Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Switching from sub to slave?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Switching from sub to slave? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 2:27:06 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		So, i've been submissive under my Master for at least 8 months now, might be more. i absolutely adore Him.

i mentioned something today and He said " that is not for a submissive, that is a slave. W/we can negotiate slave terms if You wish."
i'm like the most curious 19 year old EVER. And, so far i've LOVED this experience. But, through it all i've asked Him time and time again " Can You be more dominant with me? Can You give me more structure? PLEASE?!" And He's given me a taste, such like controlling my orgasms, very high protocol at times. But, with sub, He lets me be goofy, He lets some protocol slide like i say " ok...ya ... fine... " to Him, He said that would change. i also question a lot and try to defend myself. He said if i was His slave that all would change or else i'd get punished.

It would be more intense, in a way He would control me more. Ask permission to talk, ask permission to go to the bathroom, always be by His side, higher protocol. If i mess up at all i'll get punished. He said a slaves life is very black and white, i either get punished or get privileges. But, with the more privileges i get, the easier it is to fuck up so i have to learn to honor the privileges.
Now, i am a sophomore in college, involved in a lot. Have a normal life, but He says it won't take anymore time. i can still separate the two lives. It'd just be more structure, more of everything when with Him, and harsher.

Now, it sounds crazy to me. But, when i started being His sub i thought i was crazy also. Yet, when He was explaining it all my soul felt like it craved it. my pussy was sopping wet!! i want to know what the next step up feels like, but am i crazy? i am only 19. Sometimes i like to be goofy, He said He would give me 'free time' during parties. i guess as His sub i kind of go around and have fun... there would be more structure if i was His at parties. Or else punishment.

i crave this all so much, but it scares me also.
He said He won't tell me to do it or not. Half of me feels like i need it in order to get better with my submission. i crave structure, i crave discipline. AND, getting those two things is what Master said is worth it for a slave. And, i feel that is exactly what would make it worth it.
BUT, it's scary. It's a BIG change. Do you guys think i'd be crazy to do something this intense? If i feel scared does that mean i shouldn't?
+He's my Master already, so i know i trust Him, respect Him, look up to Him...
Do you guys think me doing this could help me find out what i need in a D/s relationship also? i think it could. More pros or cons? One of the things i am worried about is He said kink wise, He would control if i dated a guy. The guy would have to ask permission, it'd all be under His control. Well, there aren't any young dominants who know what they are doing at my age, my Master is the best. So shouldn't i just learn all that i can from Him now? Or... is that a bad idea? He said He wouldn't control my vanilla dating life though...

He said after an allotted time He tells me of i have to commit too, if being a slave is too much He will let me become His sub again. So do i really have anything to lose? Do you guys think this could jeopardize O/our relationship at all?
i just need some thoughts i think..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 3:43:19 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Why so formal?  There is sub, and there is slave, and there are numerous shades of gray in between.  Not to mention that everyone has a different idea of the differences.

I would suggest being his "slave" (his idea of what it means) for a weekend.  Extend it if it works for both of you.  Renegotiate as you go along.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 3:52:02 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		the definitions for the submissive are reaching botanical proportions

I've yet to wrap my head around "sub with slave tendencies "

I once thought I had a sexual identity crises, but now I realize it was a sexual identity definition crises

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 4:04:05 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		as a "sub with slave tendencies," i can sorta explain that -- sometimes it's easier to talk in terms that other people use, even if they aren't your OWN terms, just because it's not always possible for people to understand your terms until they sit and talk with you. and if they're confused by your terms, they may not think there's any REASON to talk to you. =p haha
i've not had the chance to explore slavery as deeply as i'd like to, so for now, i simply call it a "tendency." seems simple enough.

