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Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 10:53:53 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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Having had enough of the posts about weight, money, etc etc ad nauseum, I'd like to see us get back to perhaps a topic with more depth---if we can---having lunch the other day with a submissive friend of Mine--the subject of personal power versus positional power came up--he observed that I seemed to have a great deal of personal power--attracting people to Me. I never thought a thing about it, I always thought it was just Me---My way, My style--now this is not about Me, but the concept of personal power that exudes or flows naturally versus positional power which almost "demands or commands" attention--so I'd like to hear thoughts about the differences between personal power and positional power and which one draws you when you seek a O/one?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

Post #: 1

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 11:05:58 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

I'm attracted to people who live on center.

The ones who are not, will inevitably try to draw me away from mine.

I guess that misery loves company.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 2

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 11:23:57 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have much of my own personal power, or charisma. Adults, babies, and dogs seem to be drawn to me. That is not necessarily a good thing, Hitler had a lot of personal power too. I have a leader persona in my daily life, people look at me when they go to make a decision, like they are okaying it with me.. I am uncomfortable with this, although I keep a confident smile in place when expected to take the "lead"....

My point of the above paragraph is that I do not see having power as a dominant characteristic. I cannot yield to someone that I do not possess. If I had little personal power then I believe I wouldn't be as good of a submissive in my own mind. Having power, and yielding it rather than weilding it, is only something someone that is confident in themselves will be able to do.. again this is for me personally I am speaking.. others will have different thoughts.

As far as whether I look for someone with personal power to dominate me? Of course I do! The person in my life presently has a different set of "powers" from me, but he, like me, is looked to as a leader, someone that will get it done. I look up to him as someone that is probably more powerful in that way than I am...someone that will see projects through to completion... I respect this and it draws me to him..

Just my thoughts

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 3

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 1:05:37 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

Interesting. It has been pointed out to Me on more than one occasion that I have a charisma, a power, that commands attention. People listen. People pretty much do My bidding. I do not intend to have this effect on people, but I guess I must have if people are making it a point to point it out to Me.

I do not think I attract people to Me and to be very honest with you I have no interest in doing so. Of course I do attract women, as I have had back to back girlfriends/wife/etc for 20 years. That is fine by Me, but if I want a friend I will go looking for one. I am very picky who I choose to associate with. When I do choose to seek someone, for some reason I tend to seek those who are submissive. I have done this all My life, but I have only known about My kink for roughly two years. Only two out of all the women I have ever dated were domineering and I dumped them very quickly. It was appealing for a while, but I lost interest in it very quickly.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 3:52:15 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I think personal power is exuded and positional power is expected. Personal power draws me.. positional power, unless it's combined with personal power doesn't do a thing for me and often leads me to seeing those who 'expect' it as something quite the opposite of dominant.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 7/9/2006 3:53:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 5

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 4:27:30 PM

QuietDom

Posts: 255
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

Interesting thought. I've known for a long time that I'm capable of easily attracting attention, interest, and even admiration, but only when I deliberately turn my charisma 'on'. I think it has more to do with having had some stage experience when I was younger than with any essential character of mine. It feels phony and deceptive, so I very seldom do it.

Most of the time, conversely, I'm the invisible man. I drift in and out of rooms unremarked, listen quietly to conversation, and generally go so unnoticed that people jump when I speak, not having been aware that I was there. It's not a sexy or glamorous way to act, and probably has a lot to do with why I don't attract subs, but it's EASY! Once all eyes are on you, you have to continually be impressive enough to justify it, or you'll disappoint your audience. With lack of attention comes lack of expectations.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 4:42:04 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I think why Doms have personal power is that by being on, thinking about sex and D/s and calculating others in a sexual way, we are more aware and different in demeanor than many. I work in a field where everyone is highly educated with mega responsibilities and I do just fine socially which leads to enhanced work prestige.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 7

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 5:02:51 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Interesting topic.

Last night, I went on a "first date", meet for coffee and see what happens, with someone I met through the ads in here. He identifies as a dominant and I as a submissive.

