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Public Displays - 8/12/2011 12:01:59 PM

Monosub

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much.

monosub

Post #: 1

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 12:04:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

If it's against your limits then it's against your limits. If she still wants to do it but it's against your morals, values, etc....then you two are incompatible.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 2

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 12:07:21 PM

SoCalM100

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/28/2011
Status: offline

Are you sure you would not like something before you try it. Even in the vanilla world comprimise is part of the game and so is doing things for the one we love that we dont always enjoy. Many men dont like to shop but go anyway.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 12:11:41 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

what do you mean by "public"? do you mean doing this randomly in front of vanillas, or at a play party?

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to SoCalM100)

Post #: 4

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 12:48:04 PM

stoni23

Posts: 178
Joined: 1/14/2010
Status: offline

It's up to you, you're the one doing it. If you don't think you can handle it then you probably shouldn't be doing it. If your current Mistress cannot fathom that, then littlewonder is correct, you two are not compatible.

_____________________________

Aren't we all just a little bit fake and a lot real?

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 5

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 1:14:07 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Monosub

As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. Yeah, right. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much.

monosub

Yes, you should tell her.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 6

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 1:33:02 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Monosub

As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much.

monosub

Simple answer is *yes, tell her.* What do you gain from NOT telling her and what do you lose if you do?

Do a cost/benefit and go from there.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 7

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 4:50:24 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

youre new, so its possibly fair to say that some of it is going to be a bit of a stretch until you get the hang of it.

for me, if its in a club id run with it. dont forget those guys have seen it all before 100 times and more. seriously its no biggie.

if its in a public place id say no, i have an issue with pushing what is essentially sexual content on a group of people just trying to hang out and enjoy their day.

but ultimatly id talk to her about it because in the end communication is all important at this stage and you should be ensuring those channels are well and truely open until youre sure and comfortable.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 5:25:36 PM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

You should probably tell her it's bothering you, communication and all that, but that said if you have to ask it isn't a hard limit. It's just that simple - if it was something you absolutely couldn't handle that was going to damage your psyche irreparably, we wouldn't be having this conversation, and if it isn't then you should do it for your Mistress. Period.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 9

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 6:12:13 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Monosub

As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much.

monosub

Absolutely. And in my opinion, any D type worth their salt would help you work past that point not just force it to happen.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 10

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 7:22:16 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

A BDSM relationship will only be successful if it's built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. You have the right to set any limits you want. A domme may decide your limits may make you incompatible with her, and she might try to coax and push your limits. But that should be a discussion with trust and respect. And if at the end you tell her you are not comfortable with the idea, and she still insists, she is not a domme you want.

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 11

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 8:56:31 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Always mention your limits. This avoids embrassment, misunderstandings, uncomfort, and any arguments. I love dominating in public and My subs enjoy submitting to Me in public but of course everyone has their limit of what, how, and where they will do a public scene. Both parties involved should be understanding. In fact, sometimes My slaves will do more in public than I am willing to do. One keeps saying "Yes Master!" to Me in public and calls Me his Goddess no matter where we are. Obviously he has less limits than I do! I love that.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 12

RE: Public Displays - 8/12/2011 9:14:10 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Monosub

As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much.

monosub

Let her know how you feel about this and then you both can discuss that further to reach some sort of a compromise.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 13

RE: Public Displays - 8/15/2011 5:08:32 AM

0ldhen

Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

You've been given good advice here. ALWAYS discuss any limits, concerns, dislikes with somebody you are playing with. If that person cannot respect your limits, move along, find another playmate.

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Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 14

RE: Public Displays - 8/15/2011 5:15:21 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I think that sometimes the issue is a person does not know his/her limits until they are confronted with a situation they are not sure they can handle. This seems to be especially true of male subs who have this macho side to work through. They start out with "do what ever you want with me" and then, like every other sub in the world, find out they have soft and hard limits.

If you are very new, it takes some play time before you even have a clue what those are.

To the OP: Yes, talk to your domme. How she handles this conversation should tell you a great deal about how much she cares for you as a person. She knows you are new, she should know how hard it is to establish trust, and how easy it is to destroy it.

_____________________________

(in reply to 0ldhen)

Post #: 15

RE: Public Displays - 8/15/2011 11:48:54 AM

popularDemand

Posts: 228
Status: offline

Agree with CP re: not knowing limits until they are explored in the first instance.
I have at my disposal a fine arse which will be put through it's paces "in public" for the first time quite soon.
There are no "macho" issues to work through, as it is a female arse.

However, I have a very strong suspission that she will rather enjoy being displayed whilst abused.

This does not alter the fact that our thoughts before the event are open to review throughout the experience.
It's a learning curve.
And a fine curve to learn on!

pD

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 16

RE: Public Displays - 8/15/2011 4:11:10 PM

straponprincess1

Posts: 48
Joined: 11/19/2010
From: Tampa
Status: offline

You should always be honest and then the rest takes care of itself

_____________________________

StrapOnPrincess
Strap On Sessions

(in reply to popularDemand)

Post #: 17

RE: Public Displays - 8/15/2011 5:08:31 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

This may be her fetish, so why not indulge her a little? Go out in public with her, and have her describe the spanking she wants to give you in a quiet voice. It will be a description in public, it will embarrass you, but it will not intrude on others.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to straponprincess1)

Post #: 18

RE: Public Displays - 8/15/2011 5:15:54 PM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

As mentioned above, what do you mean by "public"? Play party, local club, or in front of vanillas you don't know?

Also as mentioned above, talk to her about it. Nudging limits in a reasonable way is a hallmark of a good Dom/Domme. She can't understand how to do that if you don't communicate with her. If this is a play party/ BDSM club scene, then it may be good to let you experience such an event without play before you take the leap. If it's truly public, there are many things outside of kink to consider (for example, many of us couldn't because such activity could cost me my job.)

I wish you the best and hope you find reasonable ways to explore things that make you a little nervous as that's a lot of the fun.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: Public Displays - 8/15/2011 5:19:33 PM

ThatsMissBitch

Posts: 50
Joined: 7/31/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Monosub

As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much.

monosub

So I am a little confused.
Did she insist on that scene or was it she didn't so much insist on it?
Is it bending your limits, pushing your limits or did you even set this as a limit.
Was you embarassed at the prospect or was it the most embarrassing situation ever?

If this is how you communicate with the Dom I am sure she is just as confussed as I am.

You need to be clear with what you will and will not do. With what you will and will not try. Make hard limits clear and don't allowed them to be crossed. You may find later you might want to try to push to those limits if that is the case make that clear too. MOSTLY just make yourself clear.

(in reply to Monosub)

Post #: 20

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