I was in the lifestyle prior to marriage...and i waited till after i was divorced to return. Trust and honesty are as much a part of me as being submissive. And there was no way my ex with his oober ego could have handled me having a Dom too.

vield -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/14/2006 11:38:37 PM)
Quite a number of people are kinky but married to vanilla partners. I was, for many years. My spouse was happy not to have any sensuality that she could avoid, She asked me to "do anything you need to do but do NOT tell me about it." She felt guilty about not being able to fulfill me, and this way could feel I was taken care of. There are a lot of couples who have full and open communication with each other who reach outside monogamy to fulfill their needs. Sometimes one loves something that the other has a hard limit on, sometimes one or both seek skills the spouse does not have. I also know couples where both are dominant or both are submissive, and both meet their needs in these areas with others. One may be bi and the other straight. It is a big world and we are all different. vield

LokisBrat -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/15/2006 12:10:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong I'm observing that so long as it's a woman/woman situation, the men don't mind. I wonder if it would be the same with another Male as the dominant? (me thinks not) Perhaps you missed our post above yours. LOKI

Flame73 -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/15/2006 1:05:13 AM)
I am married to My DomDaddy, but We have a poly relationship. We chose this type of relationship before We got married because, while We love each other very much, We don't mesh perfectly on the BDSM side of the equation. I was a Domme for 6 years before I met Cross and decided to switch for Him. I did not wish to give up the dominant role that I loved so much. So it was agreed I could Top anyone I chose to, as long as it wasn't Him. While I am admittedly a Sadist, I am not a masochist. Cross is also very much a Sadist and my pain tolerances were nowhere near where He liked to play. Now in Our relationship We have included several people thru the years. Three of which were married to informed, but not interested nilla partners. We have also at one time included a sub/sub married couple. These situations were very open and ended on harmonious notes with never much of a conflict of interest. I once made the decision to play, casually with a man whose wife was not aware of his proclivities. This was not a good decision. I was confronted by the wife after the man confessed to "needing" this type of interaction in his life. I was personally listed in her grounds for divorce. I had a great deal of remorse in this situation and I have since gone to great lengths to insure that My partners are either unattached, or at minimum their significant other knows of My existence and role in a D/s dynamic related prospect.

iogikuma -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/15/2006 1:21:56 AM)
In my case, my long-term partner has been badly abused and traumatised in her past and as a result is virtually incapable of participating in any active way in her/our/my sexuality. All she can do (and does) is just lie there. The way she copes with her sexuality is not to acknowledge it - it's about seeing it in terms of it being forced upon her and hence she does not need to take responsibility for it. She has orgasms, but makes every effort to stay as quiet and motionless as possible - it's a denial that it's happening. She has great trouble coping with foreplay too - once again she doesn't want to be there and be involved. Now you might say that she's being seriously submissive, and yes, she is, but that level of submission is NO fun. After all, you need 2 people there to play, and she's basically just not there while we are being intimate. I get zero feedback. In fact, it's making me feel bad, as it feels almost like rape, and that's not something I like or want to do. I know she recognises that there's a problem, and she feels bad about it, but that's the way things are. So why am I telling you all this? Because faced with this in the long term, and not being willing to break up with her over what after all is not something that she can change, and is certainly not her fault, I have had to look at my options. I need intimacy and sexuality. I can't get it with her, and I never will be able to. I also need D/s in my life. My first choice would be to have what I want and need with my life partner. If that were the case I would not be looking, as I'm basically a faithful and monogamous man. But Fate has decreed that it isn't going to happen with my partner, so all I can do is try to ignore my needs or seek a relationship outside my primary relationship. The difference is that I don't see it as carte blanche to get out there and screw around. I have had several subs over the years, only ever one at a time, and they are always long-term liaisons. So I have always sought a liaison with just one woman apart from my partner. And it has to be the right woman. My last sub got married a couple of years ago and moved across the country. We still keep in touch and I have not found a suitable sub since that time. So I'm also fussy. A couple of years ago my partner accidentally saw an email which contained an advert that I was sending to a local BDSM group. In it I had written that I was seeking a long-term D/s liaison with just one woman as I was unable to have that with my partner whom I love dearly. She raised the issue with me, and after a short discussion made it clear that she understood my need, understood that I was not seeking to break up our relationship (and in fact that I was doing this to keep our relationship) and told me that she did not want to know and did not want to come across such an email again. So that's where things stand now. She's not really happy about it, but she understands and accepts it. I keep things discreet, and it seems to be working out OK... I guess that this story might be a bit different to a lot of others where someone might be bored, or "incompatible" with their partner etc., but in my case, it has really happened out of necessity as an alternative to being forced to go our separate ways.

Manawyddan -> RE: How many of you are married and seek BDSM partners outside of your marriage? (7/15/2006 7:14:51 AM)
My partner and I have been a couple for ten years, and have been married for almost a year. We have an open relationship. I have a long-term friendship with a woman whom I do bdsm play with (she has someone else she calls Master however). I am open to finding another partner who is more geographically close than my friend. My wife is more than willing, but due to her disabilities and our young child, it's difficult for me to spare time, so the logistics defeat me somewhat. I have also encouraged my wife to find another partner ... male or female, dom or sub ... but again, for the reasons stated above, logistics get in the way.

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