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How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/4/2011 4:45:22 PM   
LadyAngelika


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Status: offline 		The following article is Dating Research from OkCupid http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/how-races-and-religions-match-in-online-dating/ and it provides some interesting data on compatibility by religion, race, and other factors. The results they present are unsettling to them and I'm wondering if there is any surprise in this for you.

quote:





More than anything this table shows the overall compatibility of all races—indicating that in a perfect world, yes, we could all just get along. Yet we don’t. And, in this way, it marks the perfect transition point in our discussion. In the real world people largely choose who to get along with, and even who to get to know.

As I said in the beginning of this post, match percentage is an excellent predictor of how well two people might get along; however, in the real world people largely choose who to get along with, and even who to get to know. In online dating, we can measure this choice by looking at how often people reply to actual messages from people of the various races, and then contrast that rate with the underlying compatibilities. And that’s exactly what we’ll do in the second half of this post, which will be up next week. Look once more at the match-by-race chart above and then look at the reply-rate-by-race table below.


So what are your thoughts on this?

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/4/2011 5:11:10 PM   
tazzygirl


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Status: offline 		I agree withh the site on this point...

All OkCupid users create their own matching algorithms, so when we determine who matches who, we’re just crunching the numbers people give us.

Its based upon what they are told.


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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/4/2011 5:12:35 PM   
littlewonder


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Status: offline 		Not any surprise to me. I know personally i definitely choose who I am compatible with. There are certain religious types that i simply can't be bothered to make as a friend let alone have any desire for a relationship with. There are certain races where I find that I tend to be leary of wanting around me. Does this make me prejudiced? Yeah probably. I think everyone is at some point.

My experience is that most people find compatibility with someone similar to themselves be it religion or race or personality.

Sure it would be nice to live in a world where none of that matters.....but it does. It absolutely does.




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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/4/2011 5:14:56 PM   
LadyAngelika


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Status: offline 		littlewonder, but that actually wasn't their conclusion. Their conclusion was somewhat the opposite of that. Look at the part I bolded.

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 8/4/2011 5:15:21 PM >

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/4/2011 5:18:37 PM   
littlewonder


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Status: offline 		I was reading the second sentence "in the real world people choose who to get along with". Imo that's absolutely true. As for a point match system....it can work I suppose but I don't think they ask enough questions to give an accurate picture. I've done the point match systems and they always want to match me up with Unitarians and Middle Eastern men which from my experience, we're nothing alike lol.



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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/4/2011 5:25:28 PM   
LadyAngelika


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Status: offline 		I understand what you read. But actually, your response proves their point: "however, in the real world people largely choose who to get along with, and even who to get to know" It's not that we can't date someone from another race because we'd have nothing in common with them. People have more in common than they think. It's that most people chose not to for their reasons, some kind of prejudice.

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/5/2011 7:25:47 PM   
LadyAngelika


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Status: offline 		__ Nevermind__


< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 8/5/2011 7:27:12 PM >

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/5/2011 7:42:28 PM   
LafayetteLady


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I understand what you read. But actually, your response proves their point: "however, in the real world people largely choose who to get along with, and even who to get to know" It's not that we can't date someone from another race because we'd have nothing in common with them. People have more in common than they think. It's that most people chose not to for their reasons, some kind of prejudice.


I don't think their conclusions are valid. First, there is a huge difference between who one has a relationship with and who one is friends with. Wanting someone of your own religious background is not prejudice of any kind. Refusing to be friends with someone outside your religion can be. For the former, it is a matter of wanting to have a life with someone where a core value is the same. That isn't prejudice.

Neither is wanting someone of your own race for a relationship. Each ethnic group tends to have similar physical characteristics. If someone is not attracted to the physical characteristics of someone who is Asian, that isn't being prejudice anymore than someone within the BDSM lifestyle to not want a relationship with someone who is poly when they prefer monogamy, or vanilla people who don't want to date someone who is morbidly obese.

For relationships, the majority of us want someone we are compatible with and attracted to. I don't really relate well to guys who are majorly into sports, needing to watch every game that comes on. However, my cousin's husband is like that, and it doesn't make me like him less. Just makes me glad I'm not married to him, because watching Monday Night Football and all the games on the weekend is far from what I find to be a good time.

