MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
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violet answering here ... i gave up control. That's what submission is about BUT ... the most important thing is who you give up that control to. Pick your Dom ultra carefully! Have long long discussions so you know if you and He are on similar wavelengths, what He is expecting to control, and what He is not. Also, i believe that if He is sensible, He shouldn't expect you to yield all right from the start, control should evolve over time as trust develops and is verified. This is a process that might take years.
There were things when we began that were given - my pets, (a Dom who loved pets too was an essential and dammit, now they love Him more than they love me!), and, at that stage, my location (in a house on a big property with a Dungeon shed ... so He willingly gave up His notion of a sub would come to Him ... and came to me ... which necessitated moving several thousand km across country, not a little move). my career was also a given ... though any changes were to be discussed with Him. i easily yielded control of clothes etc although He's not a micromanager so it was more a matter of a few easy rules. First main thing i yielded was the right to accept outside invitations without consulting Him. Never has He made me refuse anything 'just because He could' ... 99% of the time it's a yes, you can go, only very few times has He said no, for very good reasons. Four years in, i voluntarily yielded control of finances, having sold the big property which was co-owned with someone else, it made better sense for Him to buy the next house as being a first time owner, He got all sorts of govt incentives that i couldn't have got. Yes that was a tad scary at the time but never became an issue. Later i gave up musical control ... that was a big ask, i've been the leader of every other musical group ... but it worked once i did! So here we are, seven years together, not officially married but i've never felt more connected. i'm not sure whether there is anything else to yield ... maybe something will arise in the future ... but for us, this gradual yielding of control when i was ready to give it AND He was ready to receive it (something that subs often forget, it's a big deal for a Dom to take on more responsibility) ... has worked brilliantly.
As a Domme, I also don't see that there should be a prescribed list of ALL the things you'll have to give up when you meet a D ... I don't have one for any sub boy that I meet. I do have some givens, things he would have to agree to in order for a triad house to work ... obviously he'd have to be a petlover too, nonsmoker, willing to respect Master's role as Head of House, not expecting Me to share his bed overnight as I sleep with Master (however sex is definitely on the cards, not expecting nor wanting chastity ... and besides, with Master's charming descriptions of my snoring subby boy might be happy having his own room LOL!), and above all, he has to be willing to serve and be obedient because it's his point of joy to do so. I'm not expecting a sub to give up his job, friends, family, hobbies, interests etc ... but ultimately they would come under My umbrella of control. And control is very different from forced loss or sacrifice.
Hope that helps the OP.
Ma'am Jay aka violet[A]
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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. - 
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