LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
In response to the OP, I'm not sure that there -is- a difference between the "on your knees" male dominant individual and the "on your knees and send me tribute" female dominant individual. That being said, the reality is that dominant individuals are inclined to lead, and want to know that the people who are coming into their universe in the guise of submission to that leadership really -are- ready to follow. Some dominant individuals have a much greater need for their "followers" to be -absolute followers- than others do... like anything else, it is a spectrum.
Without a doubt there are both male and females who are going about things in a way that is just, in my opinion, inappropriate.
Sure, those who are inclined to "lead" might want to "test the waters" so to speak, but typically, if you need to announce that loudly that you are in charge, chances are you aren't someone people should be following. That's just been my experience. If you look at the dominants/masters even just on these boards who are the most respected, you are going to find that the majority are those who don't need to tell anyone they are dominant, it is the nature in the way they speak, the way they are also respectful to others. To me it is like intelligence. If you feel a need to regularly tell people how smart you are....well, you may not be as smart as you think, and your insecurities will often negate your intelligence. Likewise with leadership. Because that's what a dominant is, a leader. People will naturally follow a good leader.
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I discount the idea that every "kneel before me" dominant is just a HNG, player, or inexperienced, whether male or female. Especially for those who are accustomed to uncommitted fetish play (dungeons, etc.), those behaviors are, essentially, a common part of the "bdsm play" scene, and many people who do public/club play actually tend to be pretty comfortable with the immediate expression of the dynamic. Under the right circumstances, it can be pretty hot. That being said, I have to say that most of the people I've encountered on CM are -much- more oriented to the "kinky dating" model. They're looking for romance... looking to be wooed... looking for mates and life-partners. For the most part, they're not looking for casual play partners, and the attitude here concerning what is "appropriate" for first encounters reflects that pretty heavily.
While I understand the point you are trying to make, it would also indicate that these "players" lack basic manners and communication skills.
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I think, though, that it is a mistake to make sweeping assumptions about how and why people behave certain ways, and to presume that there is "one right way" to approach a submissive individual (or to approach a dominant individual), to react to a given set of choices, or to start off a conversation. Each of us has to find our own way, and, for me, if that means that a potential servant takes the initiative and buys a strap-on, because xhe's exited about the possibilities and that's one thing xhe wants to experience (with the understanding that what xhe got may not fit me and xhe may have to start over once I've explained it), I am not necessarily going to consider hir any "less" of a submissive individual for taking that piece of initiative. Again, YMMV.
Calla
See this is where we differ. While there may be many ways of doing things, especially communicating, there is one way that is ALWAYS correct, and that is to approach someone with basic common courtesy. In other words, you can never go wrong starting an email with "Dear ______" following with expressing polite interest (dom or sub), mentioning something from their profile that sparked your interest and then politely expressing a hope for a response. Sorry, but one can never go wrong showing simple manners.
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RE: Respect and Respectability - 
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