Public Displays

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Monosub -> Public Displays (8/12/2011 12:01:59 PM)
As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much. monosub

littlewonder -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 12:04:44 PM)
If it's against your limits then it's against your limits. If she still wants to do it but it's against your morals, values, etc....then you two are incompatible.

SoCalM100 -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 12:07:21 PM)
Are you sure you would not like something before you try it. Even in the vanilla world comprimise is part of the game and so is doing things for the one we love that we dont always enjoy. Many men dont like to shop but go anyway.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 12:11:41 PM)
what do you mean by "public"? do you mean doing this randomly in front of vanillas, or at a play party?

stoni23 -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 12:48:04 PM)
It's up to you, you're the one doing it. If you don't think you can handle it then you probably shouldn't be doing it. If your current Mistress cannot fathom that, then littlewonder is correct, you two are not compatible.

windchymes -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 1:14:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Monosub As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. Yeah, right. [8\|] I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much. monosub Yes, you should tell her.

agirl -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 1:33:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Monosub As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much. monosub Simple answer is yes, tell her. What do you gain from NOT telling her and what do you lose if you do? Do a cost/benefit and go from there. agirl

lally2 -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 4:50:24 PM)
youre new, so its possibly fair to say that some of it is going to be a bit of a stretch until you get the hang of it. for me, if its in a club id run with it. dont forget those guys have seen it all before 100 times and more. seriously its no biggie. if its in a public place id say no, i have an issue with pushing what is essentially sexual content on a group of people just trying to hang out and enjoy their day. but ultimatly id talk to her about it because in the end communication is all important at this stage and you should be ensuring those channels are well and truely open until youre sure and comfortable.

Epytropos -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 5:25:36 PM)
You should probably tell her it's bothering you, communication and all that, but that said if you have to ask it isn't a hard limit. It's just that simple - if it was something you absolutely couldn't handle that was going to damage your psyche irreparably, we wouldn't be having this conversation, and if it isn't then you should do it for your Mistress. Period.

OsideGirl -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 6:12:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Monosub As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much. monosub Absolutely. And in my opinion, any D type worth their salt would help you work past that point not just force it to happen.

seekingreality -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 7:22:16 PM)
A BDSM relationship will only be successful if it's built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. You have the right to set any limits you want. A domme may decide your limits may make you incompatible with her, and she might try to coax and push your limits. But that should be a discussion with trust and respect. And if at the end you tell her you are not comfortable with the idea, and she still insists, she is not a domme you want.

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 8:56:31 PM)
Always mention your limits. This avoids embrassment, misunderstandings, uncomfort, and any arguments. I love dominating in public and My subs enjoy submitting to Me in public but of course everyone has their limit of what, how, and where they will do a public scene. Both parties involved should be understanding. In fact, sometimes My slaves will do more in public than I am willing to do. One keeps saying "Yes Master!" to Me in public and calls Me his Goddess no matter where we are. Obviously he has less limits than I do! I love that. Hope this helps.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: Public Displays (8/12/2011 9:14:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Monosub As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much. monosub Let her know how you feel about this and then you both can discuss that further to reach some sort of a compromise.

0ldhen -> RE: Public Displays (8/15/2011 5:08:32 AM)
You've been given good advice here. ALWAYS discuss any limits, concerns, dislikes with somebody you are playing with. If that person cannot respect your limits, move along, find another playmate.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Public Displays (8/15/2011 5:15:21 AM)
I think that sometimes the issue is a person does not know his/her limits until they are confronted with a situation they are not sure they can handle. This seems to be especially true of male subs who have this macho side to work through. They start out with "do what ever you want with me" and then, like every other sub in the world, find out they have soft and hard limits. If you are very new, it takes some play time before you even have a clue what those are. To the OP: Yes, talk to your domme. How she handles this conversation should tell you a great deal about how much she cares for you as a person. She knows you are new, she should know how hard it is to establish trust, and how easy it is to destroy it.

popularDemand -> RE: Public Displays (8/15/2011 11:48:54 AM)
Agree with CP re: not knowing limits until they are explored in the first instance. I have at my disposal a fine arse which will be put through it's paces "in public" for the first time quite soon. There are no "macho" issues to work through, as it is a female arse. However, I have a very strong suspission that she will rather enjoy being displayed whilst abused. This does not alter the fact that our thoughts before the event are open to review throughout the experience. It's a learning curve. And a fine curve to learn on! pD

straponprincess1 -> RE: Public Displays (8/15/2011 4:11:10 PM)
You should always be honest and then the rest takes care of itself

DarkSteven -> RE: Public Displays (8/15/2011 5:08:31 PM)
This may be her fetish, so why not indulge her a little? Go out in public with her, and have her describe the spanking she wants to give you in a quiet voice. It will be a description in public, it will embarrass you, but it will not intrude on others.

Muttling -> RE: Public Displays (8/15/2011 5:15:54 PM)
As mentioned above, what do you mean by "public"? Play party, local club, or in front of vanillas you don't know? Also as mentioned above, talk to her about it. Nudging limits in a reasonable way is a hallmark of a good Dom/Domme. She can't understand how to do that if you don't communicate with her. If this is a play party/ BDSM club scene, then it may be good to let you experience such an event without play before you take the leap. If it's truly public, there are many things outside of kink to consider (for example, many of us couldn't because such activity could cost me my job.) I wish you the best and hope you find reasonable ways to explore things that make you a little nervous as that's a lot of the fun.

ThatsMissBitch -> RE: Public Displays (8/15/2011 5:19:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Monosub As a newby sub, I am very embarassed at the prospect of being displayed for a spanking. I recently met a domme who insisted on that scene. It wasn't so much she insisted, it was the most embarrassing situation ever. Should I tell her that this is bending my limits too much. monosub So I am a little confused. Did she insist on that scene or was it she didn't so much insist on it? Is it bending your limits, pushing your limits or did you even set this as a limit. Was you embarassed at the prospect or was it the most embarrassing situation ever? If this is how you communicate with the Dom I am sure she is just as confussed as I am. You need to be clear with what you will and will not do. With what you will and will not try. Make hard limits clear and don't allowed them to be crossed. You may find later you might want to try to push to those limits if that is the case make that clear too. MOSTLY just make yourself clear.

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