Sliding Back To Vanilla

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Sliding Back To Vanilla

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sliding Back To Vanilla

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:30:52 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

This question is for everyone,
Have you ever felt like you were sliding back into "vanilla" sex, as opposed to kinky with your partner? If so, how often and what do you do to get back the kink?

_____________________________

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:39:17 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I have only been in one short term relationship in my life that I would consider to be "vanilla", so this is kind of hard to answer. I don't think that I have ever "slipped back" into vanilla sex within an M/s or D/s relationship because even if the mechanics of it weren't all whips and chains....the dynamic was always present. It is possible to have straight up missionary no frills sex and have it not be vanilla. I would have to say that I even prefer to have my relationships occasionally "peppered" those sweet and tender lovemaking sessions as opposed to a straight diet of bondage, pain and screaming orgasms. I don't know if that answers your question or if I am way off the mark.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:40:32 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

This question is for everyone,
Have you ever felt like you were sliding back into "vanilla" sex, as opposed to kinky with your partner? If so, how often and what do you do to get back the kink?

I'd be pretty damned sad, if I were so obsessed with kink that I couldn't enjoy a straight fuck.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:43:14 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

I have found that I do it on a regular basis. I flip back and forth for some reason. Maybe it is because I lose interest for a while and try something different. I can say with certainty that I enjoy both.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:45:30 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

All too often, the Master fails his responsibility to maintain control over his slave due to laziness. It's just too hard to assert himself when he would rather sit in his recliner and watch a ball game. This kind of abdication of responsibility is so common in the mundane world that I think of it as a case of "Vanilla Slide." A D/s relationship that has not been given the hard work it requires to up hold the precepts of the lifestyle, and falls apart because of that lack.

_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:46:48 AM

SCORPIOXXX

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline

I am with erin on this one... The D/s dynamic is always an undercurrent -- but it doesn't preclude "easy" moments of relaxed, mellow, straight sex (oral, vaginal or anal; yes, anal can be vanilla too). Hey: if it feels good, do it!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:50:11 AM

aellea

Posts: 91
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

unfortunately we all have a lazy side. just a few are very proactive to diminish that slide and keep things in perspective. i would certainly hope that finding someone and expecting to have that element in place to have it disappear would be disasterous. like expecting to go gold prospecting and finding silly putty. fun but not what one was expecting!

(in reply to KennelDeSade2)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:52:10 AM

Tashacurly

Posts: 33
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

Hmm...there are moments where my Master and I have very loving, touching making love sessions.....but with my Lord, that happens rarely, it is almost always a "kinky" session with him....but as well, it usually is with my Master as well. Just depends on our moods, how tired each of us are...nothing like having a sex session when you are completely tired and worn out, lol....you cum, and then you just melt into sleep, lol. :0) Yummy.

(in reply to SCORPIOXXX)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 8:59:44 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

It is a D/s relationship. Everything we do together has a D/s undercurrent, wether we are 'playing'. or doing the shopping or just cuddled up talking. There is no 'downtime' for me being her Master or for her being Mine.

So it never gets to vanilla, however, yes, when the focus, due to real life, has to be on other parts of the relationship, the lowest priority often has to slide when other things need more time. The 'play' often ends up being to lowest priority.

Once there IS time, play soon comes back though. We both enjoy it, I enjoy it and I ensure it isn't abscent for TOO long. If needed time will be found

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 9:00:11 AM

shivvy

Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KennelDeSade2

All too often, the Master fails his responsibility to maintain control over his slave due to laziness. It's just too hard to assert himself when he would rather sit in his recliner and watch a ball game. This kind of abdication of responsibility is so common in the mundane world that I think of it as a case of "Vanilla Slide." A D/s relationship that has not been given the hard work it requires to up hold the precepts of the lifestyle, and falls apart because of that lack.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SCORPIOXXX

I am with erin on this one... The D/s dynamic is always an undercurrent -- but it doesn't preclude "easy" moments of relaxed, mellow, straight sex (oral, vaginal or anal; yes, anal can be vanilla too). Hey: if it feels good, do it!

