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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 3:07:03 PM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Lay down and become vulture food. When you die, you'll be returned to your Eternal Home.
 
How do I find out if I've been good enough to get into Heaven without dying first?

_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2701
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 3:23:35 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid

How do I find out if I've been good enough to get into Heaven without dying first?


Ask my forgiveness. Since I'm the Messiah, you'll get in.

I believe I am the Messiah. As I said to my apostles, who do you say I am?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 2702
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 4:29:09 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		I say I am agnostic, therefore you dont really exist :) It takes at least 4 miracles to convince a nasty ole sceptic like me

What would be the best way of dis-proving any of LadyE's Miracles?

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2703
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 5:58:08 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazy

What would be the best way of dis-proving any of LadyE's Miracles?


infiltrate her disciples and fall on your knees in obedience, it should not take you long to forget about rational thought

how do i convince my ex that she is incapable of casual sex, and that i can no longer be her bootycall?

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to sleazy)
Profile   Post #: 2704
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 7:45:17 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		Not sure I have ever been accused of rational thought!

Ring at 4am demanding a quick casual one, then spend the next 48 hours talking non-stop about issues that will bore the ex to tears.

How can I prevent cookie crumbs in the keyboard when reading posts that give me an attack of the WTFs?


_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 2705
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 9:39:06 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Stop eating near the computer.

How can I make myself stop craving fish sticks?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to sleazy)
Profile   Post #: 2706
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 9:40:22 PM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		How can I prevent cookie crumbs in the keyboard when reading posts that give me an attack of the WTFs?
Get a cookie monster... they live off of cookie crumbs.
 
How can I make myself stop craving fish sticks?
Get fish pretzels instead.

Edited because I'm slow tonight.

How do I pass my upcoming exams without doing all the studying I need to?

< Message edited by DiamondOrchid -- 11/28/2006 9:42:02 PM >

_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to sleazy)
Profile   Post #: 2707
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 9:49:47 PM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline 		How do I pass my upcoming exams without doing all the studying I need to?

Take lots of ex-lax, that'll help you pass anything.

I've recently taken up playing flatulent violin, how do I stop fiddle~farting around?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 2708
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/28/2006 10:05:16 PM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Cut your fingers off and learn to play with your toes.
 
How do you convince a no-sex sub to have sex with you?

_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to ShreveportMaster)
Profile   Post #: 2709
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/29/2006 3:15:10 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid
How do you convince a no-sex sub to have sex with you?


Look, I'm the bleedin' Messiah. If I have sex with you then you know what's gonna happen? Two thousand years from now, some idiot will write a book about my descendants and make more money out of all this than I ever did. Which kinda makes me think maybe I should have done it anyway. Bleedin' abstinence - biggest mistake I made first time round. Anyway, I spose I've convinced myself now so you dont need the advice any more. BTW, I'm not doing any cross scenes OK? Fell for that one before.

What sign of my Messianic power should I invoke, to convince Diamond that any of the above is true? (especially the bit about the sex)

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 2710
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/29/2006 5:05:48 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		Water into wine. as opposed to what you HAVE been doing

All these people decaring themselves to be children of god, How can I fend off the Paternity suits?
J

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2711
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/29/2006 5:14:11 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberWitch

All these people decaring themselves to be children of god, How can I fend off the Paternity suits?
J


Immacalutely. Now, do you want that wine in a glass, or from the source?

I want to be up to date for my next fetish party. The local DJ said that vinyl was old fashioned and obsolete. Any suggestions for modern materials?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to RubberWitch)
Profile   Post #: 2712
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/29/2006 5:19:42 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Leather makes a good noise.

I don't want to start getting ready for Christmas yet, but it's December in under 48 hours. I need some good excuses to fend off all the "Bah humbug" comments I'm sure to get from people.


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2713
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/29/2006 5:40:27 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Leather makes a good noise.

I don't want to start getting ready for Christmas yet, but it's December in under 48 hours. I need some good excuses to fend off all the "Bah humbug" comments I'm sure to get from people.



Ugh.  Did you have to go and put it like that? 

I do 99% of my shopping online, so.... next to putting up that damn tree with all those ridiculous shiny frilly things on it, the worst thing to endure is all the xmas songs.   One more friggin time with Jonny Mathis singing that "chestnuts roasting" song and I may have to murder santa claus himself, while I make mrs claus watch.  As for the reindeer.....I've got "special" plans for those little bastards.  

Advice:  Hide under the covers until Jan. 2

How do I get rid of a 2 day headache?

< Message edited by marieToo -- 11/29/2006 5:43:01 AM >

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 2714
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/29/2006 5:48:25 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

How do I get rid of a 2 day headache?


Stop replying on the "Male abuse" thread.

Whats the best way to make it look like I'm doing at least some work today?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 2715
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/29/2006 5:50:01 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I've found that a damn good spanking is a good cure for anything from the grumps to migraine...
(No, a damn good spanking will not get me in the christmas spirit )

So, I have my duvet handy, what's a good way to secure it so that I can get out for potty time and food, but no-one else can get in?

(Damn, lady E, you beat me to it, but I'm not gonna change my answer cos it kinda still works )


< Message edited by Fitznicely -- 11/29/2006 5:51:29 AM >

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 2716
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 12:57:17 PM   
Dragonskiss72


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

I've found that a damn good spanking is a good cure for anything from the grumps to migraine...
(No, a damn good spanking will not get me in the christmas spirit )

So, I have my duvet handy, what's a good way to secure it so that I can get out for potty time and food, but no-one else can get in?

(Damn, lady E, you beat me to it, but I'm not gonna change my answer cos it kinda still works )




Blue tac & a harpoon gun should handle most, if not all eventualities.

Question: My hubbie was a tad peeved that I happened to gleefully mention to his boss that I had bought him a 'barbie' advent calander.  Should I take round the barbie christmas tree chocs when I pick him up from work, or wait til the office party?

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 2717
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 1:34:41 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		OH SHIT! Advent calendars! Two young unmentionables in the house and we've forgotten Advent Calendars!

DK - It depends on whether you intend to dangle them from hubbie's ears or not.

How do I persuade Santa that I've been a good boy this year, when my girl's crop marks refuse to fade?


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Dragonskiss72)
Profile   Post #: 2718
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 1:39:15 PM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Offer to let the Jolly Ol' Man have a crack or two at you... he has 8 reindeer, so he knows what he's doing.
 
How to I convince Lady Ellen that sex has nothing to do with religion or The Second Coming? I just wanna make her cum!

_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 2719
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 1:58:58 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid

How to I convince Lady Ellen that sex has nothing to do with religion or The Second Coming? I just wanna make her cum!


Sex has everything to do with religion. What do you think that "rod of the Lord" is all about? And what more do you want? I've come twice already.

How can I rid myself of my messianic fantasies?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 2720
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