RE: single searching

RE: single searching (Full Version)

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primeslave -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 10:08:11 AM)
i have read all of the posts here. kara, i am sorry, but i empathize with you and the posts seem to be from those who have never had a truly long and difficult search. platitudes all. sure, lots of good advice but still platitudes. i discovered that i was submissive a couple years ago. i am still looking for the One, my Master. it is so incredibly hard and so incredibly lonely. i have kissed a few frogs along the way. i have even believed them when they said they were sincere. getting past the ones that are married, the ones that are only players, the ones that say they are Gorean and honorable, the ones that never want to move to real time, and the ones that need to accept that i am not tiny and petite .... that doesnt leave a whole lot left. i am full of skepticism now. i have had my heart broken several times. i have come to distrust any that say they are Gorean as that to me is the first sign that something is dreadfully wrong. i am sure this has offended Goreans out there but this is my personal experience. i have met FOUR Gorean 'masters' and i have no respect left. this is planet earth and i truly believe in honor. i do NOT like 'masters' who lie and use people and say that it is their right because they are Gorean and you are just a slave. those of you who are sincere and honorable, my apologies. all that i have met were sincere in being Gorean and totally sincere in using it as an excuse to not have to be honorable. (side note .. this includes the one Gorean slave that i have met. she makes my skin crawl and others that i know that have met her feel the same way) i have come to distrust any that wish to meet right away and come on like gangbusters. as those are the players who are not real about wanting a true slave. these are both married and single. sigh, the last one that i believed was really one of the smoothest and most sincere. his profile even has a rant about those who are not real and just play games. new warning signs: setting up a yahoo profile JUST for communicating with you. talking about you being the ONE and that he is not looking anymore. insisting on talking to you daily until he has gotten what he wants from you and then he drops off planet earth. i have come to distrust those who will never move to meeting in real time. i have come to distrust those who will not send me a current and CLEAR picture of their face. i am now starting to insist on seeing the person on cam before i meet. i dont attend the local munches because that is just another round of destroying myself. the petty politics, the Masters/Dominants who want to add another to their stable, the jealous subbies (when will men learn that women are possessive and territorial??? sigh), the teasing of almost getting to serve but not really. i understand how incredibly lonely this journey is. i wish to submit to One and be his slave. i wish to find a Master and not bounce around between numerous ones. i had no idea that the journey to finding a Master would be so incredibly long. in the vanilla world, i have never had a problem finding dates or boyfriends or proposals of marriage. i understand now why my vanilla relationships did not work and i know that i need a Master. this is the longest i have ever gone in my life without having a man in my life and it is miserable beyond belief. still, i do not give up searching completely. my life is incomplete without Him. i am involved in all of those other things outside of this life but they are empty. keeping house ... is empty. sleeping alone ... is empty. and using my dildo ... is empty. how do i deal with it? i find that at times like this where i get so incredibly lonely that i want to crawl into my cave with my pillow and suck my thumb. yes, i have pulled my profile because i tired of all the games. i am concentrating on trying to heal myself and figure out why i cannot find a true and honest Master. surely there are good ones out there. there is no platitude in the world that helps with the lonely anguish of needing to serve and having no one to adore. you just keep going and never give up hope. you make it through the down times when you think you will never find someone and keep telling yourself, he is just around the corner. keep filing away the lessons and hope that it doesnt harden your heart so much that you cannot let him in when he does appear. you are lucky in that you have twice the field in looking for a Dom or Domme. good luck. hang in there. and let me know if you find the One. it will help me in my search to know that it is possible. primeSlave ~

MistressStchWich -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 10:40:40 AM)
I have been in the lifestyle for a short while and have experienced the same frustration in finding a slave that I faced in the vanilla world finding a partner...the difference is on the other side, I didn't know why I couldn't find someone. In this lifestyle I haven't found them because we haven't crossed paths yet. I don't have any platitudes or advice for you. I only know I have been single since 1986...oh, I do have some advice...don't lower your standards and settle for what "might work"...it won't and you will feel worse about it because you did lower your standards. Yes, being single is very, very lonely. It can drive a person to the psych ward. My favorite thinker, `Erehc Krueger once said, "I believe the human spirit can endure anything the world might bring their way; except loneliness." I know that finding someone "to do in a pinch" leads to even more destructive behavior...I have seen it many times in friends and family. I try to remember that I knew they were out there when I began the search, and that they still are. I may have already been in the same room as he/she....a restaurant or a concert; but we didn't cross paths. I believe if I walk my path with confidence and he/she will eventually veer onto it or I onto theirs. Until then, I have been devoting myself to learning, developing skills and meeting people who practice the lifestyle. It does nothing to fill the empty place in my life; but it keeps my mind from focusing on the emptiness. Properly used, camouflage can be a beautiful thing...lol Build friendships, girl. "You can never have too much faith, more happiness than you can handle nor more friends than you need..." `Erehc Krueger I will leave you with that and hope I have offered something you can use to encourage you in your search.

