Personal Power and the Dominant

Personal Power and the Dominant (Full Version)

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MHOO314 -> Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 10:53:53 AM)
Having had enough of the posts about weight, money, etc etc ad nauseum, I'd like to see us get back to perhaps a topic with more depth---if we can---having lunch the other day with a submissive friend of Mine--the subject of personal power versus positional power came up--he observed that I seemed to have a great deal of personal power--attracting people to Me. I never thought a thing about it, I always thought it was just Me---My way, My style--now this is not about Me, but the concept of personal power that exudes or flows naturally versus positional power which almost "demands or commands" attention--so I'd like to hear thoughts about the differences between personal power and positional power and which one draws you when you seek a O/one?

Caretakr -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 11:05:58 AM)
I'm attracted to people who live on center. The ones who are not, will inevitably try to draw me away from mine. I guess that misery loves company.

juliaoceania -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 11:23:57 AM)
I have much of my own personal power, or charisma. Adults, babies, and dogs seem to be drawn to me. That is not necessarily a good thing, Hitler had a lot of personal power too. I have a leader persona in my daily life, people look at me when they go to make a decision, like they are okaying it with me.. I am uncomfortable with this, although I keep a confident smile in place when expected to take the "lead".... My point of the above paragraph is that I do not see having power as a dominant characteristic. I cannot yield to someone that I do not possess. If I had little personal power then I believe I wouldn't be as good of a submissive in my own mind. Having power, and yielding it rather than weilding it, is only something someone that is confident in themselves will be able to do.. again this is for me personally I am speaking.. others will have different thoughts. As far as whether I look for someone with personal power to dominate me? Of course I do! The person in my life presently has a different set of "powers" from me, but he, like me, is looked to as a leader, someone that will get it done. I look up to him as someone that is probably more powerful in that way than I am...someone that will see projects through to completion... I respect this and it draws me to him.. Just my thoughts

SirKenin -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 1:05:37 PM)
Interesting. It has been pointed out to Me on more than one occasion that I have a charisma, a power, that commands attention. People listen. People pretty much do My bidding. I do not intend to have this effect on people, but I guess I must have if people are making it a point to point it out to Me. I do not think I attract people to Me and to be very honest with you I have no interest in doing so. Of course I do attract women, as I have had back to back girlfriends/wife/etc for 20 years. That is fine by Me, but if I want a friend I will go looking for one. I am very picky who I choose to associate with. When I do choose to seek someone, for some reason I tend to seek those who are submissive. I have done this all My life, but I have only known about My kink for roughly two years. Only two out of all the women I have ever dated were domineering and I dumped them very quickly. It was appealing for a while, but I lost interest in it very quickly.

BitaTruble -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 3:52:15 PM)
I think personal power is exuded and positional power is expected. Personal power draws me.. positional power, unless it's combined with personal power doesn't do a thing for me and often leads me to seeing those who 'expect' it as something quite the opposite of dominant. Celeste

QuietDom -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 4:27:30 PM)
Interesting thought. I've known for a long time that I'm capable of easily attracting attention, interest, and even admiration, but only when I deliberately turn my charisma 'on'. I think it has more to do with having had some stage experience when I was younger than with any essential character of mine. It feels phony and deceptive, so I very seldom do it. Most of the time, conversely, I'm the invisible man. I drift in and out of rooms unremarked, listen quietly to conversation, and generally go so unnoticed that people jump when I speak, not having been aware that I was there. It's not a sexy or glamorous way to act, and probably has a lot to do with why I don't attract subs, but it's EASY! Once all eyes are on you, you have to continually be impressive enough to justify it, or you'll disappoint your audience. With lack of attention comes lack of expectations.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 4:42:04 PM)
I think why Doms have personal power is that by being on, thinking about sex and D/s and calculating others in a sexual way, we are more aware and different in demeanor than many. I work in a field where everyone is highly educated with mega responsibilities and I do just fine socially which leads to enhanced work prestige.

