submitting to the inner dom.

submitting to the inner dom. (Full Version)

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lally2 -> submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 10:30:00 AM)
its a funny thing that when i am in a relationship with a Master my 'tone' on-line tones down a bit. this was emphasised to me the other day when visiting the slave register and posting there. a D wrote to me and mentioned my 'dominant tone' not in a corrective way, just an observation - i went back and read other threads written by submissives and slaves on there and realised that i actually sound quite 'free' with my opinions, language and thoughts and that i do not sound particularly 'sub' in how i project them. this D mentioned that my Dominant voice is all about me dominating myself, getting me through life and over hurdles. when i am in a relationship my personality does tone down and maybe thats because i dont need to push and carry myself through the day. only that morning id woken up with such an overwhelming feeling of panic and misery at facing the day on my own again. my dominant voice got me out of bed and helped me. literally. told me to look for the positives in the day, so i did and there were loads of them, it got me over my hump. ive noticed with married friends and rellies, that those who have been married for a time have much softer personalities than someone who hasnt been in a relationship for a time. so you could argue that people have to be strong when they are on their own. we have to dominate our weak moments to get us through sometimes. i know i do. ill never forget being challenged at gatwick airport by a man who stopped me in my exuberant tracks with the statement 'well, i can tell youre not married!' it was almost an accusation that i was far too 'free' far too 'exuberant' and it was offensive to his sense of equilibrium to see a confident woman bouncing through her life and im guessing intimidating him on a level that made him want to challenge me. im not sure what to do with this dichotomy. im not sure i like this development. on one level i need my dominant voice to guide me. but i dont want it to overwhelm my submissive personality. i realise i need both to get through life on my own. i guess im wondering how others balance the mix and keep in touch with themselves (man!)[sm=hippie.gif]

osf -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 10:35:33 AM)
i guess it's a difference between looking to your own resources or the advice of another

lally2 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 10:39:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf i guess it's a difference between looking to your own resources or the advice of another well, yes. but am i over compensating by using the stronger elements of my personality to get through the day. am i infact losing track of who and what i actually am in the process of living life as a single mother with a business and other random demands hitting me almost daily. i think i might be losing the balance a bit.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 10:43:26 AM)
Well,we are mothers Lally. Like a mother lion protects her cubs, I protect whats mine. I am mine until that time that I relinquish to him. I am sure that the "one" would want me to take care of myself physically and mentally until he finds me and I can let go.

osf -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 10:47:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: osf i guess it's a difference between looking to your own resources or the advice of another well, yes. but am i over compensating by using the stronger elements of my personality to get through the day. am i infact losing track of who and what i actually am in the process of living life as a single mother with a business and other random demands hitting me almost daily. i think i might be losing the balance a bit. i see it as the adult woman v the child submissive and you're happiness may reside more in the child than in the adult the adult is functioning almost exclusively v the child that in a fashion the balance is skewed in favor of the adult

wisdomtogive -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 10:56:46 AM)
lally, thank you for bringing this to a topic. It was what i wrote about today in my journal to Sir. Perhaps i should say odd we both are churning this around in our minds today, but i doubt. Just nice to know i am not alone. In a week Sir will be here, and today i wonder how do i turn this part of me off that has been on her own for almost 5 years. It is the constant being in charge of everything that is in the physical realm, making myself do what is needed to get through my day productively. Yes, it was easier when i had someone to do it for, especially since my nature is to nuture others by things i do. However my everyday existence did not have this all the time or the majority of the time these past 5 years. i at times wonder if i can break-out of doing it mostly alone. Yet in writing my journals for Sir today, an awareness hit me, which was i have continued to listen to the wants and instructions of those in my life. i never lost the nuturer submissive within, just wasn't doing it as much with someone present, if that makes sense. With this thought, I realized the following helped me during these past 5 years. i have though found a few things that helped me during this time, which kept me still in the guidelines given to me by my late husband and by my first Dom, and most of that is covered in how i present myself here, there and everywhere. i used their voices as my inner dom, to check how i spoke, present myself, and treated others as a rule. All these really were based on manners in speech, presentation of myself on whom i did represent. i made choices on how to use words, how to talk to others in the way that was required of me. Looking back today on this, i have realized the instructions and needs of both those men became my inner guiding dom within and it has helped me a lot. They were my checkpoints and my advisors with me or not. I hope this has helped. wisdom

littlewonder -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 11:30:39 AM)
Being that I still am a single mother, I still work fulltime, I still have the same life I did before I met Master, nothing has really changed. The only difference now is that before I make decisions, he has last say. I don't really think my tone has changed except with him of course.

