spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (Full Version)

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lally2 -> spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 4:18:23 AM)

[:)]

i can take a certain amount, in fact quite a lot on my bottom - but when it comes to my back or my breasts i get panicky and i hate it.

not a problem, some might think, except that it has been for me in the past. D's that i have been with in the past have all wanted to flog my breasts and back and i have submitted to it, but ive hated it. some sort of anger and resentment builds up, i try not to let it spill out, but i curl up and cry and im truely pathetic. [&o] and yet, as ive said, having my bottom spanked, paddled, flogged and i can and want to take a certain amount, even more than i think i can. its the one part of my anatomy where i feel 'go for it baby - do youre thang!

i know that its all about going into something slowly and carefully and building it up slowly - but it does absolutely nothing for me, not the point necessarily, i know. but even at my most submissive, anything along the lines of my back or breasts and im out of subspace and cringing, hating it and getting angry.

even though i know that not all of submission is about submittng to the things we enjoy, sometimes it is about gritting our teeth and getting through it for our Dominants. in there is satisfaction that we got there and pleased them' -

but for this activity its not necessarily about sadism, its provocative and horny for them, well, thats been my experience. so of course im failing on that by not getting hot over it.

the question is, how do you get around or through or past something that makes you angry for no apparent reason, feels completely negative. ive tried doing it in the spirit of full submission, but each time the crop or flogger has fallen im back to being pathetic and angry. ill submit to it, but its not had the desired effect in the past and i need to get this sorted out.

thanks. x



DesFIP -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 4:28:44 AM)

You can't force yourself to feel something if it just isn't going to happen.
About all you can do is make it clear to them ahead of time what the result will be and that you'll take it for them as much as you can but they will have to deal with your emotional response. Which means a hell of a lot of aftercare.

Personally I'm not ever willing to be told I'm a failure because I don't feel what someone else hopes I'll feel. If he's that invested in having someone get hot as a result of their breasts being paddled, then he should have found someone who responds that way to begin with.

If I don't get aroused, I don't. I will give him a blow job but I will not accept being made to feel like a failure for being my authentic self. And I'm not going to fake an orgasm to shore up someone's weak ego.



LadyAngelika -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 4:41:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

[:)]

i can take a certain amount, in fact quite a lot on my bottom - but when it comes to my back or my breasts i get panicky and i hate it.


Oh is this why you called the thread spanking bottoms, because it sounds to me it should really be called spanking back or breasts, that is the real issue here, no? :-)

quote:

not a problem, some might think, except that it has been for me in the past. D's that i have been with in the past have all wanted to flog my breasts and back and i have submitted to it, but ive hated it. some sort of anger and resentment builds up, i try not to let it spill out, but i curl up and cry and im truely pathetic. [&o] and yet, as ive said, having my bottom spanked, paddled, flogged and i can and want to take a certain amount, even more than i think i can. its the one part of my anatomy where i feel 'go for it baby - do youre thang!

i know that its all about going into something slowly and carefully and building it up slowly - but it does absolutely nothing for me, not the point necessarily, i know. but even at my most submissive, anything along the lines of my back or breasts and im out of subspace and cringing, hating it and getting angry.

even though i know that not all of submission is about submittng to the things we enjoy, sometimes it is about gritting our teeth and getting through it for our Dominants. in there is satisfaction that we got there and pleased them' -

but for this activity its not necessarily about sadism, its provocative and horny for them, well, thats been my experience. so of course im failing on that by not getting hot over it.

the question is, how do you get around or through or past something that makes you angry for no apparent reason, feels completely negative. ive tried doing it in the spirit of full submission, but each time the crop or flogger has fallen im back to being pathetic and angry. ill submit to it, but its not had the desired effect in the past and i need to get this sorted out.

thanks. x



I don't know much about you or how/why you approach D/s so it's very difficult to give generalizations about how you should react. I'm simply going to propose a few options that I might see:

1) Set it as a hard/soft limit from the get go, that way you won't be expected to go through this
2) Talk to your partner telling him that you have major issues with this and would truly prefer if he didn't (another way of approaching #1 if you aren't so fond of setting limits) and then trust his better judgment
3) Ask your partner if he might help you in taking it, explaining to him what your push buttons are: making it sexy, making it humiliating, making it cold, making it hot... whatever you need
4) Make your partner aware that if he does this, you will need a lot of aftercare
5) Find someone who's simply not into that

Hope that helps :-)

- LA



lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 4:57:21 AM)

thanks DesFip, noone has made me feel a failure, ive made myself feel that way by the reactions ive had to the activity.