windchymes -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 5:02:51 PM)
Interesting topic. Last night, I went on a "first date", meet for coffee and see what happens, with someone I met through the ads in here. He identifies as a dominant and I as a submissive. For some reason, though, the entire evening, the hostess and wait staff seemed to continually turn to me expectantly whenever they asked something, like how many were in our party, what would we like, would we like anything else, etc. Each time, I tried to subtly defer to him, expecting him to sort of "take over", be the gentleman out with a lady, but when I would look back at the waitstaff, they'd still be looking expectantly at me, and I'd finally answer. I more or less found myself in charge of the evening, even though I hadn't planned it way, and in fact, expected quite the opposite. Not to say that I expected him to order for me, etc. But he seemed to be shy with a gentle air about him, and I'm pretty self-confident in public situations, and I wonder if I was exuding a "personal power" without realizing it. At one point, when the waitress asked yet again if we wanted anything else, and should she leave the check, barely acknowledging him, I laughingly apologized and made a light joke about not meaning to take over, and he laughed and said it was no problem. But I did feel a little awkward, even though I'm always friendly and make eye-contact with service personnel like waiters and hostesses, it seems natural to be that way. I think he was a little uncomfortable because of a natural shyness that he seemed to have. Perhaps people sense the energy given off from quietly self-confident people as opposed to bravado (false or true) exuded from those who might be a bit insecure so they over-compensate by being overbearing and demanding of attentioin and control of a situation?

popeye1250 -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 5:04:02 PM)
Well, I'm tall, have blue eyes, am fairly intelligent and a retired career military man.

LokisBrat -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 5:06:06 PM)
Nice to encounter a question that makes take a look at myself and characteristics, thank you. When I want to use personal power , I have an over abundance of charisma, charm, and magnetism that, for the most part, generally bends the situation to my will. I hold positional power that has to be excersised in my profession, but this is expected in order to sucessfully lead the newbs into battle. I can say I am more comfortable and in my element exuding personal power, but I am damn good with using positional power to accomplish a sucessful project at work.. Perhaps being a Gemini aids in my ability to work with these dual powers. Makes me want to shout "wonder twin powers, activate." [sm=tongue.gif] LOKI

MHOO314 -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 5:09:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 Well, I'm tall, have blue eyes, am fairly intelligent and a retired career military man. and that means what in relation to this post?

DoctorDubious -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 6:29:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 Having had enough of the posts about weight, money, etc etc ad nauseum, I'd like to see us get back to perhaps a topic with more depth---if we can---having lunch the other day with a submissive friend of Mine--the subject of personal power versus positional power came up--he observed that I seemed to have a great deal of personal power--attracting people to Me. I never thought a thing about it, I always thought it was just Me---My way, My style--now this is not about Me, but the concept of personal power that exudes or flows naturally versus positional power which almost "demands or commands" attention-- so I'd like to hear thoughts *about the differences between personal power and positional power* and which one draws you when you seek a O/one? Hey Mistress Hathor... and all... Very cool question! *But Jeeezus Keerist.... do you see the answers from the men*? Fuck.... I thought I was the pompous windbag on this forum. I haven't given a second thought to this bullship "personal power" crap since I gave my Anthony Robbins tapes to the kid who used to deliver the papers late every morning. Granted, the kid does own the apartment building where my delux basement-penhouse suite is... but i still think it's bunk. Wish he'd turn the A/C back on though. The younger generation's got no gratitude, i tell ya..... But seriously, I just go through my life and do my best to be strong and pure and simple and direct in moving towards what I want in life. Some folks like that, and like where I'm heading, and that means we mostly get along, and generally move in the same direction, with a little friction here and there. Most of the rest of the world couldn't give a red hot damn about me and my wants and desires. So we nod in acknowledgement, pass each other on the sidewalk, and get on with our lives. Doctor Power Dubious!

