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Entertain me - 10/24/2012 4:26:44 PM   
ScarletKissesx


Posts: 158
Joined: 5/17/2012
Status: offline 		I'm bored in my hotel room somebody entertain me!! Jokes and funny stories appreciated :D
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 4:28:51 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		Two peanuts were walking down the road.

One was a salted.

(in reply to ScarletKissesx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 4:31:10 PM   
ScarletKissesx


Posts: 158
Joined: 5/17/2012
Status: offline 		Hehe I love those cheesy jokes :P

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 4:33:12 PM   
ladynlord


Posts: 247
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		A baby seal walks into a club.

Thats it. Short and horrible all at once.

_____________________________

‘The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.’

— Mark Twain

_____________________________________________

¿uǝddɐɥ sıɥʇ pıp ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ʍoɥ˙˙˙˙ǝɯ ןןǝʇ ʎpoqǝɯos

(in reply to ScarletKissesx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 4:34:45 PM   
ScarletKissesx


Posts: 158
Joined: 5/17/2012
Status: offline 		:O omg thats so sad but i gigled haha im going to hell who's coming with me! :D

(in reply to ladynlord)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 4:38:25 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		I'm bored too, so I'll share. Here is one of My favorite pick-me-ups:

I love the line, "A big girl huh? I like 'em healthy!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wREyI510XTo

(in reply to ScarletKissesx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 4:43:19 PM   
ScarletKissesx


Posts: 158
Joined: 5/17/2012
Status: offline 		I'm on my phone and cant see it :(

a giraffe and a man walk into a bar, they get hammered, giraffe passes out, man goes to walk out, bar man goes hey! You cant leave that lyin there, man turns around and says thats not a lyin thats a giraffe :P

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 5:01:59 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		NOOOOOOOOOOooooo!

Husband just tipped a whole bag of cheese puffs onto the carpet. GRRRR!

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 5:07:44 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		You know what I find amusing now but didn't when I was younger? Anytime I said, "I'm bored!" to my parents, there reply would always be "only boring people get bored." Use to drive me nuts!

Anyway. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Snopes excellent website for killing boredom. You'll be angry when your eyes go square from staring & reading the screen for 4 hours straight.

_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 5:13:43 PM   
ScarletKissesx


Posts: 158
Joined: 5/17/2012
Status: offline 		This is why I'm glad I'm on my phone so i dont stay up all night :P hmm some entertaining posts tonight, honestly im giggling to myself so badly

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Entertain me - 10/24/2012 7:54:56 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		I currently work at a warehouse for a very big name on line vendor (one you would recognize immediately if I were allowed to say it in the context of the following.)

Here's some of the reasons for employee terminations (e.g. firings) in the past few weeks......

1) There were the 4 guys on night shift who decided to play bumper cars with the forklifts.

2) There were the 2 guys on night shift who got into a sword fight using some rather elongated sex toys that we sell on line.

3) There was the guy who stole 5 laptops in front of a clearly labeled inventory control camera.

4) There was the guy who poked out all of the lights on his forklift's control panel.......right in front of an inventory control camera.


See any patterns to here?

(in reply to ScarletKissesx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 5:02:23 AM   
ScarletKissesx


Posts: 158
Joined: 5/17/2012
Status: offline 		Boys and toys mayhem will make?

(in reply to Muttling)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 6:39:14 AM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

You know what I find amusing now but didn't when I was younger? Anytime I said, "I'm bored!" to my parents, there reply would always be "only boring people get bored." Use to drive me nuts!

Anyway. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Snopes excellent website for killing boredom. You'll be angry when your eyes go square from staring & reading the screen for 4 hours straight.


My favorite line to my kids when they whine about being bored is:
I've never seen or heard of a case of anyone dying of boredom....try a book, that should keep your mind busy for awhile ;)

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 7:09:58 AM   
ScarletKissesx


Posts: 158
Joined: 5/17/2012
Status: offline 		I forgot to bring one with me :( and im stuck on a train again

(in reply to Lucifyre)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 7:42:14 AM   
wnyThroatLover


Posts: 214
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		Two guys walk into a bar.

First guy says, "I'll have a glass of H2O"

Second guy says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, too"







Second guy died.



Aah, chemistry humor

_____________________________

"Everybody poops
And if they don't they're an Android
And should be destroyed"

(in reply to ScarletKissesx)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 11:49:41 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		what's got one wheel and flies?



A wheelbarrow full of dog poop.



ta-DAAAAAA!!!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to wnyThroatLover)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 11:51:39 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You will have to provide your own french accents outrageous for this....

A man strolls the Champs Elysee in Paris and accosts a beautiful woman...

Monsieur: Will you go to bed with me, Mademoiselle?
Mademoiselle: (aghast, taken aback) What do you take me for, Monsieur?
Monsieur: But Mademoiselle, I will give you 50,000 francs for the honor of this interlude.
Mademoiselle: Oh, but Monsieur; I can see I have misjudged you, you are certainly a man of genteel nature and of great refinement...(coquettishly) What will you do when we share our bed of love?
Monsieur: I will lay you ever so gently in the finest linens in Paris, I will sprinkle you with fresh rose petals, I will tie you in the softest and silkiest flaxen ropes available—All the while; softly whispering passionate and wonderful words of lustiness in your pretty little ear.
Mademoiselle: (fanning herself, chest heaving) And then what will you do with me, Monsieur?
Monsieur: I will then bring forth my riding crop and beat you mercilessly as you scream.......
Mademoiselle: (horrified) Mon Dieu! And how long will you beat me for, Monsieur?
Monsieur: Until I am once again in possession of my 50,000 francs; you ignorant whore...

Je pense. Donc; je suis. Responde!
Viola! Un Homme!
Ron          


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 11:52:48 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Voltaire, eat your heart out!

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 12:02:32 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		What did Tarzan say when the elephants came charging over the hill?

He said "Here come the elephants charging over the hill"

What did he say when the elephants came charging over the hill wearing sunglasses?

He didn't say anything. He didn't recognize them.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Entertain me - 10/25/2012 12:05:38 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		In honor of the holiday:

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 20
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