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Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 1:52:24 PM

LoveSparkie

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline

I wrote this as a bit of a rant in my journal and decided to bring it here to get some opinions. Maybe I'm just being overly sensative here..

"I HATE when doms speak of their slaves/subs (or slaves/subs referring to themselves) as "it". They are NOT an "it". YOU are NOT an"it". You/He/She/They are not objects, they are PEOPLE..human beings with emotions and intelligence. A good dom would understand the level of emotional care it takes to own and/or dominate a sub/slave. A half-way intelligent sub would understand that being submissive does not mean being beat and treated like an object 24/7.

I completely understand some subs love and get off on being treated like an object and in that case it's a little different. However, I see so many "doms" on here that simply come across as being purely abusive rather then dominant. There is a difference and if you don't know it, you probably belong in jail for domestic violence rather then on here looking for more people to abuse.

I also see subs on here talking about themselves in a way that screams "I have low self esteem." You need to work on those self-esteem issues before you start serving anyone, because it takes a STRONG person to willingly put anothers needs before their own."

_____________________________

"You'll never know the good with out the bad.
It's not until you experience pain that you will know pleasure.
It's not until you experience heartbreak that you will know true love.
It's when you face death, that you truly love life."
~Sparkie~

Post #: 1

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 1:58:47 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Some people get off on objectification. If they do, and he does on doing it to her, and they're both happy, then why not do it on a journal or profile. It's not really meant to offend others, just to share their kink.

And I'm really tired of people insisting all subs have to be strong. Reminds me of that 80's song about earning the bacon and cooking it and doing it all.

Maybe you have to be strong. I don't want to have to be. I've been in therapy on and off for 30 years, and I'm as healthy mentally and emotionally as I'll ever be. But I'm not strong and that's just fine with him. He's strong enough for both of us. So who are you to tell everyone else when they can and can't be in a relationship?

If my licensed clinical psychologist thinks this is just fine for me, and the healthiest possible relationship for me, then who are you to say otherwise? If you don't have a PhD and state licensing or a MD degree in psychiatry, then you have no right to tell others what to do. And if you did have either of those degrees, you would know that there is no blanket statement to decide this. That it must be determined by the individual case.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/18/2011 2:04:40 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 2

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:01:05 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

well in some relationships, it's a mutually agreed upon change; there was a couple i met once who used "it," but i gathered that it was something that was a part of internalizing some headspace for the s-type.
in other couples, an s-type may lose his/her name, or refer to him/herself in the third person online, etc etc. people do all sorts of things.
some people do have low self-esteem, and some guys are bad, but there are other people who have their own reasons for what they do in their own relationships. you don't have to get into a relationship with a person like that, though. every couple using "it" isn't comprised of an absuer and the abused. for some of them, it actually just works.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 3

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:05:42 PM

LoveSparkie

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline

I think what bothers me more is the ones that are NOT in relationships.

Example: The doms that say "It will serve me whenever I please. It will have no say in what goes on. It will please my friends when I say if I so choose." ect ect..

or the subs that are single that say things like "It is worthless and only here to be your cunt slave" ect..ect..

Like I said, I might just be too sensative but I want scream at these people sometimes.

_____________________________

"You'll never know the good with out the bad.
It's not until you experience pain that you will know pleasure.
It's not until you experience heartbreak that you will know true love.
It's when you face death, that you truly love life."
~Sparkie~

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 4

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:07:22 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Not my cup of tea either. I remember a Domme who referred to men as xy's, and that bothered me too.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 5

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:09:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

I think what bothers me more is the ones that are NOT in relationships.

Example: The doms that say "It will serve me whenever I please. It will have no say in what goes on. It will please my friends when I say if I so choose." ect ect..

or the subs that are single that say things like "It is worthless and only here to be your cunt slave" ect..ect..

Like I said, I might just be too sensative but I want scream at these people sometimes.

