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RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 8:04:10 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

After talking to Him about it, seeing His expectations i've decided to say yes to it all.
Gives me a whole new journey i am sooooo anxious to try. i am scared, but it makes me feel vulnerable. And, while that's really just plain SCARY, it's beautiful also that i can put that much trust into someone else, and know i will be ok.

-Your post actually helped me, so thank You.

You're welcome. It's actually refreshing that he seems very relaxed about test-driving (even just the fact that he's thought through the process enough to term it in that way shows that he's being attentive to placing personal divisions up in terms of how much vulnerability he himself is putting on the line with the greater expectations you're taking on).


The hardest part about phases like these usually isn't the daring to actually try a new thing out, but the ability to, if something goes awry, turn the car off, let the engine cool down, and turn the car back on without a whole brouhaha of hurt emotions and feelings of broken promises.

Best of luck. :)

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/23/2011 8:05:14 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 8:11:07 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		Exactly, afraid of not being good enough was my biggest thing.
But, i figured He wouldn't of said anything if He didn't think i'd be good enough..

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 8:36:55 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I was going to suggest negotiating to try it at first for a set time ... a weekend perhaps, then a full week ... with opportunity for discussion and debriefing back at your previous level of sub/Master. This is a big step (for both of you!) and it is important to keep the lines of communication open as you go. However, if you have decided to go ahead without negotiating a time boundary, I strongly suggest you write a slave journal with entries at least daily. There will be a LOT for you to think about, a lot of ideas that flash in and out of your mind, inner struggles and difficulties as well as unforeseen rewards and incredibly satisfying moments ... record all of these! Whether you write by hand, blog, or do your own video diary on your mobile ... whatever technology works for you (and perhaps for Him, as He may well like to be privy to these entries so He gains insight into your journey) ... do it! These documents are some of my most treasured possessions now as i transitioned into being Master's sub/slave (nearly 7 years ago now!). And i love to go back and read over them from time to time, especially if i feel my submission lapsing a bit as real life gets in the way. When (thinking positively!) My Domme side finds a sub to be permanently Mine, I will definitely be stipulating the journal as a must do!

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]



_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 10:33:00 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline 		Greetings lilmisssubmiss:

Granted, it is good to think and to discuss thoughts which one might have that present the need for clarity or input. However as this is related to your personal life and a man that I do not know, I cannot tell you what is personally doable for yourself in terms of how you serve your Master, i.e. submissive or slave and the concerns you presented.

What I would suggest is you do no over-think this issue to the degree where you create an internal conflict within yourself, that eventually manifests into the dynamics’ of your service to this man whom you speak of as Master.

Allow for the unfoldment of what is right between whomever you relate with and do not put a heavy emphasis’ on the influence of the transferable ability regarding the role of you serving or on anything that might otherwise hinder your true selfhood from emerging in a natural manner.

Experience is your friend. Do not hesitate to live your life fully and to the deepest part of the edge of your dreams as you dare to experience, aye!

Take Care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 1/23/2011 10:55:06 PM >

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
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RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 10:52:17 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

Greetings lilmisssubmiss:

Granted, it is good to think and to discuss thoughts which one might have that present the need for clarity or input. However as this is related to your personal life and a man that I do not know, I cannot tell you what is personally doable for yourself in terms of how you serve your Master, i.e. submissive or slave and the concerns you presented.

What I would suggest is you do no over-think this issue to the degree where you create in internal conflict within yourself, that eventually manifests into the dynamics’ of your service to this man whom you speak of as Master.

Allow for the unfoldment of what is right between whomever you relate with and do not put a heavy emphasis’ on the influence of the transferable ability regarding the role of you serving or on anything that might otherwise hinder your true selfhood from emerging in a natural manner.

Experience is your friend. Do not hesitate to live your life fully and to the deepest part of the edge of your dreams as you dare to experience, aye!

Take Care!


What a good post - thank you. Very valid points.

(in reply to Zevar)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 10:56:34 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

After talking to Him about it, seeing His expectations i've decided to say yes to it all.
Gives me a whole new journey i am sooooo anxious to try. i am scared, but it makes me feel vulnerable. And, while that's really just plain SCARY, it's beautiful also that i can put that much trust into someone else, and know i will be ok.

-Your post actually helped me, so thank You.

You're welcome. It's actually refreshing that he seems very relaxed about test-driving (even just the fact that he's thought through the process enough to term it in that way shows that he's being attentive to placing personal divisions up in terms of how much vulnerability he himself is putting on the line with the greater expectations you're taking on).


The hardest part about phases like these usually isn't the daring to actually try a new thing out, but the ability to, if something goes awry, turn the car off, let the engine cool down, and turn the car back on without a whole brouhaha of hurt emotions and feelings of broken promises.

Best of luck. :)

Thank You Sir. Yes, He definitely knows what He is doing. He is a presenter this year at folsom also.. so He definitely knows what He is doing. He is very good when it comes to D/s, M/s and relationships. He's been around the block a few times, to say the least. i am very lucky to learn and be under His care.
Yes, it might be hard if it doesn't work out, but i doubt that. Master doesn't train failure. So, i refuse to fail. He has made me agree to 6 months of slavery. He said 1 or 2 just isn't enough to actually experience it. This will really push me, and in the end i love accomplishment and being pushed. And, it's great because i already know He loves me and cares about me.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 10:58:49 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		And, He has been very clear about the new expectations and what they are. He sent them in an email, and i am sure in the next training sessions He will teach me also. So it is good to know He definitely has a clear idea of what He wants from me. :) He always does.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 10:59:04 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline 		The best to you!

Take good care of you...

