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slave training - 1/17/2011 12:32:26 PM   
manimal2512


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/14/2011
Status: offline 		Hi, I am a 41 year old disabled man and i am fairly new to master/slave relationships. As yet i have not managed to meet any potential slaves but when i do i would like to make sure that i get things right! Can anybody give me any tips on how to go about training a slave and ensuring that she will remain willing and happy to please me and how i can please her in return?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 1:00:20 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		There's no textbook of standardised skills a slave needs to know. Basically, *you* teach your slave what *you* need her to know in order to please *you* and fulfill *your* needs. And in a healthy M/s relationship, she in turn gets her needs fulfilled through following *your* lead.

I've gotta say that if you don't know what your needs are then you're aiming a little high in trying to begin with an M/s relationship. Especially if a 41yo has to ask what one's complementing opposite likely needs to fulfill her own needs....

And being disabled isn't largely relevant to this topic so much as to what a prospective personal slave needs to know. And I'd hate to think your disability is what's motivating you to seek a slave - ie, an unpaid personal carer?

Welcome to the Forums....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to manimal2512)
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RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 1:17:06 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I too recommend you start with being a top or dom rather than skipping ahead to master.

Check out this book or any of the others suggested on the page: http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159204

Enjoy and welcome!

KK

(in reply to manimal2512)
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RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 1:22:41 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Agreed.  One doesn't master the violin before learning how to play the instrument.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kalikshama)
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RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 1:28:24 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Be a good man who a good woman would want to follow. Seriously, it's that simple.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 1:28:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: manimal2512

Hi, I am a 41 year old disabled man and i am fairly new to master/slave relationships. As yet i have not managed to meet any potential slaves but when i do i would like to make sure that i get things right! Can anybody give me any tips on how to go about training a slave and ensuring that she will remain willing and happy to please me and how i can please her in return?


Talk to her.

As much as I respect those who have posted before me, I'm going to disagree slightly. I don't think you should start as a top or a dom or anything in particular. I think you should start as two people who have connected with a matching interest in relationship dynamics. Then work together. Own the fact that you don't have experience. Learn from each other.

I agree with not jumping in headfirst but I see nothing wrong with IDing as a new master who is learning as they go - just as long as the other half knows that you are learning. But then, I am firmly of the opinion that there is no graduating, no moving from one tier to the other and my opinion isn't likely to change anytime soon.

So I suppose it will depend on your personal views on the matter OP. And, in the end, it's really about what works best for you and yours. I, personally, wouldn't want to wait to get into a relationship with someone who feels like he needs to graduate from top to master or whatever title. For me, a power dynamic is built gradually anyway so there is plenty of room for him to learn as he goes.

It's worked for me before anyway. Valyraen had no experience whatsoever when we first become a couple. We went from boyfriend/girlfriend to owner/owned

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/17/2011 1:29:26 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to manimal2512)
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RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 1:50:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		love and care for her and everything else will fall into place.

No different than any other relationship.

If you're doing this via non-committment then talk and negotiate.


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 1:52:49 PM   
manimal2512


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/14/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks for all your opinions it has been very interesting reading the different posts. By the way no i do not want an unpaid carer, i have lived by myself for a few years now since my last relationship (which was not a bdsm realationship of any kind, although i wouldn't have minded if it had gone that way but she was just not interested in that kind of relationship) and i do not have any problems with taking care of myself or doing anything that needs doing in the house, although some help would have been nice sometimes. As for knowing what it is that i want i think i have that covered.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 2:11:24 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		first you have to understand what motivates her

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to manimal2512)
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RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 2:30:14 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
Be a good man who a good woman would want to follow. Seriously, it's that simple.

**applause**

THIS.

Of course, that's only simple in the same way that the game of checkers is.... 3 seconds to explain the rules and a lifetime to master the strategies.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 2:51:28 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: manimal2512

As for knowing what it is that i want i think i have that covered.


Then showing/teaching that to your sub/slave is what's called "training". If it works for her, too, that's called "compatability".

How much you mean it and expect of her to comply defines the dom (or master) you are. If you set a standard you can't maintain, you're training her in something that neither of you wants....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to manimal2512)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 3:17:06 PM   
manimal2512


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/14/2011
Status: offline 		Cheers focus50 thanks for the advice

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 3:44:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Think before you speak. Keep your word. Don't promise things if you aren't absolutely sure you can go through with it. Now obviously accidents happen but in general don't tell her you'll take her to the movies if you aren't sure you'll have the energy to go.

And talk to each other, a lot. Make sure you're both compatible in bed and out.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to manimal2512)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: slave training - 1/17/2011 10:42:04 PM   
Idahobulldom


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/16/2010
Status: offline 		What an opening post Manimal. I think every Dom/Master on this forum could write a 100 page thesis on this topic.

Here are a couple books that I would suggest you purchase and spend some time studying.

SM 101 - A realistic Introduction
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns

Also, there is SOOO much great information on this board. First hand information like this is hard to find. So soak up what you can and best of luck.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: slave training - 1/18/2011 2:35:30 AM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		for me, what I need (and not in any order really. if it's not all there, then it just doesn't work for me.) is:

someone who I can trust. for me this is best summed up by:
doing what they say
acting in my best intreats (ie: if I haven't slept all night and and have to be at work in like 5 hours, let me sleep.)
keeping me whole (or at least not cutting off anything important.)
someone who knows what I'm saying, not the words that are coming out of my mouth. It's not the same thing as mind reading. This is more putting body language, tone, history... and knowing that when I get scared, I need a place to feel safe. Not to be yelled at.

someone who can hurt me when I need to be hurt. And hurt me enough to remove the "need" aspect from it. (there are many different types of pain.)

I think that all but the last one applies to all relationships, for all parties..

(in reply to Idahobulldom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: slave training - 1/18/2011 5:06:13 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		As far as training goes, the first thing he did was show me how he likes his tea. And when I made a mistake, because I drink mine very differently, he didn't get upset, just pointed it out and had me make him a new cup. Even now, after all these years, I occasionally get distracted and forget the one teaspoon of sugar. He doesn't expect perfection so he just asks me if I put any in, and gives it back to me to add it. I'm human and therefore fallible, I don't get punished for an unintended error or for miscommunication. We work on fixing the problems instead.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: slave training - 1/18/2011 5:50:27 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The only thing I'll add to what the others have written is to forget about "getting things right".  You will, but not the first time.  Try stuff, see what works, see what doesn't,and accept that you will stumble along the way.  Just don't try breath play and advanced stuff till you have been trained for it.  Start off with things like DesFIP's suggestion of tea serving.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: slave training - 1/18/2011 5:58:31 AM   
salemartist


Posts: 195
Joined: 12/17/2010
From: Salem
Status: offline 		Is it just my imagination or is there a constant flow of men wishing to be dominant on this board asking "How to"?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: slave training - 1/18/2011 6:04:19 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: salemartist

Is it just my imagination or is there a constant flow of men wishing to be dominant on this board asking "How to"?


There is and there has always been.  Also women, and men wishing to be submissive as well.  That's actually what the board is here for - exchange of ideas, and learning opportunities.

And snark.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to salemartist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: slave training - 1/18/2011 9:26:24 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I find it a bit odd too. But then, I'm drawn to narcissistic types who already Know It All Already.


quote:

ORIGINAL: salemartist

Is it just my imagination or is there a constant flow of men wishing to be dominant on this board asking "How to"?


(in reply to salemartist)
Profile   Post #: 20
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