LA, thanks. i tapped in the title as a general theme thing and forgot about it until id posted. i agree, yet again ive got the darned title wrong - i was thinking about bottom spanking at the time - got distracted.

youre advice is great, thank you. i suppose i feel that im making a big fuss about something that should be acceptable and arousing. so many subs seem to enjoy this play. maybe its something they have always enjoyed or maybe its something theyve learnt to enjoy. i dont know. but the sensation against my bottom kinda fills a satisfaction at gut level, on my back and breasts, nothing, zip, just anger.

why would this be. its the same body, its still sensation its still submitting to a guy i want to be with - i dont get it.

edited to add: phew! - i didnt realise i could change the post title, so i have, more relevant, thanks for the pointer LA [:D]



DarkSteven -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 5:06:47 AM)

lally, every sub/slave comes with handling instructions.  You're simply finding out what yours are.  You're still yummy, except for your damned location.



LadyAngelika -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 5:08:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
LA, thanks. i tapped in the title as a general theme thing and forgot about it until id posted. i agree, yet again ive got the darned title wrong - i was thinking about bottom spanking at the time - got distracted.


S'ok, we all now know that you've got dragged-over-the-knee-pulled-down-panties-pulled-by-the-hair-hot-passionate-hard-bare-ass-slapping on the mind. Pervert ;-)

quote:

youre advice is great, thank you. i suppose i feel that im making a big fuss about something that should be acceptable and arousing. .

It only seems like a big fuss for those who don't see that it's a sincere struggle for you. What you feel inside is never a big fuss. It's your own personal struggle.

quote:

so many subs seem to enjoy this play. maybe its something they have always enjoyed or maybe its something theyve learnt to enjoy. i dont know.

Probably a mix bag of both.

quote:

but the sensation against my bottom kinda fills a satisfaction at gut level, on my back and breasts, nothing, zip, just anger

why would this be. its the same body, its still sensation its still submitting to a guy i want to be with - i dont get it.

Understandable. Sometimes you'll be able to by searching your memories, your thoughts, your belief systems, etc of why you react that way. Sometimes you won't. It's up to you how important it is to figure out why.

The why seems to be very important to you, and perhaps someone close to you can help you figure out why. I'd warn against arm chair psychologists as they might be very suggestive of why (I'm expecting a few to come along) but maybe if you can talk with someone who knows you well and with whom you trust to share intimate details of your life with, you might work these out.

I've talked to a submissive male friend of mine who often asks me "why do you like doing x or y so much" and he makes me think. I like that because in trying to explain things to him about myself, I discover things about myself.

Hang in there, I'm sure with time it might become a little more obvious as you explore the question.

- LA




DesFIP -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 5:09:31 AM)

Lally, you aren't failing by not getting hot by this. Just find someone who will understand, and accept the fact that when you get all angry, resentful and weepy you are feeding his sadism in just the way he wants. By allowing him to do things to you that you really hate you are demonstrating love.



lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 5:15:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

lally, every sub/slave comes with handling instructions.  You're simply finding out what yours are.  You're still yummy, except for your damned location.


[:D] must have mislaid mine! - when did they get handed out, maybe i thought i was in a que for sandwiches - i hate sandwiches too [:D]

and youre extra yummy and im building an ark on the northern reach of some scottish peninsular, plan is to provide free shipment across for all and any subs or D's. there will be a dungeon of course and daily floggings across the yard arm every morning before breakfast. all donations gratefully received.




lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 5:39:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
LA, thanks. i tapped in the title as a general theme thing and forgot about it until id posted. i agree, yet again ive got the darned title wrong - i was thinking about bottom spanking at the time - got distracted.


S'ok, we all now know that you've got dragged-over-the-knee-pulled-down-panties-pulled-by-the-hair-hot-passionate-hard-bare-ass-slapping on the mind. Pervert ;-)

well if i wasnt i certainly am now ;-) [8D]

quote:

youre advice is great, thank you. i suppose i feel that im making a big fuss about something that should be acceptable and arousing. .

It only seems like a big fuss for those who don't see that it's a sincere struggle for you. What you feel inside is never a big fuss. It's your own personal struggle.

quote:

so many subs seem to enjoy this play. maybe its something they have always enjoyed or maybe its something theyve learnt to enjoy. i dont know.

Probably a mix bag of both.

quote:

but the sensation against my bottom kinda fills a satisfaction at gut level, on my back and breasts, nothing, zip, just anger

why would this be. its the same body, its still sensation its still submitting to a guy i want to be with - i dont get it.


Understandable. Sometimes you'll be able to by searching your memories, your thoughts, your belief systems, etc of why you react that way. Sometimes you won't. It's up to you how important it is to figure out why.

yes. ive kinda done that, got distracted by other thoughts (no prizes for guessing either [8D]) and brain has rambled off, but im trying to do that now. alll im getting right now is 'i have a bum, beat that already!' -

ok, maybe a better way around this is to ask what it is that works for D's when it comes to spanking breasts and flogging backs.