It's amazing how most people think it is perfectly reasonable not to want someone who is too fat, too skinny, too active, too inactive, has a certain color hair or a certain length or doesn't share their kinks, but it is being racist and evidence of prejudice if what they are attracted to has anything to do with religion or race/ethnic background.

Far too often, people look for racism and prejudice where none exists. For me, this article is just evidence of that.

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 7:57:43 AM   
LadyAngelika


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Status: offline 		LafayetteLady, I didn't interpret their conclusions the way you did. The way I interpreted it was that we are probably less racist and prejudicial than we think we are.

Does anyone else see it that way?


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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 11:01:52 AM   
MileHighM


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

LafayetteLady, I didn't interpret their conclusions the way you did. The way I interpreted it was that we are probably less racist and prejudicial than we think we are.

Does anyone else see it that way?





Of course that's what that shows. However, I am of the mind that while the internet makes us more accepting of people, we are becoming more picky with people than before. Being exposed to more ideas and people we are less likely to be judgemental and outwardly racist. When it comes to dating, the internet allows to be more selective than ever.

Before internet dating, you would have to meet people. Therefore, you were forced to be more social (I don't consider chatting on the web to be very social, no personal interaction). Even though you might not initially consider someone datable material, being social with them you have the opportunity to get to know them and maybe even fall in love (think office romance). On the internet, you fill out these matricies of data where you say what you do or don't want. With thousands of people online who maybe local to you, it is in your best interest to be selective to cull through the herd, so to speak. In some ways that is a limiting factor.

--------------------------
Example:

DISCLAIMER : (ALL THOSE READING THIS DON'T GO OFF TRYING TO READ INTO IT FOR MORE THAN IT IS WORTH!!!!! I AM NOT GOING TO GO ON A 12 POST RUN TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF TO A MORON WHO DIDN'T GET WHAT I WAS SAYING!!!!)

I met my wife online. I used an internet dating service (not this one, but a vanilla one, and we were both BDSM who woulda thought). When I set up my dating preferences, I didn't include african-americans as an option. Why? Not cause I wouldn't date one. It is simple, in my life I don't find many who are particularly attractive. Some I find gorgeous, but on average not many. In the past, the ones I have found attractive, were not interested in me. I have always had more luck with caucasians, asians and indians. I limited my options online, not for reasons of racism, just convenience.

Sometimes it was in reverse though. I am not jewish, but I didn't mind dating jews. I have in the past. However, I didn't get one jewish match in a year. Why, probably because all the jews on the site in my area and age range didn't want to date an agnostic (granted this is speculation, but it makes sense).

----------------------------------

When it come to the net, when we are looking for love, I think sometimes it stops us from thinking outside the box. Too many people I know would bitch about how few a matches they were getting, and I looked at their profiles and they were extremely selective. I told them to be a little more flexible, but in their minds they were trying to find the end all ideal person (hard, considering expectations and some of these fuckers weren't too attractive).

For as many sites, like this one, that don't give a shit who or what you are. There are also ones exclusive to certain groups. You have muslim, jewish, mormon, christian, catholic, cougar, etc dating sites, which are pretty specific. They thrive on peoples' preconcieved notions of perfection or idealistic choices.

I am not sure if you can call all of this racism (I personally don't), but it is selectivism if you want to call it something. I agree with LafayetteLady, that a better indicator is who you are willing to make friends with and associate yourself with. Dating can be a lot like fetish, we like what we like, and we don't what we don't and there is no rhyme nor reason for it.

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 11:09:01 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		nice to see data taken from dating sites is helping everyone.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

The following article is Dating Research from OkCupid http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/how-races-and-religions-match-in-online-dating/ and it provides some interesting data on compatibility by religion, race, and other factors. The results they present are unsettling to them and I'm wondering if there is any surprise in this for you.

quote:





More than anything this table shows the overall compatibility of all races—indicating that in a perfect world, yes, we could all just get along. Yet we don’t. And, in this way, it marks the perfect transition point in our discussion. In the real world people largely choose who to get along with, and even who to get to know.

As I said in the beginning of this post, match percentage is an excellent predictor of how well two people might get along; however, in the real world people largely choose who to get along with, and even who to get to know. In online dating, we can measure this choice by looking at how often people reply to actual messages from people of the various races, and then contrast that rate with the underlying compatibilities. And that’s exactly what we’ll do in the second half of this post, which will be up next week. Look once more at the match-by-race chart above and then look at the reply-rate-by-race table below.


