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RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 8:11:53 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

I used to get asked that question a lot, now I get "are you single"... usually from men that do not know me. Long Beach is filled with horny men with few boundaries

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 21

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 8:14:44 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

I used to get asked that question a lot, now I get "are you single"... usually from men that do not know me. Long Beach is filled with horny men with few boundaries

I guess it is a compliment but it gets really annoying, especially when people write me and say, how is it you are not taken yet or how could you be single?

While it might seem a compliment on the surface, it has an edge of "something must be wrong with this women if she is single", and that is what irks me.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 22

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 8:26:10 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

I used to get asked that question a lot, now I get "are you single"... usually from men that do not know me. Long Beach is filled with horny men with few boundaries

I guess it is a compliment but it gets really annoying, especially when people write me and say, how is it you are not taken yet or how could you be single?

While it might seem a compliment on the surface, it has an edge of "something must be wrong with this women if she is single", and that is what irks me.

That is how I have felt when people say it, it is like "you seem normal, there must be something defective about you"

Here is the thing, society is changing, and more and more people our age are single. Geesh, it is not so bad! I love living alone! In fact I am wondering why I ever wanted to live with anyone else!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 23

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 9:47:51 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

It's all about when, how and why you talk about your exes. Most people have exes. And it's likely that they ARE exes because there were negative issues and incompatibility in the relationship.

I see nothing wrong with matter-of-factly discussing episodes of your past if it's relevent to the conversation you happen to be having, or to events that are occurring in the present. However, going on and on and on and on about what a jerk the ex was, and how everything was his or her fault, getting all worked up, shouting and throwing things, etc., is a big turn-off for me, and I don't do it myself.

If your current interest has a child with an ex, then you're going to have to hear things about that ex. I think that's a necessary evil, because the two of them have to parent that child until it's an adult, and there's a good chance that they may have opposing views on how the child should be raised. Things are bound to get heated sometimes, and your interest is probably going to do some venting to you. I personally don't have a problem with that, and am glad that the interest is comfortable enough with me to fill me in on what has transpired both currently and in their past, and the reasons for the disagreements they might have.

Comparing physical appearance, intelligence, sexual ability and the like is a big no-no. Unless YOUR appearance, intelligence and sexual ability are far superior to hers, then comparing is a good thing.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 1/29/2010 9:49:53 AM >

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Post #: 24

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 10:08:03 AM

housesub4you

Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
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I think it really depends on how long you have been together and where you see the relationship going.

My wife knows everything about my past, and I hers. But it was not something we discussed until we both felt we wanted this to be a very long term relationship.

Each person/s has to make the choice of telling based on where the relationship is and where they see it going.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 25

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 10:11:24 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

My ex is a socipath. I had a restraining order on him, and may have to get another one. We have a child. I get phone calls from women (plural) that start off, "please don't hang up on me, I think you're my fiance's ex-wife, and I need to talk to you." I think he was planning on killing his last (now former) fiance after taking out a life insurance policy on her (she has out of control diabetes and went into a diabetic coma and almost died last year... wouldn't be difficult to faciliate something similar).

It's kind of hard to keep that cemetery full of skeletons stuffed into a closet.

Cali

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(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 26

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 10:36:33 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

My ex is a socipath. I had a restraining order on him, and may have to get another one. We have a child. I get phone calls from women (plural) that start off, "please don't hang up on me, I think you're my fiance's ex-wife, and I need to talk to you." I think he was planning on killing his last (now former) fiance after taking out a life insurance policy on her (she has out of control diabetes and went into a diabetic coma and almost died last year... wouldn't be difficult to faciliate something similar).

It's kind of hard to keep that cemetery full of skeletons stuffed into a closet.

Cali

Wow, lol. I had one that was approaching that level, but it's 9 years in the past now, and I rarely talk about it. It helps to have a few states between us, lol.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 27

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 10:48:41 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

I used to get asked that question a lot, now I get "are you single"... usually from men that do not know me. Long Beach is filled with horny men with few boundaries

I guess it is a compliment but it gets really annoying, especially when people write me and say, how is it you are not taken yet or how could you be single?

While it might seem a compliment on the surface, it has an edge of "something must be wrong with this women if she is single", and that is what irks me.