I've talked to a submissive male friend of mine who often asks me "why do you like doing x or y so much" and he makes me think. I like that because in trying to explain things to him about myself, I discover things about myself.

thats the yummy bit, isnt it. things unfurl and you learn something you didnt know about youreself and thats whats so addictive about this lifestyle, the personal growth is phenomenal.

Hang in there, I'm sure with time it might become a little more obvious as you explore the question.

thanks sexy legs [:D]

- LA






LadyAngelika -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 5:44:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I've talked to a submissive male friend of mine who often asks me "why do you like doing x or y so much" and he makes me think. I like that because in trying to explain things to him about myself, I discover things about myself.


thats the yummy bit, isnt it. things unfurl and you learn something you didnt know about youreself and thats whats so addictive about this lifestyle, the personal growth is phenomenal.


You hit the nail right on the head. That's one of the main reasons I'm into WIITWD!

quote:

quote:

Hang in there, I'm sure with time it might become a little more obvious as you explore the question.


thanks sexy legs [:D]


Oh. A pervert and a flirt ;-) My pleasure. :-)

- LA







lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 5:45:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Lally, you aren't failing by not getting hot by this. Just find someone who will understand, and accept the fact that when you get all angry, resentful and weepy you are feeding his sadism in just the way he wants. By allowing him to do things to you that you really hate you are demonstrating love.


i think thats the thing though and why this has crept into my brain. ive changed my original thinking on looking for a sadist. im not a masso, i can take some pain but not massive amounts and there are certain things that i cannot and will never ever submit to again with regard to S&m. just far too much for me but not unreasonable for a sadist to expect/want to do.

so, now it gets slightly complicated [:D] - if im not satisfying a sadistic urge its reasonable to assume that i am there to satisfy a more sensual urge. hence the problem as i see it.



sugrdaddydom -> RE: spanking bottoms (2/3/2010 6:04:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


i think thats the thing though and why this has crept into my brain. ive changed my original thinking on looking for a sadist. im not a masso, i can take some pain but not massive amounts and there are certain things that i cannot and will never ever submit to again with regard to S&m. just far too much for me but not unreasonable for a sadist to expect/want to do.


Everyone has to find the right level of D/s for them. It's not a one-size-fits-all. It's interesting that the excitement around bottom spanking is related to more than just the pain (or maybe having very little to do with the pain). Perhaps you can evaluate your feelings around that to find how you can expand your submissiveness. It might help your Dom if you offered yourself in some other way that was pleasing to you both.

quote:


so, now it gets slightly complicated [:D] - if im not satisfying a sadistic urge its reasonable to assume that i am there to satisfy a more sensual urge. hence the problem as i see it.


I am not sure I see what the problem is. You did share that you were rethinking your desire for a sadist. Dom's do not come in one-size-fits-all either. Some are true sadists and you will attract them if you seek one. If you look for someone who has sadistic tendencies but will respect limits and understands aftercare, I am sure you will someone who is more compatible.



sirsholly -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 6:08:18 AM)

quote:

how do you get around or through or past something that makes you angry for no apparent reason
are you angry at the top for doing it, or angry at yourself for not reacting as you feel you should react?



lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 6:12:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

how do you get around or through or past something that makes you angry for no apparent reason
are you angry at the top for doing it, or angry at yourself for not reacting as you feel you should react?



good question. thanks.

the sensation of it felt shocking, like an assault - kindof abusive, but, big but, he wasnt being abusive and it wasnt even that hard. he could see i was struggling and talked me through it but the anger rose up. once it was over i was ok again.

other times in the further past, the flogger hit my back and i tensed, again shocking and unpleasant. with my breasts i just want to protect them, i have it in my head that they are sensual things, there to be gentle and nice to - maybe its incomprehension of why a man would want to beat that part of me. maybe i need that explained.

in the end i think it might hinge back on some sort of abuse in my past. not against my breasts or my back, but about making me feel vulnerable but not in a good way.




allthatjaz -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 6:24:46 AM)

I really do sympathize with you lally.
I can take a hard back flogging but if he tries to spank me its unbearably painful and I wriggle all over the place and have even been known to blubber! Not that, that stops him!
Its only really a problem if your partner really loves the bit you hate. Steve is just an old spanker really [:)] and its probably his number 1 favorite and whilst I have no choice but to accept that because it was always a big part of who he is right from the beginning and little old me thought I would get used to it [:)]