ANYWAY, to the OP -- maybe if you don't rely so much on the definitions and terms and try to make your relationship more organic? try the protocol, try the extra structure and control, and see what works and doesn't work. snip here, prune there, and hopefully you and your Sir will come up with a relationship that fulfills you both. talk to each other about your expectations for an M/s relationship and see if you are on the same page. if you're not, see if you can get on the same page. if you want to accept things totally on his terms, ask him to really define what his terms are.
you may arrive at a blend of things that create your own idea of M/s; it may not be the same as someone else's but it works for you. power exchange doesn't have to be so complex.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 4:06:52 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		OK here goes: is this a case of RDD? Role Defintion Disorder?
...does it matter what the word for it is along as He's calling the shots?
And me? I don't do definitions as I prefer a conitnuum.
Like the say ohh, tight, squeezing, closed off, choking, near death experience, gasps,
face-smacked-wide-awake continuum in asphyxia....
geddit?




< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/22/2011 4:07:43 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 4:14:53 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
I once thought I had a sexual identity crises, but now I realize it was a sexual identity definition crises


Excellent.  

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 8:47:20 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Why so formal?  There is sub, and there is slave, and there are numerous shades of gray in between.  Not to mention that everyone has a different idea of the differences.
Pretty much agree with this.
To me, anyone who agrees to obey, is a submissive...   If said person, wants to relinquish all ability to agree or disagree with my decision, he's moving toward slaveville.     M

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/22/2011 11:20:01 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1825
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I have had issues with the term submissive slave.I would certainly consider my self to be submissive.I've yet been able to come terms with being "owned as a slave".However,I also realize whatever is working,dont break it.Who really cares if you call yourself sub or slave.The general point is still the same.The Dominant is in control.My former Domme use to always refer to me as her slave,even to people outside this lifestyle.I didn't mind it.She was in control and that to me,was good enough.Whether she would refer to me as her slave or submissive,I knew either way that she was in control.Will I get to point in my life where I would consider myself a slave?Honestly,I dont know.If I truly met the perfect Domme for me,I would most certainly consider that at some point.I have come across some Dommes in the past though,who would say they would only take slaves,not submissves.Clearly to some,the term slave is a very important word.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 1/22/2011 11:30:07 PM >

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 2:29:46 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

She was in control and that to me,was good enough.Whether she would refer to me as her slave or submissive,I knew either way that she was in control.Will I get to point in my life where I would consider myself a slave?Honestly,I dont know.If I truly met the perfect Domme for me,I would most certainly consider that at some point.I have come across some Dommes in the past though,who would say they would only take slaves,not submissves.Clearly to some,the term slave is a very important word.
True, considering self a slave, should come with thoughtful consideration of whether you can relinquish control, and decision making to your lady at all times....  Naturally that is the same description for a sub.   The most important thing in the end, is to find someone who's kinks/limits are the same as yours, than less misunderstandisng/breakups are likely to occur.       M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 1/23/2011 2:30:29 AM >

(in reply to Charles6682)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 3:05:51 AM   
bornbothsexes


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/1/2010
Status: offline 		as long as it bring pleasur to you master or mistress what would it matter what you call your self as long as you are there when they call ...correct?

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 6:06:09 AM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		let us know what he say about this,
i mean to know what he is thinking of is your true answer.
I really think that you can find whatever you need in between his words.

(in reply to bornbothsexes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 9:44:54 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bornbothsexes

as long as it bring pleasur to you master or mistress what would it matter what you call your self as long as you are there when they call ...correct?


Yep.  Same as I wrote, but more to the point.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to bornbothsexes)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 11:07:52 AM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:


I once thought I had a sexual identity crises, but now I realize it was a sexual identity definition crises


Excellent.  You owe me a new keyboard because just spit-take on mine with coffee.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 11:58:55 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I can not understand a person's need to explain everything down to a minute detail. Submissive,slave,bottom...who cares what you decide to label it as. All that matters is that YOU and the one(s) you are with are in agreement with each other. Leave the labels in the dirt and just live and enjoy your lives.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 12:31:38 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

So, i've been submissive under my Master for at least 8 months now, might be more. i absolutely adore Him.

