Stood up

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MasterCain71 -> Stood up (3/31/2011 3:20:04 PM)
Hi every one. My wife and I have arranged several play sessions with submissives. We talk on the computer for a while and then on the phone. We then make arrangements to meet in a public place to get to know each other more. Everytime we have arranged a meeting, the person never shows up. They either give some lame excuse or none at all. What should we do? My wife has been a domme for nearly 16 years and I have been involved for about a year now. Since no one has shown, I have no real experience doing this. You can check both our profiles. I am mastercain71 and she is moderncleopatra. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Speculation is also welcome.

LadyPact -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:34:23 PM)
Have you considered going to local munches and play parties to get some experience? It might help. This is what My husband and I did when he was learning to top. We did some co-topping together so folks could see that I was teaching him. A lot of people want to see what you can do before offering up their own backside. It worked out pretty well in his case. I'm not going to sit here and say that he plays nearly as much as I do, but he did get more opportunities than somebody just starting out that had no one to teach them.

Arturas -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:35:45 PM)
I've never been stood up. I have had six CM submissive inital meetings. I never talked about our BDSM desires until after meeting them over coffee at Starbucks or lunch at someplace nice and only when they brought it up. I don't know if you do or do not take that approach but only mention it incase it helps. Well wishes and good luck, Arturas

MasterCain71 -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:37:03 PM)
We've been to a few munches and a couple of play parties and still nothing. I really just want to know why people say they will meet us and never show. We got stood up 3 times in one day.

MasterCain71 -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:38:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas I've never been stood up. I have had six CM submissive inital meetings. I never talked about our BDSM desires until after meeting them over coffee at Starbucks or lunch at someplace nice and only when they brought it up. I don't know if you do or do not take that approach but only mention it incase it helps. Well wishes and good luck, Arturas Thanks. We have made arrangements to just meet for coffee or lunch to to feel them out a little better.

porcelaine -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:49:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCain71 Everytime we have arranged a meeting, the person never shows up. They either give some lame excuse or none at all. What should we do? Greetings, i think it may be a flaw in your approach and some errors in the selection process. It seems you're conversing with individuals that enjoy the idea of something but aren't prepared to make it real so to speak. There are a host of reasons why someone might elect not to meet. But continual no shows points to something else. i'd use this as a resource but make sure you're covering all your bases and aren't putting your eggs in one basket. Try an event or two as well. Since you're seeking play partners it would be helpful if they saw you both in action. Best of luck. Namaste, ~porcelaine

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:50:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCain71 Hi every one. My wife and I have arranged several play sessions with submissives. We talk on the computer for a while and then on the phone. We then make arrangements to meet in a public place to get to know each other more. Everytime we have arranged a meeting, the person never shows up. They either give some lame excuse or none at all. What should we do? My wife has been a domme for nearly 16 years and I have been involved for about a year now. Since no one has shown, I have no real experience doing this. You can check both our profiles. I am mastercain71 and she is moderncleopatra. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Speculation is also welcome. Where to start.... OP, I just had a look at your profile and, wow, what a confusing mess. All you talk about in the beginning is that the two of you are looking for "play partners who want to be dominated and used by the mistress" and how they would be expected to see to her every need (no mention of you). You say "She enjoys going to adult stores and having my slaves pick out the toys that they would like her to use on them." and then you mention "I am also learning to be a Dom myself" but, according to the bolded part in the quoted original post above, you have no real experience. Oh...and you call yourself a master. Master of what or who? Also...you're available for "erotic chat and email" and mention in your journal that you're looking for serious people because you need to make some serious money...seriously??? Honestly, after all that, the first thing that comes to my mind is .....player. Maybe the people you were planning to meet felt the same way after giving it some thought. Harsh, I know.

Palliata -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:52:02 PM)
The online thing is not my area of expertise, but people generally and subs especially are, so here's what I'm thinking. How much are you covering in terms of BDSM ahead of time? Do you bring up sex, play, fetishes, preferences, etc. before meeting, or are your pre-meeting things mostly in the realm of getting to know each other? I ask because if you're front-loading it that may be scaring people away. They feel like they've disclosed so much about themselves in terms of their sexuality that the first meeting is going to be too far too fast in terms of submitting, and they realize they've essentially bared their soul to strangers on the internet who now want to meet them in person and oh my god what if they think I want to be fucked in the Starbucks and how can I really say no after everything I've told them and Jesus what was I thinking talking about all that stuff that's so embarrassing how did this situation start fuck it I think I'm just going to not go, I mean they'll understand right they're not going to hold it against me if I just don't show up it's not like we're in a relationship so whatever, right? See what I'm saying? If you front-load your questions then they feel like they have given up so much of themselves to someone they don't truly know as a person that they have a miniature implosion and their first reaction is to completely dispose of the situation and start fresh. The nice ones will give you excuses until you 'take the hint' and the not-so-nice ones will simply disappear and pretend you never existed. If they bring it up, obviously you're going to want to address those issues, but don't make an inquisition of it until after they know the two of you and feel fairly comfortable. Anyway, my experience with the online bit is limited, so that may be completely wrong, but that would be my guess.