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/24/2011 1:15:09 AM   
bornbothsexes


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/1/2010
Status: offline 		see now i may have it wrong but a slave is full time to a master and a sub is the masters partime play toy ,is this correct

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/24/2011 2:11:35 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
At this point, it isn't about your craving. It's about you being honest with yourself about being to handle whatever expectations the "slave" status would bring from him. Have you spoken with him about what, specifically, his expectations are should you test-drive that? Do you feel you can adequately perform under those expectations?


QFT.

NZ said it very well. Sometimes the biggest hurdle to jump is losing the self and becoming lost in another(from an s-type POV). Try and take the focus off what you desire and focus on what He desires and whether you can fulfil it to his expected potential.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/24/2011 2:14:03 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bornbothsexes

see now i may have it wrong but a slave is full time to a master and a sub is the masters partime play toy ,is this correct



This is, on the whole, incorrect for many people (I hesitate in stating the majority).

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to bornbothsexes)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/24/2011 9:07:38 AM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bornbothsexes

see now i may have it wrong but a slave is full time to a master and a sub is the masters partime play toy ,is this correct


Not at all.

For some yes.

(in reply to bornbothsexes)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/25/2011 6:50:34 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Some Masters/Mistress`s have the ability, without the submissive even knowing it, ever so slowly turning them from submissives to slaves. Some slaves find out in a short period of time they are submissives. etc,etc...

It sounds like you have one of the greatest assets in the relationship.... in being honest and assertive.

You`ll go a long...way.



Good luck.

< Message edited by ThundersCry -- 1/25/2011 6:53:26 PM >

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/26/2011 10:45:33 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

i crave this all so much, but it scares me also.


Greetings lilmisssubmiss,

In my opinion you crave the idea of slavery - the notion you've conjured in your mind. The reality of what entails according to your partner is something altogether different.

quote:

i crave structure, i crave discipline. AND, getting those two things is what Master said is worth it for a slave. And, i feel that is exactly what would make it worth it.


That is not a hallmark of slavery. Some dynamics include those elements are others are much looser. A better way to look at this is the institution of control as determined by him. If you truly desire that without any input on your end (if that is his wish), complete adherence even when your no fly zones are broached, and the opinion of the one you serve reigns supreme (because what I think is really of no consequence), slavery may be a valid option worth considering.

quote:

He said after an allotted time He tells me of i have to commit too, if being a slave is too much He will let me become His sub again. So do i really have anything to lose?


Everything. But then again that's really the point. The challenge and sacrifices made are part of the process. If it's a cakewalk and continuance is optional why bother? While you've communicated your interest and enthusiasm in experiencing slavery, it would appear that your viewpoints are more akin to reenacting the role rather than embodying it instead.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/26/2011 1:48:37 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Thank you for actually understanding and giving me actual advice instead of just bashing on my age and the whole definition of labels.


lilmiss,

Now that you're becoming a slave, I sure hope your Master trains you in courtesy and restraint. You did get plenty of "actual advice" from lots of folks. A person with self-control and gracious maturity will ignore advice they don't like, or don't understand--not diss it. Dissing it is rude.

So to rephrase: if you don't appreciate various reasonable and thoughtful responses (which they were), don't post questions. You see, some of us enjoy intellectual discourse. We use a posting like yours as an excuse to discuss certain elements of BDSM. Many of us learn that way.

I wish you luck in your endeavor. Although I have to say, I am confused about you writing that your Master sent you an "email" with his expectations. This isn't online slavery, is it?

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/27/2011 12:12:49 PM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
So, i've been submissive under my Master for at least 8 months now, might be more. i absolutely adore Him.  i mentioned something today and He said " that is not for a submissive, that is a slave.

What? Did someone die and make him supreme arbiter of D/s terms and behavior?

As others have posted, you both have to figure out what "slave" means to you both.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/27/2011 8:34:27 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January

Now that you're becoming a slave, I sure hope your Master trains you in courtesy and restraint. You did get plenty of "actual advice" from lots of folks. A person with self-control and gracious maturity will ignore advice they don't like, or don't understand--not diss it. Dissing it is rude.

That's funny, because I didn't see her response as rude or discourteous. There was a whole tangent of irrelevant discussion about how "labels are bad" that completely ignored the fact that her dominant has different perceptions of those labels and expectations based on them (which made them important, contextually).

It's like going on about the health ramification of smoking in a thread where someone is asking what kind of pipe tobacco to get their partner. It was functionally useless for her.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/27/2011 8:36:30 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
So, i've been submissive under my Master for at least 8 months now, might be more. i absolutely adore Him.  i mentioned something today and He said " that is not for a submissive, that is a slave.

What? Did someone die and make him supreme arbiter of D/s terms and behavior?

As others have posted, you both have to figure out what "slave" means to you both.


Not at all. She only needs to figure out what his interpretation of "slave" means and then figure out if she can work under those parameters.

And he is the supreme arbiter of those terms because he's already been chosen to play that role in the relationship.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/27/2011 8:39:26 PM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Not at all. She only needs to figure out what his interpretation of "slave" means and then figure out if she can work under those parameters.

Yes, at all. D/s slavery is a consensual relationship. If she doesn't like the terms, she doesn't have to play along.

quote:

And he is the supreme arbiter of those terms because he's already been chosen to play that role in the relationship.

Again, only if she chooses to accept his definitions.

Not to mention his demand queue.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/27/2011 8:46:02 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

And he is the supreme arbiter of those terms because he's already been chosen to play that role in the relationship.

Again, only if she chooses to accept his definitions.

Not to mention his demand queue.


She already had. This was evident by her explanation of the situation.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 40
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