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lally2 -> RE: submitting to the inner dom. (1/7/2010 5:56:17 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
I love the threads you start so am gonna get in your box to discuss some of these interesting points you raise.
quote:
ORIGINAL: lally2
its a funny thing that when i am in a relationship with a Master my 'tone' on-line tones down a bit.
Well now I am out of slavery I must admit my old posts embarass me. I seem 'taken over'.
[:D] yes, i have one or two skeletons in my cupboard in that department - lets move swiftly on.. [&:]
this was emphasised to me the other day when visiting the slave register and posting there. a D wrote to me and mentioned my 'dominant tone' not in a corrective way, just an observation - i went back and read other threads written by submissives and slaves on there and realised that i actually sound quite 'free' with my opinions, language and thoughts and that i do not sound particularly 'sub' in how i project them.
Having said what I said above I do think it's absurd that many dominants and masters assume I/we/us are going to be in a dynamic to an online site or even in slave voice when posting.
well, on SR the disparity between my post and other subs/slaves on there was markedly different - talk about not belonging! - theyre 'voice' isnt any less, its just the way they use it. i have to confess it did make me look at myself a bit. my somewhat cavalier march into their peaceful setting was almost embarrassing. along the lines of walking into a shady garden full of pretty flowers and tinkling water fountains and starting up a brass band. it was very obvious when i went back to see what he meant by what he said. they walk on soft feet in there and i stomped in wearing docmartins.
i agree with you though and i dont hold with that nonsense either. but it did make me realise just how far ive bounced off kilter in terms of how i deliver myself personally. im not a loud person ordinarily but i have become so.
this D mentioned that my Dominant voice is all about me dominating myself, getting me through life and over hurdles.
when i am in a relationship my personality does tone down and maybe thats because i dont need to push and carry myself through the day.
I agree with you on your definition of personality. That personality is adaptive. For me my personality is a tool. It is flexible. Often more efficient and definitely more creative that at other times. But suggesting that when one is in a relationship one therefore needs to take less responsibility seems to be a well worn fallacy of bdsm. I've always had to be stronger when enslaved given the extra and contributary role i have had to provide for my Master as well as the functions of my own.
stronger yes. in the sense that sometimes the strength needed to put aside our wants, thoughts, expectations at any given moment can be a struggle. but in terms of every day pragmatism i would say that my strength is softened sufficiently to absorb the pragmatism i genuinely struggle with in or out of a relationship. i do not have to struggle with pragmatism when i have a pragmatist guiding me through it all. then the strength i own can be focused on Him whilst he deals with the things i really cant
only that morning id woken up with such an overwhelming feeling of panic and misery at facing the day on my own again. my dominant voice got me out of bed and helped me. literally. told me to look for the positives in the day, so i did and there were loads of them, it got me over my hump.
I'm abivalent in relationship. I think the term is preoccupied style. I'm often panic stricken not at what have to do in my own life, which is pretty much handled, but panicked at how to please a Master. Those feelings of anxiety, that inner voice, at whether I was being a 'good enoigh' slave has often been the voice with which I have released myself more than once.
i have struggled with that in the past. but looking back it was often in attempting to please the unpleasable. with my exSir there were moments when i worried, usually after he'd gone home, rarely when he was with me. a sort of post mortum on what i could have done better or differently. but that worry was never as bad as the panic that rises in me now. it is a real fear of not coping anymore. tearful and anxious and horrible sometimes.
ive noticed with married friends and rellies, that those who have been married for a time have much softer personalities than someone who hasnt been in a relationship for a time.
Yer nd then death happens. Hoe many posts and threads here have been from slaves who have had Masters pass. From slaves who have been unwillingly released and had no voice f will of their own??
so you could argue that people have to be strong when they are on their own. we have to dominate our weak moments to get us through sometimes. i know i do.
ill never forget being challenged at gatwick airport by a man who stopped me in my exuberant tracks with the statement 'well, i can tell youre not married!'
Heathroew's full of stereotypes eh? lol
it was almost an accusation that i was far too 'free' far too 'exuberant' and it was offensive to his sense of equilibrium to see a confident woman bouncing through her life and im guessing intimidating him on a level that made him want to challenge me.
Someone I know, an intellectual, a very good writer, just opted for a relationship with a very new girl. She's naive. She's in cloud cuckoo sub space. But she offers no threat. Hngs on every word. Feeds his ego. Let's hope he doesn't control the life out of her.
im not sure what to do with this dichotomy. im not sure i like this development.
on one level i need my dominant voice to guide me. but i dont want it to overwhelm my submissive personality. i realise i need both to get through life on my own.
I liked the dichotomy. But it's stopped most definitely being a dichotomy for me. It's become a dimension. I'm a switch. Now being in relationship as an intra switch well that is severely difficult and needs another switch counterpart. Then that's like having four people in a relationsip and all the gradations in between.
I thought I had solved it by being in a poly set up. You know having a Dom and taking subs as well. But most dominants don't hadle that well if they require monogamy.
i guess im wondering how others balance the mix and keep in touch with themselves (man!)[sm=hippie.gif]
I have conversations within and turn it into poetry.
Thank you for letting me in your box lally and a brilliant topic raised. Sorry for typos. It's late.
yes it is and i really should go to bed. xx
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