Steve actually likes me to get angry because it makes him all the more determined and I find getting angry really gets my adrenalin going which in turn eases the pain. Its certainly worth chatting to your partner about where you go emotionally and see if he will allow you to let rip during a session. It would be interesting to see if untamed anger would really help you to endure.



lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 6:59:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I really do sympathize with you lally.
I can take a hard back flogging but if he tries to spank me its unbearably painful and I wriggle all over the place and have even been known to blubber! Not that, that stops him!
Its only really a problem if your partner really loves the bit you hate. Steve is just an old spanker really [:)] and its probably his number 1 favorite and whilst I have no choice but to accept that because it was always a big part of who he is right from the beginning and little old me thought I would get used to it [:)]

funny isnt it. i can take unbearable pain through spanking, i need that struggle - the sensation fills something inside of me on a gut level. even if im squirming and hating it im still needing it. hit my back and breasts and the anger can get really terrible.

Steve actually likes me to get angry because it makes him all the more determined and I find getting angry really gets my adrenalin going which in turn eases the pain. Its certainly worth chatting to your partner about where you go emotionally and see if he will allow you to let rip during a session. It would be interesting to see if untamed anger would really help you to endure.

ooh now thats a concept [:D] -

i did get seriously angry once over nipple torture. i smacked his hand away, called him every name under the sun and he just kept at it - god i hated him at that moment.

my temper can really fly. not violently, but i do like that idea. maybe letting my anger out would help. hm! - yes, i do like that idea alot [:D]
quote]



lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 7:05:12 AM)

actually, you know, maybe the whole idea of getting angry with youre Dom just doesnt feel submissive - so you bottle it up - the negative feeling is exacerbated and the memory sticks as one horrible, miserable thing.

i just hadnt thought of that as a way of dealing with something.



agirl -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 7:07:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

[:)]

i can take a certain amount, in fact quite a lot on my bottom - but when it comes to my back or my breasts i get panicky and i hate it.

not a problem, some might think, except that it has been for me in the past. D's that i have been with in the past have all wanted to flog my breasts and back and i have submitted to it, but ive hated it. some sort of anger and resentment builds up, i try not to let it spill out, but i curl up and cry and im truely pathetic. [&o] and yet, as ive said, having my bottom spanked, paddled, flogged and i can and want to take a certain amount, even more than i think i can. its the one part of my anatomy where i feel 'go for it baby - do youre thang!

i know that its all about going into something slowly and carefully and building it up slowly - but it does absolutely nothing for me, not the point necessarily, i know. but even at my most submissive, anything along the lines of my back or breasts and im out of subspace and cringing, hating it and getting angry.

even though i know that not all of submission is about submittng to the things we enjoy, sometimes it is about gritting our teeth and getting through it for our Dominants. in there is satisfaction that we got there and pleased them' -

but for this activity its not necessarily about sadism, its provocative and horny for them, well, thats been my experience. so of course im failing on that by not getting hot over it.

the question is, how do you get around or through or past something that makes you angry for no apparent reason, feels completely negative. ive tried doing it in the spirit of full submission, but each time the crop or flogger has fallen im back to being pathetic and angry. ill submit to it, but its not had the desired effect in the past and i need to get this sorted out.

thanks. x


I don't really. If whacking my boobs is just horrible and hurts, then it just does.

If something makes him horny , it's never been expected that I *ought* to be too. I don't expect him to get turned on by the same things I do, either. That'd be daft.

I also don't *get through it* for HIM or to please HIM. It's just something he's decided to do and I try to make the best of it.  Sometimes I can derive something out of it and sometimes I can't. Unless he's deliberately intent on putting me into a nice headspace, then it's coincidental if I get one or not.

I wouldn't say that *getting angry or feeling negative* about something you're enduring that you hate  is *no apparent reason*. I think the reason is VERY apparent!

It doesn't matter HOW submissive I FEEL........I'm still going to have to stand there. I'm stood there because I AM submitting , not because I FEEL submissive. I couldn't rely on *feeling* submissive, as I rarely do.

I don't *feel* it, I do it.

agirl



  



agirl -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 7:16:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

actually, you know, maybe the whole idea of getting angry with youre Dom just doesnt feel submissive - so you bottle it up - the negative feeling is exacerbated and the memory sticks as one horrible, miserable thing.

i just hadnt thought of that as a way of dealing with something.


I certainly get very indignant and cross at times, sometimes I hate every hair on his head........I don't give a damn whether it's *submissive* or not. I don't *feel* submissive very often , so I haven't any preset ideas of what I'm *meant* to behave like when I'm being tortured.

agirl



lally2 -> RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts (2/3/2010 7:53:33 AM)

[:)] just being disty again, ignore



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