DivaZya -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 11:31:02 AM)
Options! There are different levels of activity available for a submissive's needs How about a temporary service to a 'friend" while you continue your search? How about joining another submissive friend in a household - while you are allowed & encourged to search? Is it a possibility that you could spend time as part time with the knowledge and assistance of someOne you aren't contracted to, so that you can both fill your need to submit as well as continue to seek? Maybe .. you could connect with what amounts to an agent or broker, in effect a Lifestyle matchmaker, One who is Experienced to see your potential and is willing to 'take you on' and help your efforts without trying to change your needs and desires into something for themselves. I know of a Lady in Victoria who does that - She's already got Her Primary and several part time locals so what do T/they get out of it? Safety and a chance to serve for the submissive, service and the opportunity to help a worthy submissive along on the journey. Some do look only for their "One" .. I think it makes sence to be in contact with the happy submissives and Owners that can share... kinda of like opening Their household in a 'rescue' pet mission. (I'm currently actively seeking a main coon kitten to get along with My ferrettita.. so I'm imagining a safe place for submissives to heal and seek from) I might be way off, but why not? D/s is all about honest communication - I Know I'm not for every one, but I just don't have room for -all- of the worthy ones!

CrappyDom -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 5:56:03 PM)
Primeslave, You seem to have a pattern of picking bad partners, since that pattern belongs to you so does the fault. You seem quite bitter and angry too, is that another pattern in your life? You seek a "true master" of which I am most certainly not but I am curious what a "true master" is to you.

Caretakr -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 6:10:39 PM)
look for a connection beyond kink,then seek the fantasy.

Wulfchyld -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 6:13:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub ...Loki....I thought you promised not to show the picture of the kiss we shared last night!!!...Bad froggie!....[:'(]..Tempting..(grin) Oh hell. Now you have done it. You blew my reputation for being a none kiss-n-teller. Wasn't it enough that I was just evil? Now I am an evil blabber mouth too!

TolerableCruelty -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 6:32:10 PM)
quote: i am full of skepticism now. i have had my heart broken several times. i have come to distrust any that say they are Gorean as that to me is the first sign that something is dreadfully wrong. i am sure this has offended Goreans out there but this is my personal experience. i have met FOUR Gorean 'masters' and i have no respect left. this is planet earth and i truly believe in honor. i do NOT like 'masters' who lie and use people and say that it is their right because they are Gorean and you are just a slave. those of you who are sincere and honorable, my apologies. all that i have met were sincere in being Gorean and totally sincere in using it as an excuse to not have to be honorable. (side note .. this includes the one Gorean slave that i have met. she makes my skin crawl and others that i know that have met her feel the same way) Firstly, don't presume to think you rank high enough to actually offend Me... its a hard task to accomplish. Now that thats out of the way, let Me begin. Alright, so you have met four Gorean Masters.. WoOt!! good job. So, they turned out to be a disappointment.. WoOt!!! GREAT!! You have just been introduced to the real world! People, in general, are not perfect. I haven't met one yet, Gorean or otherwise. There are "players" in every aspect of our everyday lives... not only Gorean, but in the bdsm side as well, in the christian church, in the pagan church, at the gas station, in mcdonalds, at the bars, in the chat rooms, at the mall, in school and at our jobs. Everyday we see, some form of "player" in one way or the other. Everyday someone in our life is going to let us down. Goreans are no exception. Goreans are often held to a higher standard. The reason being, is because We hold Ourselves to such standards. However, we falter as well. Goreans tend to be a tight knit group, and we do our best to police Ourselves and keep the players at bay, although, it is impossible to be on guard and catch everyone. A few do slip through the cracks. I guess, this is where the judgement of a supposed slavegirl would come in... We don't hold the title of "Jesus, or the "Almighty", so we are not perfect. As to the slave girl that makes your skin crawl, there are many people that I deal with on a daily basis that make My skin crawl, however, I don't find it useful or necessary to rant about such people in an open forum. It would serve no purpose. I am cynical of most of the world, as a whole... however, blaming one specific group for My cynicism, it utterly preposterous. Blaming all dark haired, dark eyed female for Me being played by one or two, is unfounded grounds for dismissing the one or two dark haired, dark eyed girls that are possibly worthy enough to serve Me. Just a thought, going through four Gorean Masters in such a short amount of time, is it possibly that One could deduce that maybe the player is the one staring you back in the mirror everyday?? ( Just a Devils Advocate point of view... sometimes when the worm turns, it's not such a great feeling ) I am certain that you will take little to nothing that I have said to heart, possibly tearing apart everything, and flaming... eh.. it happens.. Good luck on your search.. T.R. ~Not your average Gorean~

indigo302 -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 6:38:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kara Single still searching sub wonders how others deal with the physical and emotional frustration of finding a Dom Domme or of course the reverse if you are a Dom Domme searching for a submissive. Feel free to feedback thanks kara Why does it seem like nothing more than a singles ad?