Did you think that perhaps it was an ad to attract the sort of sub/slave type person who would get off on being treated this way?

It isn't for you, but that does not mean it isn't for anyone. Just move on to the next profile, find the one that you want, and wants someone like you. Otherwise you waste good energy on worrying about what other people want, and getting pissed off when it really isn't any of your business.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 6

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:10:50 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

I think what bothers me more is the ones that are NOT in relationships.

Example: The doms that say "It will serve me whenever I please. It will have no say in what goes on. It will please my friends when I say if I so choose." ect ect..

or the subs that are single that say things like "It is worthless and only here to be your cunt slave" ect..ect..

Like I said, I might just be too sensative but I want scream at these people sometimes.

i tend to just overlook those people. they're expressing something i don't believe about myself so i'm not compatible with them.
that said, the "worthless" it, and the guy who wants a worthless it might actually be a good match, and the worthless one might develop a sense of self-worth by thriving under the type of dominance that works for her.
of course, on the flip side, "worthless it" could just be exploited by the guy who wants a worthless it, but she thinks she'll never find anything better, and the guy is a chauvenist. there's a good version and a bad version; sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 7

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:12:56 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

Not my favorite thing, either, but it's easy to ignore.

pam

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 8

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:16:22 PM

FullCircle

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie
Example: The doms that say "It will serve me whenever I please. It will have no say in what goes on. It will please my friends when I say if I so choose." ect ect..

or the subs that are single that say things like "It is worthless and only here to be your cunt slave" ect..ect..

Conversely what is all this business calling inanimate objects such as cars and boats "her" about?

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 9

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:26:09 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

I think what bothers me more is the ones that are NOT in relationships.

Example: The doms that say "It will serve me whenever I please. It will have no say in what goes on. It will please my friends when I say if I so choose." ect ect..

or the subs that are single that say things like "It is worthless and only here to be your cunt slave" ect..ect..

Like I said, I might just be too sensative but I want scream at these people sometimes.

Well, try not to scream. It's not going to be louder than the voices in someone's head or the pull of their heart. You might try to whisper though.. people will fall silent to listen, then they can truly hear.

I don't know if you'll have a lot of luck saving the world from its own desires, but I wish you well in the attempt.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 10

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 2:34:36 PM

popularDemand

Posts: 228
Status: offline

You're my little tea-pot... etc etc

pD

_____________________________

A sentence should be like a serpent: Quick with a sting in its tail. String me a line that has meaning and depth.
There's no small talk with walky-talkies.
Small talk stinks.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 11

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 3:05:58 PM

purelea2003

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

Being an object does not equate to being worthless. Some objects are very valuable. Some humans are a waste of space. I'd probably risk my own safety to retrieve my violin if the house were on fire. The instrument is over 100 years old and I take excellent care of it. There are also 6 dogs and 2 cats here that I might refer to as "it" rather than he or she but I love them dearly. They are also taken extremely good care of and even spoiled. However they are expected to come when they are called, not make excessive noise and not potty on the floor. That's how I choose to treat my possessions - but - I will treat them and call them as I please. Lucky for my violin and the animals that I think it would be foolish to destroy, neglect or otherwise bring harm to my own property.

_____________________________

Ms Leah

"There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." - Booker T Washington

(in reply to popularDemand)

Post #: 12

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 3:39:43 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

I wrote this as a bit of a rant in my journal and decided to bring it here to get some opinions. Maybe I'm just being overly sensative here..

"I HATE when doms speak of their slaves/subs (or slaves/subs referring to themselves) as "it". They are NOT an "it". YOU are NOT an"it". You/He/She/They are not objects, they are PEOPLE..human beings with emotions and intelligence. A good dom would understand the level of emotional care it takes to own and/or dominate a sub/slave. A half-way intelligent sub would understand that being submissive does not mean being beat and treated like an object 24/7.

