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How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:15:34 PM

love2cubound

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/18/2010
Status: offline

I have an opp. to participate with a submissive, she will be all tied up and a few rules ready for one hours total use. Her husband will be present. He wants me to show up at their house. We have not met and I do not have her consent. I see all kinds of red flags. Although I love this play, something tells me this is wrong and I could get into trouble if the submissive says there was no consent. Your thoughts......

Post #: 1

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:26:34 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I think you already know the answer to this... or you should unless you are in the habit of ignoring red flags and then paying for ignoring them.

No way, no how, never would I do something like that. Is a little fun worth what could be not so fun about it? Or how about you are actually the one being set up? Anyone that could allow a stranger to come in and do anything to a partner, would be someone that could set you up with no problem.

Red flags were meant as a warning signal to the wise. Be wise. If you are still tempted... beat off and re-think it again.

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(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 2

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:31:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Insist the three of you meet for coffee first. Otherwise, inform her of what her husband's planning.

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Post #: 3

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:37:21 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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I hope the "husband" drugs and rapes you.

Good to see things are still going along swimmingly out here.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:40:46 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Oh man. Red flags? Yeah, I'd say. Let me put it this way. If you do this and go to jail for the next however many years, that's probably a good thing in a Darwinian sense. This has got Darwin award written all over it.

Maybe... just maybe... if you knew this submissive very, very, very well.... let's say... you'd been best friends since childhood.... MAYBE then.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 5

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:41:24 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Ina face-to-face meeting with all three of you, in a public place-you can hammer out the details. Without her explicit consent, you could be looking at a rape charge. (I'm no lawyer, but it doesn't take one to know that.) Heck, even if she does consent, there are two of them and only one of you. They could easily play out the fantasy with you as their willing pawn, and then say later that you raped her. Even if you came to court with a written contract signed by them, they could say it was signed under duress.

I wouldn't do this scenario unless with a couple I knew VERY well. Trust is paramount, and it has to be earned.

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(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 6

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:51:17 PM

love2cubound

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/18/2010
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To the DOMIGUY, you are an ass hole for saying what you said. That is what makes this forum great. You can ask questions and learn form other. You a total low life piece of shit DOMIGUY. This is forum where discussions take place, your advise is totally useless and offensive and has no place on CM. CM may be have lot of fakes and ass holes and you are one of them that is for sure.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 7

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 1:55:22 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Oh dear... You actually broke more rules than dear domi did.

Try to calm down. Some people make a point in a way that we don't always like, but they are making a point. And domi makes a good one.

This site is meant for a lot of things and all sorts of things go on here. Yet, I for one, would not want a sterile environment like you suggest CM is.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 8

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:01:53 PM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Not only can I see numerous ways this could go down very badly, I am not sure that the woman is onboard or even that those two are married. It's your call whether to inform the cops of this.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 9

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:10:57 PM

subkatslut

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline

Your guts already giving you the answer. While one here or there may be unfounded once discussed-this one has so many.

Unless you've got loads of other reasons to believe there may be merit to this particular situation I'd just avoid it all together. If you still feel it may have potential a public meeting with all 3 of you where she could talk freely would be a must. On second thought I don't think I'd trust it at all. Once alone you don't know how things could go down...too many whacked people in this world.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:15:24 PM

LadyRian

Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Hi Op,
I agree with the people here who are telling you to go with your gut instinct.

If red flags are a'waving, there's a good reason.

_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 11

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:15:41 PM

Thorgrim33

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

Go with the first instincts, if there is even an incling of a red flag, have a talk with the submissive, make sure it's ok. If there is an issue with saftey, bring another male that you can trust, that can get you out of something that wont hopefully be turned into a bad situation. On a moral note, cheating is cheating if you don't have consent from the "other woman"

(in reply to subkatslut)

Post #: 12

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:27:02 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

This sounds like a trainwreck waiting to happen. It screams something is not right here.

At this point, with the way things have gone down so far, I would move on. I would not waste anymore time with this "couple".

(in reply to Thorgrim33)

Post #: 13

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:42:01 PM

love2cubound

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/18/2010
Status: offline

Thanks for all the good information. I hear you. I will let it go and move on. Just as an FYI, this person is on CM. I will not disclose the person/s.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 14

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:51:31 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: love2cubound

I have an opp. to participate with a submissive, she will be all tied up and a few rules ready for one hours total use. Her husband will be present. He wants me to show up at their house. We have not met and I do not have her consent. I see all kinds of red flags. Although I love this play, something tells me this is wrong and I could get into trouble if the submissive says there was no consent. Your thoughts......