lally2 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 12:55:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Well,we are mothers Lally. Like a mother lion protects her cubs, I protect whats mine. I am mine until that time that I relinquish to him. I am sure that the "one" would want me to take care of myself physically and mentally until he finds me and I can let go. yep, i agree [:)] - but i dont know about you, but the constant forcing myself to be in control of my environment is actually starting to effect my health a bit. osf wrote me something on the other side about being in juxtaposition with ourselves. part of us wants to just submit ourselves to ourselves. in my case, let the chaos flow and stop trying to control/be in charge of every element. right now im having to rely on the 'dominant' voice to take charge. im relying on it heavily to get me out of bed in the a.m. cook, clean, just get through the day. im getting panic attacks and all kinds of crap is going on. maybe im just out of wack right now.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 1:06:45 PM)
Must be the snow. As Im not sure I would be taking advice from OSF. Im sure youre own inner Dom is wiser.

lally2 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 1:12:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive lally, thank you for bringing this to a topic. It was what i wrote about today in my journal to Sir. Perhaps i should say odd we both are churning this around in our minds today, but i doubt. Just nice to know i am not alone. In a week Sir will be here, and today i wonder how do i turn this part of me off that has been on her own for almost 5 years. It is the constant being in charge of everything that is in the physical realm, making myself do what is needed to get through my day productively. Yes, it was easier when i had someone to do it for, especially since my nature is to nuture others by things i do. However my everyday existence did not have this all the time or the majority of the time these past 5 years. i at times wonder if i can break-out of doing it mostly alone. Yet in writing my journals for Sir today, an awareness hit me, which was i have continued to listen to the wants and instructions of those in my life. i never lost the nuturer submissive within, just wasn't doing it as much with someone present, if that makes sense. With this thought, I realized the following helped me during these past 5 years. i have though found a few things that helped me during this time, which kept me still in the guidelines given to me by my late husband and by my first Dom, and most of that is covered in how i present myself here, there and everywhere. i used their voices as my inner dom, to check how i spoke, present myself, and treated others as a rule. All these really were based on manners in speech, presentation of myself on whom i did represent. i made choices on how to use words, how to talk to others in the way that was required of me. Looking back today on this, i have realized the instructions and needs of both those men became my inner guiding dom within and it has helped me a lot. They were my checkpoints and my advisors with me or not. I hope this has helped. wisdom thanks, yes, its helped. reading that has made me realise that i have better skills in dealing with life because of men in my past who have guided me. life gets tough and we maybe get tougher when theres noone to tap into our softer elements. talking to exSir this evening i heard my voice soften and i stretched out on the sofa and relaxed. i realise, speaking for myself of course. that being the organiser and decision maker means that i am handing my submissive nature over to this assumed dominant approach to get through each day. its actually forcing myself to be someone im not. so the loud strident voice that argues with the 'me' who wants to just let things bowl along ad hoc is having to take over. for a time i thought i was coping quite well, im begining to realise that i havent been atall.

lally2 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 1:14:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Must be the snow. As Im not sure I would be taking advice from OSF. Im sure youre own inner Dom is wiser. oh lushy, youre such a huggable babe. actually i rate osf - he's alright. x

osf -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 1:26:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Must be the snow. As Im not sure I would be taking advice from OSF. Im sure youre own inner Dom is wiser. oh lushy, youre such a huggable babe. actually i rate osf - he's alright. x watch that or they will think you lost your mind

DesFIP -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 2:17:30 PM)
I'm stronger now that I'm with him then I was before. Before, I was always afraid, always easily manipulated. Knowing I have someone to turn to if I need to allows me to relax and calm down. Without reacting because of fear, I now can think more clearly and be tougher.