LadyPact -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:53:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine Greetings, i think it may be a flaw in your approach and some errors in the selection process. It seems you're conversing with individuals that enjoy the idea of something but aren't prepared to make it real so to speak. There are a host of reasons why someone might elect not to meet. But continual no shows points to something else. i'd use this as a resource but make sure you're covering all your bases and aren't putting your eggs in one basket. Try an event or two as well. Since you're seeking play partners it would be helpful if they saw you both in action. Best of luck. Namaste, ~porcelaine Very much so. Also, there might be some folks out there who are jerking your chain. A good number of people are going to scoff at anyone calling themselves a Master but is still working on building his beginning experience.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 3:53:56 PM)
I have met dozens of people in real life (as friends) that I met on line first. I have never been stood up. I agree it must be your approach, or your selection process itself. Your profile screams fake player to me, BTW.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:01:40 PM)
Pure speculation - Perhaps you are talking to people who are all about the fantasy and not about the reality. There are people like that. Since you've not actually done any of this, you are certainly not in the "reality" camp either imo. From your profile, post here, and your name, I see some inconsistencies. Your profile looks like a lie. You talk about your wife doing things to your slaves. Here you say you haven't had any experience. You name yourself "Master" and yet you call other women "Mistress" and are being fucked by another woman (and again without experience). You are poly - that will turn a lot of gals off. You don't have any experience. What's that line about needing to make some money from your journal? Your profile reads like wank fodder. Are you meeting people from that profile? It would make sense to me that you're just getting wankers. If you want to meet people, you meet people. If you want to meet people who talk on line about sex and stuff, you're going to meet people ON LINE. Your pix are all sexual, and you look like a submissive male. And can I just give you a little picture advice? One GOOD picture is better than half a dozen mediocre ones. Geesh you're in a very busy BDSM area. Get to know some folks. Show that you know what you're doing. Real people who do real things do them in the real world. good luck, sunshine

Arturas -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:01:40 PM)
Really? Fake player? It did not look like that to me but I've been wrong before. What about it seems fake?

sunshinemiss -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:03:33 PM)
Ha Ha Ha... Bones and I are like two peas in a pod. We see the same things. Bones, come do my job for me today so I can lounge around.

MasterCain71 -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:06:45 PM)
Ok. Time to re write the profile. At first she was doing this as a Pro Domme. With the economy being what it is she decided to do this just for fun. I've never done anything. I don't count playing with my wife. These comments are going to help a great deal. Thank you all for the input.

Arturas -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:08:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCain71 quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas I've never been stood up. I have had six CM submissive inital meetings. I never talked about our BDSM desires until after meeting them over coffee at Starbucks or lunch at someplace nice and only when they brought it up. I don't know if you do or do not take that approach but only mention it incase it helps. Well wishes and good luck, Arturas Thanks. We have made arrangements to just meet for coffee or lunch to to feel them out a little better. Maybe you scare them. The profile picture is good for attracting newbees but may scare them when it comes time to meet the dark vampire looking guy, no offense, you know? Suggest you go to Fetlife and get involved in local munches and find a lifestyle club to make contacts.

porcelaine -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:10:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Ha Ha Ha... Bones and I are like two peas in a pod. We see the same things. Bones, come do my job for me today so I can lounge around. It isn't the lack of experience that struck me. There's a submissive undertone in the writing. i don't know who composed it. But his personality appears very restrained. Almost deferential to her. i'd almost read it like an advertisement for one's Mistress. Namaste, ~porcelaine

thishereboi -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:12:54 PM)
If she has been a domme for 16 years, does she know anyone in your area? I would think that you would have better luck trying a local group or munch. You say you have been doing this for a year, yet you have no experience. Just what have you been doing and why aren't you gaining experience with your wife?

Arturas -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:14:59 PM)
I don't know about rewriting it. I read it and it seems to honestly express what you like to do and what you look for. It seemed honest. It's not what I would do for my profile and my goals but who cares about that, right? If it's you then stick with it rather than spin it.

LadyPact -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:18:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCain71 Ok. Time to re write the profile. At first she was doing this as a Pro Domme. With the economy being what it is she decided to do this just for fun. I've never done anything. I don't count playing with my wife. These comments are going to help a great deal. Thank you all for the input. Might want to check the math on your 31 year old wife having 16 years of experience as well. I'm really surprised that anybody doing this thing for that long would let you put remarks in your profile to make you look foolish. Unless she's specifically wanting you to fall on your face.

MasterCain71 -> RE: Stood up (3/31/2011 4:19:30 PM)
We both have profiles on Fetlife and are involved in going to munches.

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