For some reason, though, the entire evening, the hostess and wait staff seemed to continually turn to me expectantly whenever they asked something, like how many were in our party, what would we like, would we like anything else, etc. Each time, I tried to subtly defer to him, expecting him to sort of "take over", be the gentleman out with a lady, but when I would look back at the waitstaff, they'd still be looking expectantly at me, and I'd finally answer. I more or less found myself in charge of the evening, even though I hadn't planned it way, and in fact, expected quite the opposite. Not to say that I expected him to order for me, etc. But he seemed to be shy with a gentle air about him, and I'm pretty self-confident in public situations, and I wonder if I was exuding a "personal power" without realizing it. At one point, when the waitress asked yet again if we wanted anything else, and should she leave the check, barely acknowledging him, I laughingly apologized and made a light joke about not meaning to take over, and he laughed and said it was no problem. But I did feel a little awkward, even though I'm always friendly and make eye-contact with service personnel like waiters and hostesses, it seems natural to be that way. I think he was a little uncomfortable because of a natural shyness that he seemed to have.

Perhaps people sense the energy given off from quietly self-confident people as opposed to bravado (false or true) exuded from those who might be a bit insecure so they over-compensate by being overbearing and demanding of attentioin and control of a situation?

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 8

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 5:04:02 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Well, I'm tall, have blue eyes, am fairly intelligent and a retired career military man.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 9

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 5:06:06 PM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

Nice to encounter a question that makes take a look at myself and characteristics, thank you.

When I want to use personal power , I have an over abundance of charisma, charm, and magnetism that, for the most part, generally bends the situation to my will. I hold positional power that has to be excersised in my profession, but this is expected in order to sucessfully lead the newbs into battle.

I can say I am more comfortable and in my element exuding personal power, but I am damn good with using positional power to accomplish a sucessful project at work.. Perhaps being a Gemini aids in my ability to work with these dual powers. Makes me want to shout "wonder twin powers, activate."

LOKI

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to QuietDom)

Post #: 10

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 5:09:56 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, I'm tall, have blue eyes, am fairly intelligent and a retired career military man.

and that means what in relation to this post?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 11

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 6:29:01 PM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Having had enough of the posts about weight, money, etc etc ad nauseum, I'd like to see us get back to perhaps a topic with more depth---if we can---having lunch the other day with a submissive friend of Mine--the subject of personal power versus positional power came up--he observed that I seemed to have a great deal of personal power--attracting people to Me. I never thought a thing about it, I always thought it was just Me---My way, My style--now this is not about Me, but the concept of personal power that exudes or flows naturally versus positional power which almost "demands or commands" attention--

so I'd like to hear thoughts about the differences between personal power and positional power and which one draws you when you seek a O/one?

Hey Mistress Hathor... and all...

Very cool question!

But Jeeezus Keerist.... do you see the answers from the men?

Fuck.... I thought I was the pompous windbag on this forum.

I haven't given a second thought
to this bullship "personal power" crap
since I gave my Anthony Robbins tapes
to the kid who used to deliver the papers late every morning.

Granted, the kid does own the apartment building
where my delux basement-penhouse suite is... but i still think it's bunk.
Wish he'd turn the A/C back on though.
The younger generation's got no gratitude, i tell ya.....

But seriously,
I just go through my life
and do my best to be strong and pure and simple
and direct in moving towards what I want in life.

Some folks like that,
and like where I'm heading,
and that means we mostly get along,
and generally move in the same direction,
with a little friction here and there.

Most of the rest of the world
couldn't give a red hot damn
about me and my wants and desires.

So we nod in acknowledgement,
pass each other on the sidewalk,
and get on with our lives.

Doctor Power Dubious!

< Message edited by DoctorDubious -- 7/9/2006 6:31:42 PM >

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 12

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 6:44:30 PM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, I'm tall, have blue eyes, am fairly intelligent and a retired career military man.

and that means what in relation to this post?

Mistress Hathor,

I'm surpised someone with your acute perception missed it.
Look again at his pic...

He's studying his own reflection in his watch.

Doctor of Dubious Humor

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 13

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 7:18:35 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MH00314, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eye, I see things in this manner;

Personal Power is what everybody acquires through their lifetime. Putting all the experiences, knowledge, skills and such; will transmit in confidence and a person who has depth.