agirl -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 2:50:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: osf i guess it's a difference between looking to your own resources or the advice of another well, yes. but am i over compensating by using the stronger elements of my personality to get through the day. am i infact losing track of who and what i actually am in the process of living life as a single mother with a business and other random demands hitting me almost daily. i think i might be losing the balance a bit. i see it as the adult woman v the child submissive and you're happiness may reside more in the child than in the adult the adult is functioning almost exclusively v the child that in a fashion the balance is skewed in favor of the adult Dealing with life as a single parent is tough at times, submissive or not. It's almost always easier sailing when you have someone in the boat with you whether it's a dom or not. What made the difference when you had a dom? You still had to get up, deal with your child, go to work , balance the bills, get the logs in...etc? Getting up and doing those things is easier with a dom because he.........? Who you are is who you are whether you have a dom or not, surely? If you bumble through in a semi-organised way, dodging the crap and juggling plates (like me.....lol)...... isn't that just who you are in this situation? agirl

osf -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 2:56:26 PM)
i don't think that is who she is she doesn't want to do anything for herself, she needs someone else to do them for, she is just lost without direction, rudderless

lally2 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 3:14:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I'm stronger now that I'm with him then I was before. Before, I was always afraid, always easily manipulated. Knowing I have someone to turn to if I need to allows me to relax and calm down. Without reacting because of fear, I now can think more clearly and be tougher. hi dessie [:)] this describes it well. most days im afraid. because i can be manipulated i push out this forceful personna to prevent it and avoid the frustrated backlash when i am - but it still happens and im still impotent. im just begining to realise that all of this is now attacking me physically, sounds a bit dramatic, but its true, my digestive system is shot to bits. IBS is hitting me hard and im in an almost permanent struggle against rising panic. striding around with a loud voice and pushy persona is me over compensating. i just didnt realise i was doing it until that guy pointed it out on the SR. xx

lally2 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 3:42:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: osf i guess it's a difference between looking to your own resources or the advice of another well, yes. but am i over compensating by using the stronger elements of my personality to get through the day. am i infact losing track of who and what i actually am in the process of living life as a single mother with a business and other random demands hitting me almost daily. i think i might be losing the balance a bit. i see it as the adult woman v the child submissive and you're happiness may reside more in the child than in the adult the adult is functioning almost exclusively v the child that in a fashion the balance is skewed in favor of the adult Dealing with life as a single parent is tough at times, submissive or not. It's almost always easier sailing when you have someone in the boat with you whether it's a dom or not. What made the difference when you had a dom? You still had to get up, deal with your child, go to work , balance the bills, get the logs in...etc? Getting up and doing those things is easier with a dom because he.........? Who you are is who you are whether you have a dom or not, surely? If you bumble through in a semi-organised way, dodging the crap and juggling plates (like me.....lol)...... isn't that just who you are in this situation? agirl i agree with you. life is hard and it gets no easier being a single mum. i have one basic rule regarding tom. i love him unconditionally. easy job, he's easy to love. i can get through my day, do my work, snow permitting (hows the snow in winchester btw, its awful here!!) - and function well enough. to the casual observer they probably think im hanging in there. but im like a swan. serene up top, paddling for all im worth underneath. over compensating for myself in terms of dealing with the rising panic every morning, facing all of those decisions - again. all of this time i thought i had a handle on it. but i dont. ive replaced serenity with a loud, opinionated voice to drown the increasing feeling that ive lost my point of focus. ive become a loud mouthed pill. its not about juggling plates in a haphazard way. boy i can do that all day long, watch them crash, push them under the carpet with one foot whilst tripping over the cat. i could do things easier with a Master because he popped me in a padded cell basically. [:)] he became my focus away from the detritus and panic and once all of that was taken away i started to feel stronger and more functional. its pathetic [:)] i know. even a week ago i would have hotly denied all of this.

mnottertail -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 3:43:41 PM)
I just got this cock here, 'bout all I got, kinda hoping someone would submit to the outter dom in me. Ron

osf -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 3:51:48 PM)
it's not pathetic, it goes with the package you are

breatheasone -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 3:54:03 PM)
~~FR~~ Great post Lally, i think i'm probably fucked up. i operate kinda like a hospital generator, "i" kick in when i'm not getting enough..."whatever" What i mean to say is, when i'm on my own, i kick in. Even if am not alone, the "self preservation" kicks in, if i'm not getting "fed." So if i need my inner D-type, it usually just kicks in, and helps me through.

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