feastie -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 6:39:41 PM)
Primeslave, You may think that many here are offering platitudes and have not endured a long search. Not only is this erroneous, it's a complete generalization. You don't know how long of a search any of us have had, you don't know how difficult or not it has been for any of us. How dare you think yourself the martyr slave of all time. I'll tell you something, chickie. It's difficult for everyone, damn difficult. It's lonely for everyone too. What, you think you're the only one? We've all had our share of hearbreaks, met our share of players. We all get frustrated because that's all there seems to be out there, online of off. A couple of years it's been for you? The longest you've been without a man? You need to learn that you don't NEED a man. There's a huge difference between needing and wanting. I'd rather be wanted any day of the week than simply needed. Yes, it can take a long-assed time to find the one person meant for you. Some of us will never, ever find that person. Harsh, but true. But I can tell you one damn thing, you sure as hell aren't ever going to find anyone by throwing yourself a never-ending pity party.

indigo302 -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 6:55:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: primeslave i discovered that i was submissive a couple years ago. i am still looking for the One, my Master. Two years is not a lot of time. Especially if you're looking for a long term relationship quote: i have come to distrust any that say they are Gorean... i have come to distrust any that wish to meet right away... i have come to distrust those who will never move to meeting in real time.... i have come to distrust those who will not send me a current and CLEAR picture of their face.... Who DO you trust? quote: i dont attend the local munches because that is just another round of destroying myself. the petty politics, the Masters/Dominants who want to add another to their stable, the jealous subbies (when will men learn that women are possessive and territorial??? sigh), the teasing of almost getting to serve but not really. So rather than looking in the real world you are looking online for your 'real true Master'....and you expect to find him? quote: i understand how incredibly lonely this journey is. ... i had no idea that the journey to finding a Master would be so incredibly long. in the vanilla world, i have never had a problem finding dates or boyfriends or proposals of marriage. i understand now why my vanilla relationships did not work and i know that i need a Master. Again....2 years from 'discovery of being a submissive' is not a long time.... in the big picture of life. quote: this is the longest i have ever gone in my life without having a man in my life and it is miserable beyond belief. still, i do not give up searching completely. my life is incomplete without Him. i am involved in all of those other things outside of this life but they are empty. keeping house ... is empty. sleeping alone ... is empty. and using my dildo ... is empty. I'm a firm believer that I do not NEED a man in my life. I want a man in my life. But I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong man. Sure it gets lonely from time to time, but I'm learning to be my own best friend....and actually ENJOY time by myself for the most part. It takes a lot of work to get to this point. I have personally taken 3 years off from searching for anything or anyone. Instead of wallowing in my misery of being alone....I've used the time to become financially and mentally ready to actually submit to someone. I think in the long run it brings me closer to meeting someone than sitting around being miserable and lonely. quote: you just keep going and never give up hope. you make it through the down times when you think you will never find someone and keep telling yourself, he is just around the corner. keep filing away the lessons and hope that it doesnt harden your heart so much that you cannot let him in when he does appear. You stop thinking about how much you need a "him", stop worrying about finding a man, and get on with the art of living. "He" is not going to make your life less miserable. "He" is not going to take you from emotionally empty to emotionally full. He is not going to ride in on a white horse and rescue you. "He" is not going to make your life complete. Only YOU can do those things. Only YOU can decide to be happy, whether alone or with someone. And until you do decide to be happy even if you are single.....You will continue to be "miserable beyond belief" indigo

akisha -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 7:22:23 PM)
Kara hun, I've been seraching for 15 years and still have not found the supposed "One". Doesn't mean i haven't had fun and learned alot in the search. You get irritated and tired and fustrated but you keep going on every day. That's the way life is. They say your match apears when you're not looking. lol but if you're not looking how do you see them there? Good luck hun, it'll happen, just don't forget to live while you look *edited cause i needed to beat the spelling trolls with a big stick.