I completely understand some subs love and get off on being treated like an object and in that case it's a little different. However, I see so many "doms" on here that simply come across as being purely abusive rather then dominant. There is a difference and if you don't know it, you probably belong in jail for domestic violence rather then on here looking for more people to abuse.

I also see subs on here talking about themselves in a way that screams "I have low self esteem." You need to work on those self-esteem issues before you start serving anyone, because it takes a STRONG person to willingly put anothers needs before their own."

I hate rude, close minded people who sprout off about how wrong everyone else is and how right they are.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 13

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 6:08:05 PM

babygirl4daddie

Posts: 20
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

sometimes being someones "property" you are cherished and cared for lovingly. I always say its best not to judge how others decide their relationship should be.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 14

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 8:23:59 PM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

I understand what you mean. If the objectification is mutual, then I'm certainly not going to say anything about it. People are free to do as they please with themselves.

That being said, I do agree that the issue can sometimes be muddled. I've seen a few ads along the lines of, "It will do exactly as I say, without ever sulking. It will have not limits, and be treated as the worthless, subservient slut it is. It will never question my authority..." Which always gets me wondering...Really? No, seriously? You want a sub with NO safewords? NO limits? What kind of a dom doesn't care enough about his/her sub to desire good communication? What kind of dom is so egotistical that he thinks he can perceive any problems his sub might have all of the time, without giving him/her an out if he misses something? What kind of dom has a problem with his sub occasionally expressing his/her feelings? And what kind of sub would let a dom like that control him/her. Seriously?!? For real?!?

It makes me queasy thinking about it. But as I said, adults are free to do as they please, and if a woman is okay with entering into a relationship with that kind of dom, that's her choice. I won't say anything about it.

quote:

And I'm really tired of people insisting all subs have to be strong.

I think its important that all individuals try to be strong: doms, subs, vanilla types, everyone. Its important to be strong both for yourself and for those you love. That being said, I don't think an individual can be defined as "weak" just because he/she sees a psychiatrist, has a mental disability, or any psychiatric diseases. What makes a person strong is his/her constant striving to be a better person, his/her willingness to change for the better, and his/her ambition to fight for a better future. I only consider a person weak if he/she sits down and says "Fuck it, I am not even going to try and make things better because I can't, boo-hoo." I think it'd be incorrect to call yourself "weak" given all the effort you say you've put into yourself and your relationship. Just my two cents...not trying to step on any toes. :)

(in reply to babygirl4daddie)

Post #: 15

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 8:28:38 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

I think what bothers me more is the ones that are NOT in relationships.

Example: The doms that say "It will serve me whenever I please. It will have no say in what goes on. It will please my friends when I say if I so choose." ect ect..

or the subs that are single that say things like "It is worthless and only here to be your cunt slave" ect..ect..

Like I said, I might just be too sensative but I want scream at these people sometimes.

Why should things that others do and have preferences for bother you?

I am sure you do and prefer things that others might be bothered about.

So think before you judge others.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 16

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 8:36:51 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21

I think its important that all individuals try to be strong: doms, subs, vanilla types, everyone. Its important to be strong both for yourself and for those you love. That being said, I don't think an individual can be defined as "weak" just because he/she sees a psychiatrist, has a mental disability, or any psychiatric diseases. What makes a person strong is his/her constant striving to be a better person, his/her willingness to change for the better, and his/her ambition to fight for a better future. I only consider a person weak if he/she sits down and says "Fuck it, I am not even going to try and make things better because I can't, boo-hoo." I think it'd be incorrect to call yourself "weak" given all the effort you say you've put into yourself and your relationship. Just my two cents...not trying to step on any toes. :)

Really? I think that constantly striving for something you can't be is a waste of energy and effort that would be better used for things you can do.

If you have a chronic illness, then you need to accept it. Pretending it's going to magically disappear is foolish in the extreme in my opinion.

I much prefer someone who acknowledges the truth. So if you're physically disabled and need a crutch, then use those crutches. If you have an emotional or mental disorder, accept the reality of it and work within those confines. And just as a person can be physically weak, but still a person of value so can someone be emotionally weak or fragile and still a person of great value.