i mentioned something today and He said " that is not for a submissive, that is a slave. W/we can negotiate slave terms if You wish."
i'm like the most curious 19 year old EVER. And, so far i've LOVED this experience. But, through it all i've asked Him time and time again " Can You be more dominant with me? Can You give me more structure? PLEASE?!" And He's given me a taste, such like controlling my orgasms, very high protocol at times. But, with sub, He lets me be goofy, He lets some protocol slide like i say " ok...ya ... fine... " to Him, He said that would change. i also question a lot and try to defend myself. He said if i was His slave that all would change or else i'd get punished.

It would be more intense, in a way He would control me more. Ask permission to talk, ask permission to go to the bathroom, always be by His side, higher protocol. If i mess up at all i'll get punished. He said a slaves life is very black and white, i either get punished or get privileges. But, with the more privileges i get, the easier it is to fuck up so i have to learn to honor the privileges.
Now, i am a sophomore in college, involved in a lot. Have a normal life, but He says it won't take anymore time. i can still separate the two lives. It'd just be more structure, more of everything when with Him, and harsher.

Now, it sounds crazy to me. But, when i started being His sub i thought i was crazy also. Yet, when He was explaining it all my soul felt like it craved it. my pussy was sopping wet!! i want to know what the next step up feels like, but am i crazy? i am only 19. Sometimes i like to be goofy, He said He would give me 'free time' during parties. i guess as His sub i kind of go around and have fun... there would be more structure if i was His at parties. Or else punishment.

i crave this all so much, but it scares me also.
He said He won't tell me to do it or not. Half of me feels like i need it in order to get better with my submission. i crave structure, i crave discipline. AND, getting those two things is what Master said is worth it for a slave. And, i feel that is exactly what would make it worth it.
BUT, it's scary. It's a BIG change. Do you guys think i'd be crazy to do something this intense? If i feel scared does that mean i shouldn't?
+He's my Master already, so i know i trust Him, respect Him, look up to Him...
Do you guys think me doing this could help me find out what i need in a D/s relationship also? i think it could. More pros or cons? One of the things i am worried about is He said kink wise, He would control if i dated a guy. The guy would have to ask permission, it'd all be under His control. Well, there aren't any young dominants who know what they are doing at my age, my Master is the best. So shouldn't i just learn all that i can from Him now? Or... is that a bad idea? He said He wouldn't control my vanilla dating life though...

He said after an allotted time He tells me of i have to commit too, if being a slave is too much He will let me become His sub again. So do i really have anything to lose? Do you guys think this could jeopardize O/our relationship at all?
i just need some thoughts i think..


Unlike a lot of people here, I do think that words are important. Labels, not so much, but words, yes, and if you choose to use a word to label yourself, then it should be the correct word. I personally don't think you have to choose to call yourself anything in particular, but it obviously is important to your Master, which should make it important to you. He sees a clear difference between submissive and slave and you are contemplating whether you want to cross that line.

Personally, from the little bit you've stated here, I don't see much slavery in what he describes. You'll still have a normal life? He won't control your vanilla dating life? I don't see that as slavery - I see that as submission. Perhaps there's a lot you're not saying or don't know...At any rate, personally, if I didn't already define myself as a "slave", which I don't, then for me to give myself to someone like that would require much more than 8 months time. And if you are concerned about how your "slavery" will cramp your dating life, then I would definitely say you're not ready for it.

It's a personal bias, I guess, but if the man I'm with was using the word "slavery" to define what to me, is clearly "submission", I would A. wonder what else he was getting wrong and B. realize that I couldn't submit to, never mind be a slave for, someone who had such a permissive attitude toward something that, by its very definition, is obviously not.



(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 12:37:14 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I can not understand a person's need to explain everything down to a minute detail. Submissive,slave,bottom...who cares what you decide to label it as. All that matters is that YOU and the one(s) you are with are in agreement with each other. Leave the labels in the dirt and just live and enjoy your lives.


