RE: Is there a double standard in the community?

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 12:35:39 PM

akisha

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Rather then go on and on *S* I'll just agree with the majority.

The only time I think it's wrong is when the spouse is left in the dark. I play with married men and have for years. But only if their wives know and agree before hand. And by this I mean I talk to them. I do not just take the word of the man.

The only time i didn't is when i was married as my spouse did not agree to it. *shrugs* therefore I had to curb a part of myself to apease his wishes.

< Message edited by akisha -- 6/26/2006 12:39:50 PM >

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 12:55:09 PM

denika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetbbwsub31

What a phenominal post KnightofMists! You plucked a lot of thoughts right out of my head. I believe that the sky is the limit as long as all parties involved have full disclosure. My situation is very similar to your denika. I am in a ltr (soon to be married) with a vanilla man who is supportive of my need to serve. He dabbles in BDSM but at this time prefers me to find my Dom elsewhere. He amazes me because he sees that my needs are getting met and he is strong enough to trust in the fact that he can not meet them at this time. He knows where I am and who I am with at all times. It works for us. I am not a manogomous person and I never will be. It's those that enter into a vanilla marriage and then hide their kink side that I have very little respect for.

sub tara

He's very good at doing that isn't He *s* bit scary at times when He can put down so much of what is being thought. Congradulations on your upcoming marriage. It is amazing what an open line of communication can do, mind you it also takes someone who is very secure in themselves as well to understand what they are comfortable with. As Knight mentioned Rob experimented but it really isn't an intrest to him and he doesn't want to pretend to be something he is not, that would just lead to frustration on both our parts. Your partner needs to be a friend as well and you wouldn't lie to your best friend, to steal a phrase from Dr. Phil, they are our soft place to fall when we need them the most and if there are lies in there, somewhere along the line they are going to come out.

Take care.

denika

ps...Knight, you keep flattering Rob like this he is going to get an ego then there will be no living with him *w* btw he says you still can't have the saw *g*

< Message edited by denika -- 6/26/2006 12:57:06 PM >

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 1:18:19 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

RE: Is there a double standard in the community?

Yes. As long as Humans have differances there will be double standards
in all things. (Take note of My signature below.)

What You should be more concerned with is Your opinion of self and not
what others think and overlook and ignore those who have views that differ
from Yours or who tempt to belittle that which does not agree with their shallow
singular narrowminded views. Thats what makes Us Great is the ability to accept Ourselfs
for Our differances from all and still be successfull in all We do illregardless of
others opinion or thoughts. Course there is a differance in Training with the well wishes of
your significant other and Owning online without the significant other having a clue. Thats
the differances in Honor and Integrity of Position and Promices to the parties involved and
being a Dom or the Scum of the Earth.
DomOrlMarried. You do the crime, You do the time and when breaking the santity of marrage just because as you both matured one of you changed doesent make it allright to do the changing unless its a mutual agreement and not put BEFOR the marriage and I think thats what most are saying here. Ive seen several Woman and Men who after 20 or more years of marraige have been shocked into divorce and belittlment by family and freinds and business associates because momma or daddie have found a new bag and were living a double life or standard. Priorities shouldent change with commitments and if they do I would be leary of any who would make such changes for the benifit of self into a new practice of alternate lifestyles because if they couldent hold true to their first commitment how can I expect for them to hold true to any commitment in a safe, sane, concensual fashion be they Dominant or subjudicate. But if the vanilla is totally aware and informed and simply has no desire to be a part but accepts the mate being apart I see no harm in such things. Course if the mate doesent agree I dont see the other mate turning tail and running either. One must stand up to their responcibilities regardless of what they are.JMO

< Message edited by MistressDREAD -- 6/26/2006 1:19:15 PM >

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 1:18:50 PM

RavenMuse

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I don't see any double standard. I don't much care if they are male or female, Married or simply 'with someone', what I will neither condone nor have any party to is 'cheating' and doing something behind a partners back is cheating wether there is sex or simply 'BDSM play IMO

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 1:44:17 PM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
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I don't think any of us can judge anyone easily on these matters. Having gone through a divorce and made myself single I want 100% of someone and would never even be shared. I'm too good for that. Married men approach me on line and in the real world, often. I'm not unsympathetic because I endured an unhappy marrigae for a long time and there are all kinds of reasons people stay together but it is often a very very bad and unsatisfactory deal for the single partner so I certainly feel no obligation or even temptation to be that person.

I can't understand however how anyone could sanction a married woman committing adultery but not a man. It should be gender neutral. In fact in the real world it's men not women who seem to be looked on more favourably if they play away.

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 7:20:45 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
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(based ONLY on the original OP post)

I don't know who you have been talking to, but my experience is that it is ONLY when an individual is dishonest with his or her committed partner(s), or deceitful in that he or she hides from the mate(s) that he or she is seeing and/or scening and/or whatever with others that they are generally sanctioned by the community. This goes for male or female, dominant individual or submissive individual.

If you are being honest with your wife, she is accepting and even encouraging of your activities, and you are both forthright in your feelings with one another, you are doing just fine, and very few in the community will offer even a word of censure (unless they have a problem -completely- with doing -anything- outside of the committed relationship where you probably won't have any luck changing their minds in any case).

It sounds to me like you've been exposed to a whole lot of the "Don't tell me anything because -any- action outside of the married pair is wrong" crew. Just go on doing what you're doing, and make a new batch of friends among your lifestyle associates.

You may also want to check out the poly forum here.

ZWD

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 6/26/2006 7:22:03 PM >

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 10:21:04 PM

DesertRat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
I do admire your honesty in your profile because i agree with becca333(only half evil?)there are a lot of married men on here who lie about being married in order to have a little illicit fun.

There are also those who are honest here or in their profiles on the other side, but not to their spouses. That qualifies as lowlife behavior, in my opinion.

Bob

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/26/2006 10:38:11 PM

Lordandmaster

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I agree with that. I'm not wise or perceptive enough to know what "the community" thinks, but fortunately I'm wise and perceptive enough to know that whatever they think doesn't amount to a hill of beans.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

What matters most is what your partners and you yourself think. When you and the important primary people in your life are happy and satisfied, who gives a shit what others "accept."

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RE: Is there a double standard in the community? - 6/27/2006 1:09:45 AM

Brosco

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{quick reply}

I am curious as to what a person in a (happy?) vanilla marriage is 'teaching' online.

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