Wulfchyld -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 7:30:41 PM)
rubs head and it friggen hurt too! I'm not the masochist... not the masochist!

eruditegirl1 -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 7:50:38 PM)
I don't really feel a frustration....although I am sure if I sat and focused my thoughts on finding a Dom....it would become frustrating.... I just live my daily life as I always have...fill my days with friends...family...just enjoying my life....I guess that would be the key to dealing...not focusing on finding...kind of enjoying the journey...not focusing on the destination...For instance....I am talking to the most awesome Dom....he is handsome...smart....and my goodness his voice....will he be the One...who knows...am I focusing on that...no...what I focus on is him....our conversations...his knowledge...basically...learning ...from him and about him...listening to his voice...his words....again the journey....not wondering if in 20 years down the road if we'll be sharing a denture cup.....or sitting on the front porch sharing a glass of prune juice....talking about the good ole days when we meet on collarme.....Maybe try doing things that you won't be able to do when you are in a committed relationship....go out with your friends...stay out real late...go to a mushy girly movie....etc etc....

Mercnbeth -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 8:10:44 PM)
quote: You may think that many here are offering platitudes and have not endured a long search. Not only is this erroneous, it's a complete generalization. feastie, Yeah, my quick search only took 20 years. Although it was often lonely, and sometimes sad, it was never boring; and it was a fun journey. I learned from the worst times as well as the good. I would have kept on looking if beth had not come into my life. she, on the other hand, 'searched' for 60 days. But she'll say she had 20 years of frustration in her life because she lived isolated from the knowledge that there was a "lifestyle" where her desires had a name.

enigmabrat -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 8:13:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld [image]http://mothernature1966.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/kissingfrog.jpg[/image] Hey thats mine!!

feastie -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 8:14:53 PM)
I admire your persistence, Merc. I'd prefer not having to search 20 years, though...I'd kinda like to find that person before I'm 63 [:D]

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 8:44:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: primeslave i have read all of the posts here. kara, i am sorry, but i empathize with you and the posts seem to be from those who have never had a truly long and difficult search. First things first. It's an awfully big leap to go from lightheartedness to thinking that someone is clueless or hasn't gone through those Dry Spells and Frustration. It's also a bad assumption to make - because I seriously doubt if any of us have Never felt that sort of frustration. The difference is, rather than feeling sorry for ourselves, we learn to cope with it and move on, practicing patience. Two whole whopping years? Yee Haw, girly. Some of us have been on the Looking end of things for more than a Decade without finding what it is that we're looking for. Get some time in grade that's at least a decade of Looking While Unfulfilled, then start talking about Frustration. quote: this is the longest i have ever gone in my life without having a man in my life and it is miserable beyond belief. still, i do not give up searching completely. my life is incomplete without Him. i am involved in all of those other things outside of this life but they are empty. keeping house ... is empty. sleeping alone ... is empty. and using my dildo ... is empty. prime, have you ever stepped back and considered the possibility that.. perhaps one of the reasons you haven't found anyone is that your dissatisfaction with your life shows up, and puts off potential partners? Until you learn to be happy with yourself - to accept what life throws at you and enjoy it Despite whatever happens to crop up (or NOT crop up, as the case may be) - are you really in a position where you can make someone ELSE happy? If you aren't whole in and of yourself - a complete person, whether someone else is in the picture or not - then no one is going to be able to "Fix it" for you. Yes, it's frustrating. Yes, it's sometimes lonely. No, it's not AS fulfilling. But you're the only one who can fix your life, or make it less empty. There are no White Knights. Prince Charming doesn't exist outside of fairy tales. No one is going to ride up on a white horse (or in a white sports car in this day and age) and carry you off to live happily ever after. Learn to make your Happily Ever After for yourself, rather than pissing and moaning about how no master is showing up to do it for you, and perhaps he WILL drop out of the blue. Damned few like a "needy" slave - and with your OWN ADMISSION of "needing" a man in your life you come across as needy and desperate. Desperation isn't exactly an Attractive quality either.

bignipples2share -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 10:05:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach There are no White Knights. Prince Charming doesn't exist outside of fairy tales. No one is going to ride up on a white horse (or in a white sports car in this day and age) and carry you off to live happily ever after. Awww why'd you do that. My little cinderella gown just wilted while reading this. I guess this means the fairy godmother isn't gonna show up either? < looking over at that big pumpkin in the garden> There are good people and bad people in all walks of life, or lifestyle. I've all the time in my life to wait for the good ones. ~Big

talibahh -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 10:19:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Advise: Stay away from politics and being drawn ito personality clashes. Fly well under the radar and a good person will notice you. It just takes longer. From a Gorean Master's perspective: "Better an empty collar than collaring the wrong person or the right person for the wrong reason!" *As always IronBear... great advice! [:)]* *tali*

talibahh -> RE: single searching (6/25/2006 10:21:58 PM)
*Batteries... lots and lots of batteries [;)]* *tali [:D]*

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