I am with IrishMist. I don't get this need to label either. I am so much more than a label and roles can be fluid and recalibrated all the time.

I understand how exciting this brave new world is for a 19 year old though...but just calm down and have fun and do well in school.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 1:38:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I wouldn't do it. You're 19, the odds that this relationship will still be in existance in another year is slim. His idea of slavery as far as you understand it is that nothing will change yet everything will, but he won't explain exactly what will to you. Which sends up red flags to me.

Is he going to pimp you out? Make you service his friends? Break your hard limits if you can't convince your younger sister to have sex with him? Or is he just going to say that anything he's promised prior to you taking the new label is now null and void, that keeping your word is stuff only doms do while masters get to lie and cheat? You need a lot more info but basically I don't really think he wants to exert more control than he does now or he would. I think he's trying to convince you that where you are now is what you really want.




_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 6:44:54 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The reason there is a differentiation in terms is clearly because her partner has said that there is (in his mind) and that the transition would involve a change in expectations. This sort of situation (as well as situations where one is uncoupled) are precisely the sorts of scenarios that make the ever-feared "labels" and definitions important: they are communicative tools by which to express to others an idea of desires/wishes/boundaries.

The idea that almost all things relationship-based are better if baby-stepped comes from the fact that most people don't probe into their own introspections very deeply from the get-go (intentionally or not), so even if you end up getting to the very same place via either path, people are bound to suggest to you it's better to get there by babystep-hopscotch, rather than by a headlong jump into a stricter dynamic.

quote:

i crave this all so much, but it scares me also.

At this point, it isn't about your craving. It's about you being honest with yourself about being to handle whatever expectations the "slave" status would bring from him. Have you spoken with him about what, specifically, his expectations are should you test-drive that? Do you feel you can adequately perform under those expectations?

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/23/2011 6:47:35 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 7:56:22 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

The reason there is a differentiation in terms is clearly because her partner has said that there is (in his mind) and that the transition would involve a change in expectations. This sort of situation (as well as situations where one is uncoupled) are precisely the sorts of scenarios that make the ever-feared "labels" and definitions important: they are communicative tools by which to express to others an idea of desires/wishes/boundaries.

The idea that almost all things relationship-based are better if baby-stepped comes from the fact that most people don't probe into their own introspections very deeply from the get-go (intentionally or not), so even if you end up getting to the very same place via either path, people are bound to suggest to you it's better to get there by babystep-hopscotch, rather than by a headlong jump into a stricter dynamic.

quote:

i crave this all so much, but it scares me also.

At this point, it isn't about your craving. It's about you being honest with yourself about being to handle whatever expectations the "slave" status would bring from him. Have you spoken with him about what, specifically, his expectations are should you test-drive that? Do you feel you can adequately perform under those expectations?


Thank you for actually understanding and giving me actual advice instead of just bashing on my age and the whole definition of labels.
Well, being His sub even scared me. But i've been His sub for 8 months now. It's gone just wonderfully. i know i need structure, and more discipline. Especially after doing it for 8 months. But, this way i have a foundation, i am not just jumping in. i've been in this for 8 months with Him.
After talking to Him about it, seeing His expectations i've decided to say yes to it all.
Gives me a whole new journey i am sooooo anxious to try. i am scared, but it makes me feel vulnerable. And, while that's really just plain SCARY, it's beautiful also that i can put that much trust into someone else, and know i will be ok.

-Your post actually helped me, so thank You.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Switching from sub to slave? - 1/23/2011 7:57:14 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		for me when my Mistress sugested i move from being Her sub to Her slave i was afraid of not being good enough for Her. i did become Her slave after some discussions and reasurances that i will be good enough. going to the level of owned slave is just moving forward in the trusting of your Domme i had some trepidation but it was easily overcome. my best sugestin is to hav a open conversation with your Dom and resolve any issues that might crop up.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Switching from sub to slave? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.095