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question about exes - 1/28/2010 11:26:12 PM

itsmeinLV

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Joined: 12/23/2009
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I am a private person, especially with matters that does not pertain to others. Now, my question is: do you tell your current significant other about your past exes?

Personally, unless my significant other asks about something specifically, I do not volunteer information nor do I expect him to volunteer info about his own past. I figure why do we need to re-hash the past? Unless it's something that is threatening the present and/or future, I don't think it's worth bringing it back up again, especially with no context behind it. My friends says that's suspicious...is it?

Opinions? Add-ons?

Post #: 1

RE: question about exes - 1/28/2010 11:35:45 PM

RedMagic1

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My thoughts:

1. You have to tell him if you have contracted any diseases.

2. I personally will answer any question about my relationship past honestly. I figure if she is my #1, she has a right to know about anything that concerns her.

3. If she asks me about my past, she needs to talk about her own past as well.

4. I try only to talk about women I have dated in a positive light. Yeah, all of them are human, so they're fucked up in some way, but why dwell on the negative?

5. I never never never compare her sexual skills with other women I have been with.

And one thing to think about....

If you find that you are in a negative emotional pattern because of an ex (i.e., you have "baggage") then your current has a right to know that you are constantly thinking he might be lying to you, because your ex used to lie all the time. Or whatever the deal is.

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(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 2

RE: question about exes - 1/28/2010 11:42:44 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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Be an adult. You are not expect not to have a past and neither are they. Don't turn it into federal case. You can discuss it, things like "I had this olady once who just wouldn't stop......." or things like that. You might even be able to communicate, meaning that each other will know more about their pet peeves and such. Use discussion but don't abuse it.

I wouldn't hide it at all, other than being upfront, it might work to the advantage of both. Treated with the attitude that "They are gone now, you are here now" is a good way to think about it. So you find out that your newfound love has fucked 32,086 people, all those people are gone now. While the question of how long they stick around might arise, it is better to know. Just say "That's alot of experience" and if they teach you few new tricks all the better. That's the way I see it anyway.

T

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 3

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 3:38:18 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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I had an insanely jealous boyfriend who wanted to know everything, but when i told him everything he was disgusted with it all and used everything against me and it was totally awful... after 3+ years of dealing with his jealousy i had 'learned' that it is best to be quiet about any previous experiences and give only minimal info on ex partners.

When my Husband asked very early on in our relationship about previous boyfriends, i froze and clammed up and told him it did not really matter and i did not wish to talk about others... surprisingly He accepted me blocking... obviously over the years (20) slowly more and more info has slipped out and he knows me and my past and most of the incidents and people that have happened to me...

i would not want to be rehashing things, but i am very sorry i could not be more open with Him from the start and so i am very glad he did not consider it suspicious that i was so much of a closed book to him about sex for so long.
it would have been easier for us if i would have been more honest and open about myself and less afraid about what he would think about me.
See telling about these things is more about telling about yourself than it is telling about the exes... and that of course is why a new partner mainly wants to know... they want to know you better...
i should have put more trust in Him

good luck to you

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 4

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 4:02:24 AM

stella41b

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From: SW London (UK)
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The past is part of who you are. Now obviously I wouldn't go into intimate details of past relationships but I wouldn't keep my past a secret from anyone, nor the fact that I was in previous relationships.

How else is someone else going to get to know me if the past is off limits?

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Post #: 5

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 4:13:23 AM

Elizabeth666

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Joined: 10/14/2009
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Some people may be more private than others and not want to talk about past relationships. Or maybe it's too painful in some cases.

If asked about past relationships, I will talk about them but only in the same context as the question. If someone says "Hey, what did so and so look like?" I'm not going to say he was this tall and this wide, but man, could he fuck me.

That's nobodies business but my own, now if someone specificaly asked that, then it would be different.

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(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 6

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 4:18:20 AM

LaTigresse

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At age 47, and having two adult children, it's an idiot that would imagine I don't have at least one. When asked, I describe my husband and our relationship in a Readers Digest version of the truth unless they ask more. It was pretty fucked up so it would take a very LONG discussion to give the details.

I've had two women in my life that I think of as ex S.O.s, for all their faults, which all of us have, I only have good feelings about them. It happened, it was an important part of my life, I will always love them for the women they are/were, but that part of my life is past. Anyone new will only benefit from them having been in my life. Seriously.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 7

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 5:00:08 AM

MistressTonya2u

Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline

I will answer questions about My past openly.
If I am involved with someone and they will not discuss their past, it does automatically make Me suspect.
I wonder what they are hiding from Me and it does make me cautious about trusting them.
Luckily, I have only been involved with people who are open about their pasts, with the exception of one person. (The one person is what formulated My feelings on trust and openess)
She had a roomate. I found out that the roomate was actually her lover of 14 years. I left that situation quickly. I do not get involved with taken men or women.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 5:07:44 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

My thoughts:

1. You have to tell him if you have contracted any diseases.

2. I personally will answer any question about my relationship past honestly. I figure if she is my #1, she has a right to know about anything that concerns her.

3. If she asks me about my past, she needs to talk about her own past as well.

4. I try only to talk about women I have dated in a positive light. Yeah, all of them are human, so they're fucked up in some way, but why dwell on the negative?