DoctorDubious -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 6:44:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 Well, I'm tall, have blue eyes, am fairly intelligent and a retired career military man. *and that means what in relation to this post?* Mistress Hathor, I'm surpised someone with your acute perception missed it. Look again at his pic... He's studying his own reflection in his watch. Doctor of Dubious Humor

LadyHugs -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 7:18:35 PM)
Dear MH00314, Ladies and Gentlemen; In my mind's eye, I see things in this manner; Personal Power is what everybody acquires through their lifetime. Putting all the experiences, knowledge, skills and such; will transmit in confidence and a person who has depth. Positional Power, is often temporary, to which it relies on others to empower and or have the 'appearance' of power over others, as to will or command others into behaviors due to position, authority and or leadership. Yet, can be a total opposite, becoming positional in a slave, submissive and or servant power, to which is commanding, strong and inspiring, that empowers another through their power that is contained and restrained through submission. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

SusanofO -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 8:01:56 PM)
Personal power. Positional power would come naturally after that, I'd suppose, if someone possessed personal power. I realize that might not always be the case for everyone, but that is what I would end up seeking. - Susan

KennelDeSade2 -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 9:09:46 PM)
Personal power, and presence. If you don't think it is something that can be taught, then don't tell the military academies. They think they have been on large successful in doing just that, some for several hundred years. For the most part, I believe they have a pretty good track record of success in that area. There is charisma, chemistry, presence, and a thousand small details that make up how others respond to you. I get service in a restaurant by strength of presence, a learned skill. I get recognition from those women I do, on the basis of a combination of presence, charisma, and association. But while recognition is great and wonderful, the only thing that matters in submission and surrender, is chemistry, and that is something I have less than no control over, and don't think that I've ever seen any hint that anybody else does either.

champagnewishes -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/9/2006 9:35:39 PM)
I may have this wrong, but in my minds eye, military academies would seem the ideal candidate for positional power. Police officers would rank right up there in the positional power category. Personal power comes with exuding confidence. I have recently experienced a shift in this area. I was always one ready to set the world on fire...there was nothing i couldn't do. After my divorce, and years of being made to feel worthless, i found myself devoid of any personal power. And was treated accordingly. Jobs i was obviously over qualified for overlooked me. It wasn't until i looked deep inside and was able to tap into my personal power that i began to get noticed again. I do however understand what QuietDom is saying. I had a discussion with a Dom friend of mine a few months back on this subject. As an experiment, he asked me to walk into the doughnut shop that i frequented every morning for a year...where i was well known by patrons and employees alike. Only that morning, he asked that i make myself invisible...to go undetected. It was interesting. I had to actually ask for a medium coffee with cream where as normally they were pouring it and had it sitting on the counter by the time i got there.

Mavis -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/10/2006 3:16:26 AM)
There is a thing on different types of power in M/s relationships at this link: http://bestslavetraining.com/slavemgtpower.htm the color makes it hard to read, but it's good stuff. By the way, "Best slave training" doesn't mean arrogent best.. B.E.S.T is an acronym for something, but i forget what. What drew me .. "expert power".. the belief that this Master has the the specialized skills and knowledge sought by the slave seeking..

bandit25 -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/10/2006 4:00:10 AM)
I think it's personal power that drew me to my Dom. He has a quiet air of authority that appeals to me. For me, I guess I have some positional power in my job that kind of "slops" over to personal power. That is, in meetings I'm often asked my opinion on whatever subject. But then again, without my department's "ok", the project could get shelved.

RavenMuse -> RE: Personal Power and the Dominant (7/10/2006 5:33:05 AM)
Personal power... sounds like another Americanised 'buzzword' to me. From my Pov it is only a matter of confidence grounded in reality and ability. In the work arena I always ended up in a position of authority in rather short order. Why? Competance, confidence and being damn good at my job whilst being able to inspire those around me to achieve their tasks. I always built a team that other good workers wanted to be part of and the slackers where teriffied of. My teams always worked hard, played hard and watched each others backs, slackers where either shaken out of it or got rid of in short order. If there was a deadline, it was always met, usualy by a decent margin. There was a light hearted banter and feel even when everyone was 'nose to the grindstone' to get things done. In private I'm often the laid back, fairly quiet guy in the corner seeming to have a succession of interesting converations with folks who wander over.... till someone has a problem or something needs doing.... These are wide and waterproof shoulders, they tend to get regular use. Something needs doing and nobody else seems to have the experience to pull it together.... they tend to turn to me. I'm nothing special, I simply know what I can do and am confident in that. People look for that, rely on that, draw strength from that. Personal power sounds like something taken, it isn't, others feel the confidence and GIVE the power, the authority, the respect, it isn't 'taken'.

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