Positional Power, is often temporary, to which it relies on others to empower and or have the 'appearance' of power over others, as to will or command others into behaviors due to position, authority and or leadership. Yet, can be a total opposite, becoming positional in a slave, submissive and or servant power, to which is commanding, strong and inspiring, that empowers another through their power that is contained and restrained through submission.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 14

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 8:01:56 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Personal power. Positional power would come naturally after that, I'd suppose, if someone possessed personal power. I realize that might not always be the case for everyone, but that is what I would end up seeking.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/9/2006 8:03:34 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 15

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 9:09:46 PM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

Personal power, and presence. If you don't think it is something that can be taught, then don't tell the military academies. They think they have been on large successful in doing just that, some for several hundred years. For the most part, I believe they have a pretty good track record of success in that area.

There is charisma, chemistry, presence, and a thousand small details that make up how others respond to you. I get service in a restaurant by strength of presence, a learned skill. I get recognition from those women I do, on the basis of a combination of presence, charisma, and association. But while recognition is great and wonderful, the only thing that matters in submission and surrender, is chemistry, and that is something I have less than no control over, and don't think that I've ever seen any hint that anybody else does either.

_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 16

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/9/2006 9:35:39 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

I may have this wrong, but in my minds eye, military academies would seem the ideal candidate for positional power. Police officers would rank right up there in the positional power category.

Personal power comes with exuding confidence. I have recently experienced a shift in this area. I was always one ready to set the world on fire...there was nothing i couldn't do. After my divorce, and years of being made to feel worthless, i found myself devoid of any personal power. And was treated accordingly. Jobs i was obviously over qualified for overlooked me. It wasn't until i looked deep inside and was able to tap into my personal power that i began to get noticed again.

I do however understand what QuietDom is saying. I had a discussion with a Dom friend of mine a few months back on this subject. As an experiment, he asked me to walk into the doughnut shop that i frequented every morning for a year...where i was well known by patrons and employees alike. Only that morning, he asked that i make myself invisible...to go undetected. It was interesting. I had to actually ask for a medium coffee with cream where as normally they were pouring it and had it sitting on the counter by the time i got there.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to KennelDeSade2)

Post #: 17

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/10/2006 3:16:26 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

There is a thing on different types of power in M/s relationships at this link: http://bestslavetraining.com/slavemgtpower.htm

the color makes it hard to read, but it's good stuff. By the way, "Best slave training" doesn't mean arrogent best.. B.E.S.T is an acronym for something, but i forget what.

What drew me .. "expert power".. the belief that this Master has the the specialized skills and knowledge sought by the slave seeking..

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Post #: 18

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/10/2006 4:00:10 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I think it's personal power that drew me to my Dom. He has a quiet air of authority that appeals to me.

For me, I guess I have some positional power in my job that kind of "slops" over to personal power. That is, in meetings I'm often asked my opinion on whatever subject. But then again, without my department's "ok", the project could get shelved.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 19

RE: Personal Power and the Dominant - 7/10/2006 5:33:05 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Personal power... sounds like another Americanised 'buzzword' to me. From my Pov it is only a matter of confidence grounded in reality and ability.

In the work arena I always ended up in a position of authority in rather short order. Why? Competance, confidence and being damn good at my job whilst being able to inspire those around me to achieve their tasks. I always built a team that other good workers wanted to be part of and the slackers where teriffied of. My teams always worked hard, played hard and watched each others backs, slackers where either shaken out of it or got rid of in short order. If there was a deadline, it was always met, usualy by a decent margin. There was a light hearted banter and feel even when everyone was 'nose to the grindstone' to get things done.

In private I'm often the laid back, fairly quiet guy in the corner seeming to have a succession of interesting converations with folks who wander over.... till someone has a problem or something needs doing.... These are wide and waterproof shoulders, they tend to get regular use. Something needs doing and nobody else seems to have the experience to pull it together.... they tend to turn to me.

I'm nothing special, I simply know what I can do and am confident in that. People look for that, rely on that, draw strength from that. Personal power sounds like something taken, it isn't, others feel the confidence and GIVE the power, the authority, the respect, it isn't 'taken'.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 20

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