Like everything else in life, use common sense. If I did not know the individuals involved, and did not know that everyone involved was a completely willing participant, you would not find me within 1000 feet of that situation. When we lived in NC, there was a designated group that participated in "kidnap and trade" play -- however, everyone in the group was a screened participant... it wasn't a question of WHOM... it was only a question of WHEN and HOW -- so the adventure was in the -surprise of timing and means-... but there was safety for everyone involved in the knowledge that the participants were all willing and had attested, in writing, as such -- and could withdraw that permission with nothing more than a hand signal, foot signal, or head motion (all three were provided so that someone who was bound and gagged would -always- have a way to exit).

What you've described sounds highly dangerous and highly unsafe. Big brain... think it through.

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 15

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 2:54:14 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: love2cubound

Thanks for all the good information. I hear you. I will let it go and move on. Just as an FYI, this person is on CM. I will not disclose the person/s.

You would not be allowed to disclose such in any case, as that is against TOS... however, it is good to know that someone who wondered about the validity of such an offer would come and ask instead of just presuming that because someone posted it to a website, it was, automatically, A-OK to participate.

Not everything one reads on the internet, and not every individual one encounters on a given open-to-the-public website is going to prove to be what xhe advertises hirself as... so caution and communication are good pre-requisites to making plans.

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 16

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 3:28:41 PM

Souvenir

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/19/2010
Status: offline

Temptation, temptation, temptation ... super kewl fantasy, but!
The husband just might drug you and rape you.........

some things are best left as fairy tails.

(good to hear your going to follow your gut)

((cant believe you even asked))

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 17

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 5:51:23 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: love2cubound

I have an opp. to participate with a submissive, she will be all tied up and a few rules ready for one hours total use. Her husband will be present. He wants me to show up at their house. We have not met and I do not have her consent. I see all kinds of red flags. Although I love this play, something tells me this is wrong and I could get into trouble if the submissive says there was no consent. Your thoughts......

So we have 2 men that have never met before, are in fact total strangers to each other, formulating a plot in
which man A get's to get his jollies off on man B's bound and unconsenting submissive for one whole hour of
total use. Did you ask yourself why he would select you, a complete stranger, out of the hundreds of other men
that would also be tempted at such an offer? Is he is doing this all out of the goodness of his heart?
Really? You aren't making this up?

I know it's no business of mine, but I'm more curious as to how the
both of you happened to cross paths in the first place.

You do know that it makes no difference whether she is submissive or vanilla, non-consent is equivalent to rape.
I'd be quick to say thanks but no thanks, and find a submissive of your own that you can use at your leisure.

< Message edited by poise -- 11/27/2010 5:52:24 PM >

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(in reply to love2cubound)

Post #: 18

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 6:11:21 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

If you don't have markedly bad ability to judge character, honestly, as long as you act reasonable (meet for the first time in a public place, etc.), this should not be any more dangerous than meeting people at a bar or club.

If anything, the people here are MORE honest, not less, particularly on this website. If you met most of us at a bar, we would be less likely to talk about our kink than here.

Psychopaths get little advantage here. Yeah, they can cover up 'mistakes' by claiming they were just fantasizing, but at the same time they have to deal with people asking for references, (check the forum - if someone has been here for a while, they should have posted), safe calls (I'll call my mentor/friend in 30 minutes after our first date if things are going well...), etc.

More importantly, people are more likely to be suspicious here.

All it really takes to be safe here is enough assertiveness and intelligence to say "NO, I WON"T MEET YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF CENTRAL PARK AT 3AM, WEARING A BLINDFOLD, WHAT ARE YOU STUPID?"

There is a difference between reality and fantasy. Don't be stupid and try to create a reality based on something that only works on fantasy. I love stories about caning (wrote one - see my journal), but I know for a fact that in real life, I prefer to give less pain. Fantasy is not reality.

P.S. Oh, and if someone actually asks you to meet him at Central Park at 3 AM wearing a blindfold, remember to shout the answer. The idiot deserves to be yelled at, those caps were not a mistake.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 19

RE: How safe is it to meet, what is recommended - 11/27/2010 7:17:34 PM

LadyRian

Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Hey, if anyone you don't know asks you to meet them in Central Park at 3 Am, blindfold or not, the same epithet is applicable!

_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 20

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