That is how I have felt when people say it, it is like "you seem normal, there must be something defective about you"

Here is the thing, society is changing, and more and more people our age are single. Geesh, it is not so bad! I love living alone! In fact I am wondering why I ever wanted to live with anyone else!

I know, I have much more closet and drawer space now, LOL

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 28

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 11:47:01 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

~fast reply~

i've been married 3 times now, i've been polyamorous for a long time too. so yesm there are ex's, and yes, i have skewed reactions because of them. TheEngineer has been married once before, has been poly some years and has had other partners.

we talk. a lot. and in the 5 months we lived together plus the little-over-a-year marriage, plus the 9+ years we were involved before i moved in...yeah. we've talked. a lot. and we both know that certain things/words/actions open up a HUGE mineshaft and we have to tread carefully.

honest communication about the past is a good thing, when its to make the current relationship(s) run smoother. when its used to keep track of "points" counted against one or the other, its a bad thing. TheEngineer and i accepted one another knowing a LOT of the skeletons in the closet. we've only had a few pitfalls because we DO communicate well. and that takes a LOT of practice.

kitten, philisophically

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 29

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 1:40:15 PM

Rhodes85

Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

My "name, rank and serial number" approach regarding this topic is sexually transmittable diseases, ex wives and children. Beyond that I use my own judgment. If someone wants to know every detail about every relationship I have been in and every woman I have ever been with then I take that as a sign that I need to be on my way.

I agree. If she starts getting that into details its not a good sign.

and its more pointing an overhead projector at her and demanding her name, rank and phone number

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 30

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 3:13:34 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I guess I am in the full disclosure, all the gritty details column.

Many of my Xs are still in my life on some social or business level. There is no overllooking it. In fact, my X (Christy Cougar) is moving in nextdoor this week. Pretty hard to avoid details when my current is usually good friends (and/or lovers) with my Xs.

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Post #: 31

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 3:19:35 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We didn't focus on details about the exes, but about how they impacted us. What issues do I have because of the ex? Yes, he learned things about the ex but only because he needed to know where my fears came from.

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Post #: 32

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 5:09:42 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

all of my exes

live in Texas

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 33

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 8:41:49 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Master knows about my exes and my deceased husband and about some of the men I've dated in the past. I have nothing to hide from him and they were all a part of my past and part of who I am today no matter how much I may try to deny that fact. They all played relevant parts in my life and are some of the reasons for my emotions, my mental capabilities, why I am where I am in life, why I'm NOT where I should be in life and so many other things.

Of course he knows.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 34

RE: question about exes - 1/29/2010 9:31:21 PM

Scheherazade67

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

I wouldn't call it suspicious. It sounds like it's just the way you are and there are all kinds of different people in this world - all of them with different things that make them trustworthy and untrustworthy. Which is to say, I'm sure we all do something a little 'fishy' in order to protect ourselves.

I never have trouble talking about other people with other people. But then that's not such a great thing in it's way because you are right, why rehash the past?

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 35

RE: question about exes - 1/30/2010 5:22:58 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

.I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

When I get asked that question I respond "Because I have not yet met an extraordinary man!"

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 36

RE: question about exes - 1/30/2010 6:03:35 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

My advice? Keep your mouth shut at first, esp if you are still processing the breakup of an LTR while speaking to someone who has never been there.
It's no fun to be open and honest with someone new, only to see your one and only private conversation brought to the boards in a rather unflattering light a day or two later.

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 1/30/2010 6:18:51 AM >

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Post #: 37

RE: question about exes - 1/30/2010 6:35:44 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

I find the obligatory penis measuring followed by a simple silent shaking of the head
generally keeps those pesky interrogations about past partners to a minimum.

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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Post #: 38

RE: question about exes - 1/30/2010 11:10:20 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

.I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

When I get asked that question I respond "Because I have not yet met an extraordinary man!"

I say, "Because I haven't yet found someone who deserved to be as happy as I'm going to make him!"

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 39

RE: question about exes - 1/30/2010 1:13:49 PM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

.I CONSTANTLY get asked why are you single.

When I get asked that question I respond "Because I have not yet met an extraordinary man!"

I say, "Because I haven't yet found someone who deserved to be as happy as I'm going to make him!"

I prefer a bemused "because of my crippling fear of intimacy."

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 40

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