i find myself agreeing with both of these viewpoints... If Master just wants "nice" luv making, then it's really nice to just provide that form him, but, and i mean no disrespect, i think often when we just "do it", i feel like it's because He's tired and just wants pleasing. i don't mind that either, coz any oportunity to please is lovley

_____________________________

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to SCORPIOXXX)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 9:14:32 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

We have a very active kinky and vanilla sex life, and I don't see vanilla sex as reflecting laziness, as some have asserted.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 9:17:58 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

I understand the question, but I fail to see 'vanilla' sex as seperate from BDSM - its the relationship that counts. Everything revolves around the relationship, which is BDSM - therefore, 'vanilla sex' may seem 'vanilla sex' to an outsider, but the dynamic of who He is and who I am doesn't change.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 9:28:49 AM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

I understand the question, but I fail to see 'vanilla' sex as seperate from BDSM - its the relationship that counts. Everything revolves around the relationship, which is BDSM - therefore, 'vanilla sex' may seem 'vanilla sex' to an outsider, but the dynamic of who He is and who I am doesn't change.

Peace and Rapture

I agree .. it's the relationship that counts and the underlying components of 'kink' are still there, i.e.- the D/s relationship. However, if one defines BDSM as being equal to D/s, then I could see where the sex may seem 'vanilla' since there would be not much outside the bedroom to pull from.
Other than that- communication, communication, communication!

~enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 9:28:59 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

For me I want both. I like cuddling and talking and slow, sweet, sex as much as rough, wild, and plenty of s/m sex. The type of sex, and tender moments you have, etc. doesn't change the dynamic of the relationship be it D/s, M/s, or whatever. Just my view.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 9:56:52 AM

slavejlb

Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Greetings Mistress
To be honest most of my life is going back to vanillia, instead of going to places like the Lair De Sada, my husband and go to the movies, Instead of setting up a nite of play back when we were just M/s we not sit and watch tv, most of the time in separate room, this is why i have recently stated you want to screw up a good D/s way of life get married. Besides as people get older, at times there mind set changes. life changes,
take care and be safe
slave jlb

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 10:07:59 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

This question is for everyone,
Have you ever felt like you were sliding back into "vanilla" sex, as opposed to kinky with your partner? If so, how often and what do you do to get back the kink?

I can say wholeheartedly that sex cannot ever be *vanilla* with my Master nor will it ever be......no matter how it's *performed*.

Sex , to me, is sex....... the only difference with this relationship is how I am regarded and how I regard him.

Positions, implements, toys...all could be used with a partner of any *bent*.........*Vanilla* , from a personal angle, would merely be knowing that I have as much control over the way things *go* as my partner.

agirl

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 10:09:55 AM

slavejlb

Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

memorandum

I have also come to learn that there are some things only the younger genertion should enjoy. that there comes time in my life anyway, things once enjoy no exist for most people my age.

take care and be safe

slave jlb

(in reply to slavejlb)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 10:16:33 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

We have a very active kinky and vanilla sex life, and I don't see vanilla sex as reflecting laziness, as some have asserted.

Be well,
Julie

I agree totally. I have a very kinky and vanilla sex life. We enjoy both. I don't think its laziness as much as you just need a change from time to time or perhaps don't have the time for the tying up or toys. In the mornings I'm just plain horny and I roll over in bed on top of my sub and tell him fuck me now. And he does

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 10:22:25 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

slavejib,

I am truly sorry things have become this way for you. I know many people older than you who enjoy "activites" even more now than when they were younger.

Well wishes

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 7/11/2006 10:23:21 AM >

(in reply to slavejlb)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Sliding Back To Vanilla - 7/11/2006 10:51:39 AM

incognitobynight

Posts: 61
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

[/quote]

I'd be pretty damned sad, if I were so obsessed with kink that I couldn't enjoy a straight fuck.
[/quote]

I would consider myself incredibly lucky for just a "straight fuck" right about now.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Profile

Post #: 20