So what are your thoughts on this?


its largely bs but I am sure someone will try to make political hay with it.


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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 6:04:20 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks so much for your input. Definitely good thoughts to consider.

quote:

Of course that's what that shows. However, I am of the mind that while the internet makes us more accepting of people, we are becoming more picky with people than before. Being exposed to more ideas and people we are less likely to be judgemental and outwardly racist. When it comes to dating, the internet allows to be more selective than ever.


And perhaps it allows us to be selective on the things that matter, which are really not race, really.

quote:

DISCLAIMER : (ALL THOSE READING THIS DON'T GO OFF TRYING TO READ INTO IT FOR MORE THAN IT IS WORTH!!!!! I AM NOT GOING TO GO ON A 12 POST RUN TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF TO A MORON WHO DIDN'T GET WHAT I WAS SAYING!!!!)


Best disclamer ever :)



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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 6:30:21 PM   
hardcybermaster


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

There are certain religious types that i simply can't be bothered to make as a friend let alone have any desire for a relationship with




that's religon for you, I am sure your god is happy with that statement

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 7:47:06 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

There are certain religious types that i simply can't be bothered to make as a friend let alone have any desire for a relationship with




that's religon for you, I am sure your god is happy with that statement


My God is fine with my preferences.Thank you for your concern though.




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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 8:34:21 PM   
MileHighM


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

DISCLAIMER : (ALL THOSE READING THIS DON'T GO OFF TRYING TO READ INTO IT FOR MORE THAN IT IS WORTH!!!!! I AM NOT GOING TO GO ON A 12 POST RUN TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF TO A MORON WHO DIDN'T GET WHAT I WAS SAYING!!!!)


Best disclamer ever :)





;) Thank you lol

Any time

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 8:41:16 PM   
Owner59


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From: Dirty Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

There are certain religious types that i simply can't be bothered to make as a friend let alone have any desire for a relationship with




that's religon for you, I am sure your god is happy with that statement


My God is fine with my preferences.Thank you for your concern though.





I think our spirituality is a very personal thing.Just like our relationships.We make our personal choices and live with them.

Of course we can be discriminating in our preferences of friends,lovers and relationships with god.


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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 8:44:14 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:


I think our spirituality is a very personal thing.Just like our relationships.We make our personal choices and live with them.

Of course we can be discriminating in our preferences of friends,lovers and relationships with god.


Absolutely. And we all do. The research was simply pointing out that we do this by choice, not necesssarily because it's the natural thing to do (my interpretation of their findings).


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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/6/2011 8:48:18 PM   
Owner59


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:


I think our spirituality is a very personal thing.Just like our relationships.We make our personal choices and live with them.

Of course we can be discriminating in our preferences of friends,lovers and relationships with god.


Absolutely. And we all do. The research was simply pointing out that we do this by choice, not necesssarily because it's the natural thing to do (my interpretation of their findings).


Seems more random than that to me.

We like who we like and connect with religion the way we do.Some nature,some nurture and a bit of chance.

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/7/2011 12:14:00 AM   
Kaliko


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Status: offline 		FR -

I do remember learning way back in college that people are physically attracted to people that look similar to them. It was interesting - we looked at wedding announcements and yes - a good number of them looked alike. I still look at couples today for similarity. (Doesn't always happen, of course...damn crazy kids in love have to break the curve.)

Anyway, I assume the same theory can be applied to skin color.

Religion, though? I think it makes for some very interesting discussion with someone who has a different belief system than I do...until it drives me batshit nuts.

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RE: How Races and Religions Match in Online Dating - 8/7/2011 12:29:12 AM   
Owner59


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From: Dirty Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

FR -

I do remember learning way back in college that people are physically attracted to people that look similar to them. It was interesting - we looked at wedding announcements and yes - a good number of them looked alike. I still look at couples today for similarity. (Doesn't always happen, of course...damn crazy kids in love have to break the curve.)

Anyway, I assume the same theory can be applied to skin color.

Religion, though? I think it makes for some very interesting discussion with someone who has a different belief system than I do...until it drives me batshit nuts.


Culturally I think,we tend to gather with familiar people,same backgrounds and ways of life.So we tend to pair off with people like ourselves,have families,etc.

I think if we spent more time mixing with other races and religions,there would be more relationships between them.

And I think that`s happening in America more and more,all on it`s own.



< Message edited by Owner59 -- 8/7/2011 12:30:15 AM >

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