5. I never never never compare her sexual skills with other women I have been with.

And one thing to think about....

If you find that you are in a negative emotional pattern because of an ex (i.e., you have "baggage") then your current has a right to know that you are constantly thinking he might be lying to you, because your ex used to lie all the time. Or whatever the deal is.

Thanks for saving me the keystrokes, Red.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 9

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 5:40:41 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
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~Fast Reply~

Personally, I want to know. I want to know about the old relationships, what they liked about them, what they didn't like. These were women who helped shape the man I love. I'm not particularly curious about a one-night stand or a short fling but his exes... yeah I do want to know. And, to be honest, I do see it as a bit of a turn-off when someone isn't able or willing to talk about it openly. While doesn't mean they are a bad person or a bad partner, it does mean they have the potential to be a bad match for me.

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 6:53:21 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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My "name, rank and serial number" approach regarding this topic is sexually transmittable diseases, ex wives and children. Beyond that I use my own judgment. If someone wants to know every detail about every relationship I have been in and every woman I have ever been with then I take that as a sign that I need to be on my way. I don't ask about theirs because they aren't terribly relevant (or they wouldn't be in the past) and I really couldn't care less. I don't necessarily volunteer information for the sake of volunteering but I will offer up an account of a past experience now and again if it fits in the discussion at hand. This notion that a potential significant other is entitled to know everything about me there is to know is not a notion that I do not subscribe to. I'm the only person walking this planet who will ever know everything there is to know about me... and even I don't know it all.

< Message edited by DomImus -- 1/29/2010 6:54:22 AM >

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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 11

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 6:59:06 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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Another thing I was thinking about because it is something I've been asked for in the past. What I will not do, is divulge information about my ex's to potentials. I won't show them photos, or give names. Regardless of whether or not a relationship is over, the trust they placed in me is still going to be honoured.

I will discuss the relationship, my part in it for better and worse, but their stuff is always going to be off limits.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 12

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 7:05:08 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Does it have to be that detailed? Why not just be open to the questions and give a synopsis? In my experience most people are satisfied with a couple of statements that offer a basic description of the general circumstances; it doesn't have to be a blow-by-blow account.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 13

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 7:13:23 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Marie, it has been my experience, that younger, more insecure types.........like to ask A LOT of questions about previous S.O.s. Mostly viewed in my kids and younger siblings relationships.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 14

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 7:17:51 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Marie, it has been my experience, that younger, more insecure types.........like to ask A LOT of questions about previous S.O.s. Mostly viewed in my kids and younger siblings relationships.

Hmmm....maybe it's a sense of competition then, or seeing if they measure up. I don't know. I guess in those cases, honesty is the best policy. But it's only going to be a one-sided "take" on it anyway.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 15

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 7:18:59 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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I expect anyone I am interested in to have a history. But I don't really care what she did before she was with Me. I only care who she is while she is with Me.

If she feels the need to tell Me thats cool, If not, thats cool too.

If things go on long enough, stuff seems to just come out as you go.

Jeff

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 16

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 7:19:49 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Marie, it has been my experience, that younger, more insecure types.........like to ask A LOT of questions about previous S.O.s. Mostly viewed in my kids and younger siblings relationships.

Hmmm....maybe it's a sense of competition then, or seeing if they measure up. I don't know. I guess in those cases, honesty is the best policy. But it's only going to be a one-sided "take" on it anyway.

The part I bolded is what I felt from what I've seen. Always wanting to be seen as hotter/better or whatever. I saw it most in my son's girlfriends.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 17

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 7:36:19 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Now, my question is: do you tell your current significant other about your past exes?

I try to be open with my partner.... it is like a slow revealing process, like it comes up in a conversation and I expose a little more and a little more about myself and my past. I do not make a big deal over it. I am 41 years old, I have a past.

There were still things Sinergy and I were finding out about each others past after 4 years. And since we have started seeing each other again I am sure there will be more things that will be revealed over time. There are some things that it took years to trust him with. I have to say he never has hurt me with information about my past, and there are some pretty hurtful chapters back there.

_____________________________

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(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 18

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 7:55:35 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Marie, it has been my experience, that younger, more insecure types.........like to ask A LOT of questions about previous S.O.s. Mostly viewed in my kids and younger siblings relationships.

Hmmm....maybe it's a sense of competition then, or seeing if they measure up. I don't know. I guess in those cases, honesty is the best policy. But it's only going to be a one-sided "take" on it anyway.

The part I bolded is what I felt from what I've seen. Always wanting to be seen as hotter/better or whatever. I saw it most in my son's girlfriends.

She had nothing on you, baby....and she had really ugly tits and an ass the size of Europe....

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 19

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 8:01:58 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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Considering I always mention my exes here, of course I will discuss them with a potential guy.

I don't go into gory details, but will discuss what happened. That is what people usually want to know...I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

I wish I had a pre-recording so I could just say, I have not been single for years, but I am NOW and here is why.....

I like to know about someone's past, I always ask about their past relationships, not details but it is good to know WHEN and WHY it ended. Helps moving forward or not.

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 20

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