I own some antique glass that is fragile and weak and can't be used daily or put through the dishwasher. So what? It's still beautiful and imbued with family history, it's still of great value as long as its fragility is accepted and catered to. If I assume it has strength that it doesn't have and treat it as though it was a Walmart special, then pretty soon I'll have nothing but broken worthless glass.

Weak or strong are simply facts, like tall or short. They don't define value.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to HisPet21)

Post #: 17

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 8:52:19 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Yeah Master calls me "it" quite often. I sorta like it and when it comes right down to it, that IS what I am for him. I'm his property. He owns me. Property are objects that are yours to do with as you wish.

Has nothing to do with self esteem issues but to do with reality of our relationship.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/18/2011 8:57:24 PM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

quote:

Really? I think that constantly striving for something you can't be is a waste of energy and effort that would be better used for things you can do.

If you have a chronic illness, then you need to accept it. Pretending it's going to magically disappear is foolish in the extreme in my opinion.

I much prefer someone who acknowledges the truth. So if you're physically disabled and need a crutch, then use those crutches. If you have an emotional or mental disorder, accept the reality of it and work within those confines. And just as a person can be physically weak, but still a person of value so can someone be emotionally weak or fragile and still a person of great value.

I own some antique glass that is fragile and weak and can't be used daily or put through the dishwasher. So what? It's still beautiful and imbued with family history, it's still of great value as long as its fragility is accepted and catered to. If I assume it has strength that it doesn't have and treat it as though it was a Walmart special, then pretty soon I'll have nothing but broken worthless glass.

Weak or strong are simply facts, like tall or short. They don't define value.

To some degree, I'll agree with you. Obviously, I'm not going to jump off a building because I want to fly, and refuse to acknowledge my lack of wings. That'd be stupid. So yes, acknowleding your limitations is important. Yet, acknowleding your limitations isn't synonymous with accepting supposed "impossibilities" implied by your limitations. If I want to fly, but don't have wings, it'd be stupid of me to say, "Fuck it, I can't fly." If you really, truly want to fly, you shouldn't use your limitations as an excuse to give up on your dreams or yourself. Your limitations may limit you, but they should never define you. If I want to fly, but don't have wings then goddamn it, I'm going to build a plane. I'm going to find another way.

I strongly believe that the solutions to any one problem are endless, and that a strong person seeks the solutions that work for him/her, rather than believing that to fight and struggle is a "waste of energy and effort that would be better used" or that one's limitations are "simply facts, like tall or short." Strength is, in my opinion, not an inherent trait. Its something earned if and when you decide to step up to the plate and say, "I don't care what other people say I can or cannot do. This is what I want, or, this is what I don't want...and I will fight to change my circumstances."

I've often been told to "just give up" and that to do so would "be okay" given the circumstances, certain limitations, etc. But regardless of whether or not other people will be okay with my "giving up and giving in," I've never felt satisfied with myself after accepting defeat. And on those occasions where I have given in to my limitations, I have ALWAYS regretted it. It's hard to overcome limitations. I won't say it isn't. But I am far more afraid of giving up and wondering what could have been than of struggling on and potentially wasting my efforts.

< Message edited by HisPet21 -- 6/18/2011 9:12:07 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Referring to people as objects. - 6/19/2011 6:47:21 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

I met a dom once... He insisted, even after I had said to him that it was not my thing and it really bothered me, on calling me by objective names (not sure I'm saying that properly).

I was never you, I was always 'it', 'the' etc.

so Sparkie, I do pretty much get what you're saying.

I have no issue with those who get off on it, or whose dynamic thrives on that.. but ffs, I DO NOT, and I have a real problem with those who try to impose it on me.

Like I said, I met with him ONCE.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to HisPet21)

Post #: 